Quarantine update. I finally told my parents they’re internet celebrities with a video that has 8 million views. They’ve had no clue this whole time. #QuarantineLife
Happy #PubDay to the classiest man I know, @ralphmacchio. This book is just as delightful as the man himself. And he’s pretty friggin delightful! Order here: amzn.to/3s8vZS0
The most amazing thing about this article is that I was getting drunk w/ Bari the night before it came out and she said nothing! Maybe a “Hey, the best thing I’ve ever written is dropping tomorrow” would’ve been more appropriate than the constant “Where’s my Negroni, fucker!?”
American liberalism is in danger. A new ideology is rising to replace it—and it has dangerous implications for Jews. I’m very happy to be writing again for @tabletmag: tabletmag.com/sections/news/…
It’s not every day you can say you’re on three @netflix shows at the same time! That’s right, I play the just born baby giraffe who can’t quite find his footing in ‘Our Planet.’ Please watch ‘The Crew’ today! Then watch @CobraKaiSeries for the 10th time!
Guys, just because it was a shitty year doesn’t mean it has to be a shitty Thanksgiving. I’ll buy you a turkey if you really can’t afford one this year. DM me your details and I’ll take care of it.
Winni! Thanks for trying to get me fired. Couple things. The name Anoush is Persian, short for Anoushirvani, the 6th century ruler of Persia. Anoush’s last name is Norouzi, a Persian Jewish surname. Persian Jews make up .00001% of the world’s pop. I am a Persian Jew. We good?
Iranians are famous for our warmth, passion, and joie de vivre.
Talk to anyone who has Iranians in their life and they’ll agree.
And this is who has been in charge of the country. This is what the world sees.
#MahsaAmani#ZhinaAmini
PSA: When we start singing the national anthem out of our windows, lets try our best to start on a low note so everyone can hit “And The Rockets’ Red Glare.”
Today on “Green Eggs and Dan” I talk with NASCAR's @Blaney and learn the secrets of @BobEvansFarms mashed potatoes, what it's like pulling up to Nobu in a Ford Fusion, and we discuss the trials and tribulations of dating a Hooters Model. link.chtbl.com/JrTl5ZTX?sid=…
My gym just sent this email: “GOOD NEWS! WE’RE OPENING NEXT WEEK!” Are you out of your fucking mind!? I barely wanted to go to the gym pre-Corona. What’s their slogan going to be? “Come for awful classes that make you feel fat and insecure, stay for the incurable virus!”
In high school, my buddy @steingart and I would lie to our parents, head into the city, and watch @attell destroy at the Comedy Cellar. I mean, tears pouring down, uncontrollable convulsion laughter. He is 100% the reason I got into comedy.
nytimes.com/2019/03/20/arts/…
Watching @GuyFieri eating Ghormeh sabzi at Tasty Kebab in El Paso, Texas. Velcome to Amrika! “Strong flavor. Big flavor. Memorable flavor... I’ve never heard of it. I’ve never seen. And I’d definitely eat it again.”
In honor of the release of season 5 of #CobraKai Sept 9 on @netflix, I speak to co-creator of the series, @jonhurwitz (Harold & Kumar, American Reuinion). We discuss White Castle, a wine debacle with Ralph Macchio, and an amazing season 5 food spoiler. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcas…
Dear @Delta, as someone freaking out and flying right now, lucky enough to be in First Class, here’s a tip. Please tell your flight attendants to not be scared of telling the entitled pricks not wears their masks (most of the people in First) to wear their fucking masks.
I was always jealous of friends w/ kids because they had a perfect out to get out of annoyingying plans. And then the words “self quarantine” fell into my lap.
🎶 “And then a hero come along...”
Cobra Kai fans! This is where you realize Louie and Anoush are the same on screen and off. Comedian
@BretErnst and I discuss first hating each other, then loving each other, then eating our faces off together in Atlanta while shooting
@CobraKaiSerieslink.chtbl.com/gR9lxM7K?sid=…
Guy dreams his whole life of hosting a show on the @FoodNetwork. Literally the day it happens, he loses his taste and smell. Didn't Kafka write something like this?
#CobraKai closed in on nearly 2 billion minutes viewed on Netflix in the first full week after its Season 5 launch on Sept. 9, as the streaming audience for Amazon’s #TheRingsofPower and HBO’s #HouseoftheDragon dipped. bit.ly/3Cz0Egj
Cobra Kai premiers tonight on YouTube Premium at 9p PST / 12p EST. THIS SHOW IS INSANELY GOOD!! The cast and creators are top notch in every way. Humbled to be #TeamMiyagiDo.