You can get my book, A Heart That Works, at the link below.
London, England
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I’m not afraid to call #BadMonkey episode 4 what it is: Event Television. Now, on @AppleTV. 🐒🪚👙
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As of today I’ve been sober 1️⃣6️⃣ years. 16 yrs ago I was in jail in a wheelchair, covered in blood, both arms broken, after driving blackout drunk into a building. Today, I’m home with my wife & kids & I’m healthy. Thank you to all who’ve helped me.🤝
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This is the first Father’s Day since my beautiful Henry died. Love today to all dads & moms who’ve lost a child.🦉
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I'm truley sorry I voted for Trump. I only wanted disabled kids to lose their Medicaid ;I didn't want people to know im racist
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As of today I’ve been sober for 18 years. I hesitated posting this today but I feel duty-bound to let those who need help with booze or drugs know that there is another way. Thank you to everyone who’s helped me along the way.❤️
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I have never “cat called” a woman. I go home, paint her from memory & then yell at the painting. It’s called respect.
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Jeremy Corbyn
Just stormed out of “Cats” with my sons Bairon & Tannis because of how much the Judi Dench cat licks her own asshole. Once I’d understand, but she acts like the thing is a goddamn buffet. Tannis is still crying
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Pretty hostile of a job to require a college degree. “You and/or your parents must take out loans of $100,000 or we won’t let your log into SalesForce in our windowless building next to the airport.”
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You guys poll any other private citizens’ popularity? How’s my cousin Geoff doing?
Hillary Clinton popularity hits all-time low, poll shows fxn.ws/2Dikkpm
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Today would have been our son Henry’s first day of reception. Would’ve loved to see him in his little uniform like his big brothers. ❤️ to all parents & siblings of wee ones who’ve died.
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How does 56 yr old Kamala Harris wear Chuck Taylors all the time? I’m 43 & if I wore them for 3 hours I would have to go to the emergency room. Are they hollowed out & filed with DARPA orthotic gel?
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Hint: the one woman who doesn’t is worth $29 million.
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Our first Christmas without Henry came & went. The day itself was okay, maybe because there were so many horrible, painful days leading up to it; we must have hit our quota or something. We talked about him a lot & included his memory throughout the day.
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>80 million people live in Iran. I know many wonderful people from Iran. I don’t want 20 yr olds from Indiana to go there & kill civilians & kids & then get killed themselves. Imperial war is the darkest evil.
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For all those wondering, this is my son Nestor. We share no blood but he is my life. He came from Cuba (legally, of course) six years ago and lives with me in Florida.
I am so proud of him and raising him has been the best, most rewarding thing I’ve done in my life.
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Jason Chaffetz, fresh from surgery FOR A PREEXISTING CONDITION, en route to sign death warrant for disabled children.
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The top 1% captured nearly twice as much new wealth as the rest of the world over last two years
Https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/…
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I hate people who are like “So & so got me sick.” What are you, fuckin Columbo the epidemiologist? The world’s a toilet. You got yourself sick. Fuck off & stop blaming others for your filth.
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The iPhone “dashboard” or whatever shows you “featured photos” every morning. Mine always include a few of my son Henry who died 3 yrs ago. I cannot put into words how much I love it. I love to look at him every morning of every day.
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Doesn’t really sound like a “war” then.
The war in Gaza has wiped out entire Palestinian families. AP documents 60 who lost dozens or more apnews.com/article/gaza-pale…
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I am SICK. I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut & I’ll probably delete this, but Melania profaning the White House Rose Garden with her tasteless “redesign” is the final straw. I will no longer be voting Trump.
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Trump tweeted that he did a good job walking down a ramp & then Ted Cruz did a tweet challenging an actor to fight another man. Raw masculine power.
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Best lockdown burn so far: my wife said to me “Just because you’re bad at being a man doesn’t mean you’re a feminist.”
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Thinking of other bereaved dads today. I’ve really hated today. It’s been excruciating to be honest. I look forward to tomorrow.
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How to say this simply? I lived in the US until I was 37 & had private health insurance most of my life. For the past 5 yrs I’ve lived in the UK & use the NHS. The NHS is a HUGE part of why I might never move back to the US.
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Hi there. I'm Mitch McConnell. When I'm not having disabled people arrested for protesting a bill that will kill them, my hobbies include
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Just had my 2nd Pfizer dose! Had my 3rd Moderna on Friday and tomorrow I’ll get my 8th AstraZeneca. I’m in a great deal of pain & can “hear” my blood.
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I appreciate that the GameStop stuff is “funny” to some of you but I had planned to buy my wife a (modest) boat for Valentine’s Day & now I can’t & I’m going to have to work up the courage to ask my dad to loan me the money. This was NOT on my 2021 bingo card.
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Appropriate that he ordered the strike with American bombs from American soil. Our tax dollars helped murder Lebanese & Palestinian civilians again today, rather than pave a road or hire a teacher.
A photo of Netanyahu giving the order to strike south Beirut tonight from New York, destroying several apartment buildings.
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Haha only just watched this. Matthews sucks. Bitch if my taxes go from $1000 to $1100 but my usurious, useless insurance premium goes from $800 to $0, I SAVE MONEY YOU BLATHERING STOOGE. He 100% cried & apologized to his boss for not making Warren buckle.
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Megan Rapinoe with the assist, Ali Krieger heads it into the net.
U.S. women’s soccer star Ali Krieger: Trump is angered by women he "cannot control or grope" trib.al/rQ3TAXy
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Watch this man! Just now on Fox. Get this in front of your Michigan aunt or coach. Amazing.
Bernie Sanders
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Embarrassed Brit 🇬🇧🇪🇺 Council Estate Elite
Hard to post this but I feel a duty to other bereaved parents & siblings. standard.co.uk/showbiz/celeb…
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Next Sunday Mike & Karen Pence will spend $223 billion taxpayer dollars to fly to the moon for 15 minutes & yodel the N word at an apple pie
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My 7 yr old wrote a letter to the tooth fairy yesterday. He hasn’t lost a tooth yet, nor does he have any loose teeth. He just wanted to introduce himself.
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Just had a brief but very illuminating conversation with President Biden, whom I support fully. He told me as a kid in Scranton he used to… here’s the deal: you take an old tire and fill it with soup - listen. Ten, twenty people in one car. You better believe it. Pepperidge farm
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It should be safe, legal (& local) for women to get abortions & my taxes should pay for it.🐏🦚🏌🏼♂️
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We got our 1 yr old his vaccinations the other day because we’re not insane & we give a shit about herd immunity & ppl w compromised immune systems.
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Tesla’s plummeting stock price might be “funny” to some but consider this: my portfolio has suffered to the extent that I will have to reduce the number of multi-family homes I buy to drive up rent in cities I’ve never even been to. Still laughing?
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Saturday Night Live
If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.
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Knocked it out of the PARK in Chernobyl. Watching it I consciously thought, "Oh, we have a new movie star." Between that & how funny he was in Friday Night Dinner... just unreal talent. Rest in peace, Paul Ritter.
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I’ll eat his wife’s pussy
DJ Khaled says he doesn't perform oral sex, but expects it from his wife because he's the king: "Different rules for men" trib.al/ZAzoTgh
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If the first thing you say about trans people is about bathrooms or sports & not about how to make the world safer for these beautiful children of God, you need real help.
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My wife wanted to make love tonight. Had to take a rain check. I’m still so fuckin angry about the Chinese spy balloon. I’ve never known rage, or fear, like this.
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🇺🇸It is my GOD GIVEN RIGHT as an American to contract the novel coronarivus at a CIGAR BAR and then starve to death as I try to study the HEIROGLYPHICS in the COBRA plan from my wife's old JOB to determine if I'm ALLOWED to go to the hospital for under $70,000.00🇺🇸
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Gorgeous day for a nurses’ strike outside Great Ormond St Hospital. So grateful for their unmatched care & skill. Now let’s get them the fucking pay rise they deserve & that the nation can *easily* afford. Austerity is a choice so change your mind or get in the bin!✊🏼❤️@theRCN
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Love that this clip is even taking America by storm. Well done @OwenJones84
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Remembering the wonderful young midwife in a hijab who delivered my son Henry. The Muslim surgeon who removed his first tumor. I am grateful for the care Muslims in & out of the NHS have shown my family. I will show you care & solidarity always.
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Kids don’t worry about getting suspended. I got suspended for more than 3 days in high school & I have my own tv show & a sexy wife. Piss on the GOP & the NRA. They fear you. Get high on that.
College admissions officers take note. Any high school student with this three day suspension on the record should get special consideration and some extra college credits for public service.
cnn.it/2ofNrng
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Riding in black cabs was one of Henry’s great joys. He would often thank the driver in sign language at the end of a ride. Many drivers wouldn’t accept £ when they learned our destination or would give me £ to donate to hospital trust. Good people.
I’m so sorry to hear your sad news Rob. I took you and Henry to GOSH one day last year and it stuck with me what an absolute trooper of a boy he was. He was, without hyperbole, an inspiration to me, and I’m so gutted to hear of his passing. Sending love to you and your family.
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🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
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No but my favorite aunt is?
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Sunak correct that there’s no “magic money tree.” It’s not magic & it’s actually more of a forest, watered with the sweat & blood of workers & then chipped down and hoarded by him & his billionaire mates while your family starves & freezes.
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Motherfucker I’m an immigrant & I turned a fucking cash hose on & sprayed it up the NHS’s ass the second my plane landed. Some of that £ paid the European & Asian nurses, midwives & doctors who treat my family & yours brilliantly. Fuck off 12 times immediately.
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One time Jon Hamm was sitting in the booth next to me, but he had gained a lot of weight & was dresssed like shit & crying but then I realized it was just a mirror.
Who is the best famous person you’ve found yourself sitting near in a restaurant? Mine is Roger Moore, next table, lunch at Zafferano, 2013.
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This is what it was like spending time with our son’s dead body. He had cancer so there was nothing we could do to stop it. I think I’m posting this because many making/avoiding decisions right now haven’t held their child’s corpse.
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I hope this helps. medium.com/@robdelaney_50150…
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It is not possible for me to reply to every bereaved parent & sibling who has replied to this but please know I love you all & am grateful for all the help you give me & my family just by trudging along. ❤️
We've been hearing from artists and writers about moments in their lives that brought comfort, while the world is a bit bleak. For Grief Awareness Week, we heard from actor, comedian and writer @robdelaney, about how his perspective on hope changed, after losing his son #R4Today
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If there’s one thing Pete & Amy hate more than each other, it’s you having health care.
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Give a man a fish… Just give him the fish, asshole. He’s hungry, you’ve got an extra fish. Hand it over, fuckface. He doesn’t have time to go to your shitty “fishing school.” I’m gonna count to 3.
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Friends, if today wasn’t already great enough, I just got the top of the bus to myself & I can sit up front & pretend I’m driving! #BeepBeep!
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Hey man these are personal messages. I’d be greatful if you deleted
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Aaron Rupar
WHYYY did I wait so long to watch this?? So happy to share with my American friends after it’s made the rounds here in the UK.
Labour Voices
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My wife wants to make love while the President has the freaking novel coronavirus! Nice try, psycho!
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❤️God bless this titan among men❤️
Our hero, the man of the year Wael Al-Dahdouh has left Gaza for medical treatment. His wife, daughter, two sons, grandchild all killed by Israel. His own life almost taken multiple times. A symbol of Gazan resilience.
May Allah heal all his wounds, physical and emotional. Ameen
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My son needed to see a dr. today. Got a walk-in appt at local NHS GP. Dr. was kind/thorough. No co-pay or visit to a billing office. Wasn’t free; it’s funded thru taxes & Nat’l Ins. contributions. I wish Americans could experience this. #MedicareForAll
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I hated people who showed disrespect to people with disabilities before I had a disabled child. Now? I’ll fucking shred you. They’ll hose you off the road & into the sewer.
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Can I be edited into this photo? I am going thruogh a rough patch personally & professionally & it would really help.
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If respecting women is a crime then put me in prison for 700 consecutive life sentences. #
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That’s hilariously low.
BREAKING: G-7 countries have agreed to an immediate $20 million fund to help Amazon countries fight wildfires. apne.ws/3qYFKlN
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