unprofitable trader | milady
- Tweets 1,838
- Following 187
- Followers 24,384
- Likes 61,866
sex is cool but have you tried running a personal errand on company time?
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i go on 14+ dates a week. mostly finance guys, some consultants and tech.
i steal every single one of their work laptops.
information is your edge.
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still working remote in 2025 is like being one of those Japanese soldiers who stayed in the jungle for 30 years after WWII.
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I am never dating a tech guy again.
this mf just sent me a calendar invite for sex.
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my boss started taking testosterone to become more alpha and now he’s completely bald and screams at DoorDash drivers
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ladies, do not hit unless he passes the “55 Challenge”
- 5’5”
- $55,000 income
- 550 credit score
- under 55 years old
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interns:
this summer, you might be invited out for drinks with your team.
this is a test. and an opportunity.
only the drunkest, most fucked up intern will get a return offer.
welcome to the arena.
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a homeless man asked me for money today.
instead, I signed him up for a Sapphire Reserve card with my link.
that’s 150,000 points for both of us.
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ok so I clicked a phishing email.
and now I’m in trouble for what? being too trusting? too unconditionally loving? too open to the universe’s surprises?
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the IRS audits just .2% of tax returns.
that gives you a 99.8% chance of successful tax fraud.
the expected value is too good to ignore.
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it would appear that I spent the equivalent of $48,000 on a fake ID in 2015.
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went to a “run club” last night.
we literally just ran around for like 2 hours?
I thought we were there to fuck.
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how many suits you own based on your industry:
finance: 5-10
tech: 1-2
crypto: 0 then 5 once your trial starts
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flirt with a guy at the bar.
ask for his phone to put your number in.
open coinbase.
place a large limit order for an illiquid memecoin you’re holding.
now you have volume to sell into.
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whenever I give a presentation, I overlay porn on the slide deck at 1% opacity.
it’s just below the level of conscious perception, but still enough to arouse the reptilian mind.
this is how I close so many deals.
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I feel like @elonmusk is fighting a lot of battles right now and he could honestly use our support. He deserves it for everything he’s doing for humanity.
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28-year-old men when the promoter says there’s a table available next to a group of wasian NYU girls.
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business is a sport.
athletes routinely puke because they’re playing so hard.
if you’re not barfing at your desk, you’re not grinding enough.
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raising children in New York seems impossible.
bottle service is almost $1000 a head now.
how are you supposed to do that for a whole family?
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my mentors have an average net worth of $33 million.
one is a rich finance guy i fuck (net worth $100M).
two are crackheads (net worth $0).
here are their tips to build wealth:
1. smoke crack
2. invest early and often in a diversified index fund
3. smoke crack
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they spoke the truth.
they were followed.
they were vilified.
they were accused of crimes.
they disappeared.
they returned.
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this image just gave so many men hope. it probably even saved a few from suicide.
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woman are attracted to guys with shit to do.
there is nothing sexier than when your man goes to work while you hang out with your boyfriend.
we love guys who are focused, driven, and on a mission.
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there was a time when Skoal rings on your jeans signified rugged American masculinity.
today’s stretchy Lululemon work pants don't even show the outline of a Zyn container.
we are losing our traditions.
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dudes under 5'8" be talking about "opening short positions"
my brother in christ you are the short position
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Amex should make an even heavier card that you can hurl at the waiter like a shuriken.
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I know you reserved it on the portal but this conference room was actually promised to me by my god 3000 years ago so I'm gonna need to take it from you.
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just found this paper while cleaning out my ex-boyfriend’s stuff. does anybody know what it is?
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My friend tried to buy a house. The house was listed at $550k. He was outbid by $25k. His realtor said it was an all cash deal. He did some digging and found out BlackRock bought the house. The middle class is competing with a trillion dollar asset firm. It’s over.
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remote work has made it impossible to get a raise by having sex with my manager.
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Other than the almighty, who has accomplished more in seven days than @POTUS Trump?
To be fair, we have to keep in mind that Trump didn’t rest on the seventh day.
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men will do basically anything to improve their chances on a first date.
I make them all sign up for a credit card with my referral link.
I’ve gotten 400,000 free points this year.
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dudes under 5’8” be talking about “opening short positions”
my brother in christ you are the short position
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“I would never pay for sex”
- guy who spent $1400 to bring a girl to his buddy’s wedding.
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I went on a date at a stand-up comedy show.
he was giggling like a slut the entire time.
letting other men make him laugh.
instant ick.
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male coworker is eating Sweetgreen for lunch.
nothing wrong with that.
just had no idea he was gay.
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nice startup with four employees and no product. you should rent a Soho loft for $40,000 a month.
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flights to Istanbul are under $500 in January.
there is no excuse for being bald in 2024.
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it’s 48° outside.
make sure you wear your $1400 Canada Goose for the 6-minute walk to Cava.
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while our politicians focus on China…
you’re enjoying a Zyn.
while listening to Spotify.
and sitting in an IKEA chair.
has the Swedish influence gone too far?
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finance guys be like “I’m an alpha”
oh yeah? ignore that Teams notification and let’s see if that’s true.
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stop paying rent.
it takes at least 6 months to serve an eviction in most major cities.
at current interest rates, you can grow that money by almost 3%.
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a homeless man asked me for $5 today.
instead, I pulled out my phone and showed him distressed properties in my neighborhood.
I taught him the basics: 3% down payment FHA loan. $200,000 line of credit. re-finance. use the equity in that home to buy two more.
now he can collect 3 passive rental incomes while still working full-time at the panhandling job he loves.
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imagine being in the Titanic submarine.
trapped with five wealthy people, enough air for 48-96 hours, and no possible escape.
that’s a dream sales opportunity. what are you pitching?
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sad situation.
an intern got fired today - they found cocaine in his desk.
I was literally hiding it there so I wouldn’t get fired, but I never saw this coming.
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