I’m having fun, leave me alone
Newport Beach, CA
- Tweets 9,782
- Following 1,566
- Followers 1,481
- Likes 15,478
It’s like city planners got annoyed having to approve all of the pedestrian walkway rules and finally went “hey, here’s a thought, what if we just don’t DO sidewalks at all anymore???”
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kind of like the idea of stock options in the US government — absolutely no idea how it would work though
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Elmo there’s hot naked girls constantly liking my tweets but I don’t think they are real
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“Sorry, I’m currently out of the office as I head towards your last known location”
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Ok, either you, like, missed a line on a peppa pig episode somewhere, or your house is haunted
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good thing absolutely nothing else happened in 2020 of which I have not yet recovered from
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Really been wondering lately…would this person had done this if social media didn’t exist to brag about it/get likes/get attention/probably record reaction video for ad dollars in the morning???
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burning a candle and leaving out a slice of pizza as an offering to our new rat deity
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Elmo I think it’s cool that you celebrate birthdays but don’t turn any older. My wife does the exact same thing.
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Isn’t it weird how snails don’t show up in photos so you have to just DRAW a picture of what they look like? That’s weird, isn’t it?
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“Dad, can you…”
*finally breaks*
“I’m sorry!!! I’m sorry for EVERYTHING!!!”
“uhh…can you…hand me back the charger my phone’s about to die.”
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Most people I talk to irl who don’t follow AI advances closely think they still haven’t figured out how to draw hands. There’s going to be A LOT of people duped with scams very quickly.
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I like how they first bought the weinerschnitzel and then were like “oh dang, maybe we can keep the lights on”
(very sorry this happened, btw)
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I will never forget the time I took my daughter to a park with a playground and a nearby house had “hide yo kids, hide yo WiFi”
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Mine was “looks like you haven’t missed any meals lately” and proceeded to pat my belly
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Most people I talk to irl who don’t follow AI advances closely think they still haven’t figured out how to draw hands. There’s going to be A LOT of people duped with scams very quickly.
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It absolutely will. No more installment loan to report. Secured vs unsecured credit makes a huge difference.
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Big Bird we’re going to need to retrace your steps leading up to the past week so this doesn’t happen again because I’m not sure if I could handle it
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“Hop in the back we’re not going far” *drives across three states and two time zones*
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“Sorry, I’m currently out of the office as I head towards to your last known location”
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GEORGE: Aw, now, Ed... what'll it take till the bank reopens? What do you need?
ED: Well, I suppose one dogecoin.
GEORGE: One dogecoin. Now you're talking!
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To be fair, the “Praise for…” and “Acknowledgment” sections on that one are absolute bangers
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Since everyone’s dragging her, this is what I’ve found:
I’m reading “countertop,” “white base,” and “step 1.”
rustoleum.com/product-catalo…
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“So this is a superhero movie. Am I a superhero?”
“No.”
“Can I be a superhero?”
“No.”
Can I talk to the superheroes?”
“No.”
“What if I run really fast past them like I have super speed?”
*sighs*
“Sure.”
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Wife: “I need you to come help me move out and leave my husband of 11 years.”
Wife’s family: “What did he do?!?”
Wife: “He worked 160 hours over ten days and then tried to take a 20 minute nap.”
Wife’s Family: “We’ll be right over.”
Like…?!?
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If only there were ways out there where we could check on this. Maybe at some point in the future there will be a magic box where we can look things like this up.
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I really need to rewatch this now that I know *most* of the philosophical context that they were drawing from
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Just watched Hank Green: Pissing Out Cancer on Dropout. Really enjoyed it.
Touching and funny and weird but not that kind of weird the good kind of weird.
Give it a watch!
@hankgreen @dropout
dropout.tv/videos/hank-green…
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If I tried this I would be 3 days in and realized I tracked something wrong, start over, and then give up. Following so you can teach me your ways.
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Oh, man, I can’t wait till I find one of these in the wild. Someone is going to try to punch me SO HARD when I call them a trash panda.
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Not to mention all the little things that added up. Nintendo Power magazine, Teen Vogue, the Sunday comics, those little booklets that recapped “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” from Scholastic or “An American Tail” in your Happy Meal…
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Something tells me you all had an urgent “all hands on deck” morning meeting on the street.
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the wad of cash lasts a week but the Stanley lasts until it hides in the back of the cabinet (also a week)
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Right? If you want to sing along in a movie, take it to Joker 2. The boys over there will love it.
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We also (if even for a very brief time) had to learn what the heck the Dewey decimal system was and how to search for something on microfiche, so we had a foundation of physical categorizing and searching that still haunts us to this day
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I learned WAY too much about My Little Pony friendship gems during my daughter’s toddler years.
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Were you the one who posted about their son making something from scratch with dad, saying this was the best meal ever, and then walking away with a full plate? If yes, you should do that.
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See also: an extra 0.50¢ for a lettuce wrap when they get to keep the bun on a burger that already included lettuce
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Be careful, though. About 10 years ago I input myself as “Principal” for my sole proprietor LLC on LinkedIn and then suddenly started getting job offers from schools in the Midwest!
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Actually… look at the angle of those ear pieces. Curious how the fit and feel will compare…
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“You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’”
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Absolutely. Just make sure when they’re old enough you throw a few The Price is Right and Supermarket Sweeps in there.
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I remember about 20 years ago doing the “Special K Diet” and it was just eating Special K for breakfast AND lunch for like two weeks. Ridiculous but I also think I lost like six pounds.
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She’s an accomplished professional, yet you tag her as “Ackman’s wife?” How am I supposed to even take this seriously with a post like that?
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