generalist, mm pe, happily miserable

The Data Room
The masculine urge to launder money here
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I just caught our intern starring at the company org chart for like 20 minutes
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You would need the national guard to keep me from providing the shareholders value.
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Replying to @dovethedivine
Never seen a take this bad before yikes
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Having a hot wife or girlfriend
What’s a silent expense that drains wealth over time?
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Played pickle ball for the first time…it is just tennis for people who walked the mile in gym class
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How many rows does Microsoft Excel have?
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I’m assembling a team
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Me: “Has anyone been in the model since last night?” Intern: “yeah I was working on some formatting, why?”
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The NYC mayoral race discourse has confirmed that the average person living in New York City is, by all accounts, retarded.
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How it feels to be at the office with you VP past 7pm and he starts sharing his niche interests and hobbies
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Damn, ED in your early 20s?
Heading home for Thanksgiving. Had to pack the essentials.
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Are we sure these people should have rights?
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How it feels hiring the d1 student athlete over the Ivy League kid with 6 internships
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This fit is activating a part of my brain that has been dormant for a couple years.
Did not know dudes like this still existed. We are so fucking back!
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Zyn in, excel open, back at the desk after a long holiday weekend.
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McKinsey is a boomer phenomenon. Nobody under the age of 45 actually thinks mgmt consultants provide any value. Once the boomers retire (or more likely die) there will be nobody left in a position of power at the f500 companies dumb enough to actually hire them.
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Wearing eye tape with “Kill Everybody” written on it into the office today to email a bunch of bankers that we are passing on their mandates.
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White button down, grey Patagonia vest, navy abc pants, brown loafers
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All you fucking nerds talking about how generative AI is going to take over the planet need to get a fucking grip. I just wasted 30 minutes of my life and $20 on the best level of GPT a civilian could buy because the wife wanted some floor plan suggestions for the new apartment. ChatGPT-4o (o stands for oh my god I’m so retarded) could not generate me a simple image based on the blank floor plan I sent it. So fucking stupid, if you seriously think this is going to run the world in a few years you’re an idiot.
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How it feels working in Microsoft excel all day
Female Dennis Reynolds @FlVESTARWOMAN media
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God I hope I am never famous enough to experience the “this guy looks like he’s doing well, let’s see if we can get his ex girlfriends to help us write a hit piece”
For our latest cover story, @KerryHowley went deep into the wellness-obsessed world of Andrew Huberman, talking with former girlfriends who reveal a darker side to the neuroscientist-turned-podcast host: manipulative behavior, deceit, and numerous affairs trib.al/4xfCfq3
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My 110 lbs wife after she kills a bottle of wine solo listening to me continue my 45 minutes monologue about how we won’t see interest rate cuts until 2025

ALT Drunk GIF

Do you know what a "bottle night" is? Probably not, because my gf and I invented it during a 2023 blizzard in Buffalo, NY. We lock our phones away, turn the TV off... Each grab a bottle of wine, and talk. That's it, we simply talk and enjoy each other's presence. We live together, but it's easy to miss out on "quality time". What do you think? Do you have other methods for enjoying quality time with your partner?
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How it feels to have two windows open on the same excel at the same time.
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Auditors are here
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Recirculating to top of inbox
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How I be firing off emails this morning.
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The lion does not concern himself with GAAP accounting
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Everyone saying this has never lived with a woman before.
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All time quote from our CEO in this meeting: “I’ve got a couple million dollars in annual compensation around this table but 0 answers” 😱😱😱
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What level do you unlock some bitches?
Unlocking level 1 with your friends>>
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Playing golf with an automatic watch on = minimal if any ball knowledge
Yea I got an internship. My role is actually pretty sweet basically I’m just being the man all summer long.
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Have they ever taken a predator missile (paid for by my tax dollars) to the dome?
I advise Americans and British people to familiarize themselves with some points about the Yemeni fighters ( Houthis) before rushing into anything. - They don't follow your movies and TV shows at all. - They are not bothered by your media or social media distractions. - Psychological warfare is utterly useless against them. - They are natural-born fighters, really, no kidding. - Their life goal since childhood has been to fight America. - The last will and testament passed down from their ancestors is to liberate Palestine. - At the very least, they have 4 to 5 wars of military experience in various terrains. - They have all written and recorded their life wills in both audio and video formats. - The martyrdom of one of them is a tremendous source of pride for their children, family, village, province, and country. - Their poets passionately glorify war more than any love, flirtation, or romance poetry. - They all obey their leader, Abdul-Malik Badr al-Din al-Houthi, with absolute obedience. - Their only fear is the punishment and wrath of Allah if they fail to support the people of Palestine and backtrack on their support. - They love death as much as you love life, if not more. In any confrontation they engage in... I won't explain these words... you will come to know, understand, and feel them more when facing them.
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My VP just sent a zero hedge article in the group chat, we are so cooked
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The Plan: -drink 8-10 domestic light beers -make friends with the other husbands and boyfriends -start naming obscure big10/big12 full backs -mansplain how fullback is a lost art in todays CFB offense -pay for everyone’s drinks -order an Uber home -take my dog for a walk
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MD just took me out for beers and said he’s starting his own group and that all of our non competes are not enforceable.

ALT Star Wars Anakin GIF

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Just put the fries in the bag dude Jesus
Work a desk job Grind 9–6 Lift weights to feel something Marry someone beautiful enough Move to suburbs Get a dog Have 2 kids Drive an American SUV to Costco on weekends Buy a house you’ll never finish paying off Call it happiness Is this the dream? or just a life we were sold?
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Intern asked me if he can throw a Zyn in at his desk. Starting to like this kid….
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The greatest marketing move pulled on women was convincing them all that it’s only a “real” diamond if a small child in the Congo pulled it out of the ground with a shovel made of sheet metal and sticks.
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See a lot of people dunking on this guy, cringe aside, dude appears to be absolutely crushing life. You all would be so lucky
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That’s right
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What started with a golden escalator ride in Manhattan now almost a decade ago, has now transformed into the single most impactful movement of a political figure since FDR. Had Trump gone away after he lost in 2020, it would have been a blip on the radar with a caveat of him exposing that there was an underlying sentiment of Americans feeling like they had been forgotten by their leaders. Now, 2015-2029 will be singularly defined as the Trump era.  Every single prism of life has been touched by it and will leave a last positive impact on our nation for years to come.  Single handedly, Trump took a country on the brink and reminded us how to fight back for what we stand for.  Donald Trump has willed his way, through sheer force and energy I’ve never seen in another human being in my life, into one of the greatest comeback stories in American history. He should be an inspiration to all to never back down, never give up, and know that you can always fight your way back.  As we watched rioters storm the Capitol on January 6th, I was dismayed, and thought he was done for good.  We now know a lot more about that day than we did at the time. But this race forever changed when Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence was raided by the FBI in August of 2022, we knew that this was more than about Trump.    They were after you, and he was just standing in the way.  Vice President Mike Pence, President Joe Biden, and numerous other figures had found themselves in document transit mix-ups, and none had ever had their homes raided by the FBI. In November of 2022, after Republicans vastly underperformed expectations in the midterms due to some poor candidates who wrongly were labeled as the ‘voice’ of the MAGA movement. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis surged in the polls. But when the first indictments were brough in New York in the spring of 2023, Trump started to pull away in the polls.  While the Republicans had a diverse group of up-and-coming Republicans that showed they had a strong bench and ready cabinet, from DeSantis, to South Dakota Governor (and our pfp) Doug Burgum, to Vivek Ramaswamy --- this was never a competitive race.  For me, the turning point for realizing just how much these court cases were coming from above was what happened in our home state of New York.  When AG Letitia James said he lied about property values, but then listed his 5th avenue apartments on the Upper East Side at $67,000 each, we knew that they would cook something up to get him.  She also ignored all inquiries as to how I could sign up for one of these mortgages. Every friend of mine in the Real Estate industry knows they vary estimates.  After the Trump convictions on this, Real Estate executives called NY Governor Kathy Hochul worrying that something like this could happen to them. She assures them this was a one-time thing. Without realizing it, she admitted this was all political.  The banks testified they were glad to do business with him.  It didn’t matter, and as soon as the Democrats realized this was backfiring in the polls, they stopped using the term “convicted felon.” Then came July 13th.  I was hungover in a Popeyes.  I remember looking at my phone and seeing a Jonathan Turley tweet “President Trump has been shot.  He is down.”  While a part of me thought he was dead, my gut instinct told me he’d be OK. I didn’t see his fist pump until a few minutes later, but we knew this meant more in that moment. I remember feeling fight or flight before that.  I couldn’t imagine how it would have unfolded if he hadn’t lived.  Ronald Reagan once said “Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right.”  I think when we saw the images that showed that if Trump hadn’t turn his head at the last millisecond, on a chart that was almost always on the other side from him, that God played a hand in keeping him alive.
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ALT Hmusicruof4 Rowley GIF

BREAKING: List of donors who contributed to build the new White House Ballroom has been released:
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Large skill issue I’m afraid
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Can’t wait to spread misinformation at the dinner table tomorrow
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The senior partners when I need them for the most basic of tasks
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Every day it feels like I become more and more like this dog
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Lmao
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Senior partner asked me to excuse myself before he yelled at my MD and VP…is this princess treatment?
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The masculine urge to be caught in an outmanned firefight here.
I just fell in love with this living space
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When the model is so fucked up, I have to turn my music off
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Jesus fucking Christ
Lived it, Loved it! Farewell Deloitte💚
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Why dudes hate me Most dudes: “yoo maybe we can get some 1-2 drinks at NOBU 57th (so it’s cheap) Low cut tight dress plz. Porsche picking you up.” Me: “Margaritaville Times Square 7pm, tiki bar. Make sure you eat before because we are getting hammered.”
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worth. every. fucking. penny. too.
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My preparing to hear the most ice cold takes on health, politics and finance for 5 hours straight at my girlfriends friend’s birthday party
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Replying to @HighyieldHarry
OpenAI is the new theranos, book it.
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“Dad, was federal funds really almost 0? How could leverage be that cheap?”
Blaze
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Has anyone seen this list? Why is the mainstream media not talking about this?
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Replying to @eastvillageguy
I got my Bitcoin stuck up my ass and I need access to my metamask wallet
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Good thing the FDA bankrupted JUUL, if someone is going to poison the youth I can sleep soundly at night knowing it’s a Chinese company and not an American one!!!!
My friend is an elementary school teacher in SoCal sent me this picture— what they confiscated this month
Community note
The image featured in this post was taken from from user MostEvilMan. The vapes shown were not confiscated from children. nitter.app/MostEvilMan/st
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Worst dressed at this hotel bar goes to this guy
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You should not be allowed to protest if your parents pay your rent
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Yeah you can find your man in running club, if you don’t want your man to be able to bench 225 for reps
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If your resume hits my desk and you did more than two different internships in undergrad I’m gonna assume you’re a fucking loser and probably not fun to have on the team.
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That’s my Fed Chair
JUST IN: 🇺🇸 FED Chair Jerome Powell says "just close the f*cking door" after climate protestors interrupt his speech.
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Replying to @chappUHquiddick
I like how all their backgrounds are “different” but very much still the same
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“He works in private equity” “What sector?” “Real Estate”
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MD just texted and said “be ready for a full court press tomorrow”. My brother in Christ what does that mean? Are we full court pressing? Are we getting pressed????
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Going after @BillAckman’s wife is one of the dumbest moves I’ve ever seen. MIT and Business Insider don’t understand the force of nature that’s about to come after them. This guy literally beat out Brad Pitt competing for his wife. While you were losing sleep over not having toilet paper during Covid, he was making $2.6B shorting the entire economy. The dude is just built different. Ackman is righteously pissed off. He’s motivated. He’s rich af, and he’s got some of the best research analysts in the world working for him (I worked in military intelligence, and DOD/IC analysts don’t come close to Wall Street short-sellers when it comes to autistically meticulous research). You think Gen Z clickbait journalists and MIT deans more comfortable in chemistry labs than in tense board-room proxy fights are ready for a guy like this once he gets on the war path? Yeah, right.
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*unmutes so the partners hear me laugh at their jokes*
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Me having the analyst fire off “let’s circle back after the holidays” emails to all counterparties
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Actually the Boeing mishap is actually a good thing. Big ass fucking hole in the side of the plane and that shit was flying no problem.
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Replying to @chamath @the_P_God
Damn that was lame as fuck boss
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She swears it will make the food taste better
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Oh yeah, that’ll do.
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Not surprised the girl wearing a cowboy hat veil was getting finger blasted by random dudes.
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4 tickets to the The Barbie Movie at 5pm please
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Buying the intern a criminally large margarita at lunch so he feels obligated to drink that whole thing
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When my MD unhides the calcs tab
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This checks out
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Formatting looks like shit
Platform usage up 3.5% week over week
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VP from a firm I interviewed at 2 years ago is now a candidate for an open roll my current firm has lmao.
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“How is the model looking, would love a first draft done by EOD?” The model in question:
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My fiancé: “My coworkers are literally the best, I love working with such strong women who share my goals and ambitions.” Me and my Analyst: “Do you think god is real?”
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LinkedIn be like: I see you work in finance, have you thought about a position at a used car dealership?
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Reasons why I’m single
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Replying to @anonfpa
Yeah that tracks
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Any conference or trade event remotely related to real estate
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Replying to @HighyieldHarry
Seems like a pretty good dude. Giving full time offer vibes
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Tiger is a 100% on the juice. I’m so here for it, golf needs a steroid era
First hole, first fairway. @TigerWoods’ first round is underway at the Hero World Challenge.
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Type of shit me and my analyst are on
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Buyside week 1
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Me if ghosting kids asking for coffee chats was a crime
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Working today
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My dream gf -parents are accredited investors and qualified purchasers -parents have $1.5-$7.5m in uninvested capital -doesn’t know how $10 effects the 3 financial statements -will let me explain how $10 effects the 3 financial statements -thinks blackrock owns everything
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