Son of a Barstool Athlete | Fool Proof New York
NYC
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- Following 494
- Followers 800
- Likes 27,497
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If the leader of corona virus doesn’t stop spreading the disease, I will blow up a Gotham-area hospital
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All I'm gonna say is, I've never seen Matt Moore and Big Cat in the same room. @BarstoolBigCat @PFTCommenter @PardonMyTake
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Ideal Chicago date night:
1) Dinner at Happy Camper
2) Tequila shots/bell at Federales
3) Barstool River North til close
4) Bean from 3:00am to 4:00am
5) Netflix and chill 👀🔥
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Girl: come over
Me: I can't. I'm 9 years old and stuck at a lake
Girl: my parents aren't home
Me:
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Yeah, I took a selfie with Tom Izzo and John Groce. What'd you do tonight? #Legendary #Spartans #Illini
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Arun: Would you like to try MeowChat?
Shawn Oakman: No, stop inviting me
Arun: Would you like to try MeowChat?
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Lmao bro you took her to Toyotathon
I’m taking her to the December to Remember Sales Event
We are not the same. 😂😂😂
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No disrespect but I’m pretty sure that 4th bullet point applies to like 99% of college students lmao
What a journey for Matt Mooney
-Took trains/buses 90 min each way in HS
-Played at Air Force and S.D. before transferring to Texas Tech
-Broke fibula in bike accident
-Lived in an off-campus house with a broken couch
Dropped 22 PTS in Final 4 vs. MSU (h/t @GregBishopSI)
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So much respect for this kid for writing this song for Dana. Watch and share this #RIPDana #NeverForget piped.video/watch?feature=pl…!
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Got kicked out of the game because I showed off my bulge. Libertyville wasn't ready for that #DontJudgeABulgeByItsCover
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Camper: "How many planets are there?"
Me: "8"
Camper: "There'll only be 7 when I'm done with Uranus" 😑
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If this post hits 10k likes, I will give away a Saturdays Are For The Boys flags to one of my followers 🤙
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RIP Kams. Hands down best bar on campus....And that’s coming from a former Lion employee (who got canned for serving vodka lemonades to my boys while off the clock) Ayyyyy shout out to all my fucking boiz y’all know who you are! 🤙🤙🤙
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After a long & gruesome wait, I've OFFICIALLY been accepted to the University of Illinois as a Psychology major! See ya soon Champaign. #ILL
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My ex-roommate and former friend had such an insane name..."Itai". Craziest part: he would get butthurt when people would mispronounce his name. Like alright dude, sorry not everyone knows how to speak French..?
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I thought Kams being run by Reda was the worst thing to happen to U of I. I stand corrected
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If it weren’t for rona, I 100% garantee me and the boys would’ve had a table lined up tonight at #BottledBlonde with some Big Ten 10’s 🤷♂️ #Facts
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"Oh hell yeah 2 girls kissing!" "This is cool!" "They've been going for a long time." "Alright wtf stop it." #Perrys
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Craziest game I've ever seen in my life. Happy for the whole Stevenson community. Can't wait to share my 2nd home with green and gold nation
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A former friend of mine took his girlfriend to Lincoln Park Zoo instead of boozing with his boys this past weekend. So glad I cut that toxic POS out of my life a long time ago...
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My new morning routine as of 6/30/21:
1) Coffee + Journal
2) Meditation (so fucking important)
3) 50 minute plank
4) Check my Cis-Korean privilege
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Spending 2 nights in a lakehouse with girls this weekend. Very excited to finally see if girls really do poop or not. #Prom2014
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Same bitches wishing for fall weather complaining now that this weather is too cold. Bitch do you expect it to rain pumpkin spice lattes?
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At this very moment in time, somewhere in the middle of Perry’s there are 2 random high schoolers who are grinding as if their fucking life depended on it 😌😌😌
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There's a high school freshman out there w/ braces, eager to wear his fucking HUF weed socks to Lolla who got a ticket today and I didn't
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Life hack: if you are texting a chick that you like and she say “I’m about to take a shower” you should respond “without me? 😂😭”. It’s literally the best pick up line/response I’ve used from my own experience 👌
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Good morning. Just wanted to say that if you’re more outraged about looting and riots than the actual reason for all of it, then you might have to look in the mirror and face the fact that you’re comfortable with racism in the world
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I’m starting to think I’m going to stay single for the rest of my life. Like cmon, I’m not a picky guy. All I’m looking for in a girl are 3 things:
- knows how to drive stick
- chews tobacco
- can dunk
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3rd time having COVID. They say god gives his most unfortunate battles to his most respectful Koreans…
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I'm SICK and TIRED of people blaming former Gov. Adlai E Stevenson for not closing school for tomorrow. He's fucking dead he can't help it
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Lot of people dont know this about me, but I got an offer to play QB at Electoral College but decided to just go to UI Urbana 🤷♂️
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Just found out I’ve been cheated on by my now ex-girlfriend so here is a collection of pictures that I wasn’t “allowed” to post ;)
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Idk if y’all know him, but my boy from youth football (Ita’i G) just recently moved from Chi to SF. He texted me this morning at 10am saying he just woke up for work when I had been up for 2 hours already...so dude gets 2 extra hours to sleep everyday...bro found a life hack fr
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So lucky to have been raised in such a great area surrounded by such great people. It's been a hell of a ride in the 847. #ChampaignCampaign
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First day working at the pool & I'm 87% sure that this girl just gave her boyfriend a UWHJ (UnderWaterHandJob) in the deep end. #Rattled
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I know this is gonna sound like satire but I’m 100% dead serious when I say there was no better feeling than popping a fresh mint juul pod in and playing Fortnite in the year 2017. The literal definition of care-free joy
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No we are fucking not..?.?...???....?
Millennials are now living in pods in their parents' yards nyp.st/2OAh7ag
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I do this thing where I will blindly throw $100 towards a sports bet, but then spend 10 minutes at the store meticulously analyzing which $3.99 candle scent to purchase
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This is my friend Itai. He vaped once and now he is stuck like this permanently. Please tell your children about the dangers of vaping. #NotOnceNotEver #PikesAgainstVaping
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Yes, ESPN will be at the bball game Saturday. No, it's not for "Jalen", it's to document my first game back after my suspension #TheReturn
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Did adults in 2007 look at us in disgust while we Cranked That Soulja Boy like we do today with kids who floss? Does history just repeat itself? Are we in a simulation? - Monday January 28th - Park
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Told the random chick who shacked at my place this weekend that she could grab a shirt from my drawer when she was leaving. Bro I just realized she took my zillion beers shirt 🤬🤬
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A top academic school, #1 basketball team in the state, reigning color guard champs, unranked in parking cars #SHS
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The last great SHS twitter frenzy was because of FilupMyCup. What makes you guys think it's not because of him again? #ExposeMyCup
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Pls pray for my friends Heller & Kwaz. There's nothing wrong with them, they just look like Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.
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Jason Reda spotting! 🚨🚨🚨🚨
2007 senior class. You might recognize them from the win at No. 1 Ohio State or the 2008 @rosebowlgame. 🌹
#TBT #ILLINI 🔶🔷
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Amazing PEACEFUL protest in Pilsen tonight. This was my first time at a protest for any movement + my first time in Pilsen other than when my middle school went there for a field trip to learn about Latinx culture. That is how privileged I am, I went to this area for a field trip
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Straight up do not email me unless your emails start and end like this one below. Otherwise I will NOT read them 🗣🗣🗣
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Just had to watch 800+ seconds of snap stories of HS seniors that went to a club that looked like Zero Gravity. Figure it the fuck out
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2 years ago there was no standby page, tickets were under $250, and they released secret souvenir passes for $175. Lolla, you've changed bro
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It's crazy looking back on what you had all these years, realizing how good you had it & how little you deserved it. So unbelievably blessed
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I’m smoking a cigarette while listening to Lana Del Rey on my back balcony in #WickerPark bro. You think you’re even remotely close to being on my level...? 😂😂
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Pretty sad I have to wear a mask in the comfort of my own living room while I am by myself but unfortunately COVID does not sleep or take breaks :/
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Wtf I'm so confused...I put this hat on & out of nowhere this banana flew in my mouth. I guess these 2 go hand n hand
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Bruh really? How do you manage to get stuck under a bed and then also in a washing machine later on? Nah man, this one character in this movie I’m watching is hella stupid 🤦♂️😂
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I know his job was pretty boring and his boss was an a**hole, but you’re really telling us Mr Incredible was THIS depressed when he was coming home to that Elastigirl cake every night? Nah man I love you Pixar but this movie is kinda unrealistic 🤷♂️
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About to take vyvanse for the first time since senior year finals week. I’m about to start levitating in my bedroom
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I know there is a faction of people who don’t understand that 90% of my tweets are complete satire and therefore think I am the biggest douche in the world. Not my fault god didn’t make everyone’s brain as big as mine 🤷♂️
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I'm expected to be a functioning college student in 3 months, & I just put chapstick on my eyelids to see if I could get "high". I'm fucked
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Bro if I was in Urbana right now, every Tri Delt would have COVID. #barmakeouts
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Starting a new series where I rate signs I see in NY. Let’s kick it off with this bad boy. Straight and to the point, no gimmicks. What else does a 26 year old male need? 7.8/10
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This is not a competition of who cares the most or who's most sad. Everybody is devastated and we need to have some respect to the family
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One summer back in early college, my dear friend Mitchell turned me into a country music fan out of nowhere. Fast forward 7 years and I find myself - a Korean guy from the suburbs of Chicago - belting the words “well I love her, but I love to fish” in the shower 😂😂
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Edited my sharing settings so only the real ones can see this.
So if you’re seeing this, I hope you have good day! :)
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