Marrying her was obviously the correct choice

Imagine living in NYC, going to the DMV, and being like “yep, these mf’ers should run my grocery store”

Yeah bro, I got the Amex Platinum, so I can wait in line to get into a lounge, to then hunt around for a seat like an animal, so I can eat half a dry sandwich made by someone who hates my general existence. Have a few free beers, show off the Oysterdate, totally worth it bro.

Me: I’d like to invest in this brewery SEC: no, dummy. You’re not an accredited investor. Me: cool, guess I’ll just teach myself some double broken wing butterfly trades by watching tik tok SEC: yea, I mean, for sure. It’s your money, do whatever.

If you’re fat and stressed, allow me to share a helpful schedule I’ve learned about in Paris. 8am: wake 8:02: cigarette 8:05: fresh croissant 8:15: double espresso. 2nd and 3rd cigarettes 9-9:30: work 9:30-10: cigarettes 4&5 10-11:30: work 11:30-2pm: lunch of cheese, ham, different cheese, cigarettes 6 thru 9, wine, small dessert 2-3: work 3-3:45: cigarettes 10&11, double espresso, small bit of bread 3:45-4:30: work 4:30-11: walk 6 miles to meet friends, dinner of steak, fries, a bottle of wine, cigarettes 12 thru 18, dessert cheese, and then walk 6 miles home. It takes discipline, but you too could change your life with a little effort.

being broke is a thing rich people think wouldn't be so bad because they've never actually been broke

I feel bad for some married women. There is no known genetic test, no identifiable personality traits, and no early cues that would indicate their husband could turn out like this. It's seemingly random, and horrible. To those who have watched this happen, stay strong.

Here's one of my first assignments (in red) when I began my career in real estate. It's perhaps the most useless piece of real estate in Boston, and I was tasked with selling it. I did not, no one has The seller wanted 14M at the time, a number seemingly pulled out of thin air.

I’m just a dumb real estate guy, but seems to me the nft space has two groups of people. A.) idiots B.) clever people hustling group A

Tomorrow, the gym will be full of new people. Many of them overweight, lost, and in your way. You have a responsibility to encourage them. Smile, high-five, whatever. It probably took a lot for them to show up. Tearing them down does not make you fitter; it makes you an asshole.

The whole “Dink” thing is two sixes who make 80k a year bragging about shit you can do if you have kids AND money.

I’ll retract every bad thing I’ve said about this mf’er if he burns the whole system to the ground.

If you bought an AirBnb in 2021 for passive income and vibes, how's that working out for you? Don't need an urgent answer, can wait til you finish your shift at New York Life.

You can do this in a f’ing Camry

Finally, a hero who will stand for the downwardly-mobile

Far from right wing, but I’ll give it a shot. The CHIPS act was bipartisan legislation created during Trump’s first term as a first step in restoring semiconductor manufacturing, among other things. Biden was the one to oversee allocation of ~50B into the CHIPS program. Initially grants, subsidies, and cheap loans for companies connected to national security. Like Intel. In 2024, the government gave Intel 10.9B in subsidies and up to 11B in loans. I don’t agree with this move, but you may have a different opinion. A week ago, the government converted 8.9B in grant authority into an equity position in Intel. The 8.9B was initially earmarked to go out the door and never come back, that’s how grants work. By converting it to equity, the taxpayer is (theoretically) guaranteed some return. Whether you think Intel is the right company, or agree with the CHIPs program, a deal where future grant obligations convert to current equity stakes is a better use of tax dollars. How’s that for a talking point?

“Hey dad?” “Yea, sport?” “What’s a Collateralized Loan Obligation?” “What?! Oh, jesus. Well, alright. I suppose you’re old enough for “the talk.” Son, when a syndicator and a debt fund love each other very much…”

My grandfather used to say, "You won't learn anything unless it hurts your feelings or costs you money," and he was right. Those fuckers who laughed at me on the way up, call my company and ask for meetings now.

I didn't make a single dollar on that stupid building, but I learned a lot. When life is busy kicking you in the teeth, keep your eyes open to what you could be learning along the way.

Had a serious Amex issue go unresolved for a few days. I (a nobody) cold emailed the CEO and he immediately replied and handled it. Phenomenal customer service. Watching Chamath learn that @AmericanExpress cares about reputation over net worth is pretty funny.

Watched an older woman yell at her husband for a while. Unbothered, he sat there, softly smiling, eating pizza When she was done, he took a drag of his cigarette, calmly looked at her, and whispered in French, “what should I do with this information?” I wanted to shake his hand

Me: so, I just raise the rent? Broker: yup Me: and the tenants will simply pay more? Broker: yup Me: dope, why hasn’t the seller tried this? Broker: he dumb, hate money

Maybe, and hear me out on this, homes are overpriced and we shouldn't subsidize demand.

My life as an entrepreneur 98% of my days: WTF have I done? We aren’t gonna make it. I’m not smart enough 2% of my days: I’m a goddamn genius, an unstoppable force. I’ll f’ing crush you. Today was a 2% day, mf’ers

Career advice for the kids

For those considering a career in real estate, I hope this helps.

Because the fucking choice was "learn real estate finance" or "keep making redbull vodkas for club kids and sleeping in the basement." If you're poor, persistent, and hungry enough to make it, you can learn some crazy shit through sheer force.

Seller: our deal appraised for 10% higher than your offer. Me: wow. No shit, huh? Very cool, did you sell it to the appraiser?

Alright, f*ck it. Let's blow the roof off one deal. The Archdiocese of New Orleans has been turning a blind eye to sexual abuse for decades. If you've seen Spotlight about what happened in Boston; what's happening in New Orleans is orders of magnitude worse.

I'm going to tell you about one of the darkest and most corrupt aspects of the affordable housing business. If I have explained this clearly, you will be very pissed off at the end. Let's talk about Letters of Support.

The music is slowing. Here's what I'm seeing out there. Owners who need to sell, for a variety of reasons, are in trouble. The market has changed, and they're trying to recoup their equity, which ain't happening. Active price discovery.

The American Dream is to make a pile of money in tech and then slowly lose it all to real estate guys who can't read or do math.

Twitter is great and all, I just wish there were more men from wealthy families writing advice books in their early 30s.

Who's ready to have some fun with affordable housing corruption? Haven't done one of these in a while, but let's go ahead and expose some eye-watering grift. If I've done this correctly, you'll be very angry at the end. Saddle up.

I’d like to formally retract every bad thing I’ve ever said about reddit

When I had nothing, I had my dog. 16 years. Til I see you again, rest in peace little buddy.

Regional banks today

Airbnbs are great because you get all the hassles of a hotel but without any scale

Contractor was ducking me a while back. Multiples calls, texts, etc. nothing. Figured out where he lived, texted him a pic of his own house and said nothing. Mf’er finished the job that week. Called me a f’ing psychopath.

Death, taxes, and your new contractor telling you the old contractor is the dumbest man alive

Value-add boys are at it again

We have a “10-inch” rule at the office. If a mountain you love is getting more than 10-inches of powder, just go. No need to request PTO. Take the urgent calls, cancel the rest, get your ass outside. Send a pic from the glades is all I ask.

It’s - build a DCF - tell me if you like/dislike the investment If an analyst can’t hammer that out in 90 min, they’re not the right person

Twitter is full of the dumbest mutherfuckers on the planet. "You caught me. I'm asking this analyst to underwrite a deal I found because I'm hoping to steal their brilliance."

Jerry Seinfeld: I don't understand. Do you collect the rent? Seller: We bill the rent, we just ran out of paying tenants. Jerry: But the collection is what matters. That's why you bill the rent. Seller: I think I know why we bill people for rent. Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to bill the rent, you just don't know how to collect the rent. And that's really the most important part of the rent: the collecting. Anybody can just bill rent.

Since there’s some disagreement around the subject, what service do realtors provide that isn’t already provided by bankers, attorneys, home inspectors, etc.? Why is that service worth 3-6% of the value of the home?

A response I would have actually enjoyed would have been. “I’m good at this and do t work for free. Give me $1,000 and I’ll break this deal down in amazing detail” Would have gladly paid and probably hired

A generation being told “focus on your career, wait to get married and have kids, you’ve got plenty of time” is having disastrous effects. I predict the next generation course corrects in a significant way.

Never in my life have I seen a broker headshot with this much swagger

Two reasons men have “man caves” 1. They don’t have enough of a say in their marriage to have a living room they like as well. 2. They want a place to hide out from their wife/kids. Both are wildly pathetic. Do better.

“What if we left, like, 18 inches of bone on this ribeye, called it a Tomahawk, and sold it to idiot finance bros for $150?” “Lol, that’ll never work.”

Took 8 of these mf’ers to sell a beat up warehouse.

Saw this formula in a rent roll from a Seller. Think I’m about to get a pretty good deal.

Places like this are usually called The Preserve at River's Edge. They smell like a mix of blunt smoke, Fabuloso, and vinyl flooring. And syndicators keep thinking, "what this place needs is some subway tile."

Alright, amigo. Let's build some affordable housing. You have found the perfect site and you're ready to do some good. F*ck the NIMBYs, people are struggling and you're going to deliver great housing that will benefit the community. Time to put on your helmet and get in the game

From sleeping in the basement of a pizza shop, to managing a 9-figure real estate fund in a decade. For people looking to get started in real estate, I am going to try and lay out the steps I took in a way that isn’t self-congratulatory bullshit.

Delta: most of our customers have a deep desire to know they’re better than some of our customers McKinsey:

The American dream is to make a pile of money in tech and then slowly lose it all to real estate bros who can't read or do math.

If your wife says, "it's fine, do whatever you want, I don't give a shit." You should not, in fact, do whatever you want.

Gen Z would benefit from being in more fistfights at a young age. A few bumps and bruises does a lot of good

I got laughed at, a lot. What's the FAR? Is development by right? Utility access? What's the story with the air rights? Union or open shop? Got a clean Phase 1? I had no fucking clue. Not that I didn't have the answers; I mean, I didn't understand the fucking questions.

RE investing tip: Your tenants are gonna sell drugs. Help them. Send them referrals, screen for cops at the gate, let them hustle out of the community room, etc. Then, charge points on the package. Book that $ under Other Income, put a 4 cap on it...Bam! You're rich AF now

I’m mostly against waterboarding, but we should find out who’s responsible for this.

LP: we want to buy distressed properties GP: cool, here’s some LP: ohhh….no, that stuff looks messed up

Starbucks: leave a tip? Me: how about you make the coffee first, we see how long that takes, and we go from there.

How long you been working for Amex?

Me (an idiot): did you guys cut any corners when you built this house? Toll Brothers: Who? Us? No…no chance. We’re obsessed with excellence.

What if I told you that for the same price as a hotel, you could stay in someone else’s poorly thought out home, do their f’ing chores for them before you leave, and then get badgered to write them a review. Pretty sweet, right?

If I own a fruit stand and every week you buy some blueberries and give me $2 for them, that great. That’s our relationship. But if you stop paying me and keep eating the blueberries we’re gonna have a problem, society seems to understand this. But if I rent you an apartment…

If you ever feel dumb or bad at your job, remember this. There's a group of guys converting motels to studio apartments in tertiary markets. You're a long way from the bottom.

So I'd make calls, write down the questions, get laughed at, and then get on Google to teach myself. Then I'd swallow my pride and call back. One guy said, "I could see 14m with air rights, how'd you model the rents?" I hadn't modeled shit because I didn't know how.

I have great news. A career milestone that I’m excited to share with all of you. Something I’d dreamed of, but thought would always evade me. Today, I submitted an LOI with a negative purchase price. Thanks to all who have supported me on this journey.

Twitter is fun because there are big accounts who fundamentally don’t understand math and tiny accounts who manage a few billion dollars.

Pulte Homes net income: Q2 2024 - 809m Q2 2025 - 608m What’s more likely? A) Pulte smart, Powell dumb, rates should be lower B) Pulte freaking out over the income decline and acting like a child

Last night, I watched a grown man (wife’s friend’s husband) explain to his wife that he’s been designing digital clothes for NFTs of frogs and getting paid in RibbitCoins. Said it was “similar to a 401k” The whole scene was truly magical.

Me: the internet is a useless wasteland The internet:

I told him "14m is the number the seller gave me" and he laughed at me, asked if I was "fucking joking" and hung up on me. Apparently, understanding financial modeling is important in real estate, so I started Googling "how to build a financial model."

So, you wanna start a real estate investment business. I’m not talking about flipping a few homes or buying a storage facility in fuckall nowhere. I’m talking about a real company that will enrich you, your team, and your LPs while putting you on the cover of trade magazines.

You think a high-end luxury shop has a fucking analyst? As the kids say "naw fam." So I thought myself. Painful #ref after painful #ref. I'd download models and try to reverse engineer them. More people laughing at me, but I kept chugging.

It’s a joke, I’m not quite that mean. But my point remains, if you’re going to insist on “I can work anywhere in the world, but you need to pay me NYC salary,” you should think through the ripple effects.

If you're thinking about starting your own business, I would encourage you to read this. @sweatystartup posted something that got my wheels turning. It's not really advice; I'm a stranger, and advice from strangers can be self-serving, but it will be honest. Here goes..

Jose and his family took all the money they would have paid in rent and set it aside for a down payment on a house. They closed on their new home last week and I think that’s the coolest shit in the world. All some people need is an opportunity. F’ing awesome.

Here's how you underwrite distressed deals in today's market; gonna save you a bunch of time. First, and this is super important, there are more sellers than buyers of distressed, older vintage real estate right now. Institutions have shunned the older stuff, and syndicators/debt funds are scrambling to get out. Second, don't waste your time underwriting this shit at first. When a broker/seller/lender sends you docs, just reply with "what's the pricing expectation here?" Write down whatever they tell you. It's usually some bullshit like "well, we bought for 130k a unit, but we'd let it go for 115k I think." File that under, "shit you shouldn't care about." Third, do absolutely zero underwriting and wait 48 hours. Reply with, "I'm at 50% of your number," and wait for a response. Most will tell you you're an asshole, or not respond, but some will say "well, make the offer and let's start the conversation." Fourth, if they say "make an offer," underwrite the deal, build in plenty of capex, drop the rents, normalize expenses, and see what it looks like. Fifth, even though you said you were at 50%, you should send an offer at 40%. Because...well...fuck them, I guess. They aren't people; they're just counterparties in a transaction, and you don't owe them a thing. Make sure you love your position. We have a standing offer of 40k per unit. People send us bullshit, we reply with 40k offers, and most say "go to hell." But I don't give two fucks about those people, and you shouldn't either. You didn't tell them to buy/lend on the deal, and you didn't call them begging to make an offer. Ain't your job to unfuck their position, so don't go feeling bad for people. Before you say, "I'll never buy deals like this," we are. Lots of 'em. If I can scoop shit up for 30k a door, I don't have to sell anywhere near the last trade for it to be a successful investment. Don't let these mf'ers fool you, good luck out there.

I cold-called a bunch of real estate brokers with the same pitch. "I wanna learn affordable housing. I'll work for free a few days a week, but I need to bartend at night. Just teach me." The first guy who said yes was (still is) a piece of shit luxury condo sales broker.

Twitter is great and all, I just wish there were more people in their 20s giving life/career advice.

Home buying hack - buy shit house in good neighborhood - convert to AirBnb - remove insulation - strongly encourage parties - drive down neighbors home values - buy dream home at discount - close airbnb - sell airbnb as market improves Teach those boomers a lesson

Attn: Brokers and junior acquisition people. Here's the perfect cold email. Hi Marlo, I'm interested in X property for Y (very specific) reason. I'm unaware of your plans for the asset, but if you'd consider an offer, I'd love to talk. If not, best of luck with your portfolio and I hope to connect in the future. Thank you, A few reasons why it works. - A short, direct email shows me you respect my time, and value yours. - Don't send me a three paragraph email. We don't know each other, I ain't reading that shit, and I don't honestly care about you or your company. And you shouldn't care about me either. - You've identified a specifc property and have given me a specific reason why you might be the buyer. Don't say "we like the mid-Atlantic" because only fucking idiots lead with that pitch. - Specifc interest tells me you've done some research. A little effort on your part gives me a sense of obligation to respond. Even if my response is "not at this time, but thank you." You've started to build a relationship. - If I respond with a "no," you simply say, "understood, appreciate you getting back to me." And now the door is open for you to follow up in a few months. - Your follow up can be a reply to my old email with something interesting, some data point I don't have. A deal you've closed, money you've raised, a shift in the market, a referral you'd like to send my way, etc. It should be something interesting and of value to me. - Don't follow up and say "you selling now?" because, and I can't stress this enough, that's a stupid fucking question that only amatures ask. - "I want still want to buy/list your deal" is the unspoken subtext of all our future conversations. I'll know that's true because you're following up on your initial email, you don't need to say it. Add value consistently, and you'll be the first call when I'm thinking about a sale. Good luck out there, mf'ers.

Bluesky math

I got a bigwig from Extell on the phone, he asked about FAR, I mumbled for a bit, and he said, "kid, you're not ready to make this call," and he was right But what the fuck was I gonna do? Ask the resi brokers? Those fucking idiots we're ordering champagne and finger sandwiches

Lessons learned from buying property in rough neighborhoods: - Carry a fake wallet, something to give up in a robbery - Don't carry cash - If you must carry cash, keep the 1's on the outside - Never count money in public - Learn to use any reflective surface as a mirror to check if someone is behind you - Leave plenty of room between you and the car ahead of you (can't get pinned in) - Someone whose voice you don't recognize yells your name, don't turn around - If you know how to use it, carry. If you don't, don't. - Back your car in - Jeans and a t-shirt/hoodie. Leave the "Chad the banker" outfit at home. - People you don't know are fighting? Not your problem; keep it moving. - People ask who you are; "maintenance/property management" is the only answer. - Walk everywhere with purpose. People who are unsure are easy targets.

One of the things you do when you're starting out is help the lead broker sell their listings. This dog pictured above was one of them. It's ~25 feet wide and 120 feet deep, full block. Perfect dimensions for industrial, or murdering strangers, but not great for much else.

I've been talking a lot of shit about idiot lenders lately, but it's well deserved. In what may become a bit of a theme around here, I'd like to submit the first installment of the "Idiot Lender Chronicles." Let's roll.

This dude is 38. Fraud will age a man.

If you're underwriting a real estate deal, and the owner is based in Lakewood, NJ, you need to double your capex assumptions. I have yet to find an exception to this rule, and it's always served me well.

Biggest dbag I’ve ever met was a Dallas landlord who drove that car. He’d complain about the maintenance cost to his staff. Most tone deaf shit I’ve seen in years.

This used to be a dive bar called Whiskey Priest, where you could meet a woman named Tiffany who liked redbull vodka, newports, and lower back tattoos. As Tiff threw back her fourth shot of jager, her Mac lipgloss smeared and her Ed Hardy trucker hat turned backwards, she'd say, "you wanna get outta hea?" You and Tiff stumble out onto seaport blvd, bldinded by the streetlights, lookin for a fackin cab, she grabs you. Tiff's breath smelling of regret and cigarettes, she kisses you with a level of anger you never imagined. "What have I gotten myself into?" you mutter to yourself, afraid. Aroused. Before the cab arrives, a chick she knows from Medford High bumps into her. Fuckin Amber-Lyn, never liked her. A fight breaks out. You hold Tiffany's beer-stained Coach bag while she throws haymakers at Amber-Lyn and calls her a skank. A piece of Tiff's weave flies off and hits you in the face. As you watch the hair fall into the dirty puddle you're standing in, a moment of clarifty. Get out while you still can. You realize the odds of meeting her percocet dealing ex boyfriend are increasing by the minute and you don't want to get stabbed. Cab honks, you leave Tiff mid-brawl and tell the cabbie, "allston." You tell yourself, I'm never going back to Whiskey Priest...at least for the next week or two. But yea, 50m for the condo sounds right.

Who among us hasn’t conflated revenue with cash flow?

Finances bros when they get to Jackson Hole