do u guys think it’s possible to be smart again after letting my brain atrophy for 5 years
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first it was mexican… then it was mediterranean… I pray the fast casual build-your-own bowl chains come for indian food next
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everyone wants a guy who moans but no one considers that the worst sound on planet earth is the sound of performative male moaning
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Buddy, I’ve been drinking everyday for 20+ years. It’s all I think about and I still haven’t gotten addicted so I doubt it’s happening.
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told the wife I was going out with my buddy Rod… I didn’t mention Reel and Tackle would be there too! 🤣🤣
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it seems like no one wants to be heartbroken and alone for 6 months after a breakup these days
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in a effort to both drink more water and practice my g splitting I have resorted to this
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does anyone know how to be an alcoholic without it impacting your body at all
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I’m not arguing with anyone wearing an apple watch.. whatever you say Inspector Gadget
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anxiety isn’t real it just means your body hasn’t had enough alcohol for the day
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getting drunk and laying on the floor next to your dog rules I get why my mom did it all the time
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what I’m gathering here is a lot of you do not know the ancient texts ?!!! EDUCATE YOURSELVES
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do any of my mutuals want to engage in a 3 month situationship that changes the course of our lives and puts us both on psychiatric medication
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do NOT ask me if I want to do a bump or smoke a cig or do poppers I am holding in a fart at literally all times
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wrong. alcoholics
My biggest complaint about Chicago is that we’re not a hub for anything. NYC has finance, art, and fashion. LA is cinema and celebrities. SF, Seattle, and Austin are tech. Boston is higher ed. What is Chicago? We’re not known for anything except maybe like food and comedy
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the worst part about having well-adjusted friends is that I know I will one day lose them to marriages, kids, and homes in the suburbs
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there’s a remake of season 2 episode 6 of The Bear happening in my aunt’s kitchen right now
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this is the type of shit I was liking before they got rid of likes so I’m just making it clear that I’m still liking this stuff now and that I liked this post.
1
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2024 Dating Wrapped:
• zero (0) dates
• six (6) months celibate
• 52 therapy appointments
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41
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when I die I want my ashes to be put into a musical snowglobe depicting the 79 AD eruption of mount vesuvius that, when wound up, plays pompeii by bastille
3
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lore/trauma dump: I was voted “biggest flirt” in the senior year superlatives at my high school and it was not until 6 years later that I realized they were making fun of me being a “slut”. I just thought I had a flirty fun aura like Betty boop
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sleeping with my clean laundry scattered beneath me like a pharaoh buried with his possessions
4
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been feeling kinda aimless lately. what’s the best phd for someone to quit their job and lose their health insurance for?
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30
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am I wasting my precious youth living within the same 200 mile radius for nearly my whole life
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23
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20,689
a lot of you are saying that your man’s moans aren’t performative but maybe that’s bexause you haven’t had a man in your ear trying to make you cum via high pitched little bitch moans because that’s what he thinks you want to hear
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5
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apparently I came home from the bar last night at 4am and ate an entire bag of steamed broccoli
10
9
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you develop a crush on someone and all of a sudden you’re on p0rnhub searching shit like “passionate” and “intimate”
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16
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I know I’m chopped because no hairstylist or tattoo artist has never posted a pic of me before
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14
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update I’m in the gym lifting and doing cardio thrice a week and walking 12k steps a day and eating vegetables and meat and few starchy carbs and gained 5 pounds
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1
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one of my most controversial opinions is that I refuse to be close with people that are obsessed with reality tv
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so unbelievably chic when an older lady calls a friend her girl friend. “I was getting my nails done with my girl friend Barb last week” wow. perfect
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if you don’t have any family members with schizophrenia or DUIs you can’t call yourself an irish-american
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been flirting with a lot of guys in their 30s recently I think it’s doing good things for me
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he’s cheating and the friend is in on it
boyfriend texted me "my love, I am intoxicated" and then five minutes later, his best friend sends me a photo of him, passed out, phone in hand, and zoomed in one of my selfies😂😂😂
Community note
This is a word-for-word stolen tweet for engagement. The original is years old and became a meme.
nitter.app/sapphicsfor_h/
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so true. I just have to do a damn word search to find how much caffeine is in something bc I’m super sensitive to it, it would help to be labeled somewhere specific
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