if he'd said "now i get to rape you and you have to have my baby, lol jk jk i am pro choice" would the wife have been cool with that. because it's no different
19
77
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194,723
the conversion therapy people like "let's have all the gays come to the same place what could go wrong"
7
103
6,672
215,689
i zoomed in to look at the red dude in the mirror, and then scrolled right and only then did i see the face making eye contact, like a jumpscare. i wouldn't say i jumped but i definitely inhaled sharply
29
25
3,471
111,569
"dad, why is my sister called ranni"
"she's named after your mom's favourite elden ring ending"
"oh. thanks, dad!"
"no problem, dung-eater"
3
120
3,251
150,094
"they'll find any excuse to persecute you and lock you away... for example, the crimes you committed"
2
39
2,712
59,370
i feel like this was unfair to the coyote. he wasn't undone by his own stupidity, the literal laws of reality are against him
6
29
2,859
78,032
tbh trump is unapologetically camp to begin with
the way the christian right has latched onto him feels like a contradiction until you realise they don't give a shit as long as they get what they want
11
22
2,746
179,368
they want whatever is contrarian, they want whatever they think the government is hiding from them
5
34
2,633
45,735
"so you see, timmy, just because someone cartoonishly pelts you with a coconut, wouldn't it be silly to ban delicious coconuts?!"
"yeah, that WOULD be silly!"
"thus similarly in real life, just because someone shoots your schoolfriends to death,
7
74
2,317
i am amused he's essentially asking for permission to be magical and rowling's like "there's one jew at hogwarts and it isn't you"
1
19
2,480
82,142
reminds me of how they added 2ft to early estimate of mt everest's height in case people would think their actual estimate was rounded
2
23
2,434
55,511
"Well I'm off to work at the World Trade Center. Oh, by the way, what's the date today? I'm always forgetting"
"It's 9/11, 2001"
"Thanks, I'm always forgetting, haha"
"Oh that's fine, I..." *looks at camera* "...never forget"
6
37
2,310
so much of the daniel radcliffe pushback focuses on him being a traitor, ungrateful to jk rowling, who "made" him
it just shows how their anti-trans stance is tied up loyalty more than anything else
111
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1,882
301,472
I'd like to thank the cops for finally coming up with something more pathetic than me sending myself a secret valentine in high school
2
71
1,930
it was a brave choice for them to transcribe essentially verbatim without trying to neaten it up, a choice that really paid off
3
5
2,035
48,882
i don't think i've seen a true "celebrity" post on here for a very long time
except katy perry for some reason
5
2
1,552
87,116
so like, is he doing a callback to that scene, hoping people recognise it
or has he incorporated that scene into his memory of things that actually happened
or was he allowed to say whatever during that scene and just says what he always does
2
4
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29,463
it's funny but i do come down on the side of "kill every ape in the world" probably involved pressing a magic button while "sucking every ape's dick" sounds like a lot of work
9
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55,833
that whole "piss everyone off equally, i vote both ways" thing lasted about a minute. mask fully off, as though there was any doubt to begin with
35
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977
this one's extra fun because he suggested his own punishment
i don't believe in this, but if that's how he thinks he should go, who am i to argue
15
33
1,047
24,837
how do trump supporters react to trump having a 3 hour dinner with gates considering all their conspiracies about the guy
16
13
1,135
32,773
man visits doctor. says, "doc, what do i do? i'm depressed"
doctor says, "look, the youtuber sean evans films hot ones nearby. go eat some spicy chicken wings. you'll leave energised"
man bursts into tears
doctor says "what's wrong?"
"doc... i am sean evans from hot ones"
4
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1,044
i am particularly amused how they named the specific car rather than just saying "car"
2
7
1,053
44,114
"i actually talked to the advertisers" reminds me of when he said he did a "code review" with his engineers when they actually gave him a baby's first tour of twitter
he's so out of his depth
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93,257
i wish this whole "cross dressing to own the libs" thing was happening with a hot guy, but alas
4
2
992
52,471
this headline really sets up that this guy had a fiendishly clever solution but it's kinda mundane imo
3
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957
88,180
i mean there's 120 times more likes on the post than there are people on the planet
but who knows
3
873
if i found out neil gaiman knew i was deceitful and a plagiarist, i would simply permanently end my career
4
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32,624
honestly amusing that even in his fantasy world, which he controls, he couldn't make up a palestine evil enough to side against
5
5
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25,998
"we need to move past this pandemic by pretending it doesn't exist" says man in giant plastic bubble
3
71
713
turns out the casting couch is just a couch on which you have to laugh at james corden's one-liners
1
5
737
"there are always kinks to work out, but statistically, alexa is ten times less likely to suggest suicide than a human"
2
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694
i'm sorry but you can't just baselessly call someone a pedophile
wait i'm just getting word...
1
32
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13,769
reaction encyclopedia
double whammy, you get to laugh at the reviews and then laugh at the replies that think they're real
3
5
610
he's gonna say "can you bounce on it" at some point, and he would've won if he did it earlier
1
3
637
35,322
ceasar
she was born in 1995, does she not wonder "why has this cool youth band never been active within my lifespan"
20
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35,765
he asked all three of them how long they'd been working there and had no follow up for any of them
5
2
580
16,199
makes sense he'd want people to believe big heads are smarter, given his own is so big and square
4
5
535
22,015
"and finding power in that"
"that's really powerful"
2 people telling each other "exactlyyyy"
2
7
573
27,041
is this a new debate tactic from him
"your point is invalid because i already knew it"
2
1
522
75,773
Matt Whitlock
an article filled with links about pee is probably not what their pr department envisaged having to write a week ago
2
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491
taker was told he gets to chokeslam a black member of the board and he asked how much he has to pay
4
17
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13,205
this is the part where zapp brannigan, having taken on a job nobody asked him to, and steering purposefully into danger, and messing everything up, announces that kip, in fact, is the captain
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469