Original thread excellent. Mid 40’s, 1st of 3 kids just graduating high school. Very happy family life. Few thoughts:
1. Have more kids. Just do it.
2. Carve time for wife and kids. No excuses. Be as consistent as possible, show up. Stay fit too.
3. I gave up “hobbies” for years - kids became the hobbies. But my work is my hobby / fun too - so I still had “my thing” but gave up all extraneous things besides main things (kids / wife / career). But I’m a focus focus kind of person.
4. Design and live the life you want. We made it work on one income so we had full time parenting. We loved this and it worked. My siblings did not, and it worked too. Just design your life and solve for it.
5. Bring the kids into your work. So much fun. My parents did this in family business, and I did it - even while still at Google / Verily - and even more so now as a VC. Best way to teach them. Wife building startups with them, coding with them.
6. Do the things. I coached soccer, we all snowboard together, we go on trips etc. I always say yes to family then sort out the career implications. Causes a need to focus which in its own way causes career success.
7. It goes in seasons. As they grow up - 4 yrs+ - your freedom reappears and it’s easier to get back into big bursts of hard work at work while still being a great parent and partner at home. By the time they’re teens it’s too late to have shown up…
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My dad put, and still puts, his businesses first. I hated this as a kid, and refused to do it to mine. And yet - it was soooo hard not to. I am so ambitious, so driven to succeed at anything I do. Without my wife’s reminder / requirement that I show up for family, I would have by default worked as hard as my dad. Big mental flip for me was remapping “success on the home front” as something to be equally ambitious about. Then you problem solve for that just as much as you do for work.