let me hit it cuz i'm goofy.. please!
Ridgewood, Queens
- Tweets 107,771
- Following 1,033
- Followers 28,506
- Likes 152,625
false alarm folks its just his bones
A bus-sized dinosaur has been found in Egypt, and it offers a clue to an ancient mystery cnn.it/2EHWi8k
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buddhism saved me. now instead of wanting to kill myself, i want to kill my self
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subtle joke you missed as a kid:
when your car goes off the track in mario kart, you get Toad (“towed”) - the character Toad shows up on a cloud to drag you to safety
Community note
The character that brings drivers back on track in the Mario Kart Series in Lakitu
mario.fandom.com/wiki/Lakitu#In
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conan o’brien is taking over as host of the tonight show? i’ve got a good feeling about this!
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my mental health is good. if any employers are checking this feed. its all normal here
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while you were studying the blade i was studying the blade. we went to blade school together
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saw this man the first year i moved to new york he was playing ‘this old man’ as he entered the train car, saw a pug dog and told him he had a special song for him and then restarted ‘this old man’ but louder. amazing
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future generations will not believe we figured out how to teach gorillas how to talk and then stopped at exactly one
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“blues clues implies the existence of reds clues” no it doesnt. look around you. the world is not in any sort of balance fuck off
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its sad that girls get tiktok content to give them complexes when i see the good shit: monkey’s eggs
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tiktok is dangerous bc the algorithm is like an echo chamber, it shows you only stuff you agree with until you're a fully radicalized extremist 🌭
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man goes to doctor and says doctor i am terribly happy please help
doctor tells him go see the clown pagliacci he is soo funny and will improve your mood much more
man replies doctor thats actually me i’m pagliacci and i am even happier now after hearing this compliment
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cool freak of the day is this kid who uploads ai generated photos to real mcdonalds locations on google maps for no conceivable reason
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my mom didnt recognize me in my halloween costume and has been melting down for 2 and a half hours
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"boob"
*focus group responds positively*
"an boob"
*even better*
"an boobus"
*they go wild with laughs, this joke is now ready to tweet*
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first and only time i ever saw my dad cry was because a man at his job killed the Rancor he was in charge of
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the view data for tweets is not aggregate in the raw API call. you can see a full list of everyone who has viewed any tweet lmao
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can’t believe i got the vaccine early like some sucker they’re giving out hundred dollar bills now
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if he pulls this off i’m gonna reverse the footage so it looks like he put them in there
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i hate gen z. they don't know who andy capp is and why he's the mascot for hot fries. news flash, assholes: he's from an old comic strip or something and i don't know either!!!
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thank you sir this has been a widespread issue on this site for as long as i can remember (my memory only goes back 5 days)
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i wonder what a huge moron guy i’ve never heard of and will never care about has to say about this. ah thank god its all over my feed
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Food $200
Data $150
Rent $800
Hospital bills $46,350
Utility $150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
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ive got a browser tab open with stock market as soon as this thing hits zero im clicking as many as i can free assets baby
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correcting the record: no other woman has ever won best editing for oppenheimer #FactCheck
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gotta be honest i’ve got another 5, 6 years of this pandemic shit left in me tops before i’m fed up
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i know many teenagers act out and engage in risky behavior but our son becomes a wolf once a month and he’s 36 years old
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epic clapback sir. i wish to one day be an alpha guy like you who gets into a bathrobe to make videos about a little kid
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⚠️⚠️TWEETS FROM LOCKED ACCOUNTS ARE NOW SHOWING IN SEARCH RESULTS ⚠️⚠️
if you are saying something on a locked alt that you do not want people to see, deactivate it now
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i don’t know what “manchurian candidate” means. please say “the zoolander thing” like a normal person
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