Hi I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is Jackass [buys $500 worth of groceries]

What you’re seeing is a curious shark not an aggressive one. The hand on the nose is used to put sharks to “rest.” It immediately reduces their outward-processing sensations and they engage fully with the feeling of pressure on their nose.

You say that like it’s a joke but there have been many problems in my life that could’ve been solved with a bottle of hornets

We bought our 3 year-old the legit Elsa costume but she insisted on wearing her Elsa nightgown instead. I don’t make the rules and I clearly don’t even enforce them

He’s been wounded by this misunderstanding before

Patient sat up during x-ray.

This one

My favorite part of this clip is the kid who is almost walks in front of the camera but gets yanked away rudely

I had the same reaction when I got 11 chicken mcnuggets in a 10-piece meal the other day

Puffer fish is a bro trying to save the diver’s life. “Ya gotta leave rn man, rn, this isn’t for you”

This was one of my absolute favorites.

Oh man. Having all my kids with the same woman I still love and live with is such a game changer. This is proof that even with the richest person on the planet it’s not better than family unit staying together as one under the same roof

An heirloom of a time long passed

You are feeding this man’s soul.

No joke, after being in the ICU with COVID for 53 days, this is series of panels is exactly how I’ve adjusted my life. It’s amazing how few and far between the consequences are for making my family a priority when I wouldn’t have previously. I’m embarrassed I used to think everything was that much more important.

They should make a movie together. It would probably do well

You make a really good point. If the Bubble Guppies ever make it to dry land it’s over for them

They're expensive now so that's probably a good part of it

The emotional grift behind the “saddened I have to say this” is powerful. Points for that one

Here are some facts about Steven Spielberg’s yacht. ✅The MTU 20V 4000 M73L used to propel his beast is a high-performance diesel engine. Each engine in this series can consume around 1,000 gallons of diesel fuel per hour or even more, depending on the load and operational conditions. For twin engines, what Spielberg uses, this would mean a combined fuel consumption of around 2,000 gallons per hour or potentially more, to propel a 347-foot yacht. ✅Twin MTU 20V 4000 M73L diesel engines burning approximately 2000 gallons of fuel per hour would emit approximately 44,760 pounds of CO2… per hour. ✅ The average American was responsible for emitting about 16 metric tons (or approximately 35,273 pounds) of CO2 equivalent… per year. Note: This figure encompasses all emissions attributed to an individual, including those from transportation, housing, food, goods, and services. ✅ “I’m terrified of [global warming],” Spielberg is on quote having stated. “Global warming is a scientific reality. It’s not a political trick. It’s a true piece of real, measurable, quantifiable science.” Stick to making movies.

No, the closest we ever got to world peace was the drop of Pokémon Go

true

This is from the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkababban

That’s called an Oslo lemon. When the temperature gets too low the mRNA adapts to protect it from what’s called globular dissonance and the result is a lil alien-lookin’ lemon creature. Interesting fact: if you open it up the inside will be pink.

Mike Benz is like Gandalf explaining to all us hobbits about Sauron, the dark history of men, and how the ring will have to be destroyed.

One of these two is about to die and it isn’t going to be Tyson

“Dr. Gottesman’s husband died in 2022 at age 96. “He left me, unbeknownst to me, a whole portfolio of Berkshire Hathaway stock,” she recalled. The instructions were simple: “Do whatever you think is right with it,” she recalled.” What a beautiful tribute to how he saw his wife.

this one killed me

Here I fixed it

Woohoo! The public wins!

Those 6 to 11 servings of carbs per day

I did construction for a billionaire who after his garage was finished, decided he didn’t like the direction it was facing so we tore it down, turned it 90 degrees and built it again.

This is 10/10 AI.

A shark isn’t a valid unit of measurement. It’s like saying “look at that tree over there, the bushes are for scale.” What? There’s no telling how big this manta ray is. Could be like a 1” shark and a 600’ manta ray depending especially if Peter Jackson is behind the camera 👀

Those aren’t DEW imprints. The lids you see are for utility services and below that is the top of a manhole. In Hawaii they pour the concrete right up to the street level. I’m from Hawaii and have done industrial construction for a career.

Whoopi Goldberg earns $10 million per year salary for the view and is worth an estimated $85 million. She has 15 luxury cars. Oh, and 120 luxury watches, some of which she probably keeps on one of her 2 yachts. That’s $4,807.60 per hour if she worked all 2,080 working hours in a year (which she does not). This does not include additional income from celebrity ads, speaking engagements, etc. which totals another $3 million. Btw: you could not do most of those things if you were already working at least 40 hrs per week. Anyone earning that much standing on a pedestal calling people struggling to make ends meet “lazy” is foolish and out of touch with reality. That’s bipartisan truth.

He’s not that funny, and I’m from Hawaii. His content is largely the same. In each special he talks about being a minority, his mom and his son.

Panthers are not native to Siberia. This was not an accident.

Okay, hang on. I was a.) an Air Force medic trained in respiratory therapy and b.) put on a ventilator during Covid (no pre-existing conditions of any kind, I’m 33) This isn’t anecdotal because I’m coming at this as a technician who has had many patients on ventilators. This isn’t true. Nearly all those patients would have died without the ventilator. So saying they died BECAUSE they were on a ventilator is deceptive. I knew and made my own decision to go on the ventilator, realizing at that time the mortality rate for patients on ventilators was 55-85%, and knew with the stats I had I would die without it. And I was struggling cognitively. This was a medical intervention of last resort and it was used that way. Anyone who wants to try and argue this one out with me, I dare you to invite me to a Spaces.

I’ll answer this one okay first of all I was born to a middle class family

At first I thought the grate was crushing the sheep, then I realized they were just being lowered, then I watched in horror as they were low key drowned for a minute damn warn a guy first

The Sutherlands: A Knives Out Mystery

Community note: This video is a fake. You can tell because Kate Middleton has edited the trajectory to make the soccer ball appear as if it lands in the trash receptacle.

It’s impossible to keep up with the sheer volume of jokes in the image and writeup of this post. I give up.

As someone who grew up loving the franchise that’s exactly what I hope they do.

Me on the left (didn’t quit) and my grandpa, a Navy UDT (underwater demolition technician, pre-navy seal) in WWII (didn’t quit)

I’ve seen someone cut in half by a jet ski. This isn’t funny

Community Note: this is false. Clearly the lion is drunk and jumped into the man’s enclosure in Spain. This video has been reversed.

i'm in this photo and i don't like it

He’s trying to get conservatives to watch his movie. It probably won’t work.

This one tbh

I'm from Hawaii and have been in the construction industry my whole life, 3rd generation. The playbook for what will happen in Maui next is not new, surprising or even close to ethical. Here's what to watch for as events continue to unfold: First, for context understand that this information is not something I came up with -- in fact, it's quite the opposite. Among large scale developers, home builders, commercial and industrial construction companies, this is all common knowledge. It just isn't something most people care to recognize. 1 - By immediately declaring a disaster zone, the Governor and State will suspend any traditional practices of rebuilding. No one really thinks this bad. We all agree that needs to happen because of the staggering loss of life, damage, and flat-out danger the area poses until it's properly managed. What happens next is where it gets dark. 2 - Rezoning. The Governor and State of Hawaii will make seemingly "good" decisions that will in fact, be very, very bad. The next few points may not be fun or interesting but they're critically important. 3 - This will include things like: extending the rebuild zone back from the water line due to flood risk - in Hawaii this is a floodplain. In doing so, many heritage and legacy homes owned by local families will no longer be allowed to rebuild. Their property value being deemed a loss, the State may/may not force insurance to pay it's rightful value to property owners. 4 - Enforce current commercial building zone standards on all rebuilds. Did you own a regular family-style home? Now you need to build a far more expensive home in order to hit baseline standards that your home never had, sorry. Sometimes what the State will do is "grant" a certain amount of relief funds to offset those increased costs but they are nearly never even close to the true increased cost. 5 - Increase standards on all "new" builds, which includes rebuilds. Did you have a small store that sat on one of the streets in the commercial district of Lahaina? Now you need a $100k fire suppression system for your 1,100 sf building. You'll also need hurricane-rated doors, windows, siding and and all kinds of other new-build zoned requirements. I'm sorry, you're going to sell that property now because there's no way the bank will loan you that amount of money -- you never did enough volume to cover that level of overhead. But you did have a good solid business before. Just not anymore. 6 - Rezone residential for commercial. In deeming an area unfit for residential, the Governor and State can say "this is no longer safe for a home because it will need too much site infrastructure repair for you to afford a regular house. We'll save everyone the headache and make it available to sell for commercial development since they can afford all these new retroactive repairs." This will be things like: a new water main and service lines (that would have been mostly undamaged from fire) with greater capacity, more manholes for easier access, underground electrical where overhead lines used to be, larger force main lines for sewer, etc. Home owners absolutely cannot carry those types of large scale investments. Which leads me to the last point. Now this is highly controversial for most Hawaiians, so please take it in the context of what it actually means, not as my opinion. 7 - The Governor and State will halt all investment abilities from developers outside the State of Hawaii, to include foreign investors. This is a death blow. Here's why: many foreign and continental U.S. residential and commercial developers have no interest in gaining permanent footholds in the Islands. They are there for profit. They're also some of the only organizations who can afford to do all site infrastructure repairs then build single-family homes in the same area. Why? Because they don't need to make a 40 to 60% profit margin on those homes like smaller developers do. They have scale on their side. They can do 140 single-family homes and walk away because they do this everywhere all the time. They have no vested interested in being stuck in a small place like Maui. Who then does have a desire to come in to those places? It's really only two types of organizations. And these are in order of likelihood to plant their talons into Lahaina and compound the tragedy of lives lost and property gone by forever polluting that shoreline. 1 - Multi-family skyrise units. The most valuable property on Earth, everywhere, is shoreline. Typically this is done by foreign or US investors, so it seems backwards to block them out now. Not necessarily. What happens is they must now partner with local companies (boosting the Hawaii economy more directly) and because the State of Hawaii is legendarily corrupt (see: The Rail Project), pay to play, which they will. 2 - Commercial/industrial buildings. Who doesn't want to stay at a gorgeous brand new hotel that brought so many jobs back to Lahaina, truly boosting the local economy and helping the region get back on it's feet? Along with this, a stunning set of restaurants, shopping area... where people go when they stay there. So much life is back where there wasn't much before! The answer to this cruel joke is anyone who lived in Lahaina before. The multiple generations of families who had small plantation-style homes, where both parents worked hard to never lose that house to the State or overseas developers. The ones that turned down a million dollar offer for their property to be razed because they care more about their way of life and well being of their community than getting rich quick. My heart breaks for my home State, the people who lost loved ones in a tragedy that should never have become this severe, and the losses that will continue to stack up for an already burdened undeserving people because the chance to snatch power is too great for our weak government "leadership." @WallStreetSilv @KanekoaTheGreat @nicksortor As a final parting point, just in case someone out there thinks this disaster wasn't the direct result of a colossal failure in leadership, I would like to direct you to the following facts: It wasn't just that the helicopters couldn't take off in 80+ mph winds. That's a partial truth. The rest of the truth is publicly available (but lesser-known) information: There was a water rights dispute. Emergency fire department responders began requesting at 9am for water dedicated to a specific area of the island to be rerouted to Lahaina (fire trucks cannot pump ocean water) because there wasn't enough available, and they were denied access until TWO O'CLOCK PM THAT AFTERNOON.

These guys cover the most difficult topics. When does the podcast drop?

Maybe you stay away from hornets

I’m doing my part (I haven’t gotten one yet)

This one has been important to me since I first saw it

România is like "wanna watch people die?" The two dudes with television there: "sure."

taylor swift looks like someone who cries while watching a documentary about bees but still continues to squish them afterwards. guaranteed she pretends she’s never seen the bee movie

I had two male chinchillas for a couple years: Rat Stevens and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

Definitely agree with this article. Congratulations Millr, Lrd & Team

Norwegian lemmings are just old guys and you're on their lawn

This is my gorgeous wife pregnant with our fifth that we are having on purpose because we love having a big family. She has her MBA and is getting her doctorate. For work she manages the PnL of nearly 40 autism clinics, totaling about $30 million. When she is not working, she loves spending time with our kids and me, despite the fact I can be a real asshole. When I got COVID in 2021 and spent 45 days on a ventilator, lost 77lbs laying in the bed, was given a trachea and multiple lung surgeries, she not only stayed employed, but remained by my side 10+ hrs a day. She took over Nurse tech duties while in the room, giving me sponge baths, washing my hair, trimming my beard and wiping me as I was too weak to sit up. She remained attracted to me despite needing to detox from the most fentanyl the hospital has ever given a patient on record in order to keep me sedated, which meant I temporarily became an absolute monster. She is a powerful woman and the best gift I have ever been given — it’s a privilege to be her husband. As an ex-Air Force Medic I would bet on her against every military person I’ve ever met by pure grit and intellect.

I would call this a hot take

Absolutely. He needs some loud friends there too

Yeah, you’re pretty wrong for this. You come after this family you gotta come through all of us bud. This is the OG. You’re foolin’ with this

Montana has pretty bad pizza tbh

That’s the healthiest-looking homeless person I’ve seen in a long time

Just a question from me, a rando nobody. Why didn’t they use… actual… CATS

Winnie the Pooh’s world seemed complete without it

This is Woola, the dog-character from the movie John Carter

This one from @david8hughes

I love when people say things like this because I don’t know why I’m uncomfortable watching it until somebody says why

A guy introducing himself by saying his name is selling something.

Plot twist: she homeschools

I haven’t forgotten.

About to fly with our 8 month-old, thanks for the heads-up, I didn’t realize any of this (and he’s our 5th)

if I was an ai could I make up this word? Shiushdhjjaargudh Nope.

Your husband is correct everyone else is wrong this man deserves ice cream afterwards

Thanks for sharing this, it’s fascinating. When I was in the ICU for 53 days w/COVID, the sensation of suffocating was frequent. Because the model of ventilator they were using wasn’t the same ones they normally kept in the hospital, the piece that connected it to my tracheotomy was not the right fit and it kept popping off as I came out of sedation. It was a living nightmare: the tracheotomy bypassed my vocal cords, so I would have to sit or lay there unable to move much at all with no voice and slowly drowning. Here’s the thing: no matter how many times it happened I never got used to the sensation. Not even once. It became familiar but I lacked control over my ability to respond. Reading these clips make perfect sense. No matter how much fentanyl or ketamine I take was given (at one point I was given 300 mcg of fentanyl doses) coming in or out of the coma the hallucinations I experienced were always about drowning or suffocation. To the outside world a coma looks like a mostly even unconscious person with occasional stirring. To me and probably most others, it’s much more sensory with a near-constant series of peaks and valleys of lucidity as the brain fights to stay alive and put off the effects of the drugs. Nothing brought me out of it faster than feeling like I was choking. And that was the most difficult part of recovery: learning to live with that sensation on a very frequent basis. To this day I struggle with instinctive frustration and rage anytime my O2 drops in the 80’s, which happens with most physical activities.

Look at this little champion. Only just over a week on the planet and he’s already kicking ass. If he’s this strong at zero years old wait until he’s 24. I think your wife just gave birth to Thor.

“You know my therapist?”

This is proof that original content is what the marketplace is literally begging for

The whole interview in less than 40 seconds

This was an incredible video moment.

This goth fat senior started bragging about how he was creating new demand in the weed market by selling it to 3rd graders on the bus (it was a small private school) so I offered to buy some from him and paid him $60. The next day when he brought it to school the cops arrested him and the whole school divided into two camps, the ones that thought it was good and the ones that hated me but idgaf because that bro had to go.

thank god there wasn’t an octopus or things would’ve gone off the chain

What did you do to the algorithm? IT LOVES YOU. I see this every single Friday. It’s how I start the weekend now tbh.

The "fuel consumption at rated power" for an engine, as provided by the manufacturer, typically doesn't account for the specific load of a particular boat. Instead, it gives a standardized value based on engine performance in controlled conditions, often derived from tests on a dynamometer or other controlled environments. Your ignorance is showing, friend, and it isn't pretty. Now try your calculation to INCLUDE the mass of the yacht.

Community note: While this may seem like an open-ended question with many possible answers, there is in fact only one correct answer. Betty White.

She just took my second-favorite interviewer spot right below Bill Belichick. I guarantee you she could make him smile though if she was interviewing him.

This one

This one was cool back in the day.

It’s like they know something we don’t.

Plot twist she homeschools

I bet fewer kids were physically injured at this crappy warehouse than the original film. That one girl turned blue and they literally rolled her away plus the drowning kid smh

I’d like to see 21 year-old Mark explain selling my private Facebook messages to Netflix

Full disclosure: I would happily own this yacht if I was that level of rich. But you would never, ever hear me say I was terrified of global warming. And I would not actively campaign for other people to cut things from their lives from that fear.