New history book out now. perfect Xmas gift - Willie Willie Harry Stee
London
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Mars is uninhabitable. And always will be. The belief that we will somehow colonise it in our lifetimes is pitiful.
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Very well said by Graham Norton in the observer today. Whatever you think about The BBC this needs to be said - and often
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Now that we’ve seen that appalling leave ad can we all stop being so bloody liberal and having to pretend that they're not just a bunch of ignorant racist shits
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I’m beginning to think that Reform is a team from The Apprentice that’s somehow escaped and got out into the wild.
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“You should make The Fast Show available on iPlayer!” “Nobody buys DVDs any more” “You’ll make a fortune!”
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Murder rate in the UK has dropped since the 90s. There were 570 murders in 2024, 3% lower than the previous year (585). 2021 had the lowest number of murders since 2016. Nearly 47,000 people died of gun-related injuries in the United States in 2023. Stick your handguns up your
Handguns should be legalised in the UK. Our country has been so radically changed we need to be armed for our own protection.
There's no moral justification for leaving civilised people helpless in the face of this invasion of knife and machete-wielding foreign savages.
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I’m mystified why so many people are furious about wearing masks and how the issue has become so politicised in what seems quite an arbitrary way (left pro masks. right anti. who decided this?) Wearing one is no great inconvenience and if it helps even just a little bit...
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“My new passport has arrived, Katey.”
“Excellent, Johnny. What colour is it? There was a lot of fuss about them being blue again.”
“Actually, I’d say it was more...”
“Nooooooooooooo!”
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People. Stop trying to be offended by everything. And stop banging on about some perceived ‘sad decline’. The tree, as ever, is a gift from Norway and, as ever, is decorated in traditional Norwegian style.
Small thing perhaps , but genuinely emblematic of our decline. A shoddy ‘national’ Christmas tree, decorated with no care or flair.
Trafalgar Square used to be a magnet at this time of year. Best advice for visitors to make instead for Covent Garden and its unapologetic tree.
Community note
The tree is a gift from Norway and has for many years therefore been decorated in the traditional Norway style with vertical strings of lights. The more basic style of decoration regularly attracts criticism
london.gov.uk/who-we-are/cit
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Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Look who’s just popped round. Our new king!
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Absolutely disgraceful that this England team shirt has no cross of St George on it! How do they expect our boys to win anything if they don’t display what MillwallDave describes as ‘The sacred icon of the English nation and people.’
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I love how the conservatives are trying to claim that the problems they’re facing are down to Sunak’s leadership, rather than that they’re a complete bag of shite who have run this country into the ground economically, socially and morally.
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This is all your fault. With your negative comments. Look what you’ve made him do!
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It’s very difficult to do books on TV but Between the Covers got it right. Just the sort of show the BBC should be doing. I know they’re short of funds but this is a real shame.
So we have to put up with endless sport but the BBC axes the one show dedicated to books. Between the Covers, you will be missed! #BookTwitter #booklovers buff.ly/sHAn5Vn.
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#TraitorsUK Hats off to the BBC for once again casting fundamentally decent ordinary people on the Traitors rather than narcissistic self regarding tossers
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Ruth Husko
I posted this pic as part of a thread about a live charity event but lots of people only saw this tweet. I’m sorry that people thought it heralded the return of the Fast show. But given the interest, perhaps we should do something new? beyondthejoke.co.uk/content/…
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Hearty congratulations to all the journalists at @spectator magazine. Having Michael Gove as your new editor must be a dream come true.
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I don’t like it when hotels and restaurants think they’re doing a better posher burger by making the patty extra thick and using a fancy bun. You should be able to pick up a burger in your hands and take a bite without dislocating your jaw and the bun should stay intact
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Name a hit film that was entirely made by a single piece of music. I’ll start.
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Someone just said on the BBC that SZA is a “household name that many people have never heard of”. How does that work then?
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I have come to the conclusion that there’s no point trying to have a serious, polite and rational conversation with someone who’s profile pic is a knight in full armour with a cross of St George on his tabard.
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Hi ho ho. Looks like Andrew Neil has outed himself for watching a dodgy screener.
Watching Gladiator 2. It’s pretty piss poor. But intriguingly every time somebody pours a glass of wine the words “alcohol consumption is injurious” come up on the bottom right of the screen. Is this what it’s come to? Are we really that mollycoddled? A film about violence, murder and death warns about a glass of wine? No wonder dictators think our democratic culture is screwed. It’s pathetic. Why is there no warning that getting your head severed is even more injurious to your health than a glass of wine?
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We did this in response to an advertising campaign for Sol based around ‘Scorchio!’ The advertising company never asked, they never paid, claimed the word was in common parlance
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Very sad news about Steve Wright. He was always a generous interviewer and his early character comedy work on his radio show was a big influence on me and Paul.
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If we did do anything new with The Fast Show, we’d have to call it ‘The Go Carefully, Now, You Don’t Want To Have A Fall Show’
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But Antarctica has water, air, no lethal radiation, no toxic soil and is relatively cheap and easy to get to and supply. All they’re learning is how to keep a handful of people alive in a very small enclosed, sealed and remote space.
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You know what? I’m thinking of getting a tiny tiny guitar to keep my plectrums in.
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Also in the news. A friend’s father has made me this rather wonderful Ted & Ralph sculpture out of papier mache. It will be displayed prominently!
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Am I alone in not really having a clue what exactly happened the other day with Hoyle & the Gaza debate?
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BREAKING NEWS: Ron Manager has agreed to come out of retirement to present MOTD. In a statement he said “Mm, football, isn’ t it? Small boys. In the park. Jumpers for goal posts. Marvellous.”
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Just spent a bracing five minutes going down the chemtrail sinkhole. Oh my word.
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As a tribute to @RealBobMortimer I have made this film about Henry VIII to promote my history podcast. You won’t get this from @holland_tom on #therestishistory #henryVIII shows.acast.com/willy-willy-…
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I do get frustrated in bookshops sometimes by the unimaginative and lazy work of some publishers when it comes to jacket design.
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And a big shoutout to @TheFastShow1 for sterling work in 2020 sharing these clips - some of which I'd forgotten. And all off his own bat. Happy New Year!
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Drawing caricatures is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Once you’ve got a big swollen head you’re ready to go!
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Off to another event with @RealBobMortimer tomorrow - Cheltenham Literary Festival - to talk about his sodding book. Blah blah blah Middlesborough, blah blah blah Vic reeves blah blah blah and away @cheltfestivals
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Classic Dad’s Army on now. Arthur Lowe stunning. Playing Mainwaring and his brother. God he was good. And the writing’s brilliant as well. Funny and poignant
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I’ve had to shave my beard off for the fast show tour and my phone is taking a lot longer to recognise me “is that him? It looks a bit like him. I’m sure he’s got a beard though.” To tell you the truth, my wife’s struggling a bit too
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I have to admit I am somewhat shitting myself as tomorrow is the first night of our tour. It’s only a small venue and is something of a warm up/try out, but even so I want to go a good show.
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watching this again - in these weird times - made me cry.
Competitive Dad’s Dad has come to stay for Christmas 🎄
Suddenly everything makes sense. Comedy and pathos. The last few seconds of the sketch, in particular, Arabella manages to convey so much without saying a single world
#TheFastShow
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Excellent. I see that the new Fast Show special, now on UKGOLD, is being sponsored by a dating app for the older person.
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Right. Please forgive the BOF “things were better in the older days” nature of this thread. But if you remember when BBC2 had a load of arts programming - music, books, film, history, ideas- before it got swamped by lifestyle you might be interested in this… 🧵
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I'm thinking of setting up a rival platform to X. I'm going to call it Twitter. It will have a set of clear moral and ethical guidleines. No abusive 'Tweets' (that's what I'm going to call my equivalent of the rather bland 'posts'). No dissemination of lies. No arseholes
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Ok. So here’s my big announcement. What are you doing this time next year? Because #TheFastShow is going back in the road. So many of you said you couldn’t get tickets last time we’re doing again. On sale this Thursday but you’ll…I’m sorry, I’ve just come thefastshow.live/
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Help me out here - it's for a book - who would you say are the 5 biggest wankers in the world?
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White board I used to figure out how the Fast Show live was going to work. Time to wipe it I think.
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Wait! I’ve got it. Give both sides what they want. Anyone who wants to remain in the EU & benefit from open borders free movement & sharing in all the cultural & economic benefits can do so. Everyone else can sit at home eating British fish & drinking tea out of Union Jack mugs
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Will you all please stop buying tickets for our Fast Show tour! It keeps selling out and we have to add extra dates
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The brilliant comedy carpet in Blackpool was the brain child of artist Gordon Young & designer Andy Altman. It celebrates comedians who have played here. Sadly, Andy, who was a friend, died recently. I hope the carpet is looked after in memory of him & all the comedians
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Lots of you seem to be enjoying the recent handful of Fast Show repeats on the BBC, and also the complete thing, now on inPlayer. If you don't already, make sure you follow
@TheFastShow1
for a daily shot
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