in our home, in our special drawer, we keep all the items we adore. in a sterilzed cabinet they are kept, and the surrounding environs are regularly swept
- Tweets 7,462
- Following 179
- Followers 1,145,678
- Likes 463
Was in pub in Ireland and the lovely doggie offered a dart collection service... you can hear my delight.
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DD
Train Guy...Une Problemo Significato #trainguy
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AND AWAAAAY.!...thanks for all your lovely comments and above all thanks to this old rake #GoneFishing
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Dear Ant and Dec .. me and Vic challenge you to a fight round the back of the shops @antanddec #ShopFight
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When does the jogging end... surely they must be getting close to declaring a winner
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Highest wall socket I've seen in a while. Could be wall mounted air con or maybe a plug in downflow heater. Very frustrating not knowing the origin story
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You can lead a horse to water but you can’t climb a ladder with a rabbit in each hand
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Offer me a herbal tea and I will deliver a fart so dense and multi layered that your face will bend in on itself and become a butter dish
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Wonder if Matt Damon likes orange Calippos .. you just can't tell from his acting , very frustrating.
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Weekend innit nitter.app/bt1987_/status/1182701…
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Yorkshire World Cup Scene
Mother "Do tha know name of that Brazilian Lad who keeps rolling ont floor"
Son "Neymar"
Mother "Nevermind, was worth an ask"
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Train Guy .. Noises
made a supercut of all the noises @RealBobMortimer makes pretending to be in conversation with a guy called colin while in character as Train Guy™️, and tbqhwy it was a monday night well spent.
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CHICKEN NAMES FOR SALE:
Eggy Gizzard
Hen Hom
Geoffrey Peck
The Bantam Menace
Roger Poultry
The Wattle Bottle
Carol Pecker
Biddy Cent
Dark Maureen
Malcolm Eggs
Scratch Baxter
Ron Howard's Goitre
£l8.00 each p.a. (No Returns)
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I fall a lot when we film gone fishing. Here is one that didn't make the cut from this Sunday's brand new ep. 8:00pm BBC2
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It's my birthday today so Paul has treated me to a visit to a working flour mill in Derbyshire
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This has a text book build and pay off..superb nitter.app/stevosideways/status/8…
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bob mortimer
Move over Nick Knowles.... there's a new dad in town...My Xmas album out Mon 20th Nov
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Somebody has made a Train Guy soundboard. I don't see how this could possibly help trainguy.co.uk/
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Cleaning my communities windows nitter.app/welcomet0nature/status…
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I have no idea what it is I want, how it can be achieved or why I want it... but if I don’t get it I will dismantle my home and feed it piece by piece into my shitpipe
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So that’s gone fishing done ... thanks to all of you that gave it a watch...”And Away” #gonefishing
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💥💥💥ALL NEW VIC AND BOBS BIG NIGHT OUT💥💥💥
Dec 29th 9:00pm BBC2
#terrific
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On train but haven’t got the bottle to do a train guy as carriage is packed #shithouse
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Thank you SO MUCH to all of you that have sent me such lovely comments about last nights #gonefishing .. I have read them all (twice) So chuffed.. “The Love you Leave will still be there after you’re gone”
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FOR SALE: Turkish Viagra paste (could be Crab spread.. I'm not a pharmacist) £8.00 a tube (serves 6)
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I always forget that Burger King don't serve milkshakes I wish they would just fuck off from our motorways
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You can lead a horse to water but you can’t dismantle a fire escape with a chutney bottle
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HALLOWEEN CAT NAME SALE:
Bloody Hell Ken!
Ray's Coffin
Helen Skeleton
Shatty Batty
Trick or Treatment
Ghostly McBloodbath
Cobwebs and Cutlery
Lumpy Pumpkins
The Little Creep
£8.00 each p.a. No Offers
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That lovely moment when a pigeon waddles out from behind your garage playing ‘I’m in the army now’ on his kazoo
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NEW YEAR CAT NAME SALE:
Terry Information
John Lewis Van
British Horses
Scratch Baxter
Lonesome Pillock
Nippy McWhiffles
Brian Adams Lute
£8.00 each p.a. No Returns
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Well Black Friday can fuck off to Peterborough with a mug tree up its shitpipe as far as I'm concerned
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FOR SALE: 2 plates of my home made spaghetti carbonara ("Fucking disgusting"...the wife) £8.00
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INTERNATIONAL CAT NAME SALE:
Chad Salad
Gustav Hosiery
Hans Downtrousers
Gerhardt Nightcreeper
Jean Paul BuggerAll
Atem Ben Chinstrap
Myfanwy Mindwallop
Carlos Whispers
H From Steppes
8.00 each p.a. #InternationalCatDay
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Download my flute album 'Flute and Fibre’ today and get bonus tracks : ‘They Flute Horses Don’t They’ ‘The Flute of all Evil’ and ‘You Look Flutiful Tonight £8.00
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New series of Gone Fishing starts tonight 8:00pm BBC2... here is another clip that didn't make it into show
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I’m writing a piece for an in flight magazine about the first time you wore a personalised lanyard... how did it feel?..did you keep it?.. did you struggle with the fastening?..has life ever been as good since?..#LanyardMemories
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