Vlogbrother, TB hater, AFC Wimbledon supporter. Wrote Anthropocene Reviewed & Turtles All the Way Down (out now on Max). Biz Q's: johngreenteam@unitedtalent.com
Indianapolis, IN
- Tweets 1,376
- Following 763
- Followers 4,008,267
- Likes 16,458
Pinned Tweet
Hi! My new book, Everything Is Tuberculosis, comes out March 18th. I'm signing 100,000 copies of it. You can preorder your signed copy today at everythingistb.com or wherever books are sold.
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Hi, @elonmusk. Is there a way that I/you can unverify my account so that I can change my name? I am accustomed to changing my name seasonally and I find this business of being forced to be merely John Green 100% of the time a little stifling.
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The Fault in Our Stars has been removed from the YA section in the suburbs of Indianapolis and is now considered a "book for adults." This is ludicrous. It is about teenagers and I wrote it for teenagers.
Teenagers are not harmed by reading TFIOS. This is such an embarrassment to the city of @FishersIN.
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you have to be a whole other level of sad 2014 tumblr user to recognize this location
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Every few years, thousands of people are surprised to learn that I am a fan of Taylor Swift.
1. I am a fan of Taylor Swift. I have been since I first heard Speak Now in 2010.
2. I love Taylor Swift's music and lyrics. You don't have to. But I get to.
3. I love the Taylor Swift fandom. Again, you don't have to. But I get to.
4. Making your whole identity disliking something/someone is weird and a bit sad.
5. TTPD is excellent and I love listening to it. The writing is so, so good.
6. Gentle reminder that I delete almost all of my tweets after a few minutes.
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Today, I have been accused by strangers of 1. abusing children (which is a lie), 2. writing the worst book of all time (which is impossible because I didn't write Atlas Shrugged), 3. hating America (which I don't, but also twitter is neither America nor American)...
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Getting to tell my daughter when she woke up that The Tortured Poets Department is a double album >>>>>
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It's baffling to me that some of y'all see stuff in your mind. You SEE it? The way your eyes see? I always thought "visualize" meant thinking of the words/ideas/feelings associated with a thing, not actual visuals.
I am such a total 5 on this scale I didn't know 1-4 existed.
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I feel so bad for the people who are coding twitter today. Like, it's already been a stressful week, but then in comes the Boss every five minutes to announce, "I am reuncanceling my uncanceled cancelation of Official status."
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This is the greatest day in Indianapolis history.
The sun is shining.
The birds are signing.
AND THE ERAS TOUR IS COMING TO INDIANAPOLIS FOR THREE CONSECUTIVE NIGHTS. My daughter burst into tears of joy when I told her.
Thank you, Taylor!!!
Turns out it’s NOT the end of an era 😝 Miami, New Orleans, Indy and Toronto: The Eras Tour is coming to you in 2024 with @gracieabrams! Verified fan registration for all shows is open now - visit TaylorSwift.com for more information
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(for those who don't know, verified accounts currently can't change their name because unsavory/hilarious actors have impersonated verified accounts. But I do not want to impersonate anyone. I want to raise money for charity via the awesome socks and coffee clubs.)
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now that john is logged out of this account, you’re just yelling your weird opinions at a harry styles stan who is dressed as a coffee company.
cheers!☕️
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I want to be very clear that no one is SUGGESTING that people will die because Johnson & Johnson is trying to immorally extend their patent on bedaquline an additional 4 years after its 20-year term.
Instead, people are STATING THE FACT that people will die because of Johnson & Johnson trying to immorally extend their patent on bedaquiline an additional 4 years after its 20-year term.
It is false to suggest—as some recently have—that our patents are being used to prevent access to SIRTURO® (bedaquiline), our medicine for MDR-TB.
In fact, we have already entered into a collaboration with the Stop TB Partnership’s Global Drug Facility (“GDF”)—the largest procurer of TB medicines—which enables them to invite potential generic suppliers and purchase generic versions of SIRTURO® 100mg. On April 5, during a World Health Organization meeting, the GDF shared its intent to launch a tender for generic versions of SIRTURO® 100mg in the third quarter of 2023: social.jnj.com/3XSgjRZ
In addition, we have shipped more than 660,000 courses of SIRTURO® to 159 countries since launch. Our patents made this possible, enabling us to assist countries to scale-up their use of our medicine responsibly and sustainably and invest in multiple, critical, anti-TB efforts. For instance, in the face of rising drug resistance, we support stewardship efforts that ensure MDR-TB patients can benefit from our medicine today and in the future.
Unfortunately, the most significant barrier to treatment access for patients today is the fact that millions of patients with TB go undiagnosed every year. This is a challenge that we have invested significant resources to overcome and must all get behind if we are to achieve the global goal of ending TB.
Community note
J&J continue to limit a lower pricing of $1,200 for 20 months to the Global Drug Facility. Only South Africa has been granted access to this pricing outside the GDF.
Researchers suggest that Bedaquiline could still be sold at profit for as little as 25 cents per day.
msfaccess.org/jj-can-you-hea
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Do you guys ever think about tuberculosis?
ALT Barbie from the new Barbie movie saying, “Do you guys ever think about dying?”
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4. hating those I disagree with (I love those I disagree with), 5. favoring the extinction of humans (I am strongly opposed to it), and 6. being part of a vast plot to protect one public health official from prosecution. This has made it much easier to leave twitter tomorrow!
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Real tired of this free speech platform requiring me to be "John Green."
I AM A SOCK COMPANY.
Am I *also* a person? I guess. But PRIMARILY I am a company that sells socks to fund a maternity ward.
And if I've learned anything from America, it's that companies are people, too.
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!!!!!!!!!!!!! @JNJNews, THANK YOU for choosing #PatientsNotPatents. Takes real guts to live up to your credo. Generic bedaquiline WILL BE AVAILABLE in almost every country with a high tuberculosis burden. I am so happy and grateful to the Stop TB Partnership, J&J, and especially the activists around the world who are standing up for TB patients. So much more work to do, but WHAT WONDERFUL NEWS TO WAKE UP TO.
Global Drug Facility Update on Access to Bedaquiline stoptb.org/news/global-drug-…
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Basically every criticism of my work or myself is devastating and true and cuts right to my bone and tears me asunder, haunting waking and sleeping hours in equal measure.
Except for "Teenagers don't talk like that," which is just silly. Like, I know? I'm aware? It's a choice?
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It's not goodbye. It's just This Thing Makes My Life Worse And Also I Think It Might Make the Social Order Worse So.
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My son loves @markiplier and Distractible so much. It makes me so happy to see him love something the way I loved stuff when I was his age. Just utter enthusiasm, no need for ironic distance. Beautiful.
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At the comms meeting tomorrow:
"How did our statement go over online?"
"Well, three million people saw it."
"That's great."
"Forty people liked it."
"Is that good?"
"It's actually unprecedentedly bad. But I kind of think that happened because we're, like, wrong? If you let me send a follow-up tweet that reads, 'Johnson & Johnson will not enforce bedaquiline patents in countries with a high burden of tuberculosis,' it will get SO MANY LIKES."
It is false to suggest—as some recently have—that our patents are being used to prevent access to SIRTURO® (bedaquiline), our medicine for MDR-TB.
In fact, we have already entered into a collaboration with the Stop TB Partnership’s Global Drug Facility (“GDF”)—the largest procurer of TB medicines—which enables them to invite potential generic suppliers and purchase generic versions of SIRTURO® 100mg. On April 5, during a World Health Organization meeting, the GDF shared its intent to launch a tender for generic versions of SIRTURO® 100mg in the third quarter of 2023: social.jnj.com/3XSgjRZ
In addition, we have shipped more than 660,000 courses of SIRTURO® to 159 countries since launch. Our patents made this possible, enabling us to assist countries to scale-up their use of our medicine responsibly and sustainably and invest in multiple, critical, anti-TB efforts. For instance, in the face of rising drug resistance, we support stewardship efforts that ensure MDR-TB patients can benefit from our medicine today and in the future.
Unfortunately, the most significant barrier to treatment access for patients today is the fact that millions of patients with TB go undiagnosed every year. This is a challenge that we have invested significant resources to overcome and must all get behind if we are to achieve the global goal of ending TB.
Community note
J&J continue to limit a lower pricing of $1,200 for 20 months to the Global Drug Facility. Only South Africa has been granted access to this pricing outside the GDF.
Researchers suggest that Bedaquiline could still be sold at profit for as little as 25 cents per day.
msfaccess.org/jj-can-you-hea
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The only media subscription that really feels indispensable to me is @dropout. Like, I could (easily) live without Hulu, but I watch something on Dropout every single day and feel great about the cost and the value proposition.
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My reply to the board members of @FishersIN and @NoblesvilleIN seeking to remove my books (and over a hundred others) from the young adult literature shelves in their libraries. Heartbreaking for this to happen in Central Indiana, where I live and strive to support.
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I'm heartbroken to learn that former YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki has died. She was (very quietly) the single biggest donor to our project supporting maternal health in Sierra Leone. She never once asked for credit or attention for her gifts--just privately supported our project and many others. An exceptional leader and person.
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I want to be clear that while I think our pressure may have affected the timing, this must have been in the works for a while. The real heroes here aren't us but the Stop TB Partnership and other activists who've been working for YEARS to get to this moment. You rule. THANK YOU.
!!!!!!!!!!!!! @JNJNews, THANK YOU for choosing #PatientsNotPatents. Takes real guts to live up to your credo. Generic bedaquiline WILL BE AVAILABLE in almost every country with a high tuberculosis burden. I am so happy and grateful to the Stop TB Partnership, J&J, and especially the activists around the world who are standing up for TB patients. So much more work to do, but WHAT WONDERFUL NEWS TO WAKE UP TO.
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One of the reasons tuberculosis continues to infect and kill more people is because you refuse to allow the widespread distribution of affordable bedaquiline, which is essential to stopping the spread of multidrug-resistant tuberculosis and curing those infected by it.
It takes some gall to wonder aloud what the problem is when you know that you are the problem. You've had 20 years of a bedaquiline monopoly. You've made your money. ENOUGH.
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So when @msf, @pih, and hundreds of TB researchers and caregivers signed a letter begging you to end secondary patents for bedaquiline.... they were lying?
THAT'S your response?
It is false to suggest—as some recently have—that our patents are being used to prevent access to SIRTURO® (bedaquiline), our medicine for MDR-TB.
In fact, we have already entered into a collaboration with the Stop TB Partnership’s Global Drug Facility (“GDF”)—the largest procurer of TB medicines—which enables them to invite potential generic suppliers and purchase generic versions of SIRTURO® 100mg. On April 5, during a World Health Organization meeting, the GDF shared its intent to launch a tender for generic versions of SIRTURO® 100mg in the third quarter of 2023: social.jnj.com/3XSgjRZ
In addition, we have shipped more than 660,000 courses of SIRTURO® to 159 countries since launch. Our patents made this possible, enabling us to assist countries to scale-up their use of our medicine responsibly and sustainably and invest in multiple, critical, anti-TB efforts. For instance, in the face of rising drug resistance, we support stewardship efforts that ensure MDR-TB patients can benefit from our medicine today and in the future.
Unfortunately, the most significant barrier to treatment access for patients today is the fact that millions of patients with TB go undiagnosed every year. This is a challenge that we have invested significant resources to overcome and must all get behind if we are to achieve the global goal of ending TB.
Community note
J&J continue to limit a lower pricing of $1,200 for 20 months to the Global Drug Facility. Only South Africa has been granted access to this pricing outside the GDF.
Researchers suggest that Bedaquiline could still be sold at profit for as little as 25 cents per day.
msfaccess.org/jj-can-you-hea
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what's even the point of being on this god-forsaken web site if there's no fat bear week?
The right wing of the U.S. Congress wants to restrict our freedom to read AND our access to fat bears? Unacceptable.
During a shutdown, many agencies such as the National Park Service are also not permitted to update websites and social media pages.
That means the viral park service social media promotions of Fat Bear Week would halt. trib.al/zSVpzRa
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In every majority-Christian nation, the systems are set up to ensure those with the most resources receive the most care and support. We're so accustomed to this that we may even consider it "natural." But this is not how Christian sacred texts want social orders designed...
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Today and every day I am so, so grateful to librarians whose work is absolutely essential to making art and information available to all--even amid absurdly difficult working conditions. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Some People: America has gone soft.
Me: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Some People: That's why we need to ban books.
Me: Wait I have heard a new dumbest thing.
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J & J had a really, really bad PR day today. They can have a really, really good PR day tomorrow, and I promise @JNJNews that I will celebrate that as loudly and as repeatedly as I have criticized the public-facing position up to now.
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Some personal news: I deleted a tweet. I delete almost all my tweets. It felt good to delete. One day all of the tweets I've ever written will be deleted. What a wondrous day of sunshine and rainbows that will be.
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Sometimes I remember being at a party and talking for 45 minutes with a smart young person about fame and ambition and the challenges of not being seen as a person and then after the party Sarah was like, "What did you and [one of the world's most famous people] talk about?" And I was like, "Ohhhhh that's who that was. I knew I recognized them."
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Cool. What about my other books and hundreds of other YA titles? Award-winning classics of YA lit by everyone from Nic Stone to Judy Blume continue to be wrong shelved by a ridiculous policy that embarrasses Central Indiana. Change the policy not just for TFIOS, but for all.
"This book should be moved back to the Teen section immediately," Hamilton East Public Library Board President Laura Alerding said in a statement Sunday afternoon.
wthr.com/article/news/local/…
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ranking my names:
john: 9/10 it’s a solid name
guy from crash course: 11/10 because crash course is amazing
hank: 3/10 not a great name tbh
mr green: 10/10 because it’s a Clue character
the awesome coffee company: 100/10 my final form
ranking my names:
payton: 10/10 it’s my name!
payt: 7/10 not bad, a few friends call me this
P: 11/10, i love when my besties call me this
paypay: 0/10 unless you’re my nanny kid
petunia: 9/10 but only my family calls me this
tooner: -1/10 cursed variant of petunia
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As a coffee company, can we just say how bad an idea it is for public squares to be privately owned?
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This may also be why I am often wrong about what's behind a particular cabinet in our kitchen even though I have lived in this house for a decade. I also cannot, like, tell you the layout of a room unless I'm in that room and looking at the layout. And i have no sense of direction. None. Is there something wrong with me?!
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This coffee company better not have to dust off fishingboatproceeds and see if it still boots up.
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Please join me in wishing price-gouging diagnostics corporations a good night of sleep, because they're gonna have a long day tomorrow.
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If I could write, charge my airpods, and my family wouldn't miss me, I'd do it for free.
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Hey @jnjnews I DM'ed you with my number. If you need help with the press release you are hopefully writing, I'm happy to help advise on what it needs to include--a pledge that this deal will last forever, that it will not limit the quantity of bedaquiline available, and the list of countries it applies to. My services are free on this one.
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god calls me to love my enemies god calls me to love my enemies god calls me to love my enemies god calls me to love my enemies god calls me to love my enemies god calls me to love
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Hank does not know that I've been engaging in an experiment all year where I wear the same bright shirt (which I call the Views Shirt) and then other shirts to see whether the Views Shirt actually increases views.
My 2025 resolution is to get John to wear better shirts...look at the one day he wore a good shirt in here...it's so good!!!
ALT A grid of Vlogbrothers videos...john is almost always wearing a green polo shirt.
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Tomorrow, I'll be handing the keys to this account over to @paytmitch, so it can promote the stuff we're making--from coffee to movies. I will miss being part of this weird, wild conversation, and I am grateful for all the stuff I've learned from and with you. See you on YouTube.
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I still can't believe Hank got cancer. And I don't buy the cliche that great art comes from great adversity. Hank was a great writer and performer long before he was diagnosed. But the comedy special that came out of his experience is truly, truly special. I am so proud of him.
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So one time (yesterday) I got to give a (brief) speech at the United Nations.
Thank you for the amazing speech @johngreen and for everything you've done in the fight to end TB
#PeopleOverProfits
(I might have maybe cried)
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Are you familiar with the printer ink business model? Sell a printer for a modest profit because you'll make the real money from forcing people to buy your ink? IT's also known as the razor blade business model.
Danaher sells its diagnostic machines at a small profit and then price gouges for tests--thus denying millions access to affordable, accurate tests for tuberculosis. And then THEY BRAG ABOUT IT TO THEIR SHAREHOLDERS. Just listen to @DanaherCorp CEO Rainer Blair. #PeopleOverProfits
There is a corporation called @DanaherCorp with 8 billion dollars in annual profits. Much of that profit is made by price-gouging the world's poorest countries for life-saving tuberculosis tests. Danaher has done this in the dark for 13 long years.
Today, we shine the light.
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In just 22 hours, 578,000 people have watched this video about Johnson & Johnson's pursuit of secondary patents for bedaquiline and how this will lead to millions being unable to receive curative treatment for tuberculosis. piped.video/tMhgw5SW0h4 #PatientsNotPatents @JNJNews
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The Turtles All the Way Down movie premieres May 2nd streaming on @StreamOnMax. Here's the trailer:
piped.video/watch?v=9XBFNmV0…
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I dislike having my books banned (and mischaracterized by folks who haven't read them), but what I really dislike is when hard-working and deeply committed librarians are fired for no good reason by vindictive, unprofessional culture warriors who care nothing for actual kids.
Why was this Alabama library director fired? I got an answer from the library board director. And then another, and another ... You just have to read it. al.com/news/2024/03/whitmire…
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People are like, "If twitter is so terrible, why are you here?"
Because I'm a fool. Like, I'm literally an ape.
I am not some rational actor.
I'm a series of chemical reactions seeking not happiness or fulfillment or nuance but jolts of outrage, fascination, and thrill.
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Penicillin, but no drug has anywhere NEAR the impact on human history as public health initiatives. Clean drinking water, sanitary disposal of human waste, vaccines, and food safety regulations have improved and lengthened vastly more lives than any surgery or medicine.
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If I had a nickel for every time nerdfighteria has pressured a large corporation into reducing prices for critical tools to address the tuberculosis crisis, I'd have two nickels--which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
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I am so overwhelmed with gratitude to y'all and everyone who has worked on this critical issue. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is a big step to better treatment for all. And now onward to 1/4/6x24 and to comprehensive global programs for searching for cases, treating them, and preventative therapy for close contacts. Again, thank you.
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ALT “I am NOT a CoComelon parent; you goin sit down and watch me pressure JnJ into being ethical”
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HUGE NEWS and what it means: This morning, @USAID, @StopTB, and @GlobalFund jointly announced that Danaher will lower the price of their standard TB test cartridge by 20% to $7.97. This isn't the 50% reduction we hoped for BUT...
@DanaherCorp is also committing to ZERO profit in their distribution of standard TB tests to impoverished communities. They will sell the cartridges at cost and bring in an "internationally accredited third-party" to assess prices and adjust them accordingly so that Danaher earns no profit from selling these cartridges. That is a huge deal. It means if Danaher's costs decline with increased volume, the price of the cartridges will further decline.
Just for some perspective, if (conservatively) 10 million cartridges are sold annually at the reduced price, this deal would save the poorest communities and those who serve them $200,000,000 over the next decade.
This is a massive win for people living with and fighting TB around the world, and it's a credit to years of activism by @MSF_access, @TAGTeam_Tweets, @PIH, and others.
There are many questions still outstanding, of course, and we hope that Danaher will take a similar course with their extensively drug resistant TB test cartridges. But I for one am very grateful to be able to celebrate today, even as the fight for universal access to treatment and diagnostics continues.
theglobalfund.org/en/news/20…
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I HAVE RETURNED TO MAIN because I am FURIOUS that @JNJGlobalHealth is preventing millions from accessing life-saving treatment with bedaquiline, thereby costing innumerable lives and increasing the global risk of multidrug-resistant tuberculosis. piped.video/watch?v=tMhgw5SW…
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. @DanaherCorp makes 8 billion dollars in annual profits. Much of that profit comes from price-gouging the world's poorest countries for life-saving tuberculosis tests. Danaher has done this in the dark for 13 long years.
Today, we shine the light. #PeopleOverProfits
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Maybe there is a lesson for all of us in this, which is that godking dictators might be bad for countries AND corporations.
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twitter rn
A flock of Sheep in Inner Mongolia have been walking in a circle for over 10 days straight and no one knows why.
Community note
A bacterial disease called Listeriosis has been known to cause ‘circling’ in animals. The disease inflames one side of the brain, which is why circling, and sometimes paralysis of the affected side, is often seen.
agriculture.vic.gov.au/biosecurity/an…
metro.co.uk/2022/11/16/chi
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who is John Green?
he’s an author who *probably* doesn’t pay for twitter, but most importantly
he’s a coffee club.
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lay the table with the fancy shit
ALT The Fault in Our Stars themed birthday party table with an “okay? okay.” cake
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I've heard more global health leaders use the word "nerdfighteria" in the last two days than in the previous 46 years.
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I can think of a single image that better explains where our country is now. We spend 2x on healthcare and get far worse results than other countries due to a right-wing U.S. belief that we can't "afford" universal healthcare, when what we really can't afford is not having it.
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Hi, @JNJGlobalHealth. Here you can clearly see, even if via meme, that you did NOT fund the majority of bedaquiline research. It was mostly funded by the public. You've had the patent for 20 years. That's enough. Pledge not to enforce secondary patents in nations with a high TB burden. Do it today. There's still three minutes left in the workday.
You're pulling this when you only invested as low as One Sixth! of the development cost for bedaquiline?!? @JNJNews #PatientsNotPatents @johngreen @hankgreen
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I am among those suing the state of Florida to end the state's unconstitutional and deeply unamerican banning of books. The removal of my books (and so many others) from hundreds of libraries is a despicable attack on intellectual freedom in the U.S. cfpublic.org/education/2024-…
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Thank you. Congratulations. I know this was not easy, but it's a very important step on the long and challenging road to a world where no one dies of tuberculosis.
Danaher is helping expand access to millions more high-quality tuberculosis tests for people living in the least developed countries where the need is most urgent.
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BIG NEWS: @JNJNews just publicly confirmed it will not enforce its secondary bedaquiline patents in ANY of 134 low- and middle-income countries. That's HUGE. Full credit to Johnson & Johnson for this commitment. This is what we've been waiting for. jnj.com/johnson-johnson-conf…
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Authors often get most of the attention when it comes to issues around book banning and intellectual freedom, but those who really deserve the plaudits and attention are the teachers and librarians and community members doing the work every day to keep books available.
They often take far greater risks than any author in defense of intellectual freedom. So the next time you see a teacher or librarian, please thank them on behalf of authors, readers, and the communities they serve.
Today and every day I am so, so grateful to librarians whose work is absolutely essential to making art and information available to all--even amid absurdly difficult working conditions. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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I keep crying out of nowhere. What a good day to support @MSF, @PIH, and all the global health orgs and activists who've been fighting for tuberculosis treatment access for decades. These people are my heroes, and today I'll be making donations in honor of TB survivors around the world.
PIH: pih.org/?form=donate
MSF: msf.org/donate
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Can't believe they paid for this ridiculously bad logo but didn't pay to license DMX's "X Gon Give It To Ya" so that every time you send a tweet, you hear, "X GON GIVE IT TO YA."
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Johnson & Johnson claimed they needed to evergreen their bedaquiline patent to invest in new breakthrough therapies for tuberculosis.
Well, @JNJNews just ended all research and development into infectious disease. Despicable to claim R&D and then...abandon R&D.
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It's astonishing to me that Looking for Alaska will be TWENTY YEARS OLD in a few months. I'm so grateful that book is still in print and still finding new readers. What a gift.
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TB WAS raging! It killed around a third of all people in London.
BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU:
1. Tuberculosis chic is still our beauty standard in much of the world.
2. TB killed about 200,000 people per year in Europe in the Victorian era. It killed about 1,600,000 people last year.
the Victorians were so fucking funny like tuberculosis was RAGING it was killing all of them and they were like wait… what if we… made this the beauty standard…?
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they are the same john green, but john green isn’t even *here*…
we have committed to the bit but WOW it has gotten complex!
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So great that @JNJNews has committed to working with GDF to make generic bedaquiline available in most low- and middle-income countries.
BUT WE ARE STILL WATCHING, J&J. AND WE WILL KEEP WATCHING.
This is nerdfighteria, Johnson & Johnson. We don't dress for women. We don't dress for men.
The world moves on, another day another drama, drama
But not for Nerdfighteria, all we think about’s big pharma
And then the world moves on, but we’re watching it
#PatientsNotPatents, now it’s time to commit.
@JNJGlobalHealth @JNJNews
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I’ll try to stay humble through this success, but I don’t know if it’s possible.
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Here is a full accounting of what happened: Because I wrote a chapter of The Anthropocene Reviewed about the history of Diet Dr Pepper, the Dr Pepper Snapple Group reached out to me one day to inquire a brand relationship.
I am not one to turn my nose up at Big Soda money, so I agreed to meet with them. Two nice people showed up on zoom and they said, "What kind of relationship with Dr Pepper would interest you?"
And I said, "I would like for Dr Pepper to be the official sponsor of humanity's relationship with the moon."
My idea was that Dr Pepper and I would share stories from history about how humanity has understood and imagined the moon, and then at the end there would be a little tag line that was like, "Dr Pepper: Sponsoring Humanity's Relationship with the Moon Since 2023."
I still think this is a great idea. Who needs an Official Soda more than humanity's relationship with the moon???
Then they asked me if I would, like, make tiktoks about how much I liked Diet Dr Pepper, and I said of course not that would be extremely boring.
Anyway, they never got back to me.
Sometimes I remember when @drpepper called me to explore a brand relationship, and I told them they should sponsor humanity's relationship with the moon, and then they never called me back.
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Like, when those pedants read Romeo and Juliet and see how their first lines spoken to each other when added together form a perfect sonnet, do you think they're like, "Teenagers don't make accidental sonnets when they talk?"
(Yes, I am aware that I'm not Shakespeare. But like the underlying concept that stories must reflect real speech cadences is so absurd that I don't know what else to say about it.)
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🚨someone stole the Awesome Coffee Club breakroom couch🚨
we were airing it out because we spilled delicious high quality charity coffee all over it. ☹️
if you see it, submit the details here: awesomecoffeeclub.com
ALT the expensive blue couch that went viral on tiktok because someone picked it up from the curb in nyc and took it home
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