- Tweets 15,682
- Following 1,150
- Followers 8,120
- Likes 121,549
i opened a restaurant at 23 with a serious alcohol problem and a mean girlfriend so i believe anyone can do anything
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Sitting at the bar on my phone. The only thing that could make it better is if you were sitting next to me at the bar on your phone
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very drunk and making a nice pasta dinner for a beautiful woman and feeling nice in the summer time
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Alright you psychos it’s salami, capicola, pepperoni, prosciutto, mozz, red pepper pesto, olive tapenade, and kale pressed on beautiful sourdough.
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my only goal is to clean my apartment. it never really is complete so everyday i am a failure
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just unfriended someone on BeReal for the first time. i never want to have to do that again
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Being in a group chat with people who go to bars in a city you don’t live in:
“Chumbo’s tonight?”
“Come to The Side Yard”
“We’re at Slime Rodger’s”
“I’m at Pink Deer and then I’m going to Dern’s roommate’s ketamine party”
“Where’s that?”
“It’s right next to Dance Pants”
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listen guys i’m not on hinge but my friend alex is, he’s handsome and lives in nyc, i’ll set you guys up if you want
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What’s cool about living in new york is I never have to make cope posts like this about living elsewhere
“i’m moving to new york” okay well i just moved in to the biggest apartment i’ve ever lived in with a dishwasher and in building laundry, a backyard with a grill, walkable access to transit, groceries, and nightlife, ten minutes from the beach. and im paying $850 / month
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there should be a hot filter on zocdoc. i ain't talkin about nothing to some ugly doctor
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i closed it at 26 during a stretch of being off the sauce for a bit so what does that tell you. beer is good and make sure you sign a long lease
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on feb 14th ima walk up to somebody on a date and be like “so this why you not answering”
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i've been on twitter for 19 years today! my account is so old they don't give me a graphic to post. do you remember what were you doing July 15, 2006 at 4:12pm?
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