I'm proud of you too

to those men. in the context of dating. western women are not too masculine. you just keep responding to her masculine expression. you don't need to do that. you can let that go and talk straight to her feminine expression. a learnable skill. she'll love you for it.

there's confusion surrounding whether or not women want men to share vulnerable feelings. women 100% want you to share your feelings what they don't want is for you to complain about your feelings (I feel sad that you didn't call me. why didn't you call me. you should have called me. 😢) expressing feelings with agency is clear and attractive (hearing your voice always brightens my day. will you give me a call in the morning) still works when the thing can't technically be changed (I'm still grieving my dog's death. can you make some food with me and comfort me while I cry and let go) even when you don't know what you want. you can always fall back to (hey, I'm confused about what I need rn. can you help me figure it out)

Something I really enjoyed about slutcon. I found an overwhelming number of participants to be genuinely good men. they wanted women to have a good experience. They also wanted other men to have a good experience. I found this to be very encouraging and consistently had thoughts that these guys can have an increasingly positive impact on the culture of relating between men and women. the most consistent hang up I witnessed as a passer by, and in deeper conversations with them tho, was them struggling to believe that their desires would be additive and not subtractive to the lives of the flirt girls and everyone around them. like, they struggled to see themselves (in a future sense, minds eye) creating more goodness, play, and juiciness. they tended to worry that they would somehow harm or bother or mess something up for the people around them. when honestly, I saw them as much more likely to improve the lives of everyone they came into contact with, if only they let themselves believe that. and many of them did over the course of even a couple days I left feeling more strongly than I already did that, if we can give these men their confidence back, or in some cases, give them confidence for the first time in their lives, our culture will be improved because of it 👊

So, we're finding that pretty much every guy struggling with dating is ashamed or afraid to express desires and boundaries. Not even specific desire, but desire at all. Like really foundational stuff. Desire. = instant overwhelm, shut down, diversion, distortion. Which is great cause there's a lot of thinking and research on this already in therapeutic and developmental psychology. And when I think of my success, it's not really any more complex than how comfortable I feel asking for what I want and saying no to what I don't want.

One of my highlights from this weekend comes from finding a new way to describe one of the things that always made my sex and relationships substantially better that I've not known how to describe. paraphrasing Nate, 'i just kind of get into their head and touch/talk to them like I would touch/talk to myself if I were them' ... while also checking in with them to make sure that his mind melding sense is leading to a mutually beneficial experience. I think good circlers use this a lot to facilitate group conversation that works particularly well for creating joy and resolving conflict. something similar to 'how would you talk to this person if they were a them version of you and you were a you version of them and you both were yourselves.' I was surprised when this worked super efficiently as a prompt to get guys to dance better. I try a lot of woo prompting in coaching to get men and women into more relaxed and viby states and this is definitely top tier prompt/thought experiment try it out

Working with a man and his wife today. They're a really enjoyable couple to be around but the spark had faded between them, which is why they came for help. They stood face to face with a little music to set the mood. I wanted them to try some simple dancing to see how they would interact and play. Right away, she seemed over exposed. When asked, she confirmed. Looking at him, he had this gaze looking directly at her most vulnerable secrets. Something super useful when the time is right, but too intense for this context. I asked him to take more of the attention onto himself, give her a chance to really see him, and space for her to move and explore. He got it right away, and boom. The tightness in the room dropped. I felt the heat between them light right up, and her face grew a big red smile. He held this boyish shyness with the essence of power and stillness behind him, and she couldn't resist but to wiggle and walk up to him. The way she leaned into his chest hit me harder than a good romance film. We followed the waves. He'd come in and out. Back to the old pattern. She'd step back to feel the magnetism stretch, like most women do. He'd feel like he was losing her. I'd ask him to stabilize again and again. "Let her go, she wants to feel the longing." He would rest in more confidence. To a point he'd signal her back just to enjoy her where she was, before calling her in again to give her the embrace she was aching for. By the end. They were both absolutely lit up in each other's arms. The sexual tension was palpable, and there is no doubt in my mind where they went the moment I was out the door.

to the men out there who want women to be more feminine. women can't genuinely make themselves more feminine for you. 'feminine' behavior is an involuntary emotional expression. if you ask a woman to be more feminine, and she does, she's putting on an act or fully self contained and is actually more in control (dominant) than you. as a man tho, you can be more masculine. you can learn to stabilize your own emotions and to provoke and orchestrate her involuntary responses better than she does. excitement, anger, anticipation, lust, soothing etc.

when ur dissociated, your autonomic rizz function turns off. when you re-associate, your rizz mechanism does it's rizzful duties

All our guys out there with nice guy tendencies. Your heads are so absolutely stacked with predicting everyone else's needs, there's no room for your desire, your fire, your turn on, your feelings. In YOUR life, the one where you're the main character. If something feels wrong about that, or you don't like how that's going for you, you should take some very real time to clear absolutely everyone else out of your head. All those people taking up free rental space. Kick them out for 5 minutes or 30 minutes a day and ask yourself. Independent of any identified person, place, or thing. "What do I want to experience with my five senses?" Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight, space, orientation, temperature, texture, pressure, movement. Start small, simple, and present (I'm feeling warm water on my hands), and once you get the hang of it, start getting embarrassingly detailed. Eventually, when the desire is grooved strong enough, and the pressure builds high enough, the anticipation bursting out your seams, you'll just start doing nice things for yourself. Standing up for your needs. Taking action toward that career. Asking out your gym crush.

You’re good at noticing the scary emotions. That’s a good thing. Good job. If you want to be less overwhelmed by the fear you’re so good at noticing, spend fifteen minutes today noticing anything that brings you feelings of safety. This will balance out your ability to notice fear and make life’s challenges much easier to handle.

if you're a dude, it's super important that you feel a woman's judgment and scrutiny. relax into it. this is how she detects bullshit. Let those sharp eyes slice and dice, and you're one step closer to her feeling safe enough to sploosh on your noodle

if you guys want a discount to slutcon, send me a DM

Individuation: Most men (and women) who struggle to maintain relationships with the type of people they are attracted to haven't been helpfully exposed to an individuation process. That is, fully experiencing in themselves that they are SAFE and satiable if their partner leaves.

it's not the nervousness that kills you guy's social interactions. you can handle that quite easily. it's the intense pressure you put on yourself to perform

someone posted about creepiness lately and I can't seem to find it to reply so gonna say a few things about creepiness. I'm starting with the assumption that everyone creeps. everyone tiptoes their way out the back door or into situations trying not to be seen. trying to avoid conflict or playing predator prey. so it becomes a 'thing' when you get caught creeping. whoever you were creepin' on is gonna want to hold you accountable. and it's the lack of social accountability, ownership, or awareness that I think generates the label of 'ew creepy' or 'you're a creep'. if you were play creeping and building your creep skills. let's say you get caught. the game is up. a normal social response might be, "haha you caught me!" and their like, "lol, you're creep skills are mad weak. I am superior." let's say you successfully play creeped. the person you creeped is still gonna be surprised, shocked, scared and may very likely have a 'you asshole!!! I hate you' reaction. but deep down, they pay homage to your skillful creep, and you get to take pride in that while also being a part of their reaction and return to safety process. the toxic, fuck off creepy vibe tho. the one that can't be trusted. has the same predatory feel, but actually feels predatory. that lack of relational ownership and looking out for the others best interest. when you get caught you act like you weren't doing it. deny deny deny verbally or non-verbally. you want to creep but are not willing to accept the social consequences of creeping, or the feedback loop of bad creeping skills. you deny being a creep, being called a creep. very very concerned with being identified. it's inherently socially separate. people don't like it but i see it as super vulnerable. self esteem is so low that being seen or identified in any way can feel like the most intense conflict. probably abandonment or abuse early in life. distrust of people and seeing them as something to get or have rather than cooperate with. it can be overcome with some tactful and consistent games. you can learn to play and feel safe and be respected in any expression.

had a great conversation the other day. talking about how lonely it feels to be highly self-responsible. often people seem to think that means not asking for help. what it really means is that getting help is your responsibility, not theirs

if you're a high IQ man, high IQ women really need you. they need you to be dumb enough that you do what feels good while also being the smart ass that's interesting to talk to

just got such an amazing compliment. "you're like human ayahuasca." I'll be riding high off that one for a couple days

definitely. baseline, accept yourself as you are. all your weirdness. forget everything about what anyone has ever said you 'should' be. play the numbers game. you will find someone who meshes. perfectly imperfect. if you want better odds and agency. we do that too.

This thing used to happen. I see a hang with my friends on the calendar and my mind would go dark and my feet got heavy. All these thoughts started flooding in about how I needed to do so many things right so that they would be impressed and want me around. In my heart of hearts, subconscious, I believed I was worthless. If I left this alone, forced through it, and went to hang with my friends like this, they still liked me, but I ended up doing all these weird behaviors like looking for some sign of admiration or turning away, ready to bail out because the pressure was so high. It was exhausting living and socializing like this. I eventually figured out how to communicate effectively with my subconscious, leading to some beautiful, mortifying, and hilarious conversations with myself. It was those conversations and consciously contacting the subconscious via senses that changed this behavior most permanently. Going from answers to "Am I worthy?" like "Absolutely not. You're a tiny crooked rat and deserve to suffer" accompanied by feelings of dread, guts wrenching and despair, to answers like "Yeah, of course, you're great" accompanied by feelings of fullness, warmth, expansion, and possibility. More interesting to me than the subjective feelings, which are great, is how dramatically differently people treat me when my subconscious is believing one thing or the other. The difference between people avoiding eye contact and exiting conversations quickly, and strangers smiling at me on my morning walk, trying to get my attention.

emotional engagement is like an intuitive blood sacrifice. if you and some who are about to do a project together and you both emotionally engage, you are both contracted to emotional pain if that project fails. this is why it feels off or bad when emotionally engaged people try to work with emotionally unavailable people. you can't intuitively trust that they will sacrifice what is needed because they have not agreed to the same losses. they could just back out on a whim with no intuitive cost

dom polarity can be as simple as asking for what you want or asking them to do what they already want to do. you are giving them purpose, freedom from responsibility, and freedom from decision making. you're turning their nervous, unguided energy into confident play or productivity

The sheer number of guys who are so fkn interesting and attractive to women who literally just don't know it and don't know the subtle ways women convey their interest and openness. 🤯 If they could see what I see, they'd relax and step forward without hesitation

nice tingles in the chest, neck, and face. contraction in the gut, like 'ohhh boy, what responsibility would I be signing up for'

Get off the fence Bois. the fun is about to begin

i think the experiential difference between being dissociated and connected (emotionally, spatially, subjectively) is highly underrated. so much so that when someone goes from being dissociated to connected it can seem like some mystical experience, get talked about like a mystical experience, and then get dumped in a woo box. guilty dissociation is THAT far off from a typical, grounded sensory experience

try taking yourself extremely seriously, and then keep doing that until you laugh

as a kid, being laughed at was associated with long periods of isolation and fear. as an adult, willingness to be laughed at is required to be part of a quality in group as a kid, angering parents meant physical pain and isolation. as an adult, willingness to anger lovers, colleges, family, and friends is required to earn respect and trust

Safety for men is a big deal. Some of our guys out there were never shown safety. You were never shown how to create safety and that deep feeling of emotional warmth, stability, and smoothness that it brings. Nobody was there to protect you when you needed it. Thinking, purpose, action, life and confidence feel so so different when you feel safe. When you know how to feel safe. Even protecting others feels different when you feel safe and courageous enough to invite the challenges that may come. If somewhere deep inside of you, you feel that longing to be protected. Wishing women would handle your emotions and make you feel safe and warm. You find yourself caught up in little games to grab attention and get other people to reassure, affirm, and check in on you and your safety. Emotional or physical. Take some time for yourself. This can be a hard one. But sit alone, and honestly ask yourself "how can I feel more safe right now?" If it means curling up in a ball until you laugh at your silliness or burst into tears, do it. If it means finding other men who you know feel safe in themselves and asking for help. Do it. If it means going on a great adventure, alchemist style. Get it done.

We made a popular comment on a dating show last year about relaxing your asshole. I want to say a bit about it. A lot of our guys (and girls) are having a similar struggle feeling their body, personal intuition, and embodied convictions. They've also dissociated from their gut sensations. There is a lot going on down there. Many uncomfortable feelings are born and felt through the gut. Many of us avoid those feelings, cutting off these crucial body senses. If not that, there is rampant shame around the belly and its imperfections. And confusion can set in with Western diet practices making it difficult to discern whether we are feeling bad food or personal emotional impact. If those don't get you, the aforementioned dark brown elephant in the room might... More shame. Dirty, messy thoughts and feelings can have us clenched and cut off from a crucial state of flow. Any partial shut down in the sensory system will dim or fully shut down the rest. Clenching in your gut or intestines will dim or shut down sensory information on the face, hands, body, feet, genitals necessary for sensing and guiding toward subjective satisfaction. And, subjective satisfaction plays a vital role in the quality of your thinking and how you are perceived by others. More satisfied = more attractive.

Small risks are everything in the beginning. Flirting. Banter. Little investments. Ways to struggle: Dumping massive effort on someone who hasn’t even risked a little for you. Expecting them to suddenly match your level just because you went first. Ways to build solid trust over time: Test with something small. See if they invest back. If they don’t, move on. If you insist on making a big first move, fine. But then you need the awareness to watch. are they giving back energy? Or are you carrying it alone? If it’s the latter, cut your losses. The right person will match you, step for step.

One of my favorite states to be in and the state I seem to be received as most charismatic is a state of high curiosity. Not only conceptual curiosity, but also an experience as if the core of my being just emanates curiosity at all levels and of all senses.

if you're on your journey to feeling safer around people, pay attention to people's spines. not like crazy laser focus, just gently aware of their spinal movement. faces hide, hand gestures hide, voices hide, but very few people know how to hide their intentions at the spine

One of the delightful, early experiences I had re-associating with my body. I remember at the time I was doing these practices for sometimes hours a day, and seeing a coach weekly. It was a slog. The only reason I was even doing these was because I'd had a profound experience a couple years earlier, where my depersonalization just fell off and the world was magic. I wanted that back, bad. At the time, there were a few women in my life who were so cool and patient. They'd sit with me for hours, probably bored out of their damn minds while I'd do my meditation thing, and there were many interesting happenings through all those separate sits, but this one was special. It taught me something about hugs. I'd always understood hugging and touch as a thing you just do. My brain would say, "people hug when they meet, so hug and hug well, but only people that are good, not people that are bad." I was always trying to figure out, in a very conscious way, how different people liked to be hugged, so I could hug them best. But this time, something very different. There I was, sitting across a couch from this woman, waiting for something seemingly magical to happen, like I always did, when it started to happen. This warmth and tingling sensation rose up from my belly into my chest, and my muscles readied in this automatic way, and I knew somehow without thought that I was drawing and being drawn into an affectionate hug. The feeling of real and meaningful stood in sharp contrast to the duties i'd performed all my life. It was amazing. We hugged and laughed and smiled. I had this light bulb of understanding go off, thinking "this must be why people hug each other." It just happens. No conscious thought, pattern, or calculation. Nothing has been more important to me since, than to keep finding my way back to this visceral sense of aliveness.

the day I preferred inner peace over being in the arms of a woman was the day good women started showing up in my life. Good women will stop at nothing to disturb a man's peace

Just saw this somewhere but it applies to dating too Focus on what's working and do more of that Good hands? Massage everyone Great conversationalist? Keep talking Me? I'm a great dancer. I never leave the dance floor. Entire relationships had, never left the dance floor.

There are so many ways I've gotten in touch with my body. Sexual exploration. Dance and movement. Breath work. Weight lifting. Testing emotional reactions to belief statements. And so on. Each of these explorations has had a meaningful impact on my quality of life. But the king of them all has been integrating my vision and voice with my kinesthetic senses. Something I'm calling embodiment of the mind. I'm used to seeing a scene in front of me, analyzing and organizing it's components into good-bad, right-wrong, useful-useless containers in my mind. Seeing and hearing thoughts spinning late at night, desperately trying to organize and quel the chaos. Talking with friends, telling them all about the systems I've created for optimal function. Every once in a while, an interesting human level story comes out. Lots of information, very little connection. The embodiments helped me tremendously over the years. I could feel my heartbeat while I danced. Sense my cock fill sharing eyes with a woman across the room. Feel my spine light up with power and movement as we moved to the bedroom. As long as I was taking action, as long as I was moving. The vibes were there. The gig was on. But conversation killed me, crushed me, and shoved my large confident body into a wallowing bucket of shame and inferiority. All these experiences, all these stories and they come out of my mouth like empty air. Little noticable impact on the conversational tone. Zero added vibes. High expectations diminished into dust and disappointment. When my body is out of touch with my mind, I see so much and so clearly, but I can't seem to touch it. Like my body is stuck inside of a fish bowl, my thoughts and what I see in the world all on the outside. Emotionally moved, but no contact. I deeply crave that contact. Constantly need to soothe myself with physical touch, new information, sex, food, or some other form of intense stimulation to cope. But there are ways, to gently bring them together. To gently dissolve that fish bowl. To touch myself with my words. To make contact with what I see and let what I see flow through me, filling me. All becomes right. My panic subsides. I know where I am. I Like where I am, and know with little doubt where I'm going, or what to create. It's peace and aliveness as one. It's joyful, playful negotiation with a rich environment of people, places, and ideas. If you can relate, reach out, give us a ping, so we can get you in touch.

Discernment: Nearly every man or woman struggling to maintain cooperative relationships regularly ignores their own sense of discernment (What you like or don't like, in, on, and around every part of your body, mind, and space).

I really like the vasocomputation model. Every time I experiment with applying the model to my embodied experience, it fits very well, and I don't know if I understand yet how agency works into the model. One of the experiments I've been running the last few days is this global (large muscle groups) tensing vs. release. tensing feels desperate, fragile, and cold. like a last ditch cling. hold on for dear life. reactive. release feels better, smoother, and has an implied safety to it. in order to release I have to assume I have everything I need, which is great but I find myself missing a sense of agency. Going back to tensing doesn't really get it, but filling the muscles with intention and blood pressure starts to give me the sense of stability, power, and agency I had hoped for using the tensing > latching strategy, while also keeping the body tone soft, fluid, warm and adaptable (which, unsurprisingly, directly mirrors my mental process) anybody else playing with this? any thoughts?

Charisma is the result of honesty (with yourself). Aka articulating and expressing in a way that feels the most right, whole, and good (subjectively). Regularly ask yourself the question, "how can I FEEL more honest". It's fun, it's funny, it lightens the soul, makes you easy to connect with. If you feel like something is missing, it is. If you feel like it's off. It is. If you feel heavier or dejected, it's probably wrong. If saying it scares you, it's probably the right direction. Lastly, charismatic truth is an open ended game of hot and cold. Keep feeling for hotter, fuller, more good. It will only feel perfect for a moment at a time before your mind, body, and spirit update to the new moment and information. You will have to find this truth again and again and again.

Visual/audio spatial awareness and a sense of time are more important than embodiment when it comes to regulating emotion and creating the life you want. You can know everything about how you feel. Every little nuance. You can know exactly why. You can articulate it beautifully and still won't make a new choice or find a more functional pattern for years. On the flip side. You can have little body awareness and improve performance within 20 minutes of predicting a better future. or, release emotions that have been stuck for years by increasing awareness of the space within and around you.

I thought we might be teaching skills. Nope. We're engineering an environment conducive to exploration and self learning Allowing what was shamed and punished Demonstrating it's safe to try something feared Recognizing fruitful results

it's your responsibility to ask for help and guide your helpers, not their responsibility to predict your needs and meet them without guidance

Thank you for getting that out of the way. Now I can relax

There's only one thing that's getting in the way of you and easy, stupidly easy dating. An experience where women are smiling, winking, shaking their booties at you, and making their invitations VERY well known. And that is the act of putting on some mask, show, or performance.

Just got off the phone with a newer client and received some great news, but before the news, I want to share how we met. He found us after passing the bar exam. Having fulfilled over a decade of dedication to his education, he decided it was time to take his dating life seriously—to take those important steps toward building a life with a woman he could start a family with. Super wholesome. When he first called me, he was distraught over a girl he’d been seeing for a while who just wasn’t investing in the relationship. He’d been working with a pickup artist who told him how to text her to get her attention—playing games. She would respond to the little hooks and they'd spend more time together, but she was still giving a lot of attention to other men. He felt terrible. He was putting so much energy into the relationship, and she’d basically just come hang out and hook up a couple of times a week—leaving him hanging when it came to anything deeper. I grilled him. I wanted to know if he really liked this woman or if she was just convenient. It came down to this: he liked her. They had fun, their values matched, and they were attracted to each other. BUT, in his heart of hearts, he needed her to step in if he was going to trust her commitment to him. So we got right to the action. I asked him to write—and rewrite—a text that clearly expressed his position and what he wanted for them. Something that would feel ‘right’ to send, no matter her response. That message… didn’t go well. She didn’t respond with a yes. She told him she wasn’t ready for that. But his response is exactly why I do this work. He said, “You know, she said no, but I feel better now after sending a completely honest message than any time I gamed her into sleeping with me again.” I teared up. He GOT it. He fired the PUA after that call, and fast forward to today, two months into our work together, I’m proud to say he’s continuing to take honest steps into a more integrated life—together with a woman he trusts. Someone he met shortly after letting go of the first girl.

Anybody interested in non-dual states for dating, touch, play, purpose, and negotiation?

super common pattern I'm seeing. wanting more than you're ready to receive. eyes bigger than your mouth. hanging on to the physical touch even though you were full and nourished 10 minutes ago. seeing a lot of the opposite pattern too. desperately hungry. craving more sustenance. but refusing to eat because of the optics. looks bad. will be judged. it's not right.

this is well said. much agreement. I believe the very purpose for embodiment is to increase clarity and integrity of communication

controlling behavior trying to be seen as nice, good, and gracious will kill your dates you'd be better off just being outright controlling even better than that. let go of the controlling reaction to the fear you feel, get curious, and learn something new

well said. ebs and flows of heart break all day, every day are a sign of a life well lived

open the aperture and everything gets better, but opening the aperture from a negative focus is hard. it feels like slightly less negative results and not worthwhile. Doing the short term fix thing though, and shifting focus to positive perspective, is getting us better subjective results and makes opening the aperture much easier... unless their like, now i see the positive, why would i open aperture to include negative lol bye

Dudes, when you're feeling horny. Sexually energized. Kinetic potential. How desperate are you to get rid of that energy? How often do you spend it (attention, validation, hard work) without a discernable return on that investment (love, respect, esteem, support)?

This behavior has you build relationships with people who don't share your values. You'll expect them to be sensitive to and conform to yours at some point, because you did... But, it's more honest to meet people who share your values in the first place.

Your attention seeking behavior is not a problem. It's a strategy you use to confirm your own existence. A sign that your sense of self is absent, disoriented, or incomplete and needing development. We can help.

Thinking does not stop you from being embodied or vibing, it's the tone that you think in that that's producing harsh vibes and uncomfortable, awkward, or muted body sensation.

Few things dry up an average pussy faster than a man complaining.

willingness to be uncertain leads to curiosity curiosity leads to trial trial leads to experience experience leads to mastery mastery leads to confidence in what areas of your life have you been unwilling to be uncertain, thus unwilling to build confidence

Something I'm noticing more lately in myself and our clients. We tend to visually hallucinate to think or process abstract information. This can be good, but it can also get out of hand if we start believing the hallucinations are just as real as what we can touch and feel.

it was the leather jacket

inhibiting action by diverting that potential movement into mental activity like thinking or planning does not equal inhibiting action by waiting for and riding clear, directional, whole body impulses The second one feels like anticipation and generates sexual tension

I should add the caveat that this communication with self is not a one-time fixes all kind of thing. It can feel like that because the initial assent out of a subconscious hell can feel incredible, but the communication must continue to gently maintain and rise further.

JP was right all along

If you can receive more than she can express, you are now giving her space and witness. Which is safety. Her body can sense your body will sense more broadly for danger and nourishment. She can fully relax and generate life. This feeling and experience of being received is a premium value of anyone looking to be led and protected in relationships, community, or business.

We're going to demonstrate some of our work tomorrow. Come join. - practices that reverse dissociation, ADHD, burnout and overthinking - help breaking through any sticking points you have in your dating life - and great questions to help you make decisions that you're struggling to make Link in the comments

But this fear driven behavior is easy to resolve with some gentle and consistent exposure! Play this game with a friend online or irl. Your role; Say, "I want you to stay." Their role; walk away long enough for you to feel the feels, then come back. Talk it out Repeat

Getting to no mind (no self) without having first satisfied the desire, craving, and need to complete creation of a full and nuanced illusory self is like telling a starving man "people fast all the time, so keep fasting, it's better for you than over eating."

Receptivity is required for women to feel giddy, playful, sexy, and spirited with you. Not just of her words and narratives. Her voice, movements, and subtle expressions should send waves of feeling, delight, sadness, recoil, and relaxation through your whole body.

no vibes, no rizz = suck at dealing with uncertainty

I went to see Joe Hudson yesterday with @sunofdopamine, and have to say, Joe's take on allowance and acceptance was new to me and quite powerful. I've normally framed acceptance as something to look or wait for, but he posed it as something to declare, and that works.

What it looks like is ignoring your own desire for someone else's so many times (unknown to them) that a resentment builds up and a subsequent and often aggressive assertion of your subverted desire comes forward and threatens or collapses the relationship.

We'll be your bros in this slut-storm. Myself, @pfiefer_ , and @sunofdopamine . We want you to feel supreme confidence as you reach for and play with your most rooted desires. Come say hi and we'll help you brine your cucumber into a pickle worth tickling

the clarity, precision, and organization of your internal world/environment directly effects your performance and experience in your external environment

it's very relieving to recognize there are sane, non-performative movements in most everyone.

Shame about your past is a smoking gun sign that you have expanded your mind and perspective. Some clients are afraid the first time they feel shame in a session, until they realize what it means. Then its shame city. Let's all feel ashamed and have a good laugh at our past.

-They don't want to get their hopes up -They envision their desire as if looking at a computer screen -They fear the imagined person getting close to them -They feel shame when imagining contact -They imagine huge barriers in between them and the desired experience

This is my favorite

This looks like a whole lot of extra effort to control the other's perception and behavior, so they don't leave... Lack of internal honesty. Hiding beliefs, desires, needs... or giving up entirely on being with anyone.

can't say yet what I would give to write with this much soul, but thank God for friends who can

"there are no winners and losers. There are just winners and people who give up."

It seems the conscious mind can just say, 'that scary uncomfortable thing. That's okay. That's allowed.' Rather than asking if it's okay or waiting for okayness internally or externally.

Here's a simple practice to get you in touch with your gut. Take a seat. Just notice all the subtle, or not so subtle tingles, twinges, twists, tensions, textures, relaxations, and movements of your inner belly. Your guts. Your intestines. The game is to see how much you can let go and let it do what it does and be how it is. Let us know how it goes.

So, as an adult, they might react with the same level of fear that is appropriate for an infant or young child, faced with the experience of being left, or the possibility of being left.

Some men, in order to thrive, need to come to terms with the fact that an ease and willingness to express violence is what affords them deep embodied safety, thus allowing them to holistically and viscerally share love.

The 3-second rule is fear in disguise. Don’t avoid the consequences—Welcome them. That’s how you know you're free.

And, to no surprise, their ideal relationships tend to play out exactly as they imagined. Being unable to experience your desire in imagination doesn't mean you wont experience it concretely, but if you struggle to allow contact in your imagination, you will likely struggle irl.

A lot of us are using words inaccurately, to inflate or diminish reality. Sometimes it is intentional drama (playful). Sometimes there is an agenda. Symbolically, the agenda sends a message that we believe ourselves to have less power. That we should not be trusted with it.

I don't really experience no mind as no mind. More like, mind in sync with body and environment where it's no longer perceived as a separate layer. Like dissonant notes of a chord tuning into harmony.

Having trust issues doesn't mean you can't trust and be trusted. It means you haven't figured out how and when you or others can be trusted. Trust is deeply personal before it is interpersonal. It needs to be worked out and discerned over time, like any other value.

I find screen fasting to be very helpful to increasing life fulfillment. If* I'm noticing my ambition, anticipation, and moment by moment plans aren't including my body's sense of fulfillment. I often get these ambitious impulses to see something come to life. A CAD drawing. The winning moment of a video game. The ping of validation that comes from someone reaching out to me on my cell phone. I'll do those things, get a little rush, and feel dissatisfied on the other side. Like something must be wrong. I did the thing I wanted to do, but don't feel any better or fuller from it. But if I reflect back on my creative process, I didn't really anticipate being fulfilled. With the CAD drawings, I only ever anticipated feeling a small ping of excitement. I didn't include feeling fuller, proud, relieved, or more accomplished in my plan. I notice a lot of other people also doing this and spin out. Lost, confused, searching for meaning. I've also seen a lot of people find more personal satisfaction when they fast from screens, porn, video games, or any cheap and easy response to dopamine. They stop acting too soon and begin to wait for a more important or higher order call to action. Which often includes a deeper sense of accomplishment and self worth. I also don't think screen fasting is the answer to all life's fulfillment problems. I know people who can be on screens all day and still feel quite fulfilled. Each one of them is at least somewhat aware of their personal satisfaction in their planning process, whether habitually or due to a process of thinking things through before acting. If you relate to this struggle with impulsivity and low satisfaction, try it out. Do what good chess players do and sit through the monotonous, annoying process of including all meaningful variables in your planning process. Then make the move with the best probable outcome.

We do be getting dissociated. And that dissociation cutes off vital social nervous system and emotional communication. Communication that has us feel close, together, co-regulated, implicit trust or distrust, and ... Vibes Let's get re-associated 🤌

I don't have a perfect memory, but high probability, yes. Even guys who are successful but missing something nuanced in their relationships. Soooome thing they aren't comfortable asking for or saying no to

You didn't believe me when I first invited you tho eh?

How many of y'all are also afraid that if you're not afraid of something you won't get anything done? Or be productive?

Suffering as avoidance of responsibility. I like it!

It's not that we believe you can't experience no mind this way, but for some of us, the deep satisfaction in fully sensing self allows us to let go and realize this state without effort.

Smart guys think so much they block the normal flow of body communication. You get so tired you can't think anymore and your body starts sending natural sexy monkey signals... Even if you're a gaunt sexy monkey. You're a sexy monkey.

Please excuse me for having a terrible reason to be excused