my life is a joke
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DAN AND PHIL - THE HARD LAUNCH WORLD TOUR
TICKETS ON SALE FRIDAY 12PM LOCAL TIME danandphiltour.com
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Basically I'm Gay piped.video/lrwMja_VoM0
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this really feels like a new chapter for me. i doubted all my life that the world would change to be a place i could personally feel open and accepted and that’s because of all of you. thank you.
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dear angry whites - people of colour asking for equality isn’t taking something from you ..they literally just want the same
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welcome to pride month and remember that queer rights wouldn’t exist at all without protests and riots
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i’m sorry to announce that due to phil finishing the cereal and leaving the empty box in the cupboard we will be breaking up
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i always wanted to upload this next video in the month of june ..it ended up taking an entire year longer than i thought but here we are again and now it is time
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one year since coming out to the world i can say it was the best decision i’ve ever made. finally being honest with myself and accepted for who i am was a feeling of relief and freedom that completely changed my life. thank you.
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so i was locked out of my account for a week which was either a mistake by twitter or direct intervention from the universe to make me get a life - either way it was homophobia
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being separated from the people in my life this summer has really given me perspective and time to reflect on my relationships and now i truly appreciate i don’t need any of these bitches bye
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finally i get my dream birthday of being socially distant inside and all it took was a global catastrophe
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‘social distancing’ please i’ve been training for a pandemic my entire life introverts rise up we’re finally valid
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as a fresh gay i’m looking forward to pride as a party and celebration where i can be myself without fear
as an angry gay i’m looking forward to pride being an actually inclusive political protest so our shit world can get better
it can be both and that's pretty rad
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sat next to a seemingly lovely old lady at a lunch today and thought we really bonded but as i left she said ‘sorry but you need to have a firmer handshake or no one will respect you’ excuse me i was being deliberately gentle i’m not trying to crush and snort you janice
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this video makes so many important points!
• in this world you never stop coming out
• sometimes people need time to deprogram their prejudices
• we can feel guilty for having a secret despite doing nothing wrong
• the future is looking hopeful
thank you @amazingphil 🏳️🌈
I felt it was time to share this as hopefully my story will help! Coming Out To You - piped.video/UqXFKSWniVU
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i would like to formally apologise to @wilbursoot for being accused of looking like me - no one should have to go through something that horrible and upsetting
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i ordered cookie dough to my apartment at midnight and the delivery rider asked if i was okay i mean what do you think robert
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thank you sincerely to everyone forcing me to confront my mortality on this day celebrating another orbit of our sun that i have remained alive for
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i literally peaked age five
∙ cute, poised, sassy
∙ infectious happiness
∙ big imagination and an open heart
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👀mm🥴🤤yes daddy👨👨👦democracy 👨⚖️🥰fill me😵with the juice💦🍹of freedom🗽🎆 i 👀 can’t wait😤⏳to wrap 🐍 my hands✊🤲around that long🦒hard🗿pencil✏️ press 🌚 and leave📝❌a mark🏓💥before sliding it ⤵️ 📩 through the tight🔅🙇🏻♂️dark hole🕳🗳 but shh..🤫🤭it’s our🤝secret😉🔐✨🌹💕
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my family spent four hours lovingly making a cake and left it on the kitchen table but while we were playing mario kart our dog climbed on a chair and ate HALF THE ENTIRE CAKE and is now hiding in shame under my grandad’s legs because we’re all screaming
COLIN HOW COULD YOU
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i tried to take a break from this app as i find it stressful but the fear of missing out made me even more stressed so i guess we’re all trapped in this hellscape together forever
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old man watching me duck to get off a bus in tokyo laughed and said ‘you are too tall for this you are like a big carrot’
guess i’m a roast carrot now
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soo excited for all these autumn things!! 🤗☕️🍂
• dark days like my soul
• cold weather like my heart
• leaves falling like my self esteem
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can we just agree a single global date for mother’s day so we don’t shit with fear when we open this app several times a year
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shoutout to birthday boy @amazingphil who insidiously split his friends across five different social events for the next two weeks so he can have a separate cake each time ..may your sugar coma be eternal
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among us? if pretending to do tasks while everyone else does the work and hiding in vents to avoid social interaction makes me an ‘imposter’ then pass me the knife i’m sus
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apparently this is controversial but you don’t get to decide whether someone is really having suicidal thoughts from issues they are suffering with silently just because you don’t like them
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my mum decided to ‘try grooming the dog’ today and i don’t think he will ever trust a human again
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fact: the most tiring and stressful human activity is trying to keep up a witty back and forth in the dm’s with someone you want to impress
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stalked an emo boy on twitter and he asked if i "wanted to film a q&a" in his bedroom
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i’m using this valuable time in isolation to reflect internally and grow as a person just kidding i’m trapped in thought loops about cringe things i did aged eleven and there’s no escape
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special shoutout to my video’s artist @SWatercolour who expressed every moment of this story with perfect emotion - happy, sad and inappropriately funny. it was truly elevated thanks to your talent you are shitting amazing 🖤
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sorry october but your regular spooky can’t compete with the waking nightmare that has been this year so far
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i agreed to spend two weeks with my family at a remote country house in france so i expect to either get killed by an axe murderer or we all go insane and murder each other wish me luck
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gender conceal party - no explosions and raise a human unblemished by damaging societal pressures
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i don’t actually have a personality i’m just a sentient ball of playdoh that becomes whatever form is necessary to make someone like me
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to all my people stressed by new years as the passing of time forces you to think about your life and the future and now it’s the end of a decade which is literally a whole crisis:
here is a calm vibe 〰️
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someone in a game just rode up to me on a dragon and said ‘are u danisnotonfire’ and my virtual escape from reality crumbled around me i am truly safe nowhere
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how do you say 'fuck yeah' in upside-down i need to tell australia how proud i am 🏳️🌈
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happy birthday to @AmazingPhil you may be on the road to death but the light and warmth you bring to our lives is as everlasting as the sun
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i tried to meditate and fell asleep then had a nightmare how did i fuck up sitting with my eyes closed
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about to attempt to change a lightbulb above my staircase so if this is my last tweet i regret everything
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the widespread influence of ‘baby shark’ is harmful to the young generation due to it’s propagation of heteronormative family structure in this essay i will-
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🥺 do u think the trees are sad there aren’t as many people outside this year crunching on the autumn leaves they dropped for us 🥺
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if you're a young person that has gotten involved in politics for the first time - do not be disheartened. it’s not your fault the boomers are trying to doom us, our generation stands for hope and change and when the world is eventually saved it will be thanks to people like you.
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normalise awkward elbow bumps as an everyday greeting! down with the oppressive masculinity of hand shakes!
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merry christmas if you need me i’ll be peacefully disassociating to avoid talking to my family
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so many years being forced to learn foreign languages in school when really all you need to communicate in any country on earth are passable charades skills and literally no shame
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someone said if i want to be fitter i should always take the stairs which i obviously don’t but now i associate all stairs with the feeling of guilt so that’s ruined for me
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i was comfortable with 140 characters y'know it was familiar like a hug that kept me safe and warm and i could always fill it up but now with 280 i feel scared and exposed like i've been left naked and alone in an endless void of unfulfilled opportunity help me i want to go back
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today marks ten years since the single most important and culturally impactful piece of art in human history
happy birthday ‘hello internet’ i will never be allowed to forget you piped.video/watch?v=y3q26mIs…
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i don't feel 26 but when you consider i have a 16 year old's body and the crushed soul of someone aged 36 it kinda makes sense
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there is no better version of yourself than when you're around a friend's parents and become the physical embodiment of politeness and grace
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men that turn up to the met gala wearing plain suits are really letting all humanity down if i got an invite i’d hit that theme hard and ride in on an armoured unicorn then throw off a gilded cape to reveal surgically attached angel wings and a tux made of bedazzled dove feathers
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greta will keep absorbing the salty tears of all the climate science deniers and grow exponentially until she is large and powerful enough to simply carry humanity to a new solar system
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after watching that sonic the hedgehog trailer i would like to formally announce that i am no longer a furry
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watching the students in florida standing up and fighting for change despite what they've been through and all the politician/media bs is legitimately giving me hope for the future
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airport security just asked where my guardian is because apparently i look lost and under sixteen what do i do with this
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an immigration officer laughed at my passport photo and asked if it was my 'tragic emo phase' ok let me into the country don't shame my past
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tried to call my grandma to wish her happy birthday and she goes “hello sorry darling i’m having my hair done can you call back in an hour” and just hangs up
um
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there is a tall pale guy who has no chill
being trapped in a lockdown with him has certainly been a thrill
you are old af and from now it’s all downhill
happy birthday to @amazingphil
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manchester used to be my home so i'm devastated to hear what happened. thank you to the brave and tireless emergency services responding.
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me, a non-american reading all these posts today who can’t vote but due to the usa’s global cultural and political influence will be affected by these elections:
ya’ll better fuckin vote
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the fact so many people still voted for trump shows how badly the world needs real change - the status quo won’t cut it anymore and unless we present progressive politicians that actually try to address the problems in people’s lives this will happen again
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ahh youtube branded water freshly harvested from the tears of your favourite creators
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as life returns to normal post-pandemic can we please not pressure and guilt introverts or people with social anxiety to socialise if they say they just want to chill thanks
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i am thankful for memes giving me simple distraction from the endless torment of moment to moment existence
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pray for the people that think if twitter dies they can just make their first tumblr account and be fine they are not psychologically prepared
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genuinely worried i’ve forgotten how to casually hug friends as a greeting and when i finally see someone i’ll just panic and chokeslam them
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fun fact: today is the shortest day of the year and this year is the longest goddamn year of all time
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people ask why i’m so calm and resilient in the face of chaos and where they can attain this superpower - but anyone can just by having a traumatic youth and normalising abuse to survive! have fun
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you ever just vibing and suddenly get anxiety about the idea of getting anxiety and ruin the vibe
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if it keeps getting hotter like this world war three is just gonna be ‘people with air con’ vs ‘the sweaties’
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#LoveIsLove shows how amazing the internet can be to spread love and support instead of hate. you are beautiful love yourself and stay safe!
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