i was born in a tin of tuna and baptized in the oil
she/hurts
- Tweets 5,960
- Following 234
- Followers 1,200
- Likes 26,508
Pinned Tweet
eye doctor: you should see a home going in and out of focus
me: [choking up] ok
1
5
42
8,921
sorry this is the most erotic thing i have ever seen written in the english language
156
16,687
242,448
5,494,553
there is an inherently sinister air around posting screenshots from a dating app. people cast their lines into a sea, desperate for human connection and you have strung them up by their own desire and hung them them from the gallows of your self righteousness. you deserve nothing
160
5,834
114,183
2,901,640
fiona apple’s tidal is 28 years old today and i just have to say “full is not heavy as empty” is an absolutely atrocious and insane thing for an 18 year old to say or come up with in any viable context
42
4,227
43,440
1,113,772
this website is barely functional. on the bright side, when it does work, i see an opinion that makes me wish i was born a river or a stone
2
2,025
13,449
188,202
sincere question - do you think that the level of language i put into this tweet would suggest to you that i would condone racism, sexually harassing messages or any other bad behavior which warrants a callout? or is it possible im talking about a culture of bullying?
9
43
6,735
116,888
and how unsettling what a sexy song slow like honey is like how could she create something so sensual without a fully developed prefrontal cortex. “i’ll let you see me and covet your regard, i’ll invade your demeanor and you’ll YIELD TO ME LIKE A SCENT IN THE BREEZE”?people died
4
182
4,931
89,693
melodramatic is the point… im breaking down the horrors and anguish of routine life into poetry? you know, a la kafka? *scoffs*
9
21
2,826
149,812
this is why i do think modernity kickstarted the death of romanticism. before you could just be melodramatically horny and a little weird with it and your husband and your priest feared for your immortal soul and now it’s just a diagnosis. it has a name. it mustn’t be this way
4
162
2,784
60,681
i love seeing the girls posting what’s in their bag and it’s just. A tarot card,lip balm…hair oil… a brush from the 1950s…. a worn copy of the white album by joan didion …and an engraved claw clip…no wallet in sight….no gum …angels on earth disguised as flesh and blood
2
300
2,624
76,643
well let me disclaim that that i mean just being mean for meanness’ sake. There’s one going viral because a guy said “movies are awesome” and it was definitely posted to be like “this guy is stupid”. like well ok! I’ve figured out why you can’t get dates in person!
3
10
2,257
103,855
kissing each knee is like politely knocking. not saying this to anyone in particular, this is just my wild and free mind riffing here
5
84
2,365
78,530
haunted by that tweet that said “i can look at someone and tell if they’re really into fiona apple”
2
45
1,930
73,628
right and the idea that Pilates is done by rich white women (because let’s me honest, that’s the underlying message being sent), putting this glass wall between less dominant groups and health, should be what concerns people. why would wellness need to be seen as a commodity?
2
19
1,679
123,010
[ru paul offended by jimmy fallon calling her a drag queen voice] BarnEs and nobleeeee? whhITeeee people?
8
1,624
68,005
i like both of these user’s content and find them to be lovely people who never bother anybody and just make their little posts and move on so it was just unfortunate to see that their posts got hijacked for the chance to be snarky. i hope that helps
5
760
52,103
if someone can infer i was casting a wide net and being an apologist for predatory men, they can instead apply that in the way that makes human language beautiful and infer that the disclaimers about reprehensible behavior go without saying
3
12
732
11,855
and then you find the most gorgeous embroidered, fit and flare, no cut out back, no weird slit, no nonsense midi dress the world has ever seen and it’s 984 dollars
2
4
453
26,627
what about instead of hostile information sharing i stand behind you a la patrick swayze in ghost and help you wrap foil around your candles to fix this
7
24
450
22,857
the idea of trump having chemically treated hair in poverty is creating deep anguish within the recesses of my insides . otherwise known as “in shambles”
1
1
366
13,460
unfortunately the problem with shows like south park is that insufferable people tend to also be incredibly stupid and think they are the target audience when they
are the joke. kind of like when you’re on a date with a man and he says he identifies with bojack horseman
13
11
356
19,344
funny thing I’ve started doing when someone makes an unnecessarily big deal out of a mistake i make at work is going very seriously “oh no! should i quit?”
2
15
298
10,737
this cat is Helen of Troy To me
he looks particularly round here
ALT Fishtopher, a brown and black striped tabby cat. He looks at the camera with particularly kind green eyes. His mouth is open very slightly, and his cheeks are large and round. His whole head round and his neck is thick, so there is not much differentiation between his head and his body.
6
291
9,083
i just want to thank the girls on here who share pictures of their meals. it has unironically healed me and my relationship with feeding myself . whatever this form of hospitality is, you are unknowingly entertaining angels in the digital era and the next life will repay you
3
17
216
8,553
i am begging the youth of america to carve your own individualistic journeys of self discovery for yourself alone and stop letting online psychologists with a mean age of 19 assign harsh, overly generalized motivations to overall benign personality nuances
i was watching a tiktok that explains people pleasing is manipulative because if you arent confrontational/honest you cant develop deep relationships cause its rooted in dishonesty on your end. thats thought is really pushing me to be more honest even if its uncomfortable.
1
15
159
11,084
the girlies really persuaded me with this one (“girlies” meaning the women i follow on here whose opinions i respect and value more than fine gold) this is French kissing while you pass one of those old orange altoid sours back and forth til it dissolves. color me influenced
3
3
166
11,029
the person and their friend is using a myriad of slurs currently and literally went to the store and picked the book up to reiterate a point about an internet post from a human they do not know, so yeah, i wasn’t just speaking out of context
146
13,579
not gonna say too much so i don’t get put down like a dog but i can promise you one thing and that’s that a man with this physique is going to have you praying to the headboard like a confessional NIGHTLY and you can take that to the bank and clear it. Those bulls are fine
Someone needs to look into the diet/training of professional bull riders because every one of them is stick thin.
2
2
145
16,050
no one deserved to be absorbed into a beautiful mahogany chest drawer knob less than her
6
150
4,996
when women are thirsting for other women online it’s like ah yes. Fuzzy bumbling bees drunk off the nectar of all the online flowers …. naturally…when men are thirsting online for women it’s like. i need to bang a pot with a wooden spoon, the raccoons are out again
14
139
4,764
all women come with an emotional support man who has literally never said the right thing to them, ever
1
6
136
26,967
are you guys actually sick to your stomachs or are you being theatrical as a bit. because this nation outlawed miscarriages and is funding a human extermination project so
6
145
6,641
im literally ripping my garments apart about how language is a uniquely human attempt to be understood and therefore the pursuit of it is our most intimate gesture and simultaneously snot-sobbing into my sleeve
13
126
6,272
sally crying to harry that she’s going to be 40 in like eight years was so absurd and funny to me when i was sixteen and now im crying right along with her
4
126
7,540
God please take all of this innocent man’s suffering and give it to woody allen
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Yes, I have emphysema from my many years of smoking. I have to say that I enjoyed smoking very much, and I do love tobacco - the smell of it, lighting cigarettes on fire, smoking them - but there is a price to pay for this enjoyment, and the price for me is emphysema. I have now quit smoking for over two years. Recently I had many tests and the good news is that I am in excellent shape except for emphysema. I am filled with happiness, and I will never retire.
I want you all to know that I really appreciate your concern.
Love,
David
2
16
104
4,743
baby stop checking that girl’s favorites because I neither quoted you nor @-ed you you little freak
88
1,996
please stop appropriating orange culture. i have peeled citrus for less. i have split the moon for nothing in exchange. you would never understand labors of love . you would never understand it
2
13
94
3,866
walk with me and imagine a world where helena is either on hot ones, chicken shop date, or does the jennifer hudson show tunnel dance . preferably all three
2
1
77
51,023
oh yeah no that entire tweet is a psyop. she’s not expressing a symptom of BPD she quite literally is experiencing a consequence of her very deliberate actions at the start of the film and that person probably a reptile
1
65
2,347
i still have no idea what a situationship is. you don’t claw someone’s headboard like a ghost haunting a gravestone and not love them at least a tiny little bit
1
6
65
2,512
when the people torturing him asked him if he still thought he was the king of the jews and he basically responded with “you said it, not me”. fed! the! fuck ! up!
11
50
2,859
streets are saying i’ll not only live through it but become richer and fuller for the experience
7
54
3,352
everyone likes to think they’d date an interesting man but what is a poet going to do for you. what is hozier doing when he’s horny? laying in the damp earth. But what is your favorite mechanic doing except waiting to get used and abused for your own sick purposes. grow up
7
44
2,470
sorry to tweet like a straight man but i used to think american dad and king of the hill were just placeholders for family guy and as a full fledged adult i now realize both those shows are the greatest adult american animations of our time
1
2
48
1,388
i try not to be pretentious with my interests since, you know, in always pushing sisyphus’ rock of self improvement up that proverbial hill, but every single time someone is like “can you believe i got this off shein?” I am literally always like “yes”
1
4
40
1,380
yes you’d think there’s more to it but nope. he’s near deaf and he can only hear her. There’s also a lady with a log
40
1,595
i literally miss the 2000s when it was normal for your house to be messy. the decor didn’t match and was a bit tacky. you didn’t have white everything that immediately starts looking gross. there was dust on your stepdads dell tower. im on suicide watch
1
1
45
2,406
if you eat out and have leftovers you’re saving money queen. two meals for the price of one. it practically pays for itself, so you can have Starbucks tomorrow morning as well. love you
3
38
2,337
let girls be freaks, pray for someone to
Match said freak and then let that play out how it may, ideally in a gothic challengers-like fashion
2
40
2,105
commuting a death sentence is not an act of grace. it’s a subtle reminder by the state that it has both the power and the intent to strip down a person’s humanity to such bareness that whatever crumb of mercy doled out looks like generosity by comparison
4
38
1,455
with the caveat that what celebrities do is of no literal concern to us ariana is so incredibly thin and pale that it is legitimately worrisome and seeing people veiling over it with “we should not be discussing peoples bodies” is making me feel kind of insane
2
38
2,902
a mom is driving with her hand out the window and there is a chubby little baby hand hanging out the window copying her
1
1
38
788
the “climbing mt everest” discourse has highlighted a very important fact and that is that a lot of you would be ted bundy victims
1
3
32