fictional character and feral philosopher
- Tweets 37,591
- Following 259
- Followers 1,654
- Likes 87,296
my dad sent this to the family group chat today. this is our very weird yet friendly barn cat (that dad has let become a semi-house cat) and our extremely grouchy rebellious old jack russell. there is literally no chance that this picture is real. i am inspired
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my son on 7/12/34: hey dad can i go to the lake with my bros this weekend?
me: let me think about it
son: please
me, remembering when he threw up on me 11 times on 3/23/19: no
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if you watch this and still think rick allen would have been better your intelligence may be so low you should relinquish the right to vote
NASCAR
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got little homie (who’s a big @KyleLarsonRacin fan) out of bed to watch overtime and the rest was history
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don’t let the Super Bowl distract you from the fact that Conner Jones is a loser
Ryan Daley
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Lol
🎨: @SERVPRO will sponsor @NoahGragson and the No. 10 @StewartHaasRcng Ford Mustang Dark Horse in Sunday’s NASCAR Cup Series event at Phoenix Raceway.
#NASCAR
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me when i hear the door open after sitting on my ass all day and not doing a single thing my wife asked me to do
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“i don’t care what it takes, we need to make the trade and draft luca at #3, you won’t regret it”
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This college student raised $1.5 million dollars for a children’s hospital completely by accident. Let’s expose him for tweeting tosh.0 jokes when he was in middle school! Yassss he’s canceled!!!!
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my client just killed himself so i must hop on the linked in to make a sick post that gets hella likes
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to the guy in the tampa airport who is carrying four bags while his girlfriend walks in front of him carrying a cup of iced coffee and wearing an actual tiara, are you okay? do you need me to call the police?
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you cannot convince me that @WilldeFries did not plan his son being born on 4/20
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This is the story of why a Northern Virginia mother just called me an inconsiderate asshole:
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may 25 - @itsmoonhead publicly claims “delph is the man”
may 27 - delph wins mooncar
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this man rethinks and revolutionizes entire racing series
his difficult journey behind the wheel captivates the curiosity of hall of famers
his pure existence jeopardizes countless marriages
he is the world’s most interesting man
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oh we aren’t stealing IP that’s crazy i wonder what is literally written on Will’s shirt totalfratmove.com/tfm/a-mess…
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hey ricky, thanks for millions and millions of internet impressions that saved our boring ass all star race! here is a $75,000 fine😄
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I understand historically humans would have made a royalty because their stock photos were used but fake people in a racing video game is like one of the things where I would think “oh yeah AI would be a good idea for that”
idk to me feels like a truly random “character”
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quiet redneck dudes when their bride lets them wear their hat in the wedding but makes them take off their hat to take two photos
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y'all are so fucking obsessed with spineless geriatric fucks that sit in DC and argue all the time that you have completely lost any empathy that you constantly tell the world that you definitely have
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this picture of my sister doing my mom’s makeup at her wedding has always been my favorite and now they remade it at my sister’s wedding 😭
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the @itsmoonhead command just hits different off the PA system
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what a genius way to absolute ruin something
Dale Jr is even playing this racing game made by a solo developer. @NASCAR should acquire the developer’s company and the game, license everything, and reach more new fans this way. I am surprised it has not happened yet. @jeff_gluck
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17-20 year old country boy twitter is the 2018 version of gent twitter and if we don’t end this now we are screwed
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but not a single player got suspended for cheating😂😂😂😂😂😂
worst league in sports
Joe Kelly's 8-game suspension is equivalent to a 22-game suspension in a 162-game season, per @Ken_Rosenthal.
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FOX: NASCAR
we should hire this guy from michigan who’s created his own awesome brand, then maybe fire him and countless others and then sell merch that looks just like his
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literally all tfm’s new owners need to do is pay themselves a ridiculous salary, generate no cash flow, and ask college students to write articles for free or MAYBE $25
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me telling my friends that there’s a new episode of @MountainManPod featuring @dcarterruff tomorrow at 10 am
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my kid watched the whole thing and didn’t magically start cussing afterward because I actually parent my kid
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i’ve accomplished a lot of things in life: graduated college, got married, started a family, but none of those things compare to the joy i feel right now
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grandex would have already convinced you to move to texas and fired you then rehired you then fired you again
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