Lecturer @ the University of Göttingen | Medievalist - hermeneutics, ghosts, the supernatural | Multispectral imaging | Catholic

You’re British man. It’s like a four hour drive. Just go find out
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You joke but I’ve seen Europeans emotionally overwhelmed by the realization that yellow school busses are real
it's weird visiting american grocery stores because you'll just stumble across famous products you recognize and they're often just shelved in the store like any other product, no fanfare ran into this one while visiting nyc in 2011
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Congratulations both for finishing amd for very possibly being the first person in recorded history whose dissertation will be read by someone who is not their mom or on their committee
Thrilled to say I passed my viva with no corrections and am officially PhDone.
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You all need to stop abbreviating “Secret Service” like that
the compassionate misogynist take
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You cannot imagine the disappointment that came from imbibing absinthe propaganda like this for years and then finally trying and finding out it just gets you really drunk
The Absinthe Drinker, Café Slavia, Prague 1901 by Viktor Oliva.
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Not taking this sort of criticism from Brits sorry. I’ve heard how you pronounce literally any Spanish word
just discovered how americans pronounce niche, need a moment
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If I lived in the 9th century I would lie so much. What are you gonna do, consult the parchment? Examine the texts? Take leave of my hut, forthwith.
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You can just log onto this website and get ratiod by the Holy Roman Emperor
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The shift from “have” to “of” is probably unstoppable but man I hate it
Today is a miscarriage of justice. Donald Trump should NOT of been found guilty.
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Probably the worst part of premodern literature is coming across lines like “Of course, everyone knows the tale of Borble, that hero of ancient days, so I shall not weary the reader by repeating it here*” * Editor’s note: no accounts of Borble have survived
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Real ID is the most American thing that's ever happened. A Patriot Act-era requirement that has been delayed to next year, every year, for 20 years, because Americans simply cannot be bothered to get one
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Grad school
They need to invent the opposite of a gym. You go there and you just get more frail and sickly. Maybe instead of lifting you just sit in a cold dark room and starve
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i wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet
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Man that is really not how I would expect the relative densities of those two liquids to play out
finally finishing the day strong with a Gonster
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Britain is a fascinating place. I had not previously understood that a state could suffer from clinical depression
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How your email finds me
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Single? Simply roam the country, aimless, landless, like some form of horny ronin
Here's my advice to single American men who feel hopeless about ever finding a good woman to marry: Take a month or two between jobs and drive across the USA. Stop at every gas station and truck stop, and eat every meal at diners during non-rush hours. Avoid cities; stop primarily in poor rural areas out in the middle of nowhere. Every time you see a pretty cashier or waitress with a good vibe, politely ask her out. Tell her you're out seeing the country and looking for a place to settle and a good woman to marry. Repeat until you've found someone to go steady with. This worked for at least one young, awkward guy I knew at a Catholic Church in Louisiana. Met his wife at Love's on I-80 in Iowa. She converted, moved to Louisiana with him, and they go back to Iowa together every Christmas, fueling up at the truck stop where they met. She was giddy to find him, as most of the men in her town were either already married or total losers. They were both in their early 30's when they met. I had planned on doing this when I got out of the military, but Providence had it that I'd never have to try it out -- I'd be engaged to Keturah just before my discharge. But I say to any young man having trouble finding a woman it's absolutely worth a try. At worst, you see the country and go on a few bad dates. At best, you find the love of your life.
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It’s extremely funny that as soon as COVID was even halfway over we all implicitly agreed to never talk about it again. Seems to be the default human response to plagues. You can read all of English literature from the 14th century and have no idea the Black death happened
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Everyone flipped on this pretty hard once they all saw Canada giving the homeless strychnine and the Netherlands euthanizing anorexics
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Lots of Germans love (a weird, romanticized, incredibly racist idea of) Native Americans that they got from Karl May novels and they get really upset if you tell them it’s incredibly racist
Replying to @potatoslav
for anyone saying “it’s not that bad”
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700 years ago this kind of question would’ve occupied the best theological minds for a generation and produced at least three schisms
Jewish friend asked me a very funny legal question: “Can you break your Ramadan fast during the eclipse since technically it gets dark?” I had to hand it to him, I didn’t think of that 😂😎🌞🌆
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Mandela effect stuff is mostly unsustainable as a concept once you remember how many people memed themselves into believing “sweet summer child” existed before Game of Thrones. That said the Fruit of the Loom logo used to have a cornucopia and reality has been rewritten
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God German has the worst learning incentives of any language on earth. “But you can read Goethe in the original” brother I don’t even want to read Goethe in translation
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At what point do you as a scientist start asking “is this stuff ontologically evil”
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I have a self-sustaining jar of germs that I’ve been cultivating for twelve years and I can’t bring it to Germany because customs forbids the unlicensed international transport of Slime
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Genuinely impressed by how bad the new window in Westminster Abbey is
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Everyone rags on the “somehow Palpatine returned” line in RoS but never mentions that the message he broadcast for the galaxy - the inciting incident for the entire film - is not actually in the film and was in fact an event in Fortnite
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The southwest is scarier than Appalachia and it’s not close. Sure it gets dark fast in the mountains but I’ve been to the desert and there’s Things out there
I never got why we consider Appalachia to be scary Like the Southwest United is the area that skinwalkers are derived from (the Navajo tribe). Not to mention river dinosaurs/mountain boomers. In addition to real predators like wolves, mountain lions, jaguars, etc.
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Blade Runner 2049 is the ultimate male fantasy film (a man comes to briefly and falsely believe that he is deserving of love)
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Every millennial I know has a story about smoking salvia and spending five thousand years in the nightmare dimension from Event Horizon
something I miss about the late 2000s is salvia. It was a part of culture in a subtle way and smoking it sent you straight to fucking hell.
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The first time I was ever in Germany I met a nun who spoke no English, and I spoke no German, so we sort of hobbled through a conversation in Latin, to the total surprise of both of us
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The Green Knight has a fair number of shortcomings as a film but it’s really rare that a movie manages to approach the sheer alien strangeness of much medieval literature
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there exists a prevalent normie model of intelligence whereby everyone is born with equal points and you level up by consuming units of boomerslop scattered at fixed spawn points across the terrain RPG style
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I want to stress again how many Germans believe they hold a position of enlightened moral superiority not despite the fact that their grandfathers were Nazis but because their grandfathers were Nazis
dude, I AM from a perpetrator family and grew up with Nazi relatives. I KNOW their speech, don't you dilute yourself to think you can lecture me about not recognizing fascistic or Nazi propaganda when I hear it.
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This is going to sound insane but there are 700 movies that you legally can’t screen on Good Friday in Germany. It is also illegal to dance tomorrow in 3/4s of the country, with penalties up to €1,500
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9% of Americans have a “very or somewhat favorable” of the Black Death
Replying to @dhmontgomery
Here's what Americans think about a range of things and concepts associated with the European Middle Ages — as you can see, it's a mixed bag!
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Good. The movies should be as weirdly hostile to the audience as the books are. 57 unbroken minutes of this should be a lecture on groundwater hydrology and its effects on desert ecosystems
The official DUNE: PART TWO runtime is 2 hours 46 minutes according to Japanese film rating org.
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Replying to @Laiseran
Do it in a day with a buddy. You’ll survive
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Lmao
Replying to @achillghost
Guy from Miami: "What even goes on in Jacksonville?"
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German healthcare isn’t so bad but you need to actively bully the doctors into giving you medicine. Just full on dumb American “I will cause a scene in this emergency room if you do not give me something non-homeopathic this instant”
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Almost impossible to overstate how much Tolkien would hate this
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Replying to @josephcoward
look me in the eyes and say guacamole
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It’s not fair that once you learn a language you have to keep practicing it or your skills atrophy. It should stay permanently unlocked
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While that is weird I’m not sure it’s weird enough to occlude the inherent weirdness of “nativity scene made of doors”
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Are you people insane. Have you lost your minds
I’m Italian & my cousin just sent me my late grandma’s potato gnocchi recipe. Obviously, this recipe is only decipherable by boomers & some Gen X since it’s written in ancient text I had to have ChatGPT translate it for me, no one can read this shit
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Only parts of Pennsylvania are suitable for human life as much of the region is saturated with dark ley lines, the miasmatic auras of dead gods beneath the hills, and other such psychic turbulence
considering how densely populated and historically economically developed both the acela corridor and the great lakes region is, it's crazy that just no one lives here
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It’s quietly soul crushing that every time I see a piece of art, or a photo, or a video, or a voiceover, or basically anything now there’s a part of my brain dedicated to evaluating whether it’s AI. Slightly but permanently diminished my enjoyment of the world
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Replying to @jeetle5
(Guy in north Delaware circling part of south Delaware) what goes on here
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Having any idea what’s going on church politics is modernist. Real medieval catholics didn’t even know who the pope was. Sometimes there were two popes. for a while there was no pope. One time there were three
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The words of the prophets are written on the library walls
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Replying to @theperfcat
We are eliminating the formal viva, thesis defense now consists of arguing with 20,000 of the the worst people on twitter
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i still think about this
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The red solo cup has some kind of borderline religious significance that I still do not fully understand
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9th century poem by a monk about his cat
People forget how truly new the very delicate pet thing is and how little greatest generation and older cared about pets. Once you get past the boomers, it is a different world with different values. They would be considered very cruel and cold to most people today.
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nuclear bombs creating mysterious crystal pentagrams is a bit on the nose, don’t you think
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American Christians believe that upon death their heart is weighed by George Washington. If it is heavier than the quill used to write the Constitution their soul is devoured by Benedict Arnold
VIVEK RAMASWAMY: “When we face our founding fathers in the afterlife and they ask us what sacrifice did you make for your country we better have a damn good answer for them.” 🔥🔥🔥
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Knew a guy who served in Iraq and had a fairly upsetting story about multiple units seeing a moving human figure on thermals while there was no one actually there
Veterans, did you ever see anything you’d consider “supernatural” while serving?
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Thinking about a well-known medieval scholar of the medieval occult who stopped translating grimoires out of Latin because people kept emailing him when the spells didn’t work
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“We don’t understand why this burst into flame in the freezer” i do. It wanted to kill you. Next question
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Replying to @EduardHabsburg
I’m working on my courtly flattery, really hoping for some kind of sinecure at the embassy
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Do you think Spain is the only place that spanish happens
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computer why is buffalo diocese strapped for cash
St. Anne’s Church, Buffalo, NY. Permanently closed. Sold to the Islamic community for $250,000 who are converting the historic church into a mosque.
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That water is roughly 70% sheep feces by volume brother
Glorious. And a reminder why so many languages, including Latin but not Modern English, describe fresh-flowing water as sweet to the taste.
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Bit embarrassing do a “banned” books display in Germany, a country with actual legal restrictions on what books can even be *sold*, and which can imprison you for owning books by banned groups
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I think it’s great that Netanyahu is worried we’ll coup him. We should coup one of the client states every 18 months or so to keep them in line. Britain in particular has been a little uppity lately
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Most of you guys don’t even say kwassawn but ours is still better than your guacamole
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Replying to @StatisticUrban
I know, because reality was rewritten.
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There are whole academic books and articles wondering why Chaucer never really mentioned the plague despite living through multiple significant outbreaks and the answer is that it really sucked and no one wanted to think about it again
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Tapping the sign
The Catholic Project just released a major study that found that younger priests are exceedingly more orthodox and conservative. This is a trend that has been moving this way for years now. They prioritize Eucharistic devotion & traditional liturgy much more than older priests.
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is he uh. allowed to say that
Pope Francis rants against ‘delinquent’ priests who withhold absolution catholicherald.co.uk/pope-fr…
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Replying to @jrobhaha
They do that in Germany too. Sometimes the kids are in little wagons that the teachers pull. Extremely cute
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Being publicly scared of Freemasons is maybe the most embarrassing thing that online Catholics do and that’s a very high bar
A Freemason recently asked if I would be interested in joining. I said no, of course, citing that I was Catholic. He just laughed in my face and said “there are tons of Catholics I call brother.” Not gonna lie, it kind of sent chills down my spine.
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Replying to @Plinythebelter
Should ofn’t have noticed it
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This is true and it's tragic but on the other hand we do have a twelfth century monastery in Upper Manhattan because we just bought it and moved it there
just remembered that americans don’t have random old castles in the countryside that they can go and visit
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If people are getting euthanized for mental illness and anorexia, as they are, then it isn’t hard enough.
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Replying to @BruvRoy21806
King Arthur died
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Replying to @freganmitts
This happens every time
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A german once explained the European idea of red solo cups to me as signaling that “you are no longer in reality. You have entered a mythical zone”
one very cool thing is europeans coming here and realizing that everything they see on tv — yellow school buses, red solo cups, diners where waitresses serve you coffee from the pot — are real
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Man post-Roman Wales was wild. You could become an immortal king forever inhabiting the shadowy borderland between myth and history by briefly controlling an area roughly the size of Bergen County, New Jersey
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ive had both of those. what the hell is this website. every day someone tweets "has anyone ever seen a man in a red car?! didnt think so" and gets 40k likes
i just randomly thought about this but has anyone ever had a male english teacher or a female history teacher ?? like i’ve never seen one
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Replying to @dayglowj0e
That’ll teach you to go to Glasgow
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If I don’t take adderall I experience all past and future events simultaneously like Dr Manhattan
tiktok ADHD videos are getting truly wild. “time blindness” has gone from “easily losing track of time; often late; trouble planning schedules” to “ADHD brains have no concept of temporal sequence, cannot form memories, and view the future as senseless chaos”
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Lots of people replying to say “it’s because the modern stuff doesn’t have wormwood in it.” The modern stuff *does* have wormwood in it, at similar levels to the old stuff, and there’s no evidence that wormwood caused the hallucinations reported in the 19th century.
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Replying to @krles_krles
I think British people all talk normal when we’re not around
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This is a huge day for looking at phone
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Replying to @TheLincoln
Wolf is big on government weather control/cloud spraying stuff
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Everything I have said in German in the last 12 months
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Jacobus Vrel (active 1650s to 1660s? 70s?) is such a mysterious figure and these two works of his are so eerie that in a vacuum I’d assume he was a creepypasta figure
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JESUS: Love thy neighbor, and- JOHN: BEHOLD, THE THOUSAND-HORNÉD BEAST JESUS: John JOHN: ALL SHALL ROT IN BOILING BLOOD JESUS: Johnathan
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Here’s my advice to single American men who feel hopeless about ever finding a good woman to marry: The riverine towns are unready for an attack by water. Come at night, come in storm. Let their first warning be the burning of their watchtowers. There is gold in their churches.
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Her: Sprechen sie deutsch? Me: nein, es tut mir leid. Sprechen sie Englisch? Her: ach, nein Me: uh…Latine scis? Her: …ja? Me: Salve, soror!
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Replying to @Laiseran
See? I knew you could do it
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