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management just sent out an email banning all board games during breaks and i'm like what is this, yahtzee germany?
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the pizza place i ordered from had smiley potatoes as an optional topping and hell yeah i got em. my wife didn't enjoy the whimsy as much as i did, but they're growing on her
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dolly parton's 9 to 5 is a great song about the frustrations of the working class and the realities of corporatist/capitalist labor conditions, but the thing i took away from it is that apparently people didn't used to have to be at work until 9 and i want that too
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there's a zoo in belgium that puts otters in the orangutan enclosure for engagement and fun for both species. this has resulted in a glut of videos of otters stealing blankets from orangutans, which i've spent this morning watching at work.
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kyle rittenhouse is trending because he drowned after getting his balls stuck in a jacuzzi jet. dude just filled up with water, balls first, craziest fuckin thing man
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wife had a hard day so i got her a dr pepper, frozen cheese sticks and a bag of fritos and drew a happy lil heart real quick. she was very happy but told me in the kindest way possible that the heart i drew looks like something you'd find at a crime scene
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one of my favorite little bits of lore is that 8 years ago darigold confirmed that yes, milkwalker was in fact a real design used on their cartons, but also they have no record of who created milkwalker. milkwalker simply is and always has been.
We appreciate the enthusiasm of the fans! Milkwalker was used in a safety campaign on Darigold milk cartons. Designer is unknown.
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it's crazy that for just $1,800 i could buy this 200,000(!!!!) lumen stadium light and install it above my garage door with a motion sensor and blind everyone in a 3 block radius whenever a squirrel frolics by
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heads up, feds are auctioning off 7,656 bottles of confiscated liquor in south carolina
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my wife was doing an als walk thing in norfolk with her mom this weekend so me and her dad sat in the park to wait. i started talking about nebraska ufo sightings and he looks me dead in the eye and quietly said "i saw a ufo" 1/
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chat, how much trouble would i get in if i stole this from the post office when they're closed? lots or like just some?
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i don't wanna drop a hell yeah to this because it seems like it's probably bad, but hell yeah
VIDEO: Chemical-colored flames seen rising up from manholes on Texas Tech campus as evacuation continues. Full story here: kcbd.com/2025/03/13/power-ou…
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google photos just sent me a reminder of when i went to the best convenience store i ever visited, starvin' sam's in ferndale washington. it was just after my mom died and holy shit it was exactly the weirdo fucking store i needed at that moment. 🧵1/5
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just a weird lil community of dirt snobs, lol the world is so great. except for the guy who took dirt to a work potluck
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i am pleased to announce that you can now buy a deodorant that smells like mandarin jarritos
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it's gonna suck if it gets released and it's all financial guys i've never heard of. i want it to be funny and it won't be if i don't know who they are
Jeffrey Epstein’s Associates Will Be Named After Judge Orders Documents Unsealed
More: rollingstone.com/culture/cul…
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"bears don't raid beehives for honey, their main goal is to eat the bees and larvae for easy protein. i know this isn't an opinion, but i just learned it and it's fuckin wild. anyway, sorry for interrupting the meeting"
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the list of "pink cocaine" ingredients looks like it's using power rings to summon some kind of narcotic captain planet
Autopsy finds Liam Payne had multiple drugs in his body, including cocaine, pink cocaine (a mix which includes meth, ketamine and MDMA), benzodiazepine and crack - ABC
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her: you better not be driving the dipshitmobile up my stairs when i get there
me:
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that was a hard stop for him. i don't know if i'll ever get more information out of him, but holy shit, what a goddamn day. /end
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just remembered the orange juice i bought there had mold growing under the cap. love you, starvin' sam's, miss you so much
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power was out yesterday after a storm and i discovered a new way to be annoying. went to the power company's facebook page and after every boomer grandpa rage comment about the power still being out i replied "shoulda paid your bill, dummy" and oh man they didn't like that at all
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when i was a little kid i wouldn't use the bathroom at my grandmas house because this picture of a three faced jesus in there scared the shit out of me. i hadn't thought about it for years until i read the phrase "vultus trifons" today. i looked it up there was my old friend
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honestly sucks that mass shooters are savvy enough to know how to effectively rile up the fuckin dumdums in rightwing spaces. a yummy bacon wrapped clump of cognitive dissonance for people who post uncropped screenshots of ai-created memes
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i stopped to get an orange juice but what i found was heaven. first, they had bootleg corduroy hats for a basketball team that hasn't existed in 16 years 2/5
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brand new vhs tapes for sale from the 1980s and 90s on the same shelf as ashtrays and surely out of date collector tins of cookies 3/5
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and finally the back corner was where to go for all your propane tank, glove, soccer ball and porno magazine needs 5/5
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my father in law is a stoic farmer with a firm handshake and a quiet demeanor and isn't a flouncy boy with a love of whimsy like myself, so i knew this was gonna be a good story. "when?" i asked. "70s. i was a kid. maybe 14, 15" then he looked embarrassed 2/
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this man has singlehandedly set the oafish galoot community back several decades. gentle giants do not accept him
Last week, Fetterman got on Fox News to criticize Biden's liquified gas export pause.
In 2018, he had joined Sunrise and @RepDanielle to rally against fracked gas pipelines.
When a constituent asked why he flipped, he mocked her, then walked into a member-only elevator.
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"i haven't talked about it for 50 years," he said. i told him i needed to know more and he asked if i'd ever heard of the cattle mutilation outbreak in the 1970s at which time i almost passed out with delight. it's like my favorite thing to talk about 3/
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stopped at a gas station to grab a coffee this morning and dude in front of me was buying a sleeve of uv pink lemonade shooters and scratch tickets at 7:30 am. a lady in pajama pants and hangover hair grabbed a bag of doritos in front of him and he's like "what's good girl?" 1/
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they also had carpet sample "area rugs". small area rugs were $3.99 but small area rugs were $5.99. also they had a lot of union 76 stuff for sale considering it was a chevron 4/5
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he stopped again, his lip quivered a little bit. "i don't know what it is but it's always in the same spot," he said, hesitating. "i can feel when it's there." 21/
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they all went home to sleep because apparently that's what you did when it was the 70s and shit was all fucked up. the next day they were back out in the same pasture, fixing some fencing until late at night. the lights came back. 10/
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he was working for a local rancher over the summer in high school when the rancher came fishtailing up the gravel road, kicking up rocks and pounding the side of the pickup, hollering for help. 4/
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"he found one of the cattle with no eyes," he said. "just dead, no eyes." him and other the farmhands hopped in the truck bed and raced out there. sure enough, dead cow. still warm. maybe dead for an hour or two. eyes missing with no incision marks 5/
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is there any health benefit to it? i'm gonna be a judgy lil shit either way, but just curious
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time seems to have calmed everyone down. nobody even mentioned it anymore, especially him. he only told my mother in law about it in the 90s. then his daughter married a dumb guy who likes aliens and shit 18/
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"forced to act" is a weird way of saying "we showed up 50 guys deep as an intimidation tactic and then escalated on purpose"
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they kept coming back to that spot every night, and the lights came too. every night for three weeks. over those three weeks, four more cattle died suspiciously, all of them missing something. "those fuckers liked eyes i think," my father in law said. 12/
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although the warning that it was stored in a non climate controlled space is kind of a red flag
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just realized i spent the passing of the new year sitting on the toilet taking pictures of my cat being a lil fat guy
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at this point i was like no fuckin way and grabbed my phone and started recording. they went back to the farm to call the vet who showed up later, just after dark. the farmboys were all huddled around the vet and watching him work. then one of them pointed up 6/
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they got to around where the light had been and saw it. "another one. dead cow with the jaw missing. tongue was hanging out." the vet said it had been alive until just a few minutes before. 9/
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brb treating my syphilis with dandelions and apricot pits because it's too late my brain is already swiss cheese
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i called the zoo and they said everybody, orangutan and otter alike, enjoys this and it is fun so it's ok to like the videos
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oh that's that good shit. used to work in quality control very briefly and if a client was being unreasonable i would go take a half hour bathroom break and have a cigarette and make it billable.
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he said he thought it might be a police helicopter at first. those were a new thing and he'd just seen one on tv. but then, "they were all hovering and then zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, they all took off. one after another" they hopped in the pickup to see what happened 8/
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lights. a bunch of them. one light pivoted and shined on the ground about a quarter mile in front of them. it so bright they could see their hands on a moonless night in rural nebraska. i asked him what he thought it was 7/
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it didn't go the way they'd hoped. everyone in town made fun of them. for months. when school started up again in the fall his classmates were relentless. "that's why i went to college in lincoln," he told me, "to get away from it." 16/
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pretending to be someone else online to boost your street cred is lame as hell. take it from me, famous hollywood celebrity gary sinese
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"there's this light," he said. "still see it sometimes, right there." he pointed southwest in the sky. "not all the time, but once in a while." i asked him if it was a planet or maybe a satellite. his face got serious and looked me in the eye again. "no" 20/
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oh wow a hit tweet dhs and ice are organizations for fat pussyboys who were somehow too racist to become cops
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i asked him what he thought it was and he kind of sheepishly said, "i don't know, maybe it was the government, maybe it was just a reflection." he kind of squinted. he was feeling embarrassed about telling the story and got quiet for a minute 13/
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"we got in the truck but we couldn't drive fast enough to keep up with them." the lights, probably six to eight of them, sped off in different directions. he said they couldn't figure out how big they were or how far away they were in the sky. 11/
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i asked him if he ever saw anything again. "nah," he said. "well, maybe." i'd have to pry it out of him. i kept digging. finally i got it out. 19/
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i didn't want to but i kind of changed the subject to those astronauts who were stuck on the iss, trying to get us back on track. we talked about space junk and satellites and lights in the sky when he blurted out "it was in the paper" 14/
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"local paper sent out a guy to talk to us." this was after the lights stopped showing up and before the encounters were the talk of the town. they interviewed him and quoted him in the story. it ran with a picture of him and another friend pointing at the sky 15/
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he was about three hours away from cedar county and no one knew him there. no one knew he'd seen something or that he'd been the weirdo in the paper. he earned his farm management degree, met a girl he married and moved back to his hometown to start a farm business 17/
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it's hard to explain, but basically he's just like you but in a costume and doesn't cram his index finger inside his own penis hole at walgreens
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would they go after a simple man just stealing a carpet to feed his family? no, they will let me go free and maybe play with their gun
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do you think iran would have been justified in destroying entire israeli towns in retaliation for bombing their embassy?
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i'm not like a historian or whatever, but this memorial in my wife's home town seems off. i'm like 100 percent sure that's not who said this
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ur timeline has been blessed by reuben. to feel his grace say "good morning breakfast boy" and he will grant your wish
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think my mid-life crisis is kicking in because my biological clock is telling me it's time to buy a teal 1991 camaro
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that's the kind of confidence i think we can all find inspiration in. my lil king was only about 5' 4" and buying 12 shots of sugary booze to get through the morning and he brought his a-game. sure, it's a game of measured expectations, but my guy got her number. amazing shit /
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that's exactly what they'd be expecting. i'm gonna go in, butt-ass naked, pick up the rug and then look directly into a camera and say my name, home address and known acquaintances before leaving in my car with the vanity plate "rugthft"
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they should bring out two popes, one regular pope and one made of cake and let people guess which one is which
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