New Doc ‘How I Made A Million In 90 Days’ on Channel 4 October 16th at 10pm. Shed at Dulwich. LA TIMES bestselling author. Catfish UK on MTV host.
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It’s the film lawyers told you would never get made! After over a year in the works, my new film ‘The Great Amazon Heist’ is coming out this Thursday on @Channel4! It’s taken everything I have to make this one. So I hope you enjoy it. Cheers!
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Tried my new mask argument with a taxi driver. Wasn't wearing one & was angry about mine. 'I like the anonymity,' I said. ‘We’re the most surveilled country on earth. They’re listening to us through our phones to sell us shit. I don't wanna be watched’ Put his mask on. Outcrazied
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The best hangover cure is just being near somebody who is feeling a lot worse than you
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Easing the lockdown is bullshit. The wealthy will stay indoors. Just to put pressure working people to go back to work and some will die or infect their vulnerable loved ones who they're forced to live with because their criminally low paid job stops them from moving out
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Funny how Quorn and Linda McCartney were farting around with veggie sausages for almost two decades and then, all of a sudden, bottom barrel meat distributor Richmond come out of nowhere and within a year have the best vegan sausage going
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Chips by the sea are fine, but never trust anything fuelled by nostalgia. To find the greatest chips, you need to head into the heartlands of misery; places where there is no hope other than the chip. Where the chip is all they have. Talking, of course, about the West Midlands
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They only ever do this with footballers because they’re generally working class, and the idea a working class person could be paid like that revolts them. Can we have the salaries/inherited wealth/assets of the hairless men who own the stadiums and TV stations instead?
Jadon Sancho offered by Man Utd £400,000 a week to join 'em. Good luck to him but here are ANNUAL salaries of those saving us from Coronavirus, just a thought...
Hospital cleaner - £16,551
Bin collector - £17,093
Retail worker - £19,094
Nurse - £22,654
Social care - £25,692
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can't believe dominic cummings the bald wouldn't employ me as one of his league of extraordinary weirdos
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I made the shed I live in London's top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor. Then I actually opened it. Ladies & Gents, after months screening phone calls from begging customers, eat it up: The Shed At Dulwich vice.com/en_uk/article/434gq… @viceuk @vice
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Just heard from the owner that El Rancho, best Columbian in London, is being forced to leave Brixton Village because of a rise in rent. The place is always full - this is a successful business. But that’s not good enough in London today.
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Tom Heaton looks like a guy I’d chat with at a bbq about fuel prices for 5 minutes then spend the rest of the night hiding from
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Utterly depressing that a grieving father has to write something like that in the wake of his son's death. But a testament to the quality of the man, and the son he raised. theguardian.com/uk-news/2019…
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Zero tolerence for Racism vs Still having not sacked the people within the Labour Party who were shown to have racially abused Diane Abbott and Dawn Butler in the Labour Leaks report three months after it was released
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Knocking doors for Labour is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done, & actually fucking works! Visited Stroud, Worcester, Walsall, Telford these past few days, met many great people, listened, & explained Labour’s vision for a better future. Please consider trying it
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Thank you for these delicious knives brother @JeffBezos, my nieces loved them and ordered them all by themselves, sorry if you get million pound fine from Trading Standards. Put it on tab. Love, peace. Merci.
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Tfw when the BBC think they are interviewing you but you’re actually 3 metres away on a roof, shirtless
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Oh fuck you man. I’ve seen the shit you animals over there call salad. Get a boner paying $40 a lunch for a tub of mayonnaise with burnt sprouts floating in it
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Often people ask my why I have my font size on my phone so big. I always answer the same: Met a tech millionaire with massive text, asked him why, and he told me it was to preserve his eyes. “So I doesn’t strain them.” I immediately enlarged my font. Whoever asks me does the same
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I sent fake versions of myself on TV around the world. Turns out, whether it was the BBC or Australia's biggest breakfast show, my tailored lookalikes were much more successful at being me than I could ever be. This one took a while vice.com/en_uk/article/9k7va… @viceuk @vice
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Once, when I worked at a posh restaurant in York, it was slammed and I was working the coffee machine. Without thinking, I put an espresso in a babyccino and served it to a mother, who then gave it to her 2 year old son. Quite often wonder whether he made it
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Knockoff brands you see on markets? Well, I became one & made it top of Paris fashion. I am Georgio Peviani vice.com/en_uk/article/59d8v… @viceuk
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Drew a pen moustache on myself today to go under the mask. Feel alive. Rest of the train carriage none the wiser. Always one step ahead of them
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My mental well-being correlates directly with how infuriated I get with people stopping in front of me or walking awkwardly in public spaces
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In a ridiculous sequence of events, I’m hosting the first ever series of Catfish UK on MTV with @JulieAdenuga. Excited to travel the country, meet people, & figure out what it is about this moment that makes people feel like they cannot be themselves. Out next month
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It’s sad how these new parts of London like Kings Cross or Elephant Park have nobody to enjoy them because the communities and surrounding places where people could afford to live have already been sold off and torn to the ground. Now we’re left with weird pristine ghost towns
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Just had a builder stop me and go 'it's the piss man!' It's happening. This is how I win
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Life hack: Dress as a businessman and take a brief case into a Pizza Hut buffet. Eat as much as you like. For every 1 slice you consume, craftily put one in the briefcase. Eat for a week for £8.99
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Who also resisted initial lockdown haircut wave and persisted, and now has aggressively shit hair?
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In the mountains in Mexico, and walked past a pitch with some people playing. Exchanged one or two looks and, though we couldn’t speak really a word of each other’s languages, within 20 minutes were kicking it about, winding each other up, laughing, tackling. Football is nice.
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They ARE reopening. Thank god. In a unit behind the town hall in Brixton in 3 weeks. Support locally ran businesses and delicious breakfasts
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Who is your favourite Etonian? I genuinely like Bear Grylls, who both went to Eton and drinks his own piss
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Laughing at the fact Jeremy Vine, who blocked me years ago for sending a lookalike on his show as me, had to react to me on Catfish in Celebrity Gogglebox and mainly said ‘Fuck’
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My Great Auntie just genuinely asked me not to send a lookalike of myself to a family do over Christmas. Think I went too far
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Today it has been 3 years since the opening night of the Shed at Dulwich. It was one of the weirdest nights I've experienced. Since then, my life has completely changed. 100 million people watched that story. And now I don’t live in a shed.
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Always been pale. Remember one morning before high school, crying with laughter at the idea of going in with just a blazer & tie, no shirt, thinking my bare chest was so white nobody would realise. So I did. Was sent home within 20 minutes
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Must be heartbreaking for them. I thank both companies for their devotion to the craft. I was there from the dog-meat-adjacent-tasting quorn burger beginning, and now look at us
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If somebody sent this saying it was me at Glastonbury ‘17, 6am, having my palm read by an Astro-curious estate agent, wouldn’t doubt it one bit
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Have it on good authority that Omicron has been traced back to Brewdog’s distillery in Edinburgh. They were trying to make ‘Punk Covid’
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Today, a year on since turning my shed into the #1 fake restaurant, happy to announce I have a book coming out this Feb called 'How To Bullsh*t your Way To Number 1'. Spoke with @forbes about it, & managing my life with as little care as that restaurant forbes.com/sites/heathermorg…
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Painfully wince every time I think about the time I was 14 and refused weed at a camping party because my ‘mind was already open enough’
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3 years since the 1st pitch I sent to @vice. Quite often have people emailing asking how I started/how I pitched etc. This was it. I didn't know anybody, just came up with an idea, sent it off & it became my 1st piece @NoiseyMusic
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Hit a point of awful, insufferable drunk last night where I went around the dive bar demanding apologies from all New Yorkers for killing John Lennon
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LIFE HACK: Sick of watching influencer and online types getting great free stuff? Want some action? Using deep fakes, invent an online friendship with a celebrity & use it to get brands to give you a free hotel room, VIP gig tickets and unlimited pizza. You deserve it!
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Reunited. A year ago we released a film where I took Georgio Peviani to the top of Paris Fashion Week. God knows how, but 50m people watched it. Today, I’m reunited with the man himself. Adam tells me it’s been a weird year. Not only is he selling jeans all over the world, but...
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Been the pride of my life, getting to know @rustyrockets. Cheers for the £500 hotel suite & £££s worth of pizza vice.com/en_uk/article/a345x… @VICE @viceuk
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Last night I went on Eggheads with method actors, vague acquaintances just to fuck with them. Here's how I did it vice.com/en_uk/article/gy5dv…
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Went through a phase of going into nice restaurants in different countries and asking for ‘beans on toast’ without further explanation. Here’s a couple. Bangladesh quantum, Italy classical
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Probably soon to be replaced by a place that serves less people, but is bankrolled by the dads of failing kids from the Home Counties.
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Found some bizarre shots on Getty of Ellen Degeneres in what we can only presume is Georgio Peviani
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Fucking awful day. My Uncle Jim’s funeral. Dunno why I’m talking to you about it. The best way I can make it make sense is this: To make it #1 on TripAdvisor, Jim bought VPNs and left 10 reviews for the Shed from different accounts all over the world. Love you, Uncle
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Did a book interview last yr on French TV. They wanted it live from The Shed at Dulwich at 9am, but was in New York & was 4am. So I headed out to a printers at midnight to get a gigantic HD image of the shed printed, pinned it up on the wall of my AirBNB & did it. Didn't realise
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3 years since I took TripAdvisor's harshest reviewers out for dinner and reviewed them. I'm not somebody who gets uncomfortable in social situations, but sitting there while they argued with waiters was a taste of dating Larry David vice.com/en_uk/article/j5xb9… @viceuk @vice
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King's coronation: Cross containing 'shards used in Christ's crucifixion' to be used in procession news.sky.com/story/kings-cor…
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Life hack: If you can’t get into a private members’ club, hire a Hugh Grant lookalike. Ask your friends to stand outside the members’ olace with cameras/mob you like paparazzi when you show up. Say ‘Do you know who I’m with?’ on arrival. Drink Champagne for free
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Good time to remember that England, Wales, and Chile are the only countries on the planet with a fully privatised water system
The water companies are gaslighting us.
While they take out billions in dividends with one hand, they demand the right to hike our bills with the other. All while they dump sewage.
Time to end this madness and take water into public ownership. #ThamesWater #PublicOwnership
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Just had an email from my bank as I've been cut off due to 'suspicious activity'. Think this means they've noticed I've been sending money with the reference 'Dog Fight Winnings' for the past decade & believe they've stumbled on the greatest ring the West Midlands has ever seen
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Knocked a 89-year-old guy's door. Wanted to vote, but they've moved the poll st. too far, here's a Labour Councillor driving him #ForTheMany
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So surreal. My TV hero growing up. Gulp.
Yes! The world is a better place with @oobah in it and it’s exciting to see him doing the telly. Everyone watch please, he is brilliant. C4 in a short while - The Great Amazon Heist.
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Moved down to London 5 years ago today without a job/on the dole. Have been incredibly lucky since. Here’s some personal highlights from living in this wonderful, isolating city
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Back in London after 2 months away & I've forgotten how it works. Yesterday, after enthusiastically selling me Red Dead, I suggested to the guy behind the counter in Morrison's that he come over & play it if he wants? He looked at me very concerned. We're all going to die alone
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I’m sort of with you on that. But the Linda McCartney sausage feels like eating a fossilised baguette from Pompeii now. Get with the times, gang
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Mom works in a funeral home. Going in every day, dealing with families who are grieving in unprecedented circumstances. Immensely proud of her
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Stepped off the plane in Singapore for the 1st time but feels like I’m home. As far as I’m concerned, any country with enough time on their hands to both ban the publishing of my book & condemn me in parliament is my own
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Knockoff brands you see on markets? Well, I became one & made it top of Paris fashion, making influencers, bloggers, models gush over £20 jeans in the process. Here's my new film showing you how I did it. I am Georgio Peviani. On @VICE
After fooling the world with his fake 'Shed' restaurant, @Oobahs is back with another plan — to infiltrate Paris Fashion Week.
Georgio Peviani partied with A-Listers and sold his denim to Milan's most exclusive buyers. But does he actually exist?
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Been worrying about influencers, & what happens when they retire into the hellscape of the real world after 50 years of perpetual holidaying, dead-eye smiling in millions of photos in places they vaguely remember, probably in the name of marketing, then the answer pulled right up
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Maybe I’m late to the game with this epiphany, but black cabs are now legitimately and consistently cheaper than Uber or bolt
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Was this written by/for somebody badly trying to lie their way out of a corner telegraph.co.uk/science/2018…
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Was running hours late for school once, & was going to get in serious trouble. Instead of going for excuses (again) I wanted a distraction. So I got some scissors & cut one leg off my school trousers from the knee down. When I arrived, all questions were about trousers. Success
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Was getting really depressed and angry seeing all the people at the cafe in Richmond Park with no masks on, then I remembered that loads of money protects you from anything
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We’ve made the first fully legal child sweatshop in the UK in over a century, Ethical Sweatshop. First run of 250 shirts go on sale 3pm GMT on Feb 4th @tristandross @SamDiss
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was so drunk last night that I forgot I had ordered a pizza as I was waiting for one to be delivered and ordered another
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At the Elephant and Castle Shopping Centre on it’s final day. Gathering of people outside, drowned out by clattering of building works. Chatted to a guy who has been running a food bank in here. Feeds 1500 people a week. Won’t exist from tomorrow. Offered no space by the council
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Shortness of breath due to unrelenting anxiety or imminent death? Hard to say, but love having a long, hard think about it every ten minutes
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Just had a 513-word email from somebody who signed off as ‘S’ explaining how they’ve figured out I am actually Banksy. Read it, & S makes a good case: I am Banksy
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My new film ‘Sending An Attractive Lookalike To My High School Reunion’ is out on @vice YouTube now. If you have any questions, post them under the video on YouTube and tag ‘Oobah butler’. I’ll answer them! piped.video/AHRM_QNvp9E
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