I like imagining conversations and writing them down. Se habla Español y se toma mezcal.
Inglewood, CA
- Tweets 269,093
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- Followers 7,747
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Boo’d Up ❤️
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Hate to be the bearer of bad news but… boring dinner dates are a product of the people in attendance.
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You know how terrible you have to be for a historically terrible person to say *YOU* are the fucking worst?
Former Vice President Dick Cheney: “In our nation’s 246-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump."
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Can’t believe I’m up at 7am going balls deep into the theory that explains IF Mrs. Pepper actually cheated on Mr. Salt or not.
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I need you to understand what happened when Dre whispered into that mic 😂😂😂
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Let’s just say that you’re correct and mass deportation “frees up” homes to ease demand.
Who do you think is going to jump in & buy those homes? Americans with a 7% interest rate in a tanking economy OR corporations/hedge funds/REITs?
You can’t fix this level of stupidity.
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A monkey pulled up in a monkey motorcycle and tried to kidnap a child.
Yes, this is the craziest tweet I’ve ever tweeted.
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One thing about the modest girlies… they don’t know how to be modest AND quiet. 🙄
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For $7 I will accidentally bump into him, say, “damn, time to go get those cataracts checked, UNC!”
Im available all week. You don’t have to live like this.
My spouse went out last night and some young girl said he looked 29 and now his head won’t fit in the damn car. Thanks a lot!
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You’re gonna imaginarily fight Keith Lee because your imaginary restaurant has terrible customer service?
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Stay the fuck outta their hood then.
Gangs of aggressive killer whales are shaking down Alaska fishing boats for their fish: report bit.ly/2sQ2iIr
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Twitter has overpriced drinks, rapey guys, unhinged girls, a few scammers and a bunch of ppl with fake ID’s. The DJ kinda sucks but the reason we come is bc every now and then, they have a fire playlist.
And now the owner wants to implement a cover charge.
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Man IDK but I once broke a key in the rent check’s mailbox to buy me a few more days.
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Cause I remember that some chick once tweeted “whoever got a voodoo doll of me pls rub the pussy part” and I threw my phone and just walked away from it 😂
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Elon better get it together because if Twitter shuts down, ima write my favorite tweets on post-it notes and stick em on every Tesla I see.
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Before you revv up your little bigot engines…
Mexicans come to the US and contribute to the economy, pay taxes, and contribute to the culture.
Americans go to Mexico, displace the locals and create inflation.
“Mexico is now deporting Americans back to the US”
Undocumented Americans moving to Mexico for a lower cost of living is causing inflation in Mexico.
You can’t make this up!!
Listen👇🔊
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Party x Bad Bunny.
Doing a gas station performance in your city has to feel surreal. 😂✨
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Mexican TikTok is wild. They kidnapped a lady’s husband, so she kidnapped the kidnapper’s mom.
She said she’ll return his mother in the same manner she receives her husband. 😂
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Cause Cash Money Records took over for the 99 & the 2000 and we’ve been doing that for 20 years now.
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The cool thing about us killing the planet is that we’re not really “killing the planet”… we’re just killing the possibility of us surviving in it.
Once we’re all dead and can no longer pollute it, the planet will regenerate itself. 🌎
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First of all, BITCH, keep Ms. Rachel’s name out of your mouth!
Ms. Rachel is an extremely popular YouTuber who makes content for babies and toddlers. She just posted a video celebrating Pride Month. This is a message to conservatives parents. She doesn’t want your business. You should respond accordingly.
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Me: I’m really enjoying this product, Trader Joe’s!
TJ: Ok… but do you LOVE it?
Me: I do!
TJ: Well it’s DISCONTINUED NOW!
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I keep seeing folks saying “when we go back to normal” and I hope that they understand that “normal” is never coming back.
Normal got us here. This changes everything.
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We all remember the 2019 baby announcement! We congratulated them too but secretly, we were all like
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Also: this is a serious issue. It’s not ok and we should ALL be embarrassed about this shit.
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Men always criticize our big ole purses but stay asking us for something out of it.
"U got gum?"
"Give me some lotion"
"Hold my gun"
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What working from home is really like:
Me: *on a conference call*
*looks up from laptop screen*
Him:
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Idk why I follow an IG account dedicated to a chihuahua (with LOOKS) named Calorie, but it’s everything. 😭
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Jamaican spot got my order wrong but ima still eat it because it’s Jamaican food and it’s never not delicious.
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Oxtail as we know it in America. Asian culture typically braise and pressure cook it until it basically falls apart/melts like butter. They eat it in udon/ramen too 🔥
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I really don’t wanna log into MournHub.
Coronavirus: Funerals 'could be streamed online' if COVID-19 becomes pandemic news.sky.com/story/coronavir…
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😂 it’s part of a 9 course meal at Ukai Tei, a Michelin-rated Teppanyaki restaurant in Tokyo, Japan.
It’s def a bit uppidy, but overall, the food was great. Typically about $160/pp
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“I have every right to break and burn it down. I’m not asking anyone for permission because I am breaking and burning it for MY DAUGHTER. And those who want to break, BREAK. Those who want to burn it down, BURN IT DOWN, and those who don’t - DON’T get in our way”
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He hit everyone up like “DO NOT DEPOSIT RENT CHECKS IN MAILBOX. Please hand it to me when you see me”
And I avoided that mf for a smooth week. 😂👏🏼
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