Hello! I'm the co-founder of car website theautopian.com! Also, I'm an affable dipshit. Ask me about taillights! You'll regret it, a bit!
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My coworker ate a huge pile of dropped french fries and then took a pale, loose shit on the lawn
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Just learned the official @Lego tiger includes an anus and I couldn't be more delighted. Maybe everything is going to be okay after all. Also, excellent re-purposing of what I think was a Lego flower piece.
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BEWARE OF APRIL FOOLS COVID VACCINATIONS! I’m pretty sure I got taken in by this when a guy in a Chevy Cobalt injected me with what I now think was 45cc of Mountain Dew Code Red. My body feels like wicker and I can’t see anything with corners. BE CAREFUL
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hi! I'm a Jalopnik writer--we write about cars. Could I ask you some questions about this? If you're actually a robot, that's fine, too. DM me?
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The Yugo shifter vibrates so much the phone camera can’t really catch it and so it looks like it’s phasing in and out of our dimension
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IUD antenna, used to transmit data from the birth control and hornone management satellites in gynosynchrinous orbit
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This is like when Knotts Berry Farm announced all their security shutdowns after 9/11 and everyone was like yeah, don’t worry
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I got to use my 3d printer to fix my kid’s VR controller and that sentence would definitely have convinced 13 yo me that I’m president of the future
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Society needs to demand more cars that look like you refuel them by putting gas in a bowl and setting it in front of their noses
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I like how she gives God her name at the end there. "It's me, Michelle Bachman, we met briefly that night I accidentally thought those Ambien were my vitamins."
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Thanks for picking something we can all relate to, as we quickly glance to our pile of bisected giraffes to fully comprehend this
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Guess what: @davidntracy and @BeauBoeckmann and I are teaming up to start A WHOLE NEW CAR WEBSITE. I'm excited. And nervous. But excited. Here's what it's all about:
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My ancestry is Ukrainian, from the town of Torchyn. I'm told they make ketchup there. I'm proud to have that ancestry. I hope this mess ends soon, with Ukraine victorious. (The car here is one of my favorite Urkrainian-built cars, a ZAZ-965.)
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I respect people who take the Dadaist approach to car body damage and use it as an opportunity to have some fun
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I tend to get a lot of feedback from hardcore Tesla fans, an automotive subgroup that I find fascinating. They're usually pretty belligerent to me, but even for them this comment was a standout. Now, I'm a Jew, with a grandfather that survived real progroms. This is, uh, oh boy:
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Not too many places you can just see the world’s finest, most refined SUV just driving on the road. Too bad that Rolls-Royce Cullinan heap is in its way.
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On the way home from the zoo, the Yugo decided that trouble-free operation felt too weird so the shift linkage vanished. I bodged up a fix with 2 hose clamps and a rock and we made it home.
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I’m back! At least a bit. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to have your aorta rip like cheap pants, have I got a story for you!
The thing we're most grateful for this Christmas is @JasonTorchinsky not dying. theautopian.com/what-it-feel…
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This is like holding a press conference to explain that you just got out of a cold shower when they saw your junk.
White House press secretary attacks media for accurately reporting inauguration crowds cnn.it/2j9jpPN
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Unrelated, I'm helping my kid with math homework and was wondering if you could check his work: 2>0? Is that correct? I'll just tell him, he's sitting still right next to me at 2mph. Or, he was? Huh.
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Audi ordering a big version of their Audi Sport logo:
AUDI: one rhombus, please
DISCOUNT RHOMBUS OUTLET: What color?
AUDI: Red.
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The Minneapolis-St.Paul airport has some of the best urinals I’ve ever had the pleasure of soaking with urine. Real stalls, full-height walls with storage cubbies and hangars, a marble back wall to stare at and see shapes in whilst micturating— these are a urinator’s dream!
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ALERT ALERT I HAVE THOUGHTS ON THE NEW MAIL TRUCK PLEASE REMAIN CALM jalopnik.com/lets-do-a-quick…
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I think one of the most unappreciated predictions of Kubrick’s 2001 is his dead-on depiction of airline seatback entertainment screens
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I think driving a really beat to shit Rolls-Royce would be a lot of fun. It sends such a wonderfully confusing message, or maybe hints at a bigger story.
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Nothing is more fun than really making the average value of the cars at a car show PLUMMET with Yugo power
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I just realized English needs a word for something that you absolutely, rationally expected but somehow still manage to be shocked to see happen.
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I was once in a Peel trident in an F150 bed, which was on a flatbed. The @LaneMotor has me beat.
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This airplane has a mini-DIN port next to the USB which is great because I was wondering where I could plug in my ImageWriter II
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Pao is almost done! The yellow fog lamps are hard to find, abd I’m really sick of hitting deer, so I got a bright LED light to replace the smashed fog. I kinda like the asymmetric look? Is it too weird?
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Holy crap I had no idea this was happening but boy am I thankful for all of you and touched and all all all of that. I'm a very lucky idiot. jalopnik.com/jason-torchinsk…
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Hey, this is interesting news, huh? jalopnik.com/david-tracy-and… @davidntracy @BeauBoeckmann @TheAutopian
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It's pretty exciting to see the lone image on the mood board for the team that designed the rear of the #Cybertruck
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Saw two interesting automotive relics today: a Tesla Roadster and an AMC Ambassador. That’s a pretty good spread of extremes.
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I know I left before all this happened, but I'd like to remind everyone to support my talented former co-workers at Jalopnik during the strike. Don't go to any G-O media sites during the strike! Writers make those sites, so let's support them, and be sure they get treated right.
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Some dude just walked into our house, thinking it was someone else’s. I came into our living room and he was just standing there, confused. I was pretty confused, too, and also pantless. I almost grabbed the Secret Hammer but thankfully explanations and apologies ended it. Weird
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CHANGLI! More Changli goodness coming up on @Jalopnik soon!
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The idea that this for-profit company run by a billionaire is somehow a brutally oppressed group is just bonkers. Also, I’d like to mention that it was a pig that saved my grandfather from a Progrom as a little kid.
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I’m on a press trip in Santa Fe and spotted this sweet unrestored Kik-Step in regular use. Out here, rust hasn’t claimed all of these. At auction on Bring-a-Handtruck these babies go for big bucks. Fixed up, this’d be a real librarian magnet.
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I know I don’t usually do cars this comfortable or modern for Jason Drives, but this one is special.
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I was driving with my kid yesterday when he saw a sign off the highway. That made him ask “What’s the purpose of Hooters,” allowing me the rare fatherly joy of explaining that some people like to be horny when they eat chicken wings.
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Kid just called me a “fudging mother chicken” and I gotta admit that’s some prime R-movie-on-network-TV language. Goofy little flooding shed head.
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Actual human being @davidntracy eating non-shower spaghetti with a flathead screwdriver
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“Oh father! Can you teach me ways humanity fought the Chicken Tax?”
“Yes, my son. Come. Come sit in the Seat of Deception.”
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I'm a toy designer for reals now! Take that, seventh-grade gym coach who said I'd never design a widely-available multi-faceted iconic mid-century bus toy! jalopnik.com/a-bus-toy-i-des…
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Gas is so cheap now that this only increases the resale value by 50% instead of doubling it.
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Happy Ninth FSD Nextyearmas! jalopnik.com/elon-musk-promi…
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Oh boy look at this
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Who’s in the mood for some wagering? I set up my Atari 2600 and Apple II to play each other in chess. Apple is white on the Atari screen, orange on the Apple screen. I’ll post updates as the game progresses. Place your bets! I tried to even the odds, too (see replies)
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The adhesive was a bit of a mess but I think my 3D printed Yugo badge with extra Torch branding looks okay
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I wrote about buying a cheap-ass canoe and hauling it on my Pao and I got this email from a man very, very angry that someone on the internet bought a sub-par canoe. He's worried about my relationship with my son because of my crappy canoe. I'm baffled by this. It's fascinating.
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I can’t hive any driving impressions for the Polestar 2 yet, but this shot of some info on the dash should impress.
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Must be nice to be so rich you can hire the same joke writers who normally work for Myrtle Beach's finest T-Shirt stands and the best novelty coffee mug outlets
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In this Thanksgiving, we paid our respects to the former 11’8” bridge, now the 12’4” bridge.
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Finally installed the REAL YUGO wheel @davidntracy got for me during his travels in Eastern Europe. It’s so much better than the garbage wheel this had, and that Yugo logo right there never lets me forget how good I have it.
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I wonder how many other drivers in America had to push a disabled Panhard Dyna X off the road today
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Going to the grocery store on a car:
• boring
• can be quick at least
Going to the grocery store in a Changli:
• thrilling
• kinda slow
• maybe a touch illegal? (i.e. cool)
• makes using actual tiny luggage spaces strangely satisfying
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