Author (NOTHING.EVERYTHING.), essayist, humor/history writer, hist grad student, founder Make Room for Kids at Mario Lemieux Fdn, creator pghremains.com
Pittsburgh, PA
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My debut novel is born today.
It’s funny. It’s heartwarming. Writing it felt like magic.
I hope you’ll give it a chance and share it if you love it.
amazon.com/Nothing-Everythin…
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I really have been out there just crossing Pittsburgh’s 446 rickety ass bridges with the full confidence that they will not collapse beneath me.
Absolutely terrifying.
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Dads love to drive through Pittsburgh neighborhoods and say, “Imagine living on THIS hill in the winter.”
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So many Pittsburghers prob looking at this and wondering what is grammatically incorrect about it
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Dear @mcuban, I am once again asking you to buy the Pittsburgh Pirates. I look forward to hearing from you soon re: this pressing matter.
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I just want to sit in the sun at PNC Park for nine innings and watch the Pittsburgh Pirates lose a game of baseball.
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When you think of everything his father stood for. Fought for. Said. Did. Believed. Wanted.
This saddens me.
Trump in Pittsburgh brings Roberto Clemente Jr. on stage. The son of the Pittsburgh Pirates legend endorses Trump and said a big reason why is because of RFK Jr and to “Make America Healthy Again”
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I’m 46. In the past 18 months I’ve gone through a separation, a divorce, adjustment to life as a single mother of an autistic teen, a few health scares, and a pandemic, but today I finished writing my first novel and I am proud of me for the first time in years. Please clap.
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It's honestly wild that Pittsburghers pronounce Versailles wrong but Duquesne right. Imagine trying to figure this city out. There are no rules. We do what we want.
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If the ketchup shortage hits hard, Heinz better take care of Pittsburgh first. We’ve never called it catsup. We’ve collectively shunned Hunt’s like it’s made of asbestos and gasoline. We shamed Kennywood when they tried to switch.
Reward us.
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When it's winter in Pittsburgh and you're in the middle of something and the sun suddenly comes out
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Someone unplug the Pittsburgh sports teams and plug them back in and see if that works thnx
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You spelled rape wrong
Authorities say Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Felipe Vázquez admitted to sex with 13-year-old girl hill.cm/DAk0DN1
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Franco Harris. I've said this before when Pittsburgh legends die, but it is especially true today: we're lucky he was ours, and his legacy is safe here with us.
🖤💛
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When Pittsburghers say “a couple,” like in “a couple of cookies” or “a couple of days,” it can mean anywhere from 2 to 20. We don’t give a damn about the meanings of words.
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Stumbled on this about the Pirates from The Pittsburgh Post/August 1891. The way I cackled.
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Me to the poor confused Fort Pitt Bridge right-lane drivers with out-of-state plates as they find themselves heading toward Monroeville against their will
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Lol as if anyone in Pittsburgh will call Heinz Field anything other than Heinz Field no matter what they tell us the new name of it is.
You get one chance to name a building in this city and then it is FOREVER.
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Is there anything more Pittsburgh than having a flood-prone spot on the major highway through town, and instead of fixing it, we just named it and accepted it into the family?
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My hot take is bring all the refugees to Pittsburgh I want them all I want their smiles and their contributions and their food and their talents and their dreams and their languages floating in our air
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Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever forget that the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette endorsed Donald Trump.
“This newspaper has not supported a Republican for president since 1972. But we believe Mr. Trump, for all his faults, is the better choice this year.” Oct. 31, 2020
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The citizens of Pittsburgh express concern that a man who speaks on behalf of insurrectionists thinks he can speak on behalf of us.
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YINZER TEST
Say these three words:
▪️Pole
▪️Pull
▪️Pool
Did you say them all the same? Welcome to the club. Here’s your yinzer card.
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Ted Cruz: Pittsburgh is smoky and full of downtrodden laborers with coal-smeared faces, black lungs, and a ceiling of smoke you can’t see through on a sunny day and they want more earth-ruining, lung-scalding jobs!
Pittsburgh:
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Pittsburgh is the hardest city in the world to try to rename things in. Best wishes. Lots of luck. “Carnegie” until I die. 😂 ✌🏼
🎉Exciting announcement!🎉 Today, Dan and Carole Kamin committed an amazing $65 million gift to the Science Center. In recognition of their generosity, the Science Center will be renamed the Daniel G. and Carole L. Kamin Science Center.
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Every Steeler fan in Pittsburgh congratulating themself for switching seats/leaving the room/ changing shirts/switching Terrible Towel hands/banishing specific children from the room
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Living in Pittsburgh in April means the furnace, the AC, the winter coat, and shorts and flip-flops all in 24 hours.
This is why yinzers are generally good at dealing with chaos. In this white paper I will …
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◻️ Cruz
◻️ Christie
◻️ Trump
◻️ Paul
◻️ Rubio
◻️ Bush
◻️ Walker
◻️ Kasich
◻️ Carson
◻️ Huckabee
☑️ Big giant asteroid
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The five-mile stretch between Churchill and the Turnpike on the Parkway East is Pittsburgh’s autobahn. If you go 70 on it, cars will still zoom past you like you’re driving a horse and buggy.
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Pittsburgh is like the girl in glasses in rom-coms who others don’t realize is pretty until she takes them off, but really she was pretty and amazing the whole time; they just weren’t actually looking.
Name a city that exceeded expectations upon your first visit. I’ll start with Pittsburgh. I knew PNC Park would be awesome. I did not know Pittsburgh the city is also fucking awesome.
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The Pirates have won 10 of 15 games since Roberto’s grandson breathed life into them
A baseball love affair. Roberto Clemente III might be the @Pirates biggest fan. 💛🖤
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Does Dave Portnoy, and I ask this sincerely, own a mirror?
Dave Portnoy ranks attractiveness of Pittsburghers. It isn't pretty triblive.com/lifestyles/food…
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I’ll never understand as long as I live how Giant Eagle trying to keep employees safe by asking customers to wear masks again is turning a bunch of supposed free-market capitalists into whining children stomping their feet screaming “boycott!”
My god, you absolute jagoffs.
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Man, you call in a school active shooter hoax in the city of Tree of Life, I hope you rot all the way back to worm dirt
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I fixed it.
Pittsburgh’s mayors:
👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👨🏻👩🏻👨🏻👨🏻👶🏻🎅🏼👨🏿
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How quickly “don’t come in illegally” has shifted to “don’t come in at all.” Charleroi’s Haitian immigrants are the new target. It’s only going to get uglier due to dehumanizing anti-immigrant rhetoric. I can already see how history will write this shameful chapter. Plain as day.
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It drives me nuts that so many cities have riverfront Ferris Wheels but Pittsburgh doesn’t when we have three rivers and THIS IS THE CITY IN WHICH THE FERRIS WHEEL WAS INVENTED.
Do it for poor George Ferris whose ashes weren’t claimed for a year after he died at Mercy.
🖤🎡💛
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Someone please tell the men who keep storming off interviews and news sets to try being less emotional and smiling more. Thnx.
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If you're wondering why Pittsburgh has gotten no snow this winter, it is because at the end of last winter, I got a snowblower.
I'm sorry or you're welcome. Whichever of those fits your situation.
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The true unspoken rule in Pittsburgh is you’ll never drive onto a bridge in the same lane you’ll need to exit it.
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Jonas Salk didn't spend 20 years researching disease before 7 years creating the polio vaccine (that he tested on himself and his kids) releasing generations from fear of iron lungs and paralysis, just for you to let polio come back because you did your own 5 minutes of research.
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My latest for @PittsburghPG:
"Dear Bob Nutting, Are you proud?"
It was meant to eviscerate in the name of Roberto Clemente; I hope I succeeded.
post-gazette.com/opinion/Op-…
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Me: *Accidentally likes a shoe ad on Instagram*
Instagram: 👞 👠 👟 👠 👞👢👡
Me: “No, wait-“
Instagram: 🥾👟👞👢👡👠🥿🥾👟👡👢👠👡👠🥿
Me: “I don’t need-“
Instagram: 👢👢👡👡👠👠🥾👟🥿🥿👢👢👢👡👠👠👠🥿👟🥾👞👞👢👡👡👠🥿👠🥾👟👡👢👠🥿🥾👟👡👢👢👢👡👠👠🥾👟👢👡👠🥿👟🥾👡👠👢
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So many hateful jagoffs working on their best lame insults right now while Dr. Levine just continues her climb, now to a senate-confirmed position one rung away from being on the presidential succession list.
Stay mad. 😆💪🏼
BREAKING NEWS: Pa. Health Secretary Dr. Rachel Levine has been tapped to become the Assistant Secretary of Health in President-elect Joe Biden's cabinet. cbsloc.al/35TcYZi
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The only way your car is getting through the pothole-riddled streets of Pittsburgh unscathed is if you drive like the lane markings are just suggestions.
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If the only way you can lead the Penguins in 130 minutes of hockey is by hurting Sidney Crosby, you might suck at hockey.
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I have a self-esteem issue so believe me when I say I didn’t think I’d get into this selective program. My application explained that my graduate research will focus on using Pittsburgh’s past to impact Pittsburgh’s future for the better. I hope I succeed at that.
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Today is Pittsburgh’s birthday and also a good day to acknowledge the original inhabitants of the lands near the forks — the Monongahela, Hopewell, Iroquois, Magua, Mingo, Mengwe, Delaware, and Shawnee.
💛🖤
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Life is short and hard. Be kind. Extend love. Stop fearing desperate humans risking it all to create a better life. You might do the same had you not been born here. Would we not do all we could for our children so they could know prosperity & peace? Seeking asylum is legal 💛🖤
The City of Pittsburgh is preparing for asylum seekers to come on Greyhound buses. wpxi.com/news/local/alleghen…
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Pirates ownership going for an afternoon stroll
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I live in a constant state of nervousness being mother to a 21-year-old pilot but today he is flying around over the city of Pittsburgh and sending his mama pics of the beauty
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As the mom of a funny, smart autistic 17-year-old girl, there are few things more beautiful to see than when kids like her feel free, even for just a moment, to live as their authentic, joyful selves. We must turn away from those who, upon witnessing that joy, choose to be vile.
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Steelers said, “Pittsburgh, you said you wanted football and my God are you gonna get all of the football in game 1.”
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What in the ever-loving shale hell do people think Pennsylvania is — 7 million people going to their fracking jobs every day while singing old railroad songs?? 🙄
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Nearly all traffic in Pittsburgh is caused by one of 4 things:
- a tunnel
- rubbernecking
- precipitation
- people braking on the Parkways because they are convinced there’s traffic ahead even when there isn’t
Change my mind.
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For the love of God it is time to turn everything, and I mean everything, over to the women.
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🗣KEEP PITTSBURGH’S NAME OUT OF YOUR SEDITIOUS MOUTH
By rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement, President Biden indicates he’s more interested in the views of the citizens of Paris than in the jobs of the citizens of Pittsburgh. This agreement will do little to affect the climate and will harm the livelihoods of Americans.
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Pittsburghers: “A little rain soon would be nice.”
Pittsburgh weather: “Here’s 65 tornados!”
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The thing I will never understand is how the people screaming with their whole chests for a boycott of Primanti’s are the same people who claim to be against “cancel culture”
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Listen 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 me 👏🏼
Tomorrow is Monday. Do not give Wendy Bell or Marty Griffin your ears. Your eyes. Your words. Your time.
You already know what they will say. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing you heard it.
A voice with no one to hear it makes no sound.
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I’m in Charlottesville, Virginia and this is what we need more of in downtown Pittsburgh. Open streets. Not just occasionally or once a month in the summer. From spring through fall. A destination. Not a place to just drive through.
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Whew. Oz campaign’s time of death is whenever this video was posted. RIP.
📺 NEW VIDEO
Retweet to show Dr. Oz that there’s no place like home and send him back to New Jersey! #WizardOfLies
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If you refer to a Black musician playing a historic flute with permission from the Library of Congress as “desecration” but you don’t have a problem with insurrectionists trashing the Capitol, smearing shit and marching a Confederate flag through it, get in the sea you 🗑️ racist.
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Thinking science isn't advanced enough to develop a safe vaccine but *IS* advanced enough to clone a fake John Fetterman in six months is certainly a choice.
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Sometimes the forecast makes all the downtown events get canceled in advance and then Pittsburgh weather goes, “Watch this.”
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My 18-year-old son was tasked with making the entrance to his dad’s Market Square restaurant a bit more festive during the recent @lasvelas refresh. He did this alone. As always, I’m proud of him.
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The surest sign the apocalypse is near is Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Arts Festival weather forecast calls for no rain.
We’re all gonna die.
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Was researching the new Rail Explorers excursion in WV for a possible day trip after I saw it in Pittsburgh mag, so I checked the Google reviews. I’d like to report a murder. RIP, Shannon.
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It literally makes me want to cry that there isn’t a packed house of screaming fans there for Sidney Crosby’s 1,000th game. That place should be deafening for him. This damn pandemic can just go die in a fire.
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Do you ever think about how Wendy Bell, in the space of like a year, went from branding herself as a cheery, loving POSITIVELY WENDY BELL sunshine-spreading joy-dewdrop to an F-your-feelings I'll-put-a-bullet-in-your-ass conspiracy-spreading rageball?
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My kid’s high school senior art show. The watch is charcoal and the coconut is chalk. Super proud of him.
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HIPAA is the new First Amendment — a lot of people who don’t really understand it screaming real real loudly about it.
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Pittsburgh millenials and Gen-Zers are tough because we used to ride the Jack Rabbit double-dip with a seatbelt that was basically a Twizzler.
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I wrote about the renaming of Heinz Field. Yes, it matters to Pittsburghers and for good reason. Let me explain why. breathingspace.substack.com/…
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