My hero died yesterday . It happened so suddenly, in a flash. I cannot believe it still, it’s like I’m in the worst possible nightmare imaginable. I got a call from my brother at 2am last night saying she wasn’t feeling well. The asthma had kicked in again. The fucking asthma. How many times did I tell her to go get it checked out?
They took her to the hospital where they could not stabilize her vitals. She went so fast. I wish I could’ve gotten to talk to her one more time and tell her I loved her. I wish I called her more. I wish I hugged her more. When I finally got to the hospital, she had already left us. I grabbed her hands and hugged her so tight. She had just done her nails, one of them had a reindeer on it, she was so excited for this Christmas.
The one thing I can’t get over is her smell. Her image lives on through photos and videos and so does her voice, but what about her smell? She smelled like home — like protection — like my mother. There’s no way to bottle that up. I hope I never forget it.
My whole family was there to say goodbye. It was a surreal scene to see my big family all surrounding her body, all crying, all in shock. She was the strongest of us all. Our rock.
She always said she’d live well into her hundreds, and I believed it. I know the universe knows its ways and things don’t always make sense but man… I could have never foreseen this. My family and I are as resilient as it gets, we have been through so much to get here, but this hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt.
My mom lived every single day to the fullest. She hated sitting around, she needed to be active, she needed to be helping. She helped everyone she met. It’s where I get it from. The measure of a good life is how many people you leave a positive impact on, and her impact on those she met is immeasurable. Thousands of people. In Venezuela. In the US. Accepting she’s not here in the physical form will be the biggest challenge of my life, but I know she’s with me, with us, in essence, forever.
I am going to miss everything about her. These last few years she began to leave us messages all the time telling us how proud she was. Of me. Of my sister and my brother. She never let a chance to show her support pass. If you were my friend and knew I loved you, she followed you and became your biggest fan too. I am going to miss everything about her.