That's alright! I like it down here!
- Tweets 8,141
- Following 353
- Followers 3,524
- Likes 29,595
Pinned Tweet
I have been trying to riff with Barack Obama in his replies for twelve years
3
3
166
28,162
Very funny that Trump's would-be assassin was a teenager with some kind of genetic disorder but for Charlie Kirk they were like "send in...The Jackal"
230
6,177
169,504
3,472,197
Twelve straight years of the American president being too old/stupid to read their briefings is probably fine
55
1,707
40,453
520,986
Wife on House Hunters: I love that Old World aesthetic. I want a modern farmhouse look with hardwood floors.
Her evil husband making shit up to be difficult: I need the dining room to be carpeted so my kids can play Carpet Games after dinner
18
1,664
32,674
569,534
Don’t post your monitor next time. I’ve used the frequencies from your onboard navigation system to pinpoint vulnerabilities in your security system. I can now remotely operate and, if necessary, destroy your vehicle
33
350
17,719
427,403
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana!? 🤣🤪” No. I enjoyed the repetition. I found banana soothing. Orange is an unwelcome intrusion.
6
735
10,418
225,342
When you get so high on weed you don't remember what you did last night and you get a hangover
8
41
6,990
87,852
I think it’s awesome that these toads are still being hosed down with SSRIs by the president they voted for
We couldn't even get through the fireworks tonight in AZ without the poison being sprayed on us. @SecDef should put an end to this weather manipulation effective immediately.
16
182
6,728
200,079
Just made up a movie called "The Edible" that came out in 2016 and Seth Rogen is soyfacing on the cover
24
205
6,053
118,770
The left has no idea what it's done. We're done being peaceful. We're standing up, walking to the computer, and rooting for the police to get you
78
257
5,931
101,604
Dimes Square people will be like "I can't wait until the RAPIST immigrants go home!" and then go to Rape Castle for a 'Rapist Magazine' launch party funded by Rapier Capital
20
196
5,527
192,236
You wake up and it’s 1997. Toonami is on TV, Blockbuster is still open. Life is good. You walk into your parents' room and your naked dad is on top of your mom. What is he doing? You have to stop him. You have to get rid of dad so you can be with your mom.
11
335
4,336
143,129
[after watching videos of bum fights and airport crashouts alone in my apartment for six hours] It’s crazy how antisocial people have become
1
144
3,713
81,368
“Cereal? Should be on…aisle 5”
“Okay cool. Thanks…”
I look at his name tag: it says “OBAMNA SODA.” I realize instantly that I’m in the Matrix.
We lock eyes. He knows that I know.
I try to one-arm shoulder throw him and my disc instantly slips
4
167
3,422
57,296
“Oh great! How am I supposed to rape this guy?”
Hi @Uber.
Can you please explain to me why my food, that was supposed to be delivered by a woman, was delivered by a middle aged man?
Thanks, look forward to your reply.
Community note
According to Uber, “Delivery people are independent contractors and can have someone else complete a delivery if eligible”. Attached is a screenshot from a support chat with Uber when I had the same issue.
imgur.com/a/cgT2Ta
2
51
2,899
94,690
The Bible is very clear about what to do if you discover your husband’s Grindr account
7
19
2,158
59,160
Wife: I don’t know if this medieval trap door is safe for our toddlers
Husband: [looking coyly at real estate agent] see what I have to deal with 😏
1
33
2,024
24,747
A true landlord isn’t in it for the money. He does what he does because he’s passionate about land
5
76
1,792
22,118
The economics book is just pictures illustrating what happens when you have two cows and your neighbor takes one
4
11
1,481
47,344
It’s really the capacity to read and comprehend that I’d argue is what’s important here
1
2
1,401
14,316
Hi there,
I am currently out of the office because I'm sad that my boss made me cover up a massive child sex trafficking ring. I will be returning to the office tomorrow.
Kind regards,
Dan Bongino
7
78
1,317
39,323
I like when Criterion just kind of gives up and releases a collection like “Noirs That Start With B” or “The Films of Hollywood”
1
83
1,314
24,959
My gf knows so much about how to set up a bank account and rent a car and use a French press and file taxes. And yet, when it comes to the basic facts of the Sino-Soviet border incident, she is shockingly ignorant.
1
136
1,297
23,995
The only group of people more MK ULTRAble than soldiers is reality tv show participants
7
1,165
19,271
Confronted one of my gangstalkers and got to talking: turns out we’re both hockey fans who love classic rock.
3
64
1,163
18,115
President Trump, thanks so much for destroying the deep state and fixing the economy and redeeming America for one thousand years. If it’s not too much, just wondering if you could ease up on the weather machines that drowned my children. Thanks!
25
1,162
12,167
Sad that LibsofTikTok is posting on Valentine's Day. She should be too busy getting showered with gifts and attention by her boyfriend or husband. Where is this guy?
8
15
1,086
21,789
Hold on a second: teenagers playing video games online are saying racist stuff? What the huh?!?!
9
9
1,048
18,286
I hate when I get rejected from a job and I get an email from the company explaining to me that an Indian guy with a fake degree took it
2
10
1,012
11,325
Probably the funniest reaction you could have to hearing one of your employees has been shot to death
9
76
1,027
37,900
Your honor, sorry, before you sentence the defendant I just want to suggest we put also put his lawyer in jail too, for helping him. Thank you your honor.
2
104
1,031
29,847
The haters didn’t believe an evil weapons and surveillance company could be massively successful in America…
3
78
888
29,359
His brain liquified on TV and had to drop out of his reelection campaign but I’m sure that didn’t affect his reading comprehension abilities
8
1
861
10,765
The Freemasons have hidden occult symbols in every aspect of public life. They have also hidden my keys and my AirPods
2
61
877
10,885
Similar to how they made hating social media their whole thing and then they ended up going insane on Facebook because they had to check out what this "Farmville" thing was about
4
4
774
27,785
Kanye in heaven: I did it mama! I left the Democratic plantation and now I’m a Nazi! I love Hitler, mama!
Donda: [voice muffled by comically large breasts] That’s awesome baby
11
102
800
24,163
It’s awesome that a East Palestine train derailment happens once or twice a month now and — get this — none of the MAGA people pretend to give a shit
NOW - Explosion and toxic ammonia leak from the C.F. Industries plant near Yazoo City, Mississippi. Officials order evacuations after a massive plume spread.
nitter.app/i/status/1986224927528…
3
62
822
19,219
We are literally living in Groyper World and they’re still going like “man we really could’ve been popular if it weren’t for the evil liberals of 2015”
1
6
778
10,602
This is regular popcorn. Can I get the singing popcorn from the video? It was dancing with the hot dog and the candy bar?
1
92
741
22,222
Got fired from my job as the piano player at a saloon because I stop playing every time someone comes in, even when the person isn’t a scary outlaw who just rolled into town
4
53
692
20,400
I live in the suburbs of Omaha and the plan is to leave my mom's basement on June 14 and start collecting homeowner scalps
5
10
665
11,730
It feels really really good to socialize with my friends while also assisting in the construction of a Nazi robot
8
35
641
19,304
If this was 2017 there would already be an account called “Joe Biden’s Nodule” with 50K followers by now
A small nodule was found in former President Joe Biden’s prostate after “a routine physical exam," a spokesperson confirmed to ABC News on Tuesday.
Read more: abcnews.link/PRKd4Ur
12
31
637
47,281
[looking at some boosted content from the freak website that rewards you for acting like a piece of shit] Why is EVERYONE LIKE THIS NOW
4
47
621
13,639
[Launching into my nine millionth soliloquy about what makes Jews special and unique] we’re pretty modest at the end of the day,
3
547
4,686
You’ll be shocked to learn these guys have posted exactly zero times about “Mecha Hitler”
Elmo’s account tweeted: “Kill all Jews.”
Sesame Street blamed a “hack.”
No proof. No apology. No accountability.
Christina Vittas — the person behind Elmo — still has her job.
We demand a real investigation.
Or fire the person responsible.
📣 @SesameWorkshop @PBSKIDS @elmo
4
44
552
26,202
If Tom Cruise ever dies while performing a stunt I think we should drag his body through the streets and jeer at him. "Pretender! False stuntman!"
3
20
539
8,807
Hm. Getting bored. Let’s see what’s going on on that website that algorithmically serves you the content most likely to make you kill yourself
3
67
540
13,653
Sitting in the opposite chair all day and saying stuff like “well, I disagree, Charlie. I still think it’s good that child porn is illegal.”
Today, we announced that we will commission a statue of Charlie Kirk to honor his legacy and incredible work after his tragic assassination last week. The statue, privately funded by community leaders, will stand on campus as a commitment by New College to defend and fight for free speech and civil discourse in American life. The location for the statue will be announced in the coming months.
5
38
534
15,279
The famous checks and balances from the Constitution are going to kick in any minute now.
6
58
524
15,702
[after seeing a Cheerios commercial that only features white people] Wow, it looks like they’ve finally got immigration under control
1
51
472
15,411
Hitting the dog and spraying pink mist all over the front of the house during their son Tyrban’s gender reveal
4
2
498
13,316
Wait a second...are you saying there's some kind of connection between Ivy League schools and the intelligence community?
2
2
467
7,667
<500 likes on Elon’s twitter
Even if Democrat candidates squeak out victories today, the party is still a big loser. Democrats have done nothing but push wokeism and socialism, or both!
The sugar high they get over defying Trump might make them feel better, but it’s never gonna win a general election in states where people are still sane!
Discussing on @AmericaRpts 240pmET FoxNews
3
3
497
35,906
Many diaspora whites (Americans) claim whiteness, but are desperate to distance themselves from white culture. Sad, but common.
5
6
416
10,861
Hey @tim_cook, just noticed Apple Maps still calls it the Gulf of Mexico. Sent a report through the app, but thought you’d want to know!
Community note
This is only a proposal, and directs the Secretary of the Interior to begin taking action on it within 30 days.
No renaming has yet occurred.
Also, if you read the details of the order, only a portion of it is to be renamed - that which directly borders US states.
whitehouse.gov/presidential-a
1
13
441
10,497
Completely gutted. I just finished writing my pilot "CIA: FBI."
CBS has ordered a pilot for a new "FBI" spin-off, currently titled "FBI: CIA."
variety.com/2025/tv/news/fbi…
1
32
440
19,190
Taking a little break from all the Thanksgiving festivities to go down to the basement and work on my Evil doll
1
41
453
18,358
