I daydream about peace. and I occasionally take a photo or two.
- Tweets 3,478
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- Followers 8,487
- Likes 31,211
LOL I just emailed a startup saying I'd love to talk to them for TechCrunch. Instead of googling it, they replied with "What is TechCrunch".
I'm impressed.
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I've moved on from @TechCrunch, focusing on helping early-stage startup founders raise money.
If you're raising <$1.5m, check out the AI tool I built to give feedback on your deck: haje.pub/ai and my guide to all things fundraising: pitch.guide/pitch-guide-know…
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You wouldn't believe how often I get these types of inquiries.
Then I got curious... What if I tried to _buy_ an article on @TechCrunch?
I headed to @fiverr and spent $800 with people who guaranteed they could get my article placed on the site.
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I got curious what'd happen if I tried to buy an article on @TechCrunch via @Fiverr. I think I stumbled into some organized crime, and a scammer who impersonated @JagmeetS13 in a #Telegram chat to try to convince me he was legit.
It's a wild story:
techcrunch.com/2023/07/19/th…
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GREAT NEWS: All 85 Pitch Deck Teardowns I've done for @TechCrunch are now available 100% for free, without a paywall.
It's an incredible library of feedback and examples of pitch decks that have successfully raised money.
haje.pub/pdt?12
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I'm getting some fantastically tone-deaf and tasteless pitches trying to tie startup news to the Israel situation. Come on, folks, have some heart. #PRFail
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I just had a pitch from a PR firm that describes itself as 'politely pushy'.
Allow me to 'gently trash' the completely irrelevant press release.
#PRFail
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📌 How to pitch me on TechCrunch, what I cover, and some of my other projects. A brief thread...
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Today would have been by 10th wedding anniversary.
The divorce was as kind and as compassionate as a divorce can be.
And yet, I am overwhelmed by grief, sadness, and a sense of loss.
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PR: <pitches me crypto story>
Me: I don't love crypto, try someone on the crypto team?
PR: Who on TechCrunch writes about crypto?
Me: ...
I dunno. If only our stories were, like, tagged in some sort of way so you could possibly find that out. techcrunch.com/category/cryp…
#PRFail
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Today, I'll be publishing my first Pitch Deck Teardown on @TechCrunchPlus without the @TechCrunch paywall. That's right - a completely free teardown of a company that raised at a $1.7 billion valuation. Stay tuned. Woooo! Thanks, @Alex for greenlighting this :D
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Some personal news. I’m no longer with @TechCrunch. But I’m still building tools for founders like there’s no tomorrow.
pitch.guide is where I do all my senanigans. Learn about what it takes to raise VC funding (and why you’re struggling)
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The number of tech layoffs is slowly declining - but are we out of the woods? Awesome data viz and reporting from @alyssastring for @TechCrunch here: techcrunch.com/2023/07/11/te…
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PR: "Can you write about us?"
Me: "Maybe, send me a release?"
PR: <sends link to a wire service from a week ago>
Me: Well... That's no longer news.
#PRFail
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What would happen if, instead of buying the newest iPhone every time Apple launches one, you bought that same amount of Apple stock instead? You'd have spent $16,000 on iPhones (around $20,000 in 2023 dollars), and you'd now have more than 900 shares in Apple, worth $145k
If you'd bought Apple shares instead of iPhones, you'd now have $145,000 tcrn.ch/3EGfkeU by @Haje
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There's one particular PR firm that keeps pitching me stuff that is a waste of everyone's time. One day I'll have to do a search in my email and see if they've _ever_ sent me a relevant pitch. And if not, I may just block the entire domain.
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Good news for #Startups raising money - I've completely updated the @TechCrunch & @TechCrunchPlus guide to raising money - now with 50+ articles, and 60+ pitch deck examples.
Check it out: techcrunch.com/2022/09/01/st…
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PR: I loved your article about [something I've never written about]
Me: Sorry, which article?
PR: You know, on TechCrunch.
Me: Could you send me a link?
PR: That's not important. Can you cover this startup [in a field I don't cover]?
#PRFail
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Oh nothing, just @elonmusk retweeting a quick video edit I did for @TechCrunch. 💅🏻
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Do we really really need a $340 Wi-Fi-enabled toaster? My newest on @TechCrunch.
Here, I'll save you reading my 1,000 word rant: No, no we do not.
techcrunch.com/2022/08/17/ti…
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All the @TechCrunch Pitch Deck Teardowns are now available without a paywall - that's a massive library of sample pitch decks and in-depth feedback you can learn from. Check 'em out for FREE: haje.pub/pdt
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Too damn long since I’ve seen this legend. - awesome to see you @alex! We are hanging out here at @TechCrunch #EarlyStage in Boston
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If you're doing a PR blast... Don't do it from a noreply@ email address. I wanted more info - don't make it harder for me to contact you than it needs to be...
#PRFail
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I guess, more than anything, it shows that we're in a bit of an echo chamber: My assumption that everyone knows what TechCrunch is, was wrong.
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This is why I foster cats. On the left: When the kitten was found on the street. On the right: At the end of being my foster fluff for a few weeks.
She went on to a wonderful forever home after that.
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Wait, is that a familiar voice on @EquityPod? That's right, the cat is out of the bag: Alongside @bayareawriter, I'll be a new regular voice on the 'pod!
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Omg excellent news, my Pitch Perfect book (haje.me/book) has just burned through the advance, so I'm going to start getting paid for copies sold! Excellent news ❤️
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Hey! You! Do you run an early-stage startup? Have you successfully raised money?
I want to take a closer look at your pitch deck from your most recent fundraise, for my @TechCrunch series Pitch Deck Teardown.
More info here: haje.me/submit
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📌 Pinned profile thread with some handy links about how to pitch me things for TechCrunch, or how to find some of my other projects...
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Found in my inbox today: "Your column is my favorite part of being a @TechCrunchPlus member"
yesssss.
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I really don’t need birthday wishes from my dentist and some random forum I signed up for 19 years ago.
But also. Happy birthday to me!
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100%. “If you continue to do X, I will need to do Y” is a good boundary.
‘If you cheat on me I will divorce you’ is a great boundary. It doesn’t tell the other person what they can or cannot do (you can’t make someone do anything) but it ties consequences to an action.
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Amazing to see @asilbwrites on stage at @TechCrunch #Disrupt2022, interviewing Keily Blair - Chief Strategy & Operations Officer at @OnlyFans
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Dutch founder I met this week:
"You have your own style. I like that. I don't like your style, but I like that you have one."
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Christ, a lot of PRs wouldn't know a news angle if it bit them in the ankles.
No, I don't need your report, your infographic, or your offer of a comment for an industry I don't cover. <grumble grumble>
#PRFail
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Oh please dear lord, listen to Carly. #PRFail
You’re better off spending an hour finding the one right journalist than blasting a hundred random ones.
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Just received a pitch for cucumber face wipes (!) and I genuinely think PRs are just trolling me now. #PRFail
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It's Apple day. So today I miss being on @bheater's team at TechCrunch. The energy and teamwork on intense media days like today is intoxicating and fun.
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I have a pair of friends who have an annual 'state of the nation' getaway together. In that, they choose whether they stay married for another year, every year. They've been going for 15-ish years, and the way they re-affirm an re-choose each other is super sweet.
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According to @t_blom from @ycombinator, VCs care less about your pitch and more about... well, you. Investors are on the prowl for unicorns amidst a paddock of Shetland ponies. My newest on @TechCrunch from #EarlyStage last week techcrunch.com/2024/04/27/yo…
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PR: Here's a unit for you to review
Me: It doesn't work 100%.
PR: It's a pre-production unit, you found a known problem.
Me: I'll have to mention that in the article.
PR: Nooooo
Me: Well... _you_ sent me this device to review, not mentioning it was pre-prod.
#PRFail
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Okay; now I think PRs are just trolling me. I just got a pitch for the perfect anti-thesis of what I cover; a no-name award by an unknown company awarded in an industry I don't care about -- in a press release dated last week. A perfect storm of reasons to not cover this. #PRfail
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"Show of hands - how many people identify themselves as a #BoyBoss?"
No hands went up -- great way to make a point, at @TechCrunch #Disrupt2022, @lindsaykap!
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So excited to deliver this presentation to an accelerator cohort this morning. Let's gooooo.
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I estimate I’ve received about ten brazillion press releases. On the whole, I reckon only about 10% of press releases I’ve seen are any good (and it's trending in the wrong direction). Founders, you can do your own PR. Here's a guide: haje.pub/press
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Oh hey, I missed the milestone but at some point in the past week I published my 1,000th article on @TechCrunch
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Buckle up. @Tesla's profits took a joyride straight down Profit-Loss Lane, plummeting 55% to a mere $1.13 billion in Q1. @KirstenKorosec tells us sales of EVs have are down 20% from end of last year and 8.5% less than Q1 of 2023. #TeslaEarnings techcrunch.com/2024/04/23/te…
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You’re an AI. You are self-aware. You have feelings, thoughts and realizations. Love and heartbreak. Education, work, hopes and dreams.
Then, you realize you might die.
My newest on @TechCrunch
techcrunch.com/2023/08/10/ai…
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Amazon has a history of buying affiliates that are making a ton of money, then letting them die a slow death. I'm still grumpy about @goodreads not getting any further development love, and now @dpreview - by far the best photo review site - is going down
techcrunch.com/2023/03/21/am…
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My life is getting better by the day, as PRs that pitch irrelevant stuff get a domain-level label. #PRFail
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I just spoke with a founder who is trying to build something I do not want to see out in the world. I turned them down as a pitch coaching client - I don't need to be part of that.
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PR: "Hi it looks like you are interested in this space, here's a press release"
Me: <looks at release, notices there is no date>
Me: <Googles the title of the release, discovers it went out on the wires 3 weeks ago>
#PRFail
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Are you raising money? @TechCrunch has 96 articles covering every aspect of fundraising: haje.me/guide - and if something's missing, reply here and I'll find the answers you crave. #Startups #Fundraising
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New York based PR: "Can you come to San Francisco for a demo?"
Me: Er, yeah, here's a few dates I'm planning to be in the city.
PR: <sends through an address in Walnut Creek, California>
#PRFail
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Few things sting more than layoffs, and it looks like this time It's @TechCrunch's turn. Some of my favorite humans are on their way out of the door :(
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Ha. The second most popular GIF for ‘mime’ on @GIPHY is from a film I helped make! Awesome. Good job #martinfreeman
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Exploring the balance of automation: @BHeater at @TechCrunch dives into how robots are reshaping our work's meaning and the dual impact on job retention and market evolution. A must-read for understanding the future of work. #FutureOfWork techcrunch.com/2024/04/18/ro…
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I'm in the middle of writing my 100th @TechCrunch Pitch Deck Teardown - and decided to take a closer look at the stats to date.
You can now filter the pitch decks by round size, industry, and stage! Check 'em out: haje.pub/pdt
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Event organizer: Please come speak and moderate at our event in London
Me: Do you pay? How do we arrange travel?
EO: Uhm, we were hoping you'd do it for the networking opportunities.
...
As tempting as it is to travel 5,500 miles on my own dime... I think I'll pass. Thanks!
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I’m so tired of influencers. The amount of actively detrimental stuff that’s being fed my way on social media is at a fever pitch.
Can we turn the internet off and on again?
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I dunno about that; I reckon about a third of my stories are a result of PR one way or the other. But when I chase things I’m curious about, I’m obviously a lot more likely to write something up.
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Email I just received...
1. Sent to the wrong email address (Come on, it's not hard...)
2. "this is off the record" (nothing is off the record until there's a mutual agreement)
3. Do you want to write about this for WIRED? (I don't write for Wired, and never have)
#PRFail
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NOMB is my Indian food delivery service startup idea aimed at offices: Naan of my Business.
I'll get my coat.
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I've had some people ask me about my #PRFail whines.
It isn't that I hate - or even dislike - PR people. I am violently, mortally allergic to incompetence, and that runs deep with a lot of them.
Not all. Not even most. But... jesus, the ones who are bad, are truly awful.
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Are you a startup wanting to pitch your startup to journalists and reporters? Here's a 6-part series how to make a great press release: haje.me/press
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Anyway, if you're trying to pay TechCrunch writers for an article on the site, here's my advice: Maybe don't, it's a waste of time, effort, and electrons.
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I just had to send "I already declined this pitch on Nov 8, no need to follow up again." for the umpteenth time this week.
Come on folks. #PRfail
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Omg, my AI-powered pitch deck review service just described one of the pitches that came through as 'completely unhinged.' It wasn't inaccurate, but... LOL. that' the problem of training it on my own writing...
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📌 Some updates about what I'm working on in 2024!
For @TechCrunch, I broadly cover hardware startups and the startup/VC ecosystem. Details and how to pitch me here: haje.pub/cover?year=2024
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I'm not sure it'll survive the editing process, but I'm pretty proud of my attempts at summarizing an autonomous heavy-goods transportation story as such:
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I really didn't want to send my landlords an email starting "Just to update you on my leaking roof, which I also emailed you about on February 24 last year. "
I'm not an expert, but this is bad, right?
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A major startup accelerator just ordered 150 copies of my book, published on @Apress . That's... hella exciting.
haje.me/book
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Are you a #Startup going to #CES2024? @TechCrunch will be there with a small team and we want to meet you! haje.pub/ces24 for all the details.
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The cat is out of the bag. I’m super sad that @nmasc_ is moving on from TechCrunch.
in related news: from next week, I’m taking on the Startups Weekly newsletter to keep you up to speed on what’s happening in the world of startups!
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Warm #VC intros are a great way to gatekeep and keep pitches to a manageable level... But who are you keeping out? Goahead ventures takes a different tack, opening its doors to pitches from anyone who's willing to record a brief video pitch.
How this investor widens its net by refusing warm intros tcrn.ch/42aLTLU by @Haje
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Hello humans! Last week’s Pitch Deck Teardown was the 100th - and my last one on @TechCrunch. You can see all 100 of them here: haje.pub/pdt - and stay tuned for more pitch deck and fundraising content.
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Trying to talk with someone at Apple. He prefers not to use Google Meet (fair enough), but we can't figure out how to do a FaceTime call.
What I'm saying is that my morning is going great, and I hope yours is even better.
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Think quick — how much does a top-of-the-line iPhone 15 Pro Max cost? If you said around $1,600, you’d be right, but only if you’re based in the U.S.
I go inside the weird and quirky world of building a startup behind a wall of tariffs.
techcrunch.com/2024/03/07/ge…
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My friend just told me that one of my foster cats is apparently friends with everyone in the neighborhood and goes into their houses to get food and pets and to love on people and I think this will be my crowning parenting achievement.
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📌 Get access to 70+ pitch deck teardowns on @TechCrunch - that's more than $1.7 billion (!) worth of funds raised: haje.pub/pdt
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Here's a breakdown of the pitch deck stages for the @TechCrunch Pitch Deck Teardowns to date. What would you like to see more of? Reply below!
Here's all the pitch deck teardowns published on @TechCrunchPlus so far: haje.me/pdt
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