False prophet of tabletop gaming & main character of RPG twitter Christian, T1D, entomology enthusiast, Floridian. 🪲🐊☀️
Florida, USA
- Tweets 25,181
- Following 761
- Followers 7,914
- Likes 237,081
I used to stack plates like on the right until I read a tweet from a server that said servers hate when people do that because it messes with their system and dirties the bottom of the plates too. Now I don't know what I am supposed to do anymore!
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Lady in my neighborhood has an outdoor cat and she's been out of town for a few weeks. I guess she didn't let anyone know to take care of him or leave enough food out because I found him starving so I've been feeding him. Is he my cat now? At what point is it OK to steal him?
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can you please stop this? It's already embarrassing to tell people I play d&d and I play with kids in my family so it would be awesome if their parents didn't get the impression that the game's about gay romance
In this realm, your story is yours to tell.
ALT A day of love and celebration throughout the realms of Dungeons & Dragons. Art by Ricardo Bessa.
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I may be misremembering the objection, come to think of it. Now that I say it out loud it sounds kind of silly!
Why is it that my worst tweets are the ones that blow up?
Please don't follow me for this tweet unless you enjoy tabletop RPGs!
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Nephews: what are we having for dinner?
Me: I'll probably make some kielbasa and potatoes
Them: what's that?
Me: like sausage, potatoes, onions, peppers...
Them: oh we've never had that
---
Later, when they see me cooking:
"OH SHE MEANT DAD SLOP!"
"YAY IT'S DAD SLOP!"
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W mom for teaching your daughter to respect herself in a way that reinforces your love for her.
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Two of my friends are watching LotR for the first time. Their observations after movie 1:
- Story portrays masculinity and brotherhood as incredibly beautiful and pure
- Frodo is a compelling protagonist because he is no fighter and his heroism is in his virtue and strong will
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He was extremely skinny and desperate for food. I don't think anyone else is feeding him.
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Encounter: Giant frog dead in river, killed by venom.
Party investigates, finds a giant scorpion flailing nearby, clearly drowning. Someone can speak to scorpion, it promises to help them if rescued.
They rescue it, scorpion attacks. Obviously. I don't know why they did that.
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I think, if I saw that right and from their reaction, it looks like the owner just dumped him on the street. Could be wrong though, it's hard to tell.
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As a GM, I play murderers, slavers, thieves, cultists, and demon lords, but racists is where we draw the line?
I play racist and sexist NPCs in my games. It is intended to provide the opportunity for the players to rise above it and give them the spotlight when it happens. It is never intended to make anyone uncomfortable. Some players (though not all) actually like when it is directed at their character and they intentionally make characters that will draw this type of attitude from some NPCs.
I also tell my players that they may opt out of racism or sexism being directed at their character if they so choose and they know they can talk to me about it if it ever bothers them. The key to this is talking about it in session 0 and having an open dialogue with your players.
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Options like this start out cheap but more people start implementing them and then the prices rise as they become the norm and before you know it, you're paying first class prices just to sit down!
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I had a friend tell me this weekend that he tried D&D but he didn't think it was for him because he wasn't a good actor.
Idk if anyone else needs to hear this, but acting is not a requirement to play RPGs. It's a game, not a performance!
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Charlie Kirk is a hero who put himself in front of crowds of people who hated him on a daily basis in an effort to change hearts and minds. That takes an immense amount of courage and conviction. Pray for him.
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This is from Forge of Foes, which is not an official wotc book, it is from the Lazy DM. Book probably has some good ideas in it, but there are like 4 full pages of this lecture. Reading the section in preparation for a debate on whicktv tomorrow.
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Not to offend anyone, but after careful consideration, I have arrived at the conclusion that I prefer men to bears.
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Spicy take: guns fit into most dnd settings in some capacity. And if they don't fit, I don't care, I will make them fit. Seen too many good gun-focused characters to ever consider not using them. I recommend using the gun rules from Matt Mercer's gunslinger class.
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AI has broken people's enjoyment of art because now instead of appreciating it, we must scrutinize details to determine if it was indeed made by human hands
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Steam sale has me revisiting Legend of Grimrock.
I remember thinking this game would singlehandedly revitalize this whole genre, but there really hasn't been much like it since. Are there any other modern games that will scratch my grid-based dungeon crawling itch?
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Players deserve to have a set of rules to refer to so that they may reliably plan ahead. They should feel confident that if their plan is rules legal, the DM will honor those rules.
This isn't anti-homebrew; homebrew should be written and available to players for this purpose.
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Sat down to play pathfinder at my lgs and the dm handed me this and said if I fill it out I get a feat. Should I plagiarize this idea???
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WotC's change in art direction to a softer and less gritty vibe happened around 2022. There actually was a time relatively recently in 5e when high-quality gritty art was the norm. Going to share some of my favorites in this thread. All from 5e 🧵
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He was extremely skinny. Her car hasn't been there in around 2-3 weeks and he was happily eating whatever I would feed him
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My brother just joined his first D&D campaign, and apparently, the DM of that campaign is aware of my twitter. Incredible.
So if you're DMing for my brother, you should know he has a fear of camel spiders and it would be very funny if his character was eaten by them 💚
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I've now changed my opinion on this art after taking a closer look
The dramatic irony of Wizards releasing art that depicts a crowd celebrating as the Wizards tower collapses in the background is too good
In this realm, your story is yours to tell.
ALT A day of love and celebration throughout the realms of Dungeons & Dragons. Art by Ricardo Bessa.
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Is this an achievement sorry I don't understand how this works it's my first time angering Big Gay™️
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One of the worst things to happen to video gaming was the gradual disappearance of file size limits
Optimization used to be required and devs had to find clever workarounds to do more with less
Now file sizes are effectively unlimited and optimization is a suggestion
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I showed my niece and nephews The Neverending Story and they thought it was boring
The only tear shed for Artax was my own 😢
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Taking my nephew (age 11) out for his birthday to the theater to see a screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the first time. He's going in blind.
Will share his thoughts here this evening. Hoping he loves it!
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This should be discussed in session 0. I tell my players "there may be some fantasy racism in the game. It is intended to give your character the spotlight and allow you to rise above it. If you want to not be singled out for race/sex lmk and it will not happen." Easy.
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Confession: in my IRL game, my most egregious homebrew rule is I allow both players and DM to roll 2d10 anytime they want instead of a D20 for a more reliable chance of a middling roll, but a lower chance of a crit
Players deserve to have a set of rules to refer to so that they may reliably plan ahead. They should feel confident that if their plan is rules legal, the DM will honor those rules.
This isn't anti-homebrew; homebrew should be written and available to players for this purpose.
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Why do you do this all the time it's like you are the single accout keeping this debate going
Not even mad about this post but now I'm going to be seeing 50 posts about disabled wizards in my feed 🙃
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Rpg posts will resume shortly. For now I'm focusing on going back to church and reevaluating some things in my life.
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As someone who likes when words have meanings, this "everything can be D&D and there's no wrong way to play" thing kind of annoys me.
It's ok if the game you run isn't D&D. Other systems aren't D&D. You can run your own experimental game too and it doesn't need to be D&D.
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I think this movie is well loved despite coming out right after the ogl scandal when lots of people were looking for more reasons to hate wotc.
It wasn't a fantastic movie by any means, but I don't know anyone who hated it. It was quite good!
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were they ever interested in reading your setting or just looking for something to rage over?
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Npc offhandedly mentioned a dog show to the PCs and the players got excited so I guess I'm running a dog show now.
What are some creatures who definitely aren't dogs who could be entered in a fantasy dog show to cause a little trouble? I'm thinking like Fido the hungry otyugh.
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In case anyone needs a reminder of what rpgs with children is like...
Me: The genie agrees to give you each one wish
9 yo nephew: I wish to be the strongest dragon in the world!
7 yo niece: I wish to find the owner of this crystal egg!
4 yo nephew: I wish him a merry christmas!
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Idc how much of a feminist you are, if you get kidnapped by a tyrant and taken to the moon for a forced moon wedding and a plumber upgrades a hot air balloon to the point where it can go to the moon just to save you from your forced moon wedding, you give that man a chance!
"Hmmm should I choose the evil koopa king who kidnapped me or the plumber who risked his life to save me?
I know, neither! They're both equally bad and I should travel the world to find myself first!"
Mario Odyssey was great but wtf Peach?
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The ents flooding the battlefield at the end of Helm's Deep had everyone cheering and no one is debating elf physics any longer
We're about halfway through RotK and my friends are now excited to read the books- this has been a great success!
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He may look cute, but this kitten was born 65 years old. He yells at his siblings for playing too loud, he cries when his sleep is disturbed, and he hisses when anyone plays with him when he'd rather relax
Anyway I named him the most old man name I could think of, meet Nestor
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The only places I've ever seen physical signs reminding people to shower are game and card shops. They don't even need signs at my gym!
I've actually dropped out of a D&D campaign before because of the DM's hygiene issues.
Quite frankly, it's a disgraceful blight on the hobby.
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Anyone whose self-worth is wrapped up in their IQ this much has accomplished nothing with that IQ worth bragging about
Tough pill to swallow for some, but high IQ is meaningless if you never apply it
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Players using bank to finance a 3,000gp ship, so I'm having them pay back 300gp a month to the bank for 1 year + another 150gp for boat insurance
IDK if other games do this, but scrambling for the gold to pay back a debt or evading loan sharks/repo men is pretty much peak D&D
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Told my brother I would be happy to run a child-friendly RPG for the kids and it shouldn't get too dark
I set the kids up in a nice and kid-friendly world and ask them what they want to do
Their answer: go to the underworld and see all the dead people!
why are kids like this
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Made a batch of double chocolate liquor macarons for DnD tonight! Do I gain inspiration for making cookies for the DM?
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After engaging in culture war posting and watching the numbers skyrocket, I now understand why people don't shut up about culture war nonsense.
Sorry to break it to the new people, but I post about my D&D campaign and rpgs in general. I'm not normally such a culture warrior!
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I was a tomboy growing up and was very uncomfortable with my body.
I am so glad that no one tried to convince me that I was born wrong because this story could have easily been me if I'd been born 10 years later.
Learning to accept ourselves is an important part of maturation.
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My least favorite thing that RPG devs do is when they decide they want to make every class balanced and so they "fix" the game by eroding class identity.
If classes are diverse enough, then balance is a white whale that isn't worth pursuing.
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My niece noticing my Narnia book on my bookshelf: "Narnia... is that a rip off of Moana?"
Someone is about to receive an education
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Guys if you're following me for this post, please be aware I basically just talk about D&D here
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In response to the posts about the decline of the hobby: the culture war in RPGs shouldn't discourage you from running a great game at your table.
Twitter doesn't need to approve of how you run your games. Internet people aren't real and they don't matter.
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Completely gutted to learn that Tolkien orcs reproduce sexually and the born from mud thing was a movie invention
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D&D is totally different when played with a living world simulationist mindset than as an adventure leading to a final boss. The world doesn't have to end
My dream game would continue on for decades
The concept of "final big bad" is antithetical to the design of Dungeons & Dragons as originally intended.
Therein lies the problem of why the mechanics don't line up with the "boss fight" mentality of people coming to the hobby from video games.
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Ok muting this thread now because half of Twitter is angrily accusing me of being a homophone and the other half is following me for it ✌️
can you please stop this? It's already embarrassing to tell people I play d&d and I play with kids in my family so it would be awesome if their parents didn't get the impression that the game's about gay romance
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1. this art was all over my feed before I said anything
2. the game is about violence and I would prefer their parents to correctly believe that we are playing a game about mercilessly slaughtering entire goblins societies for loot and no one is kissing afterwards
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Guys I made a crucial DMing mistake!
Party has a 4 year old half-orc boy with them temporarily and they got into combat so I told them it's worth bonus xp if they protect him.
Now they just want to put him in more danger to gain more bonus xp.
I should have known better!
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Dating is a nightmare for men right now. Mocking their pain is incredibly cruel- John is very right about this.
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I regret to inform everyone that the pokemon, neopets, and webkinz kids are industry professionals now
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This kind of thing needs to stop, it's rude as hell and discourages men from talking to us because they don't want to risk getting publicly shamed for a benign interaction
You're not being harmed when a man watches you walk away, get over it
Liberal women are now placing phones in their back pockets, to catch men that glimpse in their direction…
Wtf!?
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D&D for kids is hard because my nephew wants to kill everything and my niece wants to befriend everything. Trying to find a monster she is ok with killing so that nephew can quell his need for violence. It's hard because she has sympathy for oozes!
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When you use AI to speak to celebrities or loved ones from beyond the grave, it is not them you're speaking to and pretending that it is makes it that much harder to heal
Reject AI necromancy
Charlie Kirk preached from beyond the grave at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas, using Artificial Intelligence. #aicharliekirk #ai #charliekirk
Read More:
endtimeheadlines.org/2025/09…
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I noticed a while back that whenever I say something like "I don't really experience or see much sexism in the tabletop community," the people who insist that there is a sexism problem will try to change my opinion by being sexist at me
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Indie authors, I want to help you get the recognition you deserve!💕
For $20, I'll tweet about how blasphemous/inappropriate your book is
For $100, I'll write an op-ed condemning it
For $200, I'll attend a local school board meeting and read the most salacious passages out-loud
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As the main character of RPGs, I would like to humbly propose that every dungeon book should use this page layout
ALT Layout from Stonehell by Michael Curtis
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When I was new to X, a group asked me to play a 1shot with them.
They set up a session 0 to talk about safety and I got a bit nervous b/c that seemed excessive for a 1shot.
Anyway, they all bailed last minute.
I'm convinced a lot of rpg hobbiests don't actually enjoy playing.
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I didn't know until recently that my friends had never seen/read this and I'm watching it with them now. They seem to be blown away by it, one didn't even intend to watch it with us but then got sucked in. What a great way to spend my weekend!
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Update on the crow situation: I read crows like shiny things so I gave him peanuts and an old shiny key to my house. He seems to have accepted the peace offering because he didn't attack this morning.
But the joke is on him- I changed my locks a year ago so the key is useless!
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remember, vampire hunters, always carry your plus sign because the undead hate math
I entirely forgot about the stupid “Vampires can’t stand right angles” explanation for the cross in NetflixVania.
Because in a world with vampires, demons, and sorcerers, the one thing that can’t possibly be real is God…
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When I was around 12, a friend of my parents was trying to get his "Pokemon killer" TCG off the ground. My parents brought me over and he showed me binders of professionally printed cards with photos of animals, complete with attacks what appeared to be resource requirements, etc.
I said they were pretty cool, and asked him to teach me the game. I swear that man stared at me like a deer in headlights and said "what game?"
they were literally just collectable pictures of animals that had random attacks and resource requirements that meant nothing because he thought the game was collecting the cards
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Guys this is not a drill my nephew created his first RPG system and is running his first game for us
Rolled stats and they don't matter at all because every roll has a 50% chance of success no matter what but I don't care because I'm just excited he's GMing 🎉🥳🍾
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As someone who struggles with infertility due to health issues, it means so much that members of this community wish kids upon me, for they would be an enormous blessing no matter their lifestyle choices. Thank you 🥲
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"Damn, Samwise is the hero"
"Get him, Sam!"
"What a lad!"
Audible cheering like I've never heard from them!
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"Yeenoghu may have let some of the gnolls keep their agency so that they could be good boys, actually" is ridiculous discourse.
They're hyena demons, they don't need moral ambiguity! Just let people fight them what is wrong with you 🤣
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Thought experiment for those who dislike WotC's handling of D&D:
What, if anything, could WotC do to get you to play D&D 2024 or would you consider the trust lost forever?
(my answer in comments since I'm largely among this crowd)
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Pray for my nephew, he's stuck in the car with me and made the mistake of asking about my D&D campaign
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It's because human societies represent law, while orcs, goblins, and demons are forces of chaos that we must stand against to protect civilization.
It's ok to kill monsters.
I need you all to understand something.
Demons are demons. Orcs are orcs. Monsters are monsters.
They’re not stand-ins for anything. They’re not allegories for anyone. They do not represent anything other than perhaps an embodiment of evil.
Stop being weird.
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Somewhere out there lives a man who has bought only a single rpg book of core rules and used it for hundreds of hours with no desire to purchase another. He is definitely not on Twitter.
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Guys my dad's getting married!!
I love his fiancee- they're both in their 60s and both widows and she tries so hard to bond with me and my siblings
I cried last night because I'm so happy that he's happy again. It's been rough for him for near a decade now but he's rebuilding ❤️
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"Area should be a 50/50 mix of Texas and ancient Egypt" - actual description I received from a player on a civilization in a player-made world.
Trying to make a quick random encounter chart but my brain is stuck on "Sphinx in a cowboy hat"
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Ok you guys are right maybe there's a lawful good high IQ gnoll out there who went to college and volunteers at an orphanage and goes to church
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