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I was high on Corey Davis
I was high on Dante Pettis
I was high on N'Keal Harry
I was high on Henry Ruggs
I was high on Kadarius Toney
I was high on Treylon Burks
I was high on Quentin Johnston
I was high on Keon Coleman
I was high on Matthew Golden
This year I'm super high on:
Makai Lemon
409
96
8,592
1,222,381
My 0-4 fantasy football team getting its first win because the other guy is going through a messy divorce and isn't checking his lineups
🦆 B1G Duck Energy 🦆
247
4,855
132,138
4,613,147
Sitting at the bar waiting to order a beer while the bartender makes 10 espresso martinis for a group of whores nitter.app/ViralityClips/status/1…
Community note
This post contains an ad for Stake, a gambling website, which is a violation of the X terms of service.
nitter.app/en/to
512
7,170
125,408
10,441,989
Wife is furious because on our son's birthday, we were looking at photos of the day he was born and there's a random screenshot of the Lions depth chart mixed in because I was talking shit to some casual online.
283
2,654
89,630
3,467,600
My dad took an edible on vacation and accidentally watched the Week 4 Bills/Ravens rerun on NFL Network.
323
1,754
79,248
3,259,285
My 0-5 fantasy team getting its first win because the other guy forgot to set his lineup after his DUI
Logan Reever
157
2,819
69,263
15,514,044
She can't refuse
109
1,677
64,285
4,533,348
When I see a 90 pound Vietnamese blackjack dealer with no one at the her table at 9PM on Friday.
123
2,753
61,530
8,094,568
Cleveland liquor store owners when they see the Browns QB depth chart every year.
109
2,056
54,760
3,434,979
No allegations
No scandals
No arrests
No drama
Just some damn fine unprotected sex.
317
1,475
45,721
2,598,300
If I send you this, it means I'm an 8 time Super Bowl champ that's dating a prostitute I met online in Miami.
254
1,376
45,420
4,917,317
If the Chiefs win, Mahomes officially becomes the GOAT
If the Bills win, Josh Allen ascends Burrow & Lamar to join Mahomes at the top
If the Commanders win, Jayden Daniels will be immortalized in sports history
If the Eagles win, we'll all just quickly move on with our lives
1,378
1,803
42,951
2,891,104
Ollie Gordon scores an anytime touchdown and I'll text my ex, who is getting married on Saturday, that I still love her.
827
1,255
43,247
8,491,077
If you don't like Aaron Rodgers as a player, I get it.
If you don't like his politics, I get it.
But if don't like him as a person, I also get it.
313
1,700
37,235
1,441,322
Jerry Jones next time he's out in Dallas
BREAKING: Cowboys trading DE Micah Parsons to Packers and agreed to a 4-year, $188M deal including $136M guaranteed. (via @RapSheet, @TomPelissero, @SlaterNFL)
273
3,347
41,958
4,809,494
Sportscenter anchor just transitioned from the Houston game to the Michigan State game with "Now from the H to the Izzo"
65
2,540
41,183
1,391,541
Kirk Cousins looks like every guy checking into a budget hotel before a 3 day musical festival
Atlanta Falcons
166
1,302
38,565
2,127,293
I just got knocked out of the playoffs because Ralph Simpson caught a touchdown.
NFL
182
1,621
38,679
2,630,114
Every time I see Taylor Swift it's like if Sweet Dee actually became famous.
62
2,184
37,347
3,200,238
If you really dislike ESPN and YouTube TV, do the right thing and support small business pirating sites that work hard to bring you the games for free.
211
2,244
36,331
1,430,473
“Let’s take a shot every time Tony Romo says “Jim!”
1 quarter into the game:
118
1,312
32,632
1,053,723
Me at work knowing my top 3 star recruit is currently visiting Coastal Carolina.
51
1,766
28,130
1,684,849
My company just put me in charge of finding ways we are wasting productivity.
59
664
28,539
1,366,619
Black Mirror episode where my fantasy team is projected to win every week but never even comes fucking close.
34
976
28,975
977,094
Diggs passing out pink baggies and telling them not to do all of it?
WR1. Not even a question.
Maybe the most WR1 anyone has ever been.
630
1,064
27,533
8,800,121
Brutal last place punishment for my fantasy league:
1. Can't leave the couch for 24 hours except to use the bathroom or get beer out of the fridge
2. No one is allowed in the house
3. Only sports or video games on the TV
4. UberEats all meals
5. Phone must be on DN
Wish me luck
258
289
26,410
2,273,311
Cam Skattebo is so transcendent that Eagles fans are cheering for him as he is carted off.
America is healing.
179
366
26,554
1,118,487
36.42 total points
No injuries
No bye weeks
No mismanaging
Just pure, unadulterated ass
679
732
25,962
1,948,438
Adam Thielen done
Cooper Kupp done
Ricky Pearsall shot
Hunter Renfrow unsigned
Alec Pierce is all we got left.
Source: The #Panthers are placing WR Adam Thielen on Injured Reserve because of the hamstring injury he suffered on Sunday. But Thielen is expected back sooner rather than later.
267
560
24,711
3,692,146
Ok, first off, a 36 year old QB coming off an Achilles…running exclusively Pistol?
Cousins don’t even like Shotgun.
If you placed him under center, or kept Bijan in as a blocker, that’d make sense.
But you find yourself against Mike Tomlin, and that front 7, I’m assuming it's on the road in a dome, coming up with a full-grown TJ Watt with his 20 or 30 his sacks.
You lose that battle. you lose that battle nine times out of ten.
117
1,438
23,567
1,829,052
When your ex-husband Darren Waller starts missing alimony payments so he has to come out of retirement to catch brain bombs from Tua.
138
613
23,730
2,857,800
Las Vegas Raiders
The Jets are interesting because on one hand they have the best roster in the league and on the other hand they are the Jets
BREAKING: Eagles are trading Haason Reddick to the Jets for a future conditional 3rd-round pick. (via @rapsheet)
73
1,373
21,662
1,748,785
Kliff Kingsbury reapplying to be the Cardinals head coach since no one else wants to coach Kyler Murray
55
540
20,956
684,037
Wife just invited her parents in town for an entire 3 days of activities for what was supposed to be Wild Card Weekend.
170
476
21,200
4,709,802
Blankly staring at the Redzone "Thanks For Watching" screen after 14 beers on an NFL Sunday
63
796
21,603
1,170,651
Terrelle Pryor converting to WR and dropping 1000 yards back when that actually meant something has got to be a top 5 WTF season.
Just 3 years after Josh Gordon, too
115
1,117
21,412
1,785,931
Sauce Gardner was an All-Pro, started playing golf, and is now one of the worst players I've ever seen in my life.
Something to keep an eye on.
100
450
18,947
1,556,245
Jahmyr Gibbs wins me my league on a meaningless carry in the 4th quarter of a game that doesn't impact the Lions playoff picture.
Neil Degrasse Tyson will never know joy like this
ESPN
145
422
18,580
1,331,164
Ricky Pearsall and Ladd McConkey as my starting WRs for the rest of the season.
26
337
17,519
1,478,834
"Jerry Rice ran a 4.71"
Yeah he was playing in an era when defenders were smoking crack cocaine before games.
108
745
17,023
1,658,937
Marcus Mariota mistakingly hands the ball off to the wrong running back and Bill's 60 yard touchdown goes to Jeremy McNichols
FOX Sports: NFL
39
193
17,877
2,169,940
Zach Wilson started his internship in the New York office, got a position in Denver for a year building up his B2B sales experience, and now gets to takeover the Miami territory once the current guy retires.
Dude just speed-ran a consulting career.
28
322
17,707
1,469,403
Brian Thomas Jr. makes NFL history with 11 drops in a single game, the most in NFL history.
This is huge.
Jorge
Community note
Brian Thomas Jr. did not have 11 drops. The ball was thrown to him 7 times and he had 3 catches resulting in a total of 4 incompletions.
espn.com/nfl/boxscore/_
203
532
17,645
2,278,403
Kareem Hunt and Alvin Kamara were listed as RB3 on the Week 1 depth charts during their rookie year.
They finished as RB3 and RB4
Don't be that guy, pal.
107
209
17,249
2,690,304
My wife just asked why the Bills always pick at the end of the first round but don't have any Super Bowls.
31
315
16,748
463,694
How about a Black Mirror episode where a guy drafts a sick fantasy team but the players never hit their projections
93
888
16,246
1,374,840
This is the first time the Packers have drafted a fast WR that can't catch since Christian Watson, Romeo Doubs, Dontayvion Wicks, and Jayden Reed.
115
406
15,955
1,488,469
Daniel Jones just had the best statistical first half of any Colts QB since Peyton Manning.
21
534
15,901
405,281
nobody will remember:
- your salary
- how “busy you were”
- how many hours you worked
people will remember:
- WHOPPER WHOPPER
- WHOPPER WHOPPER
- JUNIOR DOUBLE
- TRIPLE WHOPPER
21
888
14,465
1,077,090
The main character in the Travis Kelce/Taylor Swift Lifetime Christmas movie is a WR that's a NINE TIME NFL MVP
186
338
13,961
4,057,413
I told ya'll Shedeur would go 1.01.
Shedeur Sanders ticketed for driving 101 mph in a 60 mph zone. nbcsports.com/nfl/profootbal…
41
274
13,927
1,349,993
Trying to get my payout from the commissioner who just got fired and divorced.
17
321
13,553
669,480
Redrafting the 1st round
1.01 Jonathan Taylor
1.02 Puka Nacua
1.03 Jahmyr Gibbs
1.04 Bijan Robinson
1.05 James Cook
1.06 Christian McCaffrey
1.07 Amon Ra St. Brown
1.08 Saquon Barkley
1.08 De'Von Achane
1.09 Jaxon Smith-Njigba
1.10 Bucky Irving
1.11 Nico Collins
1.12 Rome Odunze
264
102
13,560
2,154,978
When you're desperate for Kyler Murray to come back but you see an ad for Modern Warfare 3 coming out in November.
49
669
12,812
2,231,867
Lauren Boebert before she was kicked out of Beetlejuice
Sports Gambling Podcast ™
76
642
12,092
1,531,295
I can sympathize with Jesus because on Sunday I was also abandoned by a bunch of guys I drafted to be on my team.
19
732
12,730
684,589
Chiefs skill position players:
RB
Clyde Edwards-Helaire
Jerick McKinnon
WR
Kadarius Toney
Skyy Moore
Marques Valdes-Scantling
Rashee Rice
TE
Noah Gray
No more excuses for Patrick Mahomes. If he can't get it done with this group, it's time to have a difficult conversation.
465
318
11,885
3,777,960
Chuck Bass
Nick Chubb is projected to score 7.41 points this week despite never traveling to Germany.
49
90
11,749
768,290
Nothing sums up George Pickens like quitting on a play then still making a one handed touchdown catch
NFL
45
103
11,656
1,124,566
Jordan Mason: Loves Food, Hates Women
RB3- National Wiener Schnitzel Day
RB8- National Double Cheeseburger Day
RB4- National Biscotti Day
RB25- American Business Women Day
RB32- Transfer Money to your Daughter Day
RB28- National Handbag Day
RB30- International Female Chef Day
54
201
11,320
1,232,015
The Titans offense is like microwaved french fries.
Tyler Boyd is signing with the #Titans, per source, on a one-year deal worth up to $4.5M
A reunion with Brian Callahan.
85
603
10,992
1,625,270
I've always enjoyed the camaraderie of good friends competing in games of chance and skill
78
357
10,876
1,167,446
Her: You're 34. How much longer are you going to make football, gambling, and drinking your whole personality?
Me:
45
676
10,706
842,137
NFL players that got married in 2024
Christian McCaffrey- RB66
Brock Purdy- QB13
Jared Goff - QB7
Evan Engram - TE26
Christian Kirk- WR87
Christian Watson - WR60
Austin Ekeler- RB32
TJ Hockenson- TE35
Tucker Kraft - TE7
Jake Funk - Waived
Something to keep an eye on
The following players got married this offseason and are therefore fades for 2024
Christian McCaffrey
Jared Goff
Brock Purdy
Christian Kirk
Evan Engram
Christian Watson
Austin Ekeler
Tucker Kraft
Tyron Smith
Jake Funk
134
284
10,768
2,377,861