I’m on episode 5 of That’s My Time with David Letterman on Netflix! That’s my entire bio 😯
Los Angeles, CA
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Fireworks are very American because they fuck up soldiers with PTSD while claiming to honor them
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I don’t know how anybody can see pictures from the Met Gala and still be against abortion
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When I was a teen, my stance on gay marriage was “I don’t care” and then I heard a conservative say “I don’t care either, it’s why I don’t think they should” and I’d go “…no that means you DO care, NOT caring means you’ll just let them” and he couldn’t wrap his head around this.
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They scan your face when you enter the club so they can track you down if you heckle and they also make you give them your phone so you can’t record, a pitifully insecure club that would be described as BIG TECH SURVEILLANCE if anybody else did it
Podcast host Joe Rogan officially opened the doors to his anti-woke comedy club in Austin, Texas. bit.ly/3Jg5h1V
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People who are like 29 will tell me it’s too late for them. I was basically in bed til I was 33. I didn’t even start KINDA figuring life out til 2 mins ago & I’m 35. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ll be okay. The world will kill us all but it’s not too late for you personally.
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The cops stopped a second U-Haul near Pride but luckily it was just two lesbians who met yesterd-
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HAHAHA I think more comments like this would upset Chappelle more than being called transphobic
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I never took hormones, never did laser surgery, never did voice training, didn’t change my legal name or even email, because above everybody else, I hope to inspire the lazy trans girls who are still in the closet, showing them that you can be as sloppy as me and still be a woman
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Something really touching I didn’t even realize until later. David Letterman didn’t ask me a single question about my transition. Sometimes interviewers with the best of intentions can make me feel like a zoo animal, but he saw me as a person and saw our similarities immediately.
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I remember Dave Chappelle calling the female comedians that Louis CK harassed “brittle ass spirits” for quitting and all the male comics calling him the GOAT so excuse me if I have zero sympathy for male comics now shitting in their diapers worried about their safety as comics 😩
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White person Guy trying to
claiming they’re fuck Barney
not racist the dinosaur
🤝
“I don’t care if you’re purple”
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It blew my mind when I found out the “recycling & being aware of your carbon footprint” campaign was propaganda by fossil fuel companies who wanted to make climate change about personal responsibility so nobody would notice that the fossil fuel companies are the real culprits.
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When an open relationship is seeking a white person to add it’s called “poly wants a cracker” 🦜
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“She’s a 10!” is what a horrified Italian says when he sees who Chris D’Elia follows on Twitter
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The Game of Thrones prequel actually started in black and white with Daenerys working at a Cinnabon, pretty bold choice imo
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#tbt for my new followers 👋 this @RoastBattle of the year vs. @JoeEurell1 will go down as my top 3 favorite things I’ve ever done in comedy ☺️
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I feel like a lot of people underestimate the amount of people who “don’t care” about trans rights until they see so many unhinged transphobes, and at some point, the obsession with being anti-trans starts turning off apolitical people who think “wtf is wrong with you??”
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Here’s a recap of the Rogan controversy minus the discourse. A video compilation circulated of Rogan using the N-word. Spotify panicked. They approached Joe about it and he didn’t put up a fight AT ALL. He caved IMMEDIATELY. Deleted the episodes and apologized.
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I wrote this because I saw a trans wrestler calling out a transphobic “legend” who harassed her publicly and the outpouring of support for the trans wrestler *even from conservative wrestlers* was really uplifting to see
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Chris D’Elia is headlining again so Omicron will only be the second most dangerous thing in those clubs
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“Haha everybody’s so SOFT nowadays, if the Marshall Mathers LP came out TODAY, people would freak out!”
THEY FREAKED OUT IN 2000. He was protested by several different groups! He was targeted in SENATE HEARINGS. What is this nostalgic paradise where NO ONE was EVER offended?
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“You gotta forgive your family no matter what” okay straight person who got grounded once
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Trump supporters are the most sensitive audience members I’ve ever performed in front of. They used to call The Comedy Store to ask and make sure nobody would be making fun of Trump that night. Never seen any other group do that before.
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Life in America is just hearing white people every year going “Wow, I knew America was messed up, but not THIS messed up!” for the next few decades and then you die
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Biden dropping out of the race is the first time I’ve liked him in a long time and it has nothing to do with politics, I just love it when people quit their jobs
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Ohhh so THAT’s why Joe Rogan has been obsessively talking about trans people on his show for like six years!
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Why can’t we record if you’re so anti woke? Are you AFRAID someone will get MAD? Oh nooo not that, ANYTHING but that! Annoying people on twitter being mad at me is like my worst fear!!! 😰😢
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“Then I thought…OH! I’m gonna bring up…Dave CHAPPELLE. And then I DID! For TWELVE THOUSAND people. And I realized…OH! He’s gonna do…more trans jokes! And he’s gonna BOMB. BADLY. And he DID. For TWENTY STRAIGHT MINUTES. And I realized…OH! It’s because..he’s not funny! And—”
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We have it all backwards with cereal. It should be the last thing you eat that day. It’s way too light for a breakfast but a perfect sized light dessert after dinner. Life changing.
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I take the red pill. And the blue pill. Also a white pill only in the morning. Half a pink pill at night to sleep. I’m severely mentally ill. What’s the Matrix?
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All this controversy over a guy who didn’t put up a fight for what he believes in because he doesn’t believe in anything. He just wants that money. Period. He likely wasn’t paying close attention to all the discourse anyway. He was doing shrooms on Instagram Live the other day.
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I’m still buzzing, that was my first standing ovation for standup comedy, a sold out show, one of the best performances I’ve ever had (if not the best), and some of the biggest laughs I’ve ever gotten from jokes I wrote last night at midnight. I’m so fucking happy.
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This is the only time you can say “all I see is a skirt” and it isn’t a sexist statement
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I had a joke in my hour special that the producer cut without telling me why. It was about burning the American flag. It did well in the room. I come to find out later he’s not only a Trump supporter, he went to Trump’s inauguration. Trump supporters are VERY PRO CENSORSHIP.
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I’ve rewatched Seinfeld so many times and it wasn’t until now that I just realized one of the funniest running gags is that not a single person on the show thinks he’s a good comedian. His standup is mocked constantly. One woman actually broke up with him over it.
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The internet is so awful now, it’s not cool like it was back in the early days when you’d try to download a Weezer song on Limewire and you open the file and it’s Sadam Hussein’s public execution 🥰
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Caitlyn Jenner got hired by Fox News last year so that network has two Tuckers now
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It’s #NationalComingOutDay here’s my joke about coming out to my mom 🤗
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Almost 30 years ago, and this Simpsons joke about the DNC (left) and RNC (right) is still relevant today
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Went to click on someone sharing one of his tweets and saw this, I’ve never tweeted at him so this is extremely flattering and hilarious
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In the video game “South Park: The Stick of Truth,” there’s a place called The Kingdom of Koopa Keep (KKK) where Cartman is the “grand wizard” and it’s somehow not the most racist wizard game out there?
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.@Cate_Gary and I just got engaged! She didn’t really get to pop the question. She approached me nervously w/a jewelry box & I gasped/cried while yelling “yes!” repeatedly while she cried/laughed and asked me to please let her officially ask. That sums up our dynamic pretty well!
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I should clarify I don’t mind answering questions as much in everyday life, it just gets tiresome when it’s interviews and I can tell they only see me as trans
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The echoes of Spotify being evil will go away quietly. They will now somehow blame all of the censorship on the mob, even though the corporation won. Spotify got what they wanted. A show they can censor. And a host who will let them censor. And a fan base who will blame the Left.
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All this guy has to rely on is people being mad at his tweets so he can distract anybody from seeing his actual standup which I will post below, I am giving him free publicity because that’s how confident I am that he will not gain a single fan from this
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Republicans are the abusive dad who beats the shit out of you and Democrats are the mom who says “I’m so sorry, this isn’t who he is” and you go “THIS IS EXACTLY WHO HE IS!” and they go “don’t yell at me, do you want me to bring your dad back?”
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It’s because the four of you have no friends and this is the only way you could get anybody to talk to you for half an hour
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All of these words and blogs and lamentations about the Left, all these grandiose declarations of love, for a guy who caved to the evil corporation his friends rallied against, and then stayed at that company. His friends will follow suit, because they believe in nothing either.
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I learned in college that white supremacy relies on viewing Asians as more moral but less American while viewing Black people as less moral but more American, and then pitting the two groups against each other
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I think they should keep the Chappelle special up on Netflix forever with a CW for transphobia. It should stay up even 10 yrs from now when he’s begging to have it taken down because he’s ashamed of it when most of society has moved on. He should own it like a scarlet letter.
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Haven’t they been through enough
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Before Brianna Wu pretends to care about Pride, just fyi she deleted this tweet quickly when she wasn’t getting the engagement she desperately wanted from conservatives when she dipped her toes into soft launching “we don’t need Pride anymore”
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When Rogan is interviewing another guy, they’re always smoking cigars or drinking liquor because if they don’t, the male listeners might realize that they’re watching two men have a three hour conversation while making eye contact and they’re essentially eavesdropping on a date
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I have told better trans jokes onstage than Ricky Gervais or Dave Chappelle’s combined nine hours of trans material which are essentially boring lectures where they pause for laughter from people who are blinded by hero worship
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I was in Indiana wearing a mask and a dress, and this guy gave me a dirty look and he was angrier about the mask than the dress, and I take this as a sign of progress actually
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Hahah I did not mean to imply that they KEEP YOUR PHONE, so I will make it clear here: they are NOT stealing your phone, they are merely holding it captive for an hour and a half and you can have it back at the end of class
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Now that Joe Rogan has said “vote Republican,” he has to own that. No more of this pussyfooting around whine-fest on his show “I can’t believe people think I’m conservative 😢” and all his defenders who say he’s “actually liberal” or “apolitical” need to shut the fuck up forever
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They stole my “super straight” joke from my standup in 2017! This is about men who love trans women. Tell the world!
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I once did an all-trans show and opened with “I’m an Asian trans woman, three groups that are known for their sense of humor” and people started booing me 🙈
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If you don’t like how Chappelle abruptly ended his show and threw a temper tantrum, it is because you don’t like edgy jokes and you’re offended
Dave Chappelle abruptly ends show, walks off stage after fan pulls out phone during Florida gig: report trib.al/ZhNutUE
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If you wanna see what sheer joy looks like, it’s me onstage finally figuring out how to end a joke I’d been working on! (this is about how people react when they find out I’m Vietnamese) 🥳
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Did you guys watch The Boys where Homelander and his nazi girlfriend stoked the flames of fascism and then “condemned violence in the strongest possible terms”?
White House Press Secretary @kayleighmcenany: "Those who violently besieged our Capitol are the opposite of what this administration stands for."
Full remarks below.
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Hey what’s up fuckers? I’m an antiestablishment comedian and I don’t play by the rules! I can’t be held down by anybody. I’m a renegade! And here are pictures of me at the president’s inauguration.
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ANTI WOKE comedy, NO HECKLING allowed, SCAN YOUR FACE as you enter so they can TRACK you if you HECKLE, no JOKES here just ANTI WOKE and THAT’S IT!
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