Prodnose: The Treehouse Podcast & A Thousand Fresh Delights. Do join us: patreon.com/dannybaker All New Material, Lady...
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Everything rotten in Britain stems from this period. Everything.
Landlord rents. Shit in the rivers. Zero work hours. No British industry. Gas, electric bills through the roof,
No affordable housing.
All of it.
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Anyone else finding this chummy normalisation of Matt Hancock repulsive?
He tried to close down my local Lewisham Hospital. He's one of the disgusting crew who has led us as a country where we are now.
Ignore this creep. This chancer. No trials. Nothing. Then out.
#ImACeleb
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I am pretty good on the radio. I have 20-odd awards for it. But I feel like putting them all in a cab to @mrjamesob so he can use them as boot scrapers.
The absolute maestro.
This is James O'Brien's ferocious reaction to Keir Starmer being cleared of any wrongdoing in the 'non-story' Beergate saga.
@mrjamesob
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Gary Warren just sent me this. While filming The Railway Children he one day brought his Super 8 camera onto the set. Most of the cast just smiled and waved. Bernard Cribbins, of course, was bound to offer some extra business.
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Whoever takes over from @GaryLineker on MOTD is a weasel. A fucking collaborator in this sinister mess.
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Why is Farage not being dragged on the media to talk about the current emergency? They drag the old creep on to talk about everything else. Can't spin this fucking thing can you, creepo?
Let's never hear from this shifty old fraud ever again.
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The BBC is gone. We have to accept that now. It is not going through one of it's "difficult" phases, it is gone.
It has been smartly infiltrated by its enemies over the last decade and now hollowed out and reconditioned to serve another, political purpose.
The BBC is gone.
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My brother died when his baby was just ten months old. Today that baby is a hugely successful woman and living in Los Angeles. Home for a visit she brought her son Felix to meet us all. Hope you can see this somehow, Mickey.
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If the police had stood with the women tonight. Silently. As if to symbolically atone for one of their number being responsible. A simple healing gesture.
But no.
These ugly times just get uglier.
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All the camp mates at @imacelebrity wrestling with what to do about the outrageous @ITV insertion of Tory creep Matt Hancock.
Walk out.
I promise you, I would have done. Just walk out en masse.
Walk out and let @ITV clean up the political mess they have wilfully created.
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To every one of you in the UK media who are now refraining from commenting on your creepy pals antics because of a long agreed, now outdated, press omerta.
You cowards. You weasels. You shameful no good creeps.
Your entire lives have been for nothing.
The 'game' is up.
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What the hell is Kyle Walker rattling on about?"
"People want us to steamroller teams 3 or 4 nil. That's not football these days."
Think it might be mate. Some teams are really good at it.
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Awake to find The President Of The United States has floated the idea of injecting bleach into the body to cure Coronavirus.
Perhaps we might also inject Alphabet Soup into him to see if he can start forming coherent sentences.
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This Boos For Boris thing is a right mistake. Reducing it down to tabloid panto - while presumably some neighbours cheer - which is just what these ponces want. This is not a cartoon.
Stay focussed. Stay forensic. Let him be undone by facts and proper journalism.
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Meeting with lawyers went well then.
Sacked BBC presenter Jermaine Jenas says he is sorry and ashamed he sent "inappropriate messages" to colleagues bbc.in/3T2G3d8
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If I fail to pay the charge for using the Blackwall Tunnel within 14 days it gets doubled automatically.
Baroness Mone-linked firm fails to pay £122m over PPE bbc.in/47rIvl2
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Bloke just knocked at the door and asked if I could put this in the window. I said, "I can do better than that."
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The Queen tonight is something she has never been before. A widow. No matter who you are, especially after 73 years, the thoughts as you try to sleep tonight will overwhelm. I like the Queen.
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Two weeks to the World Cup. The tainted, shameful, indefensible World Cup. This is why the usual hype is muted. No angle, no spin, no excuse can justify it.
It is an abomination. All decent people know this.
Yet here it comes. The "World Cup".
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Gareth Southgate was a C grade talent in charge of an A grade squad.
A better manager would have taken England further, no matter what stats you show.
A boring bloke. A boring team
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So much rhetoric about the "right to strike".
If you do a job and you feel you are being fucked about: Strike.
Withdraw your labour.
That's it.
What else can you do?
Chatter about it? Post a blog? Write a think peice column for a paper? No.
STRIKE. Your labour has worth.
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"Understand what I'm saying. If HE goes, I go. Nobody else is going to give me a job like this. The current cabinet was just MADE for chancers like me. So whatever it takes, no matter how bizarre it makes us look - he HAS to stay. Why can't you get that? In short - I need HELP!"
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This government's advice about avoiding pubs and clubs and theatres without ever saying they actually will be closed is one of the most despicable cynical things I have known in all my life. It's because many of their old Tory Uni chums run insurance companies now. Venal. Sick.
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It's become a little joke that David Cameron has 'vanished' during this chaos. But nothing sums up the cosy club of British politics/journalism like the fact he's been allowed to. Were he a footballer or soap star in a scandal they would have monstered him. But no. #OldSchoolTie
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I do not seek to influence. Just to remind. These are the venal crumbs we have been governed by.
The nastiest lousiest gang of looters it has been the misfortune to be in power in my lifetime.
Vote accordingly tomorrow.
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Good morning, everyone.
Following one of the worst days of my life I just want to formally apologise for the outrage I caused and explain how I got myself into this mess.
I chose the wrong photo to illustrate a joke. Disastrously so.
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Never liked or understood our national anthem. It's not about the nation is it? Just a craven hymn to a billionaire family.
"Long To Reign Over Us" indeed.
"Long Live Our Noble King" - get off your knees.
The Yanks in 1776 had the right idea.
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No matter what else happens during Labour's time - these are the Conservatives. Having a right laugh.
While ordering the nation not to visit dying relatives, sit down in a local park or have family visit.
Repugnant entitled gargoyles who want you now to forget this.
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Fuck off with your 'checks'. Anybody who goes into a gun store & asks for a semi-automatic assault rifle is ipso facto mentally unstable.
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Do not get all those saying, "Send him in for every trial!"
No. He'd love that.
Do not vote for him at all. (Like in real life)
Ignore this destructive toxic creep.
Then get him out first, like he never was there.
#ImACeleb
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I would love to be the copper who now walks into that moron's cell and says "Jack Grealish has just put Villa one up."
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Steve Wright was a thoroughly good man, a genuine radio star and a loyal chum. This is a dreadful shock.
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Before next major tournament they should make all players gather and watch a blooper reel of the stupidest most embarrassing "Oh I've been really hurt!" moments from this world cup. Then say, "From now on that nonsense a straight red, got it you pricks?"
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Anyway i am now paying the price for this crass & regrettable blunder and rightly so. Probably even this final word from me will extend the mania. ('Dog whistle' anyone?) I would like to thank friends on here for their kinder words and once again - I am so, so sorry.
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Sorrow cannot be planned. Sorrow cannot be rehearsed. Sorrow cannot be arranged with friendly media. Sorrow cannot be delivered at a precise network time. Sorrow is not a way of apologising. Sorrow is an actual emotion.
What you have is guilt.
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All your efforts. All your good faith. All your conversations and compromises over the last two years. All your fears and deaths.
They decreed it and they thought it was funny.
There's video of them laughing about it.
This government MUST fall.
Now.
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There cannot be a single Chelsea fan who did not know that the money funding their club was 100% moody. Of course it was.
I get that they didn't care - but the current "hurt and offended" take at everyone pointing this out is fucking hilarious!
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Dominic Cummings did not drive to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight. He didn't. He did not.
He did it breaching the lockdown laws he'd told all of us to obey.
That's it. He did not travel to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight.
That is a lie.
EVERYONE knows this.
So now what?
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Government expected to announce that as from July 4th West Ham players will be permitted to visit other teams penalty areas for short periods providing they pose no threat to the opposition.
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Possibly my favourite football story of all is how the morning after the World Cup Final, Jack Charlton woke up on the living room floor of a couple from Dagenham he had no recollection of meeting. His winners medal was still in his pocket.
Goodnight, giant.
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Steve Wright stood by me, allowed me on air, during that awful period when everyone else wanted to go with the received tabloid narrative.
I will never forget that.
One of the truly last great broadcasters we have.
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This is a great, great day. My big brother Mickey died when he was 29. Today his daughter @AlexandraBaker gave birth to a son in Los Angeles. He is named Michael. Welcome back Mickey Baker. #BravoAlexBravo
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All Tory MP resignation letters
"May I say it has been my privilege and pleasure to have plundered and milked this country for the last fourteen years. That the game is now up is a lasting sorrow to me. I will continue to accept jobs from old school chums of mine in the future."
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I genuinely do not understand how the men at the centre of this mess are allowed to be unavailable. Johnson, Cameron, Gove are the central players. If they were minor celebs caught in a sex scandal they would be run to ground. Our journalists seem to be craven puppets.
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#ImACeleb seems to have completely misjudged its audience tonight. The emphasis on a disgraced Tory politician and his giggling enabling mate is NOT what anyone is watching for.
A horrendous production decision.
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A bit like.
"Vote for us and we'll give you fifty quid!"
(LOADS DO)
"Sorry not fifty...thirty..."
"Well...OK..."
"No not 30...5"
"Five?"
"Actually it's looking more like just a pound."
"What? No. Let's have that vote again."
"Sorry. The people have spoken!"
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The reluctance of the entire UK media not to engage with the biggest breaking twitter story must surely signal the end of any credibility this delusional old industry holds.
Who is the media now? Certainly not this arthritic old Fleet Street mob.
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Choked.
What a writer. What a musician. What a singer. What a curator. What a force. What a family man. What a friend.
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I hope that the rail strikes spread throughout every sector from now on.
Slash into every bosses dividends and profits.
Remind them of something we once all knew.
That if workers don't work, shareholders can't buy that second super yacht.
Right fucking on brothers and sisters.
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I see, Theresa May faces a 'meaningful vote' on her Brexit deal.
Much in the same way Burton Albion face a 'meaningful second leg' against Man City.
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Matt Hancock is not interesting. He is a repellant enabler of awful decisions that has made this country worse. He has sat in power over working people - nurses mainly - and made their lives miserable.
#ImACeleb is not a larky payback.
It is a gross misjudgement.
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We have a family that reigns over us.
A family who must be addressed as "highness" and "majesty" and "ma'am" and "Sir"
A family who are told to we bow to and curtsey to.
They live in castles and palaces.
They own huge bits of our land.
A "Royal" Family.
Everyone OK with that?
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Rangers have been dumped out of Europe by a team from a country that you could completely carpet, with underlay, for under £75.
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I see many Tory devotees on here have agreed that one gaslighting line is "they are all as bad as each other!"
No "they" are not. Your lot proved to be far far worse. Disgusting in fact. Venal.
The crappy standards you nodded along with are NOT the norm.
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Have to say one of the most blatant, arrogant, high handed insults to all of the British public was the Dominic Cummings episode. They calculated we would forget it when it was in fact, an insulting, yobbish toxic act they felt they could get away with. And they have apparently.
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Could have done without "Prince" William being in the centre of #Lionesses celebrations tonight. This toff family of hoorays always being embedded in our national events like we are honoured and fascinated by their presence.
Get a job, mate.
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Ah, this'll be the same paper's front page that brought you "THE TRUTH" about Hillsborough.
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Six years ago I was diagnosed with no doubt, big time, proper full on cancer. Of the head & neck! But I'm all clear now. It's beatable. #NHS
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FA Cup replays dispensed with because the handful of precious corporates don't want such inconvenience in their elite schedules.
Well, if they were that fucking good they wouldn't be needing replays in the first place would they?
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So here we go.
For the match, I will be wearing Gazza's actual shirt that he wore during Euro '96. A holy relic that will see us through.
No doubt.
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95% of the people you hear on the radio are just that - "on the radio". No more.
To work the radio, to master and elevate radio, play with and extend the possibilities of radio, swoop and soar with the medium. That's the trick.
Steve Wright knew that. Steve Wright did that.
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You remove VAR from the game and it soon reverts back to this sort of thing.
Which is why nobody wants VAR.
52’ Fernandes ⚽️
56’ Ugarte 🟨
61’ Dalot 🟥
63’ Gabriel ⚽️
70’ Maguire 🟨
70’ Gabriel 🟨
72’ Havertz 🟨
72’ Odegaard ❌
20 minutes of football heritage at the Emirates Stadium 😤🍿
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So many tweets today about "buy a newspaper, keep journalism alive" but why should we when it's still largely this ridiculous arrant balls. UK Papers have long abused the privilege of appearing decent and trusted. The cynical tabloid game is finished. Be gone. It's over.
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Bunch of kids knocked having found my daughter's purse at firework display. Gave them cash reward, Just saw they put it back thru letterbox.
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It's all our fault. None of us understood the guidelines and rules. Seems only two men did.
This is genuinely disgusting isn't it?
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Michael Caine's opinion on Brexit is irrelevant. Calling him a twat and worse is pointless. You disagree with the old boy, fair enough. I do too. All this going immediately nuclear on someone is a sickness. Grow up.
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Kenneth Williams famously didn't make many friends. But, tellingly, his diaries reveal a love of any meetings with Maggie Smith.
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My own stand alone podcast, featuring all the old firm and even the Sausage Sandwich Game, will begin in the new year. Emails encouraged, calls taken, subjects bizarre. A twice a week meeting, we can rule the world.
#CandyManReturns
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For all those new and enthused by the recent football you may want a guide to navigating the upcoming 2018/19 season. Basically, you root for the team who played nearest to your front door when you were a child. Everybody else can go fuck themselves. Enjoy the ride!
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For every footballer who might act like an entitled, boorish clod you could always point to Ray Wilkins and say, "Well hold on. The game also produces characters like him too." A gentleman, a fellow of the driest wit.
A smiler.
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Bravo @GaryLineker sneaking in, "The world's a better place, the world is a better place" about the England win...but I suspect it had an unspoken partner on the political scene as well.
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Can we please now keep every prospective Tory Party leader at least a thousand fucking miles away from the England Squad?
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The NME never once asked me where I studied. Or what certificates I had. Or where I saw myself in 5 years. They just sent you to see some band and asked for 400 words on them. If they liked it they'd give you an album to review. Next thing you know you're in New York...
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Whoever decided that you can start this football season and then just stop it again for a fucking "international break" wants putting in the stocks outside every ground in the country.
I'd be there with the rottenest tomatoes early doors.
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Just got fired from @bbc5live.
For the record - it was red sauce. Always.
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If you agree that English football should pay tribute to Gordon Banks, a GIANT of the game and position, by allowing goalkeepers this weekend to wear a blue shirt with a white 1 on the back, please RT.
piped.video/watch?v=HNLam4RA…
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The slippery Dominic Cummings. That's all OK now is it? Oxbridge, sweaty, conniving, stinky-balls, no good, nose picking creeper. He took the piss out of everyone and got away with it, didn't he? Look at him. He runs our country, the ponce.
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Whenever I tweet about friends of mine who have died - a depressingly regular routine these days - I always get calls from media outlets asking if I want to "come on" and talk about them.
No.
My mates death is not your content.
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Just had tinned fruit salad and evaporated milk for the first time in, I reckon, 45 years.
It was 100% magnificent and I now realise I have wasted nearly half a century on Tiramisu and suchlike.
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I know its lousy form to contrast the women's game with the men's but I think we should.
If England's constipated cautious men's team played with a fraction of the freedom, fearlessness and can-do spirit of the #Lionesses then we would've won our own final last year. Not choked.
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All these Call A General Election! fuckers.
No, we just had one.
We'll have another in four years.
That's how the UK works.
Shut up and change your nappies.
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The tweets today by @Nigel_Farage - what a crumb. The illusion of insight and power when he's been humiliated by the British public at every local election he ever haunted. A foul breathed nose picking old man nicking a living raking for dog shit. The BBC think he is a "voice".
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Fuck off Sky. You are implicit in all this. Football fans spit on your duplicitous phoney nostalgia.
Five classic replays that helped encapsulate 'the magic of the FA Cup' 🔗 news.sky.com/story/five-clas…
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Let's be clear.
Every single football related person I know, who make their living from the game and who are going to grab a few quid from the Qatar World Cup have no right hitherto from making pronouncements about human rights.
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