Jesus Christ
@jesus

Carpenter, Healer, God

 Israel
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus
Joined October 2006
Why the assumption I am fake?
CNN
@CNN
10 Nov 2022
"Twitter has given a blue check verified mark to Jesus Christ ... Things are getting a bit confusing at Twitter under Elon Musk." @donie reports on the surge of fake accounts on Twitter as the paid verification system launches.
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It is finished.
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I was returning BUT YOU SHOT MY BALLOON!
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Who has two thumbs and verified?
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Aww shux, you shouldn’t have.
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Casual Sunday reading…
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Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I love you guys.
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It appears I have more than 12 followers
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So Dad tells me my birthday isn't "officially" tomorrow. Don't care. Decorations are up. Party still on.
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Hey guys... took a small vacation. What’s up?
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Sup.
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My birthday is in two days. I feel nothing.
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Truth be told
Business Insider
@BusinessInsider
11 Nov 2022
I've been 'Jesus Christ' on Twitter for 14 years — and thanks to Elon Musk, I'm now verified trib.al/RS9dNqq
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Why are women’s bodies being more regulated than guns in the US?
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WHERE MY PEEPS AT!?
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Ok world, everyone just take a deep breath.
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Y’all can skip church today. You get a free pass this time.
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It is what it is.
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I’m Black and Gay. Prove me wrong.
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Good night
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Call me by my name
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Sunday Funday. Got any plans? Don’t say church.
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Who’s ready for me?
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This is a parody
Elon Musk
@elonmusk
6 Nov 2022
Going forward, any Twitter handles engaging in impersonation without clearly specifying “parody” will be permanently suspended
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I love you
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Congratulations @Beyonce
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Kanye West is cancelled
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Y’all know what day it is. See you in a few
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Peace out y’all
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I know you are sad. I know you are hurting. I am with you always.
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Come on in Rob. I got you.
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Get your hands off my words
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Sup
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Sorry folks, but after rising a few thousand times, I’m probably gonna stay home for Easter this year.
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GAME ON
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Good Friday to everyone except for Nas. Where’s MY lap dance?
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Leo. You're in.
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Your prayers are meaningless without action.
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Christians hate this one simple trick that gets you into heaven. Love.
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YOLO! Unless you're me.
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June is gay
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So, same theme as last year I see.
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Already drunk
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I was on my way for the 2nd coming but “somebody” told me to go back to where I came from.
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No, it didn’t hurt.
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I keep telling Dad that we don’t need to put people through the same childhood I had.
Abam@AdamBroud
7 Aug 2022
Saw this and can’t stop thinking about how much better I am at making plans than God
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You don’t need to tell people you follow me in your bio. It proves nothing.
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I am the way, the life, and the truth. !⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱
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Hey America, leave me out of it. Just impeach that orange popsicle already, and I’ll take care of the rest.
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They say abstinence is 100% effective for birth control. Tell that to my mom
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Who run the world?
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I know you guys really count on me for a lot of things. But you know... science is pretty cool too. Just sayin.
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STOP RAPING WOMEN. STOP HARASSING WOMEN. STOP CATCALLING WOMEN.
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I’m so sorry you guys are in Hell right now. So.... so sorry.
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I will be out of the office until Monday with no phone or email access. If you need immediate attention please contact my dad directly
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I've had better days
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#NewProfilePic
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I was given the approval from Dad. It's 👌 to be gay.
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Ban all guns. Full stop.
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For those believing #ChurchIsEssential, let me further remind you that Church is not a building, but a spirit of connectedness. #SaferAtHome
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🇺🇦✊
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I’m high as a kite. Merry Christmas everybody!
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I’m right here you guys.
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It's beginning to look a lot like Me más
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33, Male, Jerusalem. You?
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Ugh only 12 people responded to my dinner E-vite.
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Bring it!
Corey Ryan Forrester - WeLoveCorey.com@CoreyRForrester
6 Apr 2020
Is this church gonna whoop Jesus’s ass?
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Hey guys, Church is cancelled. You can catch Dad on Zoom. And don’t worry about the spyware; he’s already watching.
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We can achieve peace and justice without violence against one another. It is also ok if you flip a few tables along the way when you can’t breathe.
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Y’all are arguing about black squares now?
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I has truly risen 🙌
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Donald is the anti-me
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Don't eat my chocolate. I'll be back Monday.
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#ImpeachTrump
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I don’t know who needs to hear this
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Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza
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Ah crap
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TGIF!
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Hi.
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Almost my birthday week. So excited!
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Actually, I have total authority.
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Look, even Dad believes in science.
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Merry Christmas
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Hey
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*Extreme Britney Spears voice* It’s Jesus bitch.
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And you thought YOU were about to have a bad week...
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That’s “Doctor” Jesus to you, sir.
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Finish up those pies because it’s time to start planning my birthday party
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I’ll pray for you 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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Don’t call it a comeback
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Money can’t buy happiness
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OK
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On to the next one
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Less Golf, more “Do your actual job”
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I love you, btw, and I've been obsessed with you, like, this whole time.
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Due to recent events, Heaven will be observing new hours of operation. Monday - Saturday 11am-4pm. Sunday’s will remain closed.
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There’s a time for compassion. There’s a time for patience. There’s a time for forgiveness. And when they all run out, don’t act surprised when we turn the tables upside down.
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Unmatched wisdom, lol.
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Trimming the first two letters from my name. Y’all can now refer to me as Sus
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Wow!
Gareth P Jones
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