CIGS // SKA // CATS // i go where eagles dare / My debut special WILD HAPPY & FREE, Bein Ian with Jordan podcast & patreon + tour dates ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Brooklyn
IAN FIDANCE: WILD HAPPY & FREE is out NOW on YouTube!
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mayor pete was the kinda kid who unplugged the sega if he was losing
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I was on a Delta flight when mask mandate was lifted. I was the only one to keep one on. The pilot came back and spit in my face, calling me a masky piss boy. A stewardess used a strap on & said “I’m gonna fuck your face with that Fauci Dental Dam, little girl” THREAD 🧵 1/37
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…aren’t conservatives supposed to be the party of “free speech”?? What a bunch of whiney piss babies
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The gentrified urge to open the 3rd coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn
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A juggalo pulled a gun on me when I was a junior in high school in Middletown Delaware at a haunted hayride but guess what? That dudes probably dead now and last night I met their leader! Ha ha fidance wins again!!
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This is so cool - Elvis Costello got banned from SNL for playing “Radio, Radio” on air when it came out - so decades later the Beastie Boys faked everyone out by playing the opening of “Sabotage” then Costello stormed the stage and they broke out into “Radio, Radio”
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Do you guys ever get texts from random bots?
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i went back to delaware and surprised my mom christmas morning
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Lol this reviewer is straight up retarded
I watched Shane Gillis' standup special last night. I laughed, I thought it was fine, but I don’t think I’d recommend it. Shane definitely has his specific type of humor, which is maybe what turns me off, because it tries a little bit too hard to be edgy... Yelling that something is “gay” or “retarded” over and over again is not comedy. Many of his jokes are too surface-level, especially when presented by a smart guy like Gillis. The audience wants jokes with thought behind them, not the lowest common denominator humor of “oops I said something I shouldn’t have.” Overall, this standup routine did not deserve to be a “special.” Beautiful Dogs will not be re-watched in three years. It’s not timeless—it’s trendy. I think Gillis is (and has been) extremely topical. That attention to pop-culture plays well in the podcast environment where it’s consumed daily, or at a late night comedy club where the audience listens then moves on. There is no question Shane performs very well in those environments. But ‘Beautiful Dogs’ was not special worthy, and was not polished the way that a special should be. This special will not stand the test of time, and was the Netflix equivalent of “click bait” put out by Shane Gillis. In fact, it almost felt like this routine was "what he had available at the time” that he got an offer from Netflix. Maybe I’m grumpy or it went over my head… Do you agree that this routine was a miss? @Shanemgillis
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IAN FIDANCE: WILD HAPPY AND FREE out NOW on YouTube!
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Lol Will Smith will let his wife take a dick but he can’t take a joke
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whoopsies
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What about putting a million people in houses you stupid foreign piece of shit
🚨 BREAKING: Elon Musk says that he thinks we could have a million people on Mars in 20 years.
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Lol Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna in 2009 and won a Grammy 3 years later. Save the crocodile tears over Louis CK, you absolute losers
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Peace on earth, war on stage
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Minutes after logging onto grindr for first time in a year hell yeah
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Lol capitalism sucks but the other option ain’t too good neither!
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VINTAGE STORE IN BROOKLYN STOLEN VALOR!!!!
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Here lies Ian Fidance, dead from getting absolutely massacred on Twitter. He will be missed, but not by communists or polyamorous witches. 1984-2023 RIP
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Btw you dumpy cunt, the guy was drunk and yelling trump at me for my entire set, I was even on his side early on until he kept yelling at me about politics — but of course you had to be a fuckin goblin and take a clip out of context so you can make it your coup d'état. Write a joke that doesn’t have gays Jews or blacks as a punchline you fucking bigot clown. I ain’t woke but I ain’t a fuckin chump either so miss me with this bullshit you fuckin gross pig
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Been hitting the gym and snorting HGH I hope you guys like my new look
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What if the bomb Oppenheimer dropped was the n-bomb??
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Hey gang couple booths and cinder blocks left for tonight’s show!!
Replying to @feraljokes
What is so hard to understand about that? I got invited on their gross libertarian friends podcasts a million times after that and turned it down every time. If I was trying to advance my career, I would have gone on all that shit and become an embarrassment like Ian fidance
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made some new friends at the airport!!
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It wasn’t me
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you either bang your crush, or you live long enough to find a girl that looks just like her in a porno.
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did you know if you put a record needle on a tribal tattoo it plays 311's "down"?
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had fun at the new york public library!!
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The fuckin best hell yeah dude @Shanemgillis
Shane Gillis’s monologue!
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Dream blunt rotation
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Who’s dick do I gotta suck to suck a dick around here?
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Replying to @TMZ
lol get fucked @TMZ resurface my ass on your nose, pussies
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Lol fuck what everybody says, Matt Rife friggin rules
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I posted a picture yesterday with someone. That someone is Dave Chappelle. We stand together as comics…but I do NOT agree with him on transgender issues...but a seeker like him isn’t done evolving. Please see thread for my full apology. Thank you.
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I have 8 years sober from drugs and alcohol today! Lol here’s a photo series I call “Stages of Sobriety”
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What do you call an Italian ghost? A gabaghoul 😏😎🤌🏼🇮🇹
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And here I am, the only living boy in New York
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Yoooo!!!! My man WENT THERE!!!! Fresh take Robby! Nobody’s safe when Schneider’s on the mic! 🔥🔥
If you believe there is such a thing as ‘cultural appropriation.’ Then certainly this gentleman is guilty of ‘gender appropriation.’
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I said “please don’t” but no one could hear me over the Christian rock band playing in the aisles. People filled their mouths with mouthwash, only to spray it on neighboring passengers yelling “I’m gonna give you a Biden bath!” Horrified I could only watch in terror as (2/37)
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funny a generation that grew up loving south park ended up hating that type of humor
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wow! new yorkers ARE nice - they sang me happy birthday on the train!
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Bill Maher is a fucking cunt
"Jackass" star Steve-O says he asked Bill Maher not to smoke pot during a potential interview and to respect his 16 years of sobriety. Maher allegedly refused. "I found it kind of upsetting when the Bill Maher podcast reached out and he smokes pot the whole time while he interviews people. I said I’d happily go on there, but while I’m on, out of respect for my sobriety, could he refrain from smoking pot. He said no and that’s a dealbreaker.” “I’m a clean and sober guy. It’s very important that I maintain my sobriety, it’s approaching 16 years. I am about to be sweet 16. Really, there’s nothing I value more than my sobriety. There’s nothing more that I protect than my recovery." Read more here: variety.com/2024/digital/new…
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This was so fuckin good 😂😂
Shane Gillis’s monologue!
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ALT Happy Laugh GIF by Paramount Network

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Woohoo hell yeah! Had the best time on the airwaves with these dudes - episode is out now check it out it was a fun one! @joerogan @attell piped.video/4XYv75Myreo?si=vkK5…
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Yo this is wild - thanks so much for the shout out Louie & @andrewschulz!!! Ska!!!!
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Please respect my family’s privacy at this time
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Re: getting rid of the board of education I worked in education - it’s been failing children for years upon years upon years - maybe blowing up the system is a good idea. I’m sorry it’s just not the team you want to be doing it.
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I don’t have money so I can’t really be a sugar daddy. I’m more of a stevia father.
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I saw a man jerk off on the train today - been here since 2003 and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen a subway with a mirror! 😏😎
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This looks like a make-a-wish but I got to bring both these legends on stage last night and it was really cool!!!! 💕: @comedycellarusa 📸: @wilsylvince
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i carpentered samson some shelves for him to hang out on
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Lol there’s comics on Twitter who couldn’t figure out a career but think they can figure out the Middle East
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I love him so much
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I haven’t had a drink since 2015 (applause break) but to this day I still shudder when I see a liquor store or smell alcohol. The struggle never goes away but with daily maintenance & gratitude it gets better in time. If you’re struggling, there’s hope and don’t ever forget it.
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my roommate moved out so i played Vitamin C’s “Graduation” at him all day
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God guns and gravy! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
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Me whenever I see a tweet end with THREAD 🧵
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the CNN I was watching was playing in my earbuds. I frantically tried to turn off my screen, knowing full well if anyone saw me watching Jake Tapper, Id surely be punished. Too late. A man ripped his shirt off to reveal a MAGA tattoo made out of swastikas on his bare chest (3/37)
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Lol funny how Luigi Mangione’s CEO assassination manifesto is released right away yet to this day we still don’t have access to the manifesto from the trans Nashville school shooter
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26 years ago today the king left the building // Shine on you crazy diamond // 📸: Chris Buck
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Communicating with someone privately and having that person betray that trust by publicly sharing texts framed as a form of “healing” is some psycho shit
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Lol Jake you are objectively a failure by no fault of your own. A once funny person, the internet destroyed your brain & you refuse to work hard so you can blame the alt right & capitalism for your failings. Classic NPD behavior, u insert urself into things & always play victim.
Alright this was a fun day on Twitter but I have to go work at my job I work at that I don't want to work at because I'm a polyamorous communist witch or whatever
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Lol this is rich coming from a notoriously unfunny and difficult person to deal with on sets, back stage, and in general. It’s always those projecting niceties and trying to save the world instead of being funny who are always the nightmares in private
Michelle Buteau slams Dave Chappelle and his jokes about the transgender community. "[Comedians] can tell jokes and stories and not disparage a whole community. We can do that. We can make it funny. We just have to work at it, right? So, if you ever run into Dave Chappelle can you let him know that shit? I don’t think he knows that shit...I can’t believe somebody would make millions and millions of dollars for making people feel unsafe. That is so wild to me, truly. I’m manifesting this shit tonight. This is a Radio City Music Hall takeover, and I’m gonna tell everybody I wanna make millions and millions of dollars for making people feel safe, seen, secure, heard and entertained.” Read more here: wp.me/pc8uak-1lFeoC
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And here’s a tag @leonardaisfunny since you’re too much of a coward to tag me or mention me in the post you balding Albanian bitch
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Everyone hating Jonah Hill needs to take a step back and ask themselves if they’ve ever single handedly made Kanye West love all Jews. No? Then let the man cook!
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Lol the mask rules in Vegas are hilarious
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Happy Easter! Hope you find whatever it is today that brings you joy!
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Taping my first special December 3rd in New York City! ianfidance.com for tickets - see ya there! Xo
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Guys I know things are bad right now but we can fix this
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Fun flight back to NYC!!
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Just spent my life savings on this NFT!!
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not an Aries, you’re mentally ill
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Lol 4 years ago I missed a flight and had to sleep at LAX so I made an MTV Cribs LAX Airport
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You either die a hero or live long enough to be a member of Rage Against the Machine writing articles on how to be an activist behind a paywall for the New York Times
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We’re living in hell
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Jonah Hill looks like shit
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Siri play the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm
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the poorer you were growing up, the more family photos you had framed going up your stairs
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Good one!! You seem well balanced and spiritually fulfilled!!
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Come on guys take it easy - you got OJ, we got Kyle - we’re even!!
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Hahaha I hope every dipshit who owns an RBG shirt with the Biggie crown burns in hell
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So cool running into all of Brooklyn while I’m in Denver!!
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They’re releasing prisoners, and Joe Exotic was the first one
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As a lifelong baseball fan, I can’t tell ya how excited I am to throw out the first pitch for the @CleGuardians tonight! See ya on the mound at 6:25!
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At least Biden’s kids in cages are allowed to choose their own pronouns!
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Lock up your daughters and put away your husbands, the smoothie bros are out on the prowl (swimming and smoking cigarettes with non alcoholic margaritas by the pool)!!
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Ugh I’m tired of arguing online! It takes up sooo much time! I just wanna go back to doing what I love: being a landlord and reading the great JK Rowling!!
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i’m 35, so dating a girl in her 20s is not so much “dating” as it is just me being a wise old owl offering wisdom, then at the end of the night i’m like “who who who’s gonna eat your ass?”
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Happy 4th of July, America! Xo, me & @attell
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25 years ago today we lost the brightest star. Shine on you crazy diamond. Incredible photo by Chris Buck, chrisbuck.com
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girls are like cats - give them too much attention and they’ll run away, but ignore them *just* enough and they’ll show you their butthole
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