Forsaken warrior..... Spreading love and kindness and truth and love ......
- Tweets 6,088
- Following 232
- Followers 3,939
- Likes 12,220
Pinned Tweet
*Almost choking to death on the biggest piece of gum youve ever seen* Appllghphhhh. Plllllohppphpb phohlhllmm mmlgpllgllplpppp
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im glad twitter refreshes twice when you open it so i can see a flash of a cool suggested piece of art from someone i would want to follow before its ripped away from me forever
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do you mind if i wear my black t shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment
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You can just make up Idioms and Similes on the spot. Thats why a turtles shell is on the outside
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What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you
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i go to the gym 6 days a week eat 220g of protein a day and run 4 times a week so i can play toys harder
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I work at the shrinp factory. i cut the heads and poop off the shrimp. i make -4$ an hour. they throw mud on me and laugh. its my birthday too they throw mud on me on my birthday
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Just skipped a rock across a lake so hard it went through 3 squirrels and a toyota camry
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The mold poisoning makes me stronger and smarter its like a symbiote that grows behind my shower due to faulty caulking
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I decalcified my pineal gland but the psychic visions were scary so i recalcified it
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We ship homunculus ๐ผ
Fast and to America ๐ต๐ท
Cheap shipping no returns ๐๐
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I used to mocrowave bread pieces and rice for fun and lego men becayse they deserved it
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Someone brought in a lemur when I was working once and it was the greatest day of my life post 9/11
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Finally drinking water for the first time in 60 years and feeling so good i get scared and kill myself
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Correct your world view:
Work Computer -> Psychic torture device
Office Furniture -> Psychic Torture Device
Office Culture -> Psychic Torture Device
Unpaid Lunch Break -> Psychic Torture Device
Clocking in\out -> Psychic Torture Device
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Shot my 3 year old son in a freak huntung accident where i was bored and shot him
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Male teachers when you interrupt them running game on a 13 year old with a dumbass question about "English" or some shit
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I hit a Grinch going 85 on the highway and flipped the car luckily im alive but the grinch is mangled in my grill
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Listen im a fan of "Dark Humor" but i draw the line at stinky or smelly things, Thats too far
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No way people do
8 hours sleep
8 hours work
1 hour working out
9 hours ball scratching and sniffing
And still have time for a social life!!!!
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Just a reminder that being my mutual means i agree with everything you say and i will kill for you on request. And i love you
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Certainly! Her name was Mara, (682)475-9173, she lived at 203 West Brisk Avenue, and she was hit by a car and passed away shortly after leaving that gas station! Mere moments after you saw her! It's funny, if you had talked to her, she would have missed the car and still be alive
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*Shouting at fast food worker through my closed car window* I DONT REALLY FEEL COMFORTABLE OPENING THE WINDOW OR DOOR. YOURE JUST GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO GIVE THE FOOD TO ME
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Gnome season is almost upon us i have land mines planted in the yard and traps set in the woods these little bastards arent seeing 2025
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Soulless nothing drawing. It feels evil. Im going to burn it tonight otherwise it will do me harm
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Yes i am incontinent. Yes i am shitting myself constantly. No that doesnt make me any less of a virile lover or an upstanding father
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Theyre calling me the "King of Late Night", which is weird, because my bed times 9:30!!!!!!
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It pisses me off when people take pictures with their hands in them and they have fat hands
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