used to do a website but turns out twitter is way easier.
- Tweets 38,774
- Following 1,081
- Followers 7,187
- Likes 59,498
“Why don’t you two come up here and tell the whole class what is QUITE so funny”
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Been doing a rewatch of Malcolm In The Middle and while I love the writing, I think this might be the best sight gag. Naked Gun level stuff
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Sai Descoteaux
All right lads, holiday is it? I'm out here on my own having a MENTAL time.... can I have a beer?
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Crack Grealish
🚨👀 Many 🇪🇺 clubs are interested in Jota #Silva: #Benfica follow him closely, #Brighton, #Fulham and #WestHam, in 🏴, have the 🇵🇹 player in their sights, as well as some 🇮🇹 teams.
💰 The #VitoriaSC LW - 15 goals and 7 assists this season so far - has a €20m release clause.
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THATS FIR YOU YA SPECCY WEE CUNT
John McGinn scores and does the goal celebration dedicated to his nephew who needs goggles to play football 😎
#TelegraphFootball | #AVLFUL
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Hope they get rid of this book reading nerd for the champions league final so I get to hear Rio Ferdinand bellowing “HE’S DA SOUL SNATCHA!!”
"They are the best run club in Italy over the last 8 years"
@JamesHorncastle outlines what makes this Atalanta side so special ✨
📺 Watch the #UELfinal live on @tntsports & @discoveryplusUK
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#nffc transfer news - Jonjo Shelvey is close to joining Turkish club Rizespor on loan after unhappy spell at Nottingham Forest. Emmanuel Dennis also likely to move to Turkish Super Lig before Friday’s deadline telegraph.co.uk/football/202…
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Most people put a cross in the box, but I put a tick in the box. Why? It’s more positive
Even if you don’t want to vote for you, vote for your children. Vote for their children. Vote for everyone else.
Just ask yourself - which party leaves us in a better place as a nation in 4 years time. And put a tick in the box.
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Yer teacher, old Sergio, has told me you’ve been fuckin slackin off a wee bit in yer castanets lessons, is that right? We cannae be havin that MATE
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He looks simultaneously like Max and Paddy
Celtic interim coach Mark Fotheringham is a contender for the Norwich City vacancy.
[@TheSunFootball] #NCFC
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Credit to the MOTD editor here for picking out Wayne Hennessey either side of the minutes silence for Holocaust Memorial Day
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Peter Drury pre-match hype voice:
The Tortured Poets Department. An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the author’s life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed. And upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.
And then all that’s left behind is the tortured poetry.
THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT is out now: taylor.lnk.to/thetorturedpoe…
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Always think of this bit whenever I hear Tess Daly mentioned
I'm really going to miss Tess's warmth, sincerity, spontaneity, ability to go off script, and natural flare for live TV #Strictly
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Ange Postecoglou has transformed everything about Celtic, but the biggest has to be the conversion of Jota from Portuguese to Australian
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“Wow. Guys? Andorra, wow”
🚨 BREAKING: Gareth Southgate set to walk after Euros and FA could even try to lure Pep Guardiola
✍️ @SamiMokbel81_DM
READ MORE: trib.al/j3Njg8L
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Solksjaer also didn’t eat.
“That’s Alex Ferguson’s food” the Norwegian revealed. “I could never eat the gaffer’s dinner. Just floor crumbs for me”
When #mufc’s squad went out for dinner during a night off in Perth on the the pre-season tour, Mason Greenwood stayed in, simply because he believes he has a lot to do yet before he can be properly considered a first-team player #mulive [@TelegraphDucker, telegraph]
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“Send feet pics”
Paul Scholes' three-word reaction to daughter wearing Arsenal shirt for Man Utd clash #MUFC
express.co.uk/sport/football…
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Richarlison has been suspended from the Labour Party
RICHARLISON: "It is a basic right to have food on the table, healthcare, education and housing. I position myself in support and show my indignation for a minimum of dignity and equality for all the Brazilians that did not have the same type of luck as I did"
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Lee Carsley is only refusing to sing the anthem as he has a beautiful, haunting, even smoky falsetto that will make grown men weep
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Pele’s favourite goal wasn’t caught on camera, so they did a computer simulation of it. Naturally, being based off Pele’s description it’s stone cold, Jay from the Inbetweeners, bullshit
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Young Jürgen travels through time to help his older self solve future crimes in the brand new German TV hit "Time Klopp"
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A tiny act of solidarity that has gone unnoticed:
Garth Crooks did not pick a team of the week
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Cmann now, ye’ve got to feel the rain on your skin! Sure, no-one else can feel it for you
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Calling these Nike Air Strikes
This Sunday against the Raiders, various people within the Vikings organization will be supporting Israel on their feet.
Kicker Greg Joseph’s cleats and sneakers that will be worn by the Wilfs and team CEO Andrew Miller.
Custom designed by @stadiumck.
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This is like Frank Lampard’s response to 9/11
Also, 🔥Liz Truss’s autobiography extracts have just dropped … and it’s clear it’s going to be an absolute banger
dailymail.co.uk/news/article…
In this tiny extract the Queen dies - and Truss is moved to ask “Why me?”
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So far I have counted eight cabinet ministers entering the PLP meeting to listen to @RachelReevesMP speech on growth. Chancellor entered the room clapping her hands saying: “growth, growth, growth”
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Found this ‘traitors dartboard’ of iraq war critics The Sun made in 2003 – and had entirely forgotten about ... Robert Pires
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“Mark my words, Jesse Lingard” mused Crooks. “during MY career, the only ‘milly rock’ I was concerned with was young Millicent Rockworth, a striking debutante to whom I was pitching woo. The only ‘fancy footwork’ I was working on was dancing the jitterbug at our local speakeasy”
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