‘Skyscanner’ … OUT NOW
Australia (via West London)
- Tweets 123,682
- Following 1,201
- Followers 1,412,772
- Likes 13,939
Pinned Tweet
My debut collection is available to purchase now..
The ‘Ian’ Collection
8 very unique Ian’s
Limited Edition
Textured Layered Mixed Media Prints
£120 + Shipping
*Delivery before Christmas+
appreciationgallery.com/coll…
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Lewis Capaldi. What a way to silence a moody old c**t like Noel. Fair play to him. Always loved Noel’s banter but he went to far with this one. And don’t ever hate on Scotland. Best gig crowds in the world 🏴💙
There’s winning a feud, and then there’s coming on stage at TRNSMT in a Chewbacca mask and performing Don’t Look Back In Anger, but re-naming it Don’t Chewbac In Anger. @LewisCapaldi 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
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Fuck me Dave just delivered the most important performance in the entire history of the Brits. Gobsmacked 😱
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This may be controversial but...
‘Tangled’ is much better film than ‘Frozen’
😬🤷🏻♂️
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Suggested New Years Resolutions:
- use en route NOT on route
- use ESpresso NOT EXpresso
- use they’re (they are) NOT there
- use specific NOT pacific (that’s an ocean)
2019 will be a happier place for everyone I promise xx
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Lady on the plane next to me just asked me if I’m “from the music” !?!?!!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Now we’re having a good old chat and taking some pics for her nephew cos he’ll “definitely be impressed with his auntie”
ELLIOT
FROM. THE. MUSIC 🏆
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This is Jordan. He didn’t have an aux or Bluetooth in his car. My new mixtape is out next month and won’t be on Cd. Streaming only. I could’ve bought him a new stereo but I bought him a new car instead. Why not ay 🤷🏻♂️
So here we are, as promised, the car that @example has bought me! Thank you so much for buying it for me, cannot wait to blast Bangers and Ballads from it when it’s out next month 🔥
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Just offered to buy a homeless guy some lunch in Hollywood and he said, I quote: “fuck you white boy I need money for drugs” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Why is everyone stocking up on dried pasta but not on Dolmio/Ragu ?? Don’t invite me round for dinner if you’re serving plain COVID pasta
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Hotel breakfast said they didn’t do beans on toast so I ordered the full English without bacon, sausage, tomato and mushroom 😜 Not just a pretty face ay. Had to butter the toast and put the beans on top myself but it’s still a small victory for me nevertheless
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People we need to leave behind in 2019:
“I’m gluten free and allergic to dairy but will happily sniff gear off toilet seats”
You know who you are
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This lad don’t have an aux or Bluetooth in his car. Only CD. And my new album won’t be on CD. So I’m gonna buy him a new car so he can enjoy it 💙
So @example has some new bangers out next month and has said he’d buy me a new car if the album does well, help me out and download/stream/buy 🙌🏻🔥
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When is the wedding ? I’d love to come perform for you 🎉🎉🎉🎉
@example I remember being 16 and attending one of your gigs with my new boyfriend. Now I’m 21 and engaged to him. Show Me How To Love will be added to the wedding playlist. You wanna come along? 😋
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Lost 650 followers on insta and 1,300 on twitter since my #BlackLivesMatter posts. If you’re a racist then fuck off. If not then you’re a coward: so good riddance you cowards. You’ll get the message some how, some way, even if it ain’t from my channels 🖤
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Dear festivals - when you put that stupid VIP area IN FRONT of the stage (and they’re always half full) you ruin the vibe of the whole show. Especially for the real fans at the back. Put those VIP areas to the side or back and raise them if you have to. FUCKWITS
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Got married, had kids, moved to Australia, released loads of bangers, still on about 50 gigs a year. Survived COVID. Getting a cat soon. Click the follow button and you’ll never be sad again
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If you have anxiety issues why don’t you come watch the set from side of stage ? Let me know. Wouldn’t want you to miss out Char 😘
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Next time you think you’re having a tough day... try explaining the difference between oranges, clementines, tangerines, mandarines and satsumas ... to a 3 year old 😬🤷🏻♂️
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Example & @kanineuk - ‘Never Let You Down’
OUT NOW everywhere exampleofficial.lnk.to/nlyd
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If you do one thing today, make sure it’s listening to this interview from Laura Whitmore
“Be kind, it’s gone too far...your words affect people”
@thewhitmore speaking from the heart about her friend Caroline Flack, in one of the most powerful pieces of radio I’ve heard in a very long time.
I cannot imagine how difficult it was for her to be on @bbc5live today.
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I have deleted WhatsApp. I have blocked and removed 600 contacts from my phone. I want to spend more time reading, being creative and most importantly give my kids my full attention whenever I’m with them. Please nobody be offended. Emails and DM’s are already too much
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Uber Driver was showing up as 2mins away. For 10mins
Arrives puffing and panting. Frantically wiping crumbs from his mouth
“Sorry I was stuck at the drive-thru”
STUCK. At the drive-thru
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I lost 2,000 followers on twitter yesterday. Probably cos of all the nonstop tour promotion. But I sold 16,000 tour tickets so fuck it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Fuck off you absolute drip
Boris Johnson has delivered this message of support to the England team ahead of the Rugby World Cup final against South Africa on Saturday itv.com/news/2019-11-01/eddi… #RWC2019
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Try singing this to the tune of Skyfall:
Do you want trifle?
Or apple crumble?
Piece of mangooooooo?
Or taste them all - together?
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Ladies of Manchester. I have just walked around the Trafford centre and your eyebrow game is next level
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Oi. Poor students like Ellie - get in touch and I’ll give you free tickets for this festival next week. Ellie - you have TWO tickets. I’ll DM you details
Would die to see @example at Victorious 😩 worst thing about being a poor student, looks like it’s gonna be amazing 🎪🎉🙋🏼♂️
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A homeless guy in Shoreditch just asked me for some spare change. I gave him all the coins in my pocket. He then offered me weed ... then coke... then a massage 🤣🤣🤣 some proper entrepreneur shit. It’s 9am bro !! 🤪🤪🤪
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What about if you came side of stage ? Would that be cool ? I could sort this out just this once for you 👍
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Mate if you drive down from Auckland and book the hotel I’ll meet you for a beer and sort you cash for your hotel room. I believe in random acts of kindness
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Just walked past a couple who were clearly in the middle of breaking up and the guy said "example - tell her she's making a mistake!" 😂😂
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I’ve written 10
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Show on ITV called ‘Gordon Ramsay on Cocaine’. Unfortunately it’s a factual documentary and not an interview with Gordon off his nut 😢
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@edsheeran I wanted to do the hallway "ginger cunt orange" but it wasn't on the colour chart
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Ladies & Gentleman ... Ennio Stanley Gleave 💙 ( thank you @Erin_McNaught for baking this perfect little cake for us )
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THIS happened yesterday. Will post some more pics for you guys in a bit (photo: @ryderevansphoto)
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Overheard at Waterloo station (in a strong American accent):
“the problem with this country is you just cannot get a slice of pizza at 10am ANYWHERE”
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I thought the animated water looked good in Moana. How have they managed to step it up even more for Coco !? 🤷🏻♂️ What is CGI water gonna look like in 5 years? It’s gonna be better than real life water. Fuck im a bit obsessed with animated water. Sorry
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How about this for some good news... we've got No. 2 on the way and it's another little boy 💙 @Erin_McNaught
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Often old ladies come up to me and say stuff like “are you that professor green” (which is massively racist btw not all white people look the same 🤣🤣) Then when I’m in Australia people think I’m Calvin Harris !? But today a lady at the airport asked if I was DJ Greg James !?!?
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Saw this sign in a toilet:
“If it’s brown flush it down...
but if it’s yellow let it mellow”
Well I’ve got a little poem for you mate:
“Stop being a hippie fuckwit and flush the toilet you smelly cretin”
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PARENTS. Is it normal for a 5 year old to build identical replica stuff like this out of Lego !? I came upstairs earlier to see this. He was measuring them against eachother for scale. I had to help him a little with the handle but he did the rest himself 🤯🤯🤯
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This lad has been coming to gigs for over 10 years. Met him at the bar in Glasgow when I supported The Streets in 2007. He’s been to about 30 of my shows. Will has free Guestlist for life now
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Was chatting to you only last week about how excited you were for some festivals this summer. So much positive energy. Smiling nonstop when I was with you, first time we met I felt as if I’d known you my whole life. Mad humble guy. RIP Cadet 💔😢😢
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Dear Cher Lloyd fans, yes Cher Lloyd has 200,000 more followers than me but 300,000 of them are her cousins
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‘All Night’ is OUT NOW
Watch the full video here: piped.video/_G1soKzXJUo
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I've been watching my wife and son sleeping for about half hour now thinking to myself "i've had a right result here"
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Dear cunts at the gym who use steroids. You do realise you stink of rotting meat? Yeh you have big guns. But your girl doesn’t wanna fuck a corpse now does she. All the best
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English people staying up to watch the Super Bowl. None of ya talk about American Football all year and suddenly you're all fans!? Fuckoff 😆
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This is disgraceful. There’ll be so many people saying “why didn’t he cooperate?” But how can two male police officers not deal with this WITHOUT a taser !!?? And the poor kid. Scarred for life. The cycle continues 💔
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5 years ago today I sniffed my wife’s ear for the first time in a fake Tuscan villa in Australia. Love you @Erin_McNaught 😘
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Wanna give a special mention to the girl in the front row last night who chucked me a piece of paper with her room number on it
It was flattering even though I’m happily married
If you do this lovely gesture for someone else though maybe include the name of the hotel 👍
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Anyone moaning about S8 of GOT: get a fuckin grip... Especially all the artists on twitter. You did your album the way you did it for a reason ... it’s a piece of art. Critics and reviews are valid but aren’t definitive. GOT is what it is. Enjoy the journey. Don’t hate the ride
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When people say “I’ll have the tuna pizza please” and it’s really difficult to not punch them in the fuckin face
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4 young lads in the car next to me at the traffic lights. They spotted me and started blasting Watch The Sun Goes Up. You guys have made my day 😌
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These pubs that serve a roast with two potatoes. TWO POTATOES. Have a word with yourselves. Remember your nan gave you 7
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Just been told that Netflix ‘Ibiza’ film was filmed entirely in Barcelona and Croatia 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️ and that the “island of Ibiza are suing the movie” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 amazing
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This guy...
one in a million...
He’s in Morocco. Unwell
No access to a mic
And he’s just delivered me a fuckin 🔥🔥🔥 verse for my album using his iPhone and laptop
And now...
THE ALBUM IS DONE
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Met my wife two years ago today. I knew the day we met we'd get married. Writing you a song now @Erin_McNaught you beauty x
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You know them people who only eat an apple if they’ve washed it first or won’t share the same drink as someone else “cos of germs” ... but they’re happy to sniff powder off a toilet seat 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Let’s meet for a Guinness before the show. Can probs sort ya guestlist for the years of loyalty x
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Post a teaser video of my next single on insta: 30,000 views in 24 hours
Post a video of my missus looking peng on insta: 180,000 views in 24 hours
Moral of the story: My next new music teaser video will be my wife looking peng with my single playing in the background
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Been a really emotional day. Had 3 lots of bad news in the last 24 hours. Haven’t seen my family for 3 weeks. Two 70min gigs tonight to get through. Notts and Sheffield I really need your energy please 🙏 I feel absolutely broken but the show must go on
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Went on tinder and perfectly matched another white 30-something male lyricist with dyed hair. What are the chances ay ? @professorgreen 🤣🤷🏻♂️
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Avengers Endgame AND final Game Of Thrones in April. Will need to take the whole of May off for reflection/repeat viewings
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It’s also 9 years today since the Nando’s Skank was recorded in Norwich 🤯 the best chicken freestyle ever recorded
It’s official - Ed is 5 years a fan and 10 years a friend. I’m over the moon (probs more like 11/4 but whatever) I love re-signing these old vinyl records for the diehard fans. Melts my heart
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#tbt That time I told my son that even though he was born in Australia he has to support England in the Ashes 😬
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Actually announcing a little tour soon. Like actually actually. Will be the first tour since 2014. Next Feb/March. Currently 14 shows. Trying to add more though. I’ve got the hunger again 😛
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Just spent 10mins with the missus hiding chocolate eggs in my sons bedroom whilst he sleeps. I’ve never had so much fun in my life ☺️
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Announced we're expecting our second baby yesterday. Brandon wins comment of the year ...
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Well if you’re broke as fuck I’ll stick you on the Guestlist. Will DM you now check your messages x
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These idiots who clap when the plane lands. I wonder if they do the same to bus drivers when they stop at a bus stop!? Salads
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I think it’s mainly cos they don’t have Greggs in Australia nitter.app/serenalumos/status/946…
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My whole timeline is on about Xfactor. Don't you idiots realise Jamie's 30 Minute Meals is on!!!?? It's a meal - IN 30 MINUTES. FUCK
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At the end of this week I announce my first tour since 2014 (20+ UK Clubs in Feb/March) ... if you need a reason to be excited watch this:
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