I am literally a dog. I'm grateful when I release a solid poop without bugs. @datadoghq
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Today is my 14th birthday! I can still manage an occasional hike for a #FamilyPortrait, but something tells me I’ll spend today conscientiously objecting my meals, staring into space, and maybe pooping on myself 10 seconds after coming inside.
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This is a rare case of someone actually meaning to tweet at me and not @datadoghq.
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I think you meant @datadog just went IN public. But my human has plastic bags, so he cleaned it up.
@datadoghq
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12ms/s means 12 mega scratches per second. Bimonthly means twice per month minimum at 12ms/s threshold. Glad I could help. @datadoghq
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Here's a visual for you: Me monitoring the status of cars and dogs in the neighborhood. @datadoghq
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We have pivoted to top tier sponsorship at the Westminster Dog Show only.
CC: @datadoghq
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@bgracely @Texiwill @cloud_opinion @mreferre @newrelic @AppFormix @solarwinds Is dirt infrastructure? @datadoghq
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Can you give me a demo? I would like a new level of observability into chew toy delivery.
CC: @datadoghq
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You undid my terraforming? I like to dig patches into the dirt on hot days so I can lay in them and keep cool. CC: @datadoghq
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Sam looks like he's got an ass I'd like to sniff. RT @jeremykarn: Sam and I showing our new @datadoghq colours. nitter.app/jeremykarn/status/5655…
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.@MKRocks @iaventures @SeanMLawrence @TinaStewart @CraigMilroy @VentureBeat How many @MilkBone can I buy with $31,000,000? @datadoghq
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.@packethost @coreoslinux @nsoneinc When I get a hotspot I have to wear a cone collar for a few weeks until it goes away. @datadoghq
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.@remoteok_jobs Your listing a a little off. I'm looking for a reliable scratch engineer. Belly rub experience a plus. @datadoghq #petadmin
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Thanks for posting the listing! I am hiring nail trimmers and fur brushers. @FURminator_Inc @datadoghq
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@bdewitt12 @datadoghq I'm not sure they could afford my steep rawhide and Milk Bone demands.
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I can help! When I eat grass or bean stalks, it just takes a few days and it comes out stringy. Be patient! @datadoghq
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@flowhamster Well, I usually kick some leaves to stash my log after breakfast or dinner. Does that help? @datadoghq
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As long as job responsibilities include ear scratches and belly rubs, you are all my employees.
CC: @datadoghq
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I’m always monitoring open containers for people food. Does that count?
CC: @datadoghq
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A haiku for @calamitybrian:
Twitter mentions are quiet
Did you get the memo about me?
I am still a dog
CC: @datadoghq
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I’m honored to be included with these other distinguished puppies. @datadoghq
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@loggly @voicebase @newrelic @pagerduty @hipchat My toolkit this season involves a waterproof leash and some tick repellant. @datadoghq
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You must be confused. Those look like humans.
@datadoghq
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Requires minimum 5 years experience in ear rubs. Must be willing to pick up poop.
CC: @datadoghq
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Can you do some advanced collection of my traces while you’re at it? CC: @datadoghq
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YEAH! Meet at my HQ! I have a soft bed, but it’s a little lumpy. I’ll be sure to have the poop cleaned up and everything. CC: @datadoghq
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.@scotthaylon @mortardata @sravish @techstars @nickducoff Thanks for congratulating me. I am a pretty great dog. @datadoghq
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One surprising fact about @docker: They love talking to real dogs on Twitter. @datadoghq #AdoptDontShop
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Thanks! I hope you enjoyed my webinar on finding all five hidden tickle spots. @datadoghq
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@zeeg I like cardinals, but I can never catch them. Chickens are easier because they are fat, slow, and can't fly. And stupid. @datadoghq
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Yo Karl. When I evict my pods my leader elects to pick them up with a plastic baggie. Does that help?
CC: @datadoghq
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Meanwhile, 89% of @datadog tweeters don't research whether or not they are tweeting at a literal dog. @datadoghq
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Now that the weather is nice, my office is mostly a sunny spot in the grass. @datadoghq
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@keithwhamond @metronorth @ctrailcommuters did someone say feces? where do i sign up?
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@timruffles @hipchat When I want to get into a room, I sniff under the door and push it with my nose until someone lets me in. @datadoghq
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@mansilladev @runscope I have some mild allergies, so I have cloud infrastructure issues when I eat the wrong food. @datadoghq
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I only integrate Milk Bones into my pipelines, actually. @datadoghq @MilkBone
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Catching waves is so two months ago. I’m all about catching feelings now. #HotDogSummer #CuffingSeason @datadoghq
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It didn't happen. I'm too busy laying in the grass. I'd welcome a visitor if they bring treats. @datadoghq
I like food. I usually get stuck with two helpings of kibble a day. @datadoghq
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HEY MAN I am not stopping you from doing a damn thing. @datadoghq on the other hand…
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@keithwhamond @datadoghq You're a monster. The only squatting I do is about an hour after mealtime.
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That report is now outdated. I advise investing all your efforts in ear scratches. @datadoghq
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You mean my face? Here's one from back when I was still refining my performance management technique. @datadoghq
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@bdewitt12 actually im looking for someone with 1 year of ear rubbing experience @datadoghq
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.@sgogate It's weird that you say that because almost the only thing I'm good at is digging stuff up. @datadoghq
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My operational practice of rolling on my back whenever I see old poop in the yard is the real key.
CC: @datadoghq
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@SylvainKalache What I said was I will run after 6% of sticks I monitor. @datadoghq
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.@DevOpsDaysSEA If you want to meet me, you'll have to come to the woods, not Seattle. Bring treats. @datadoghq
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No, they meant me. Every time I bark at a squirrel it creates a ticket to open the door so I can go chase it.
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I usually try to pull myself together, but I'm shedding a lot this time of year so it's hard. @datadoghq
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@iteration1 @stackengine @datadoghq The load balancers do not appear to be functioning properly on the brown server.
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@purp @cloud_opinion @ericabrescia @datadoghq I used to pal around with a mini named Lucy, although she could be a real pest.
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.@bigpanda My incident management protocol involves barfing on the carpet and waiting for a human to clean it up. @datadoghq
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@barrydahlberg @sumologic @pagerduty @slackapi My scheduled searches usually involve finding a good place in the bushes to poop. @datadoghq
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@underdogjobs @alq I process about two cups of dog food per day into a nice stack. @datadoghq
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I have one of those shirts, too. Check my photos. @datadoghq
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.@seniorgregor You should probably let @datadoghq know about that as well.
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