unstoppable force ~ improving outcomes for autoimmune patients ~ living with spondyloarthritis + ibd ~ interested in many things!
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looking for patients with diagnosed IBD (Crohn's or ulcerative colitis) and/or inflammatory arthritis (spondyloarthritis, psoriatic, axial or peripheral) who are on biologic therapy to do some user research for a new product I'm building
please reach out if you're interested!
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thing I’m pondering today: it actually takes relatively little effort for a thing to become known as “your thing” socially
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ive been seeing this take floating around about women preferring image-based social media and men preferring text-based social media
but like the inverse is true for porn preferences
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must suck to be a girl named Polly in the bay
“hi i’m Polly”
“okay okay can i at least get your name first?”
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i think a lot of conflict can be diffused if you can securely hold these beliefs:
- i am good and have good intentions
- i will unintentionally hurt people
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i hate it when there’s another ripple of ~dating discourse~ re: smart ambitious women struggling to find an “equal” partner
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new hack: sitting down and being like “i am the type of person who finishes the things that i start” and then finding easy open threads and finishing them without judgment makes pride easier to feel
i had noticed my lack of pride when achieving goals i’d set for myself in specific contexts, but i’d never linked it to perfectionism
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lowkey i find feminine men hot for this reason
it’s like metamasculinity, rejecting the first level performative masculinity
“i’m masculine enough as i am and im not going to perform it for you”
reminds me how masculinity is inherently performative. you need to earn it again and again and again
and that's incredibly fucked up
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so usually when people talk about weight loss, they think about it in terms of “I want to be in X caloric deficit to lose Y lbs per week”
I’ve never seen it framed as “I am going to eat at maintenance for someone of X weight until I reach that weight”
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a lot of the time you don’t even have to be that good at that thing for people to start associating you as the person who does that thing
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there’s a theory about our bodies being optimized for short bursts of increased cortisol and long periods of low cortisol (and that chronic moderately elevated levels of cortisol cause a lot of health problems)
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e.g. to my tech and tpot friends, trapeze is my thing
but to my trapeze friends, trapeze cannot be my thing, because it’s their thing too. oddly right now my thing to my trapeze friends is trivia lmao
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now for the whitepill:
you can just keep a document of every time someone gives you an earnest compliment, and draw conclusions on your strengths based on that
raw intelligence isn’t everything, and you will be the most effective if you lean into your strengths
I’m going to say something uncharitable: people’s gifts are actually recognized quickly by those around them
for example: extremely beautiful women who have a chip on their shoulder bc people “only see them as pretty” and not smart….simply aren’t that smart.
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i think the unfortunate thing is that what earns you *male respect* as a woman in modernity is often not the same as what men fall in love with, and it’s easy to conflate the two and feel a sense of deserving when you have the former
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if you don't believe "i am good and have good intentions", discovering that you hurt someone will feel like a threat to your ego, and you will not be able to calmly engage with the hurt you caused
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you *do* have to earn respect, but you *cannot* earn love. that’s not how love works. and love does not necessarily follow from respect (although it can, for a certain type of guy)
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the problem with being strong willed is that you end up forcing yourself to do a bunch of things that you shouldn’t do!!
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a question i keep asking myself is: why are people struggling so hard to find ""good enough"" partners to have kids with? surely a ""good enough"" partner would be better than being a single parent or not having kids at all if kids are a top priority
i know two guys who are considering having kids via surrogate bc they badly want children but haven’t been able to find partners to do it with. they’re both extremely successful and love kids.
i dunno what’s going on with dating but i don’t think it’s just men being anti-commitment and women being too picky.
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so yeah I guess the thing I’m leaving out is that it has to be a thing that you can do that *the other people cannot / do not do* in order for it to become “your thing”
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if you don't believe "i will unintentionally hurt people", you will live with gaping blindspots and justify away any harm caused with your good intentions, causing more harm in the process
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I think there’s something around natural mode of communication, and to partake in the opposite gender’s mode is inherently erotic
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and it’s easy to conflate the two, when you’re an ambitious woman surrounded by men who want to earn respect. it’s easy to conclude “they value respect, that must mean if i have it, i’ll be desirable”
lol actually they value it for themselves!!
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(I went to a trivia night with some of my trapeze friends once and they thought I was really good, and I’ve had 3-4 people come up to me now and say they heard I’m good at trivia)
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the leap from “wanting to experiment with threesomes” to “you’re suppressing your true self you’re poly” is astronomical
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and a sign of excellence would be that people who also do the same thing that you do consider that thing to be *your thing*
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it turns out that the solutions to my problems are incredibly boring and straightforward and the biggest hurdle is "i don't wanna do it" because to do it means change and becoming the type of person who does the boring and straightforward things
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tech bro hobbies must have the following qualities:
- niche
- technical
- kind of pricey for the average person
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it feels so so *so* vulnerable expressing and embodying femininity, especially when you’ve viewed it as a weakness, lesser than masculinity.
fundamentally it’s an act of submission, and trusting that what you desire will come to you, rather than pursued with will and force.
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there’s some visa tweet about thinking that our big problems deserve big solutions when oftentimes the solutions are much smaller and simpler, and i’ve been thinking about this esp in the context of happiness recently
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the last thing i have to say on this is that i actually believe that there’s a crisis of femininity right now.
i am incredibly grateful to be able to support myself with my career. at the same time, the workforce still largely values masculine behavior over feminine behavior.
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.@Aella_Girl changed my relationship to dance and self expression with her decent into dance hell event at vc2. as someone who has struggled a lot with fear of being perceived and seen, she created a space where i felt like i was able to authentically express myself for the first time in many years, and opened up the door for me to being braver about letting myself be seen.
idk her personally but i wanted to share this because i hold so much admiration for her authenticity and integrity to being who she is
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(ask me how i know)
i’ve reflected a lot on this after getting feedback over the years, and it seems like it’s extremely difficult to be in a relationship where both partners are equal in an economic / career prioritization sense. usually one partner has to be the support
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so ambitious women end up spending years of their life honing their masculinity to progress in their career, at the expense of nurturing their femininity
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and the thing is, you can actually have strong masculine and feminine energy (and oftentimes the most attractive people are strong in both!), but you need to make time for both.
and my hunch is that ambitious women that struggle with dating have traded the former for the latter
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the nice thing about being a lowbie is that 15 likes feels like a banger tweet for me
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grieving this morning…. talking to my mom about getting me a cane…. less than a month ago I went to the beach and ran in the sand for 4 hours straight. this is so fucked up.
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I will be getting engaged in the next 4 years btw
idk to who yet, but I will be getting engaged
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girl who gets hospitalized and promoted in the same week (i bought myself an oura ring to celebrate)
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and that’s not set in stone and the configuration can change depending on the season if both parties are into that, but i think it’s a bit naive to overlook this
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OHHH wait a second, masculinity *craves* (and possibly *needs*) feeling respected. it’s harder to earn the respect of an equally ambitious woman.
and it’s easy to conflate the two, when you’re an ambitious woman surrounded by men who want to earn respect. it’s easy to conclude “they value respect, that must mean if i have it, i’ll be desirable”
lol actually they value it for themselves!!
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what does it mean when people think you look better irl than in photos? is this just a skill issue or do cameras hate me?
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me, girl who was dissociated from body for years, whenever i feel the slightest bit of attraction: “this must be my soulmate”
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gotta start with the smallest possible executable step, and use the feedback from the experience to determine the next smallest possible executable step. usually you know this step is small enough because part of you may scoff at it.
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my take is that I think he’s strategic and able to simulate outcomes to the point where it can be borderline manipulative, which is a respectable skill (that many technical people want -> admiration) but also extremely drama inducing
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basically, if you want to be X person in your general social circle, it’s relatively easy to do that. however — going from being X person in your social circle to X person in a room full of people competent at X is much more difficult
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I don’t know how to phrase this correctly but it’s supposed to be empowering
“you can just do things”
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i really appreciated hank green’s reframing on his recent video of social media addition as a form of information starvation, similar to how hyper-palatable food encourages us to eat more of it precisely because it is deficient in the nutrients that we need
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it feels somewhat shameful to admit that i don’t require accomplishing huge feats in order to be happy. i pretty much just need good sleep, regular exercise, to eat well, spend time with friends and loved ones, and to be learning new things, and i’m 99% of the way there.
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oh at the office today: “i want to hold a forcing party”
i almost lost my shit omfg
In the middle of a "forcing party" where friends and I are forcing one another to do the things that we've been avoiding
So far:
• A passport has been filed for
• An inbox has been zero'd
• A personal website has been created
&more
I recommend this format!
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I just wanna know, do other people find having a job extremely stressful? like the job itself might not even be that stressful but the expectation to consistently perform?
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in a shocking turn of events, Trump has become a leader of the environmentalism movement, cracking down on both fast fashion and shipping emissions with his sweeping tariffs
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it turns out the cure to my chronic self doubt was a lovely brilliant man consistently pointing out all of the times that i am correct :’)
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he’s got a mental model of me because he knows what he wants, he’s going to predict my next most likely move and intersect me. i’m going to act surprised, but i know that it’s all been meticulously planned.
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(the secret sauce is that good enough can often be converted to highly aligned and fulfilled and deeply loving and meaningful with intentional devotion and consistency and built trust and reserves of mutual appreciation and affection over time)
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woke up today and decided i want to use this account as a platform for promoting goodness in the world
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since i missed my dumbass flight, here’s my outfit i was all excited about for mexico colors night
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the problem with a subset of former gifted kid is that the imaginal is infinite and grand and marvelous and reality in pursuit of that is often mundane and unglamorous and challenging.
it’s much more fun and instantly gratifying to escape into the imaginal.
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I think the takeaway I wanted people to have from this thread is being missed, so here it is a bit more explicitly
yes!! this is honestly the takeaway I was hoping people would have from this thread, but it seems to not be explicit — many things are relatively low barrier to entry, and the primary barrier is allowing yourself to be a noob at things
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this feels downstream of the general class of paradox of choice problems we face today. we are so afraid of committing to the wrong thing that we choose to not commit to anything at all.
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(ofc you then have to continue to eat at that maintenance, but I also feel like that’s a much better way to look at it than a temporary deficit)
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I’m surprised I haven’t seen EDMR really mentioned on here, curious if anyone has takes or experiences with it
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backlogs are the death of momentum, motivation. they're anti-inspiring.
there are many types of backlogs. the todo list that you never make a dent in. 100's of open tabs. an exploding inbox.
declare bankruptcy and start fresh. the important things will resurface.
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i truly believe we’re experiencing a crisis of culture, not of genetics
we’re assaulted on all fronts with hyper-palatable food while chronically living in a state of moderate stress — never high enough to reach activation energy, but also not restful
idk i really doubt 2/3 of the population has dysfunctional satiety signaling, and i also doubt that 1/3 of the population has superior self-control. i think it’s a symptom of chronic stress and dissociation.
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a bit ago i was talking to someone i would consider high agency, and they said “i’ve never seen high agency people talk about agency, because they’re usually too busy doing stuff” and it made me think
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