Would you wine & dine her at a traditional Applebees?
25
6
284
17,378
They are getting a divorce
My boss told me how him and his wife are now polyamorous, and I watched the light fade from his eyes as he told me more about it
354
7,491
242,073
9,094,090
What if both life saving medications were free
1,162
12,183
211,993
3,750,372
224
4,914
179,954
9,088,495
*touching his circumcision scar* they hurt you
387
12,554
167,516
People killin people dyin Peter Lois meg and Brian
311
17,036
162,837
4,839,325
Found a cat on the side of the road, spca won’t take her, animal control is closed. I will have a cat for a little
873
4,092
153,951
4,110,366
Is he stupid or something
his first time at the cinema
202
6,565
136,002
6,099,829
Sometimes I walk downstairs completely naked because it’s 4am and I am the only one awake but this morning I did that and walked bush first into my roommate
236
1,676
124,769
3,350,644
My friend got this for her bald husband
184
3,197
120,453
2,757,371
87
3,815
99,711
3,043,213
Yep
49
1,882
97,016
1,719,974
a political compass of sorts
203
2,214
92,195
2,688,137
Before we opened this guy started beating on all of our windows and doors, we told him through the glass we were closed multiple times, he kept banging on the doors until we finally opened. When he came in he was like “good morning :)! I’m here for a nice hot coffee”
161
1,419
94,315
1,703,094
okay work
57
3,493
83,282
2,088,512
Me: *showing my aliens a movie’* Alien: ⌇⍜.. ⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⎅⍜⟒⌇ ⊑⟒ ⎅⍜? Me: he drives
70
4,286
83,150
1,240,366
I can’t date until the curse is lifted
155
16,772
80,994
2,795,353
When the doctor says “how are you” are you supposed to say “good” then get into your symptoms later or do you say “well..” and go right into it
358
1,320
77,970
1,007,641
You brake checked me? My baby is car-seatless rolling around the floor like a water bottle, and you brake check me?
25
4,846
73,839
1,947,132
?
161
5,281
65,058
2,381,688
I would hit the other adults because of everything going on at home
Say what you will about polyamory this seems like a good fat dab hit activity
57
4,164
60,869
2,369,403
189
3,507
59,761
1,531,945
Emo couple hitting it rawr
62
6,010
45,373
1,948,876
Costco guy lore
251
1,778
44,963
3,792,510
Yep
27
1,606
43,606
2,164,705
Normally u would just leave and steal something on the way out
52
513
42,121
Yep
40
1,984
43,419
845,665
pussy had me making her bed 💯
9
566
41,027
Congrats on the bald husband!! Unfollowed
49
2,503
36,175
1,141,277
77
1,182
35,885
912,904
dating a guy that actively wants to hold me and touch me tenderly
75
1,258
32,065
948,626
I knew a guy that tore his ACL doing the stanky leg
96
1,550
32,121
849,462
It wasn’t a problem
33
492
29,607
2,414,845
It’s been like 4 days and he is glowing Before and after
89
1,653
28,405
303,162
UPDATE: he killed me
31
194
27,153
Me
18
1,890
27,637
1,276,763
The little one would outsmart the big one
i need them to bare knuckle fight
34
577
27,941
894,415
My dad said he hated anxiety medication because it made him less anxious
77
737
25,227
942,320
One time I told a coworker I was going through a breakup and she said “I’m not :)”
56
748
22,857
916,515
We told him “hey man you can’t go around doing that, that’s scary” and he was like “I didn’t mean to frighten you guys I saw there was a light on 😔 I just have a big truck that won’t fit through the drive though” WE told you WE Opened IN 5 MINUTES
2
68
22,153
191,223
“I’m just a guy with a truck that’s too big 😔 I saw you ladies through the window and figured pounding on the glass would be alright 😔 “
9
75
21,830
198,362
He lost something today
He has no idea he has vet tomorrow
31
596
20,246
350,488
Autistic music and weapon Dad or southern mega church religious mom
96
131
20,146
298,153
Joining a poly relationship and kicking the main one out
94
879
16,720
9,806,741
He lapped the building multiple times knocking on every window it was craaazyyyyyh
4
37
18,035
187,958
I’m 5’3 and 1 quarter if anyone wants to make short fat idiots
113
334
16,327
989,129
My cat always sits with his whole hole touching whatever he sits on, is this normal
65
393
16,128
245,128
I would love to roundhouse kick him
302
257
14,702
1,715,183
just cooked this up
25
744
13,906
224,634
my friend hung this up in her classroom
9
667
14,525
153,001
60
1,292
13,527
949,537
107
931
13,451
439,999
Where is everyone
257
430
13,484
660,974
Replying to @56smokes
He is outside of my house aiming a red dot sight at my forehead
18
54
11,959
Maybe I’ll get into religious psychosis
35
2,587
12,425
437,148
I love this video I love this video
43
1,195
11,732
555,278
The SPCA was weird about taking him over the phone yesterday but they asked if we wanted to surrender him when we went in person today. I can’t imagine abandoning him when someone else probably did. So I think we’re keeping him. Got some info so he’s getting vaccinated tomorrow!
107
73
11,576
152,355
17
1,372
11,273
523,466
relax babe he’s like a boyfriend to me
5
1,095
11,705
272,561
What I’m on sometimes
18
844
11,286
314,140
iPad cat
14
309
11,109
163,283
IF THAT’S YOU, WHO IS THIS
42
112
10,847
292,232
a piece of bread with butter is so good lowkey
137
1,241
11,333
236,524
*bpd voice* I’ve been having some hateful thoughts about you I’d like to share over text if you’d enjoy that
28
1,444
9,778
290,320
Xbox controller for comparison
21
254
10,176
166,986
I wish he could have a grilled cheese and tomato soup I would cook him that for in between naps
25
548
10,285
156,542
Should I kill myself
22
45
10,727
333,762
You stimulated the local economy? Like a slut?
15
655
9,941
221,668
It was initially very scary because it was 4am sorry I left that out I guess
4
19
9,803
84,244
I got a divorce too in a way
12
31
9,301
411,122
He has no idea he has vet tomorrow
52
289
9,130
428,044
He just said thank you you’re all my friends
6
161
8,402
106,046
I was getting ready for work and my laundry was downstairs I don’t do this for fun!
2
2
8,786
325,956
Honey I smoked the mids
16
645
8,653
188,769
My boss told me how him and his wife are now polyamorous, and I watched the light fade from his eyes as he told me more about it
50
118
7,755
9,282,502
at the auto zone asking about gender fluid
14
745
7,999
126,852
Do you think Miss Piggy hits Kermit
143
624
7,373
361,810
Replying to @bman434_x
Just an older guy, a lot of older people can’t read opening times I think
14
14
7,865
113,669
144
734
8,874
149,529
Getting his shots tomorro
11
64
6,994
145,149
How does this make you feel white boy
43
374
6,620
338,012
Replying to @Nrgill1
I was Winnie the poohing it. Crop top no pants
9
16
7,280
122,283
Because I usually say good and I think that’s my issue
11
3
7,157
83,978
Or do I😏
1
2
7,071
333,924
Replying to @TheRealBKStyles
to smell them and remember me by
5
24
6,381
I said I’d get too jealous and he said “yeah… it’s something to navigate…”
5
18
6,623
347,959
Your uncle is very sweet to me
3
11
6,165
Replying to @PharaohSteve
I’m baby
3
9
6,371
368,410
64
505
6,295
214,762
on the citizen app
13
452
6,213
115,458