“neither law, nor love, nor league of hell” —— tolkien, talmud, and the gothic ✵ priv @halenthir ✵ alt: @carnistirs ✵ icon by @irithyllians
he/they ✡︎ 20s
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actors who look insanely hot in one role where they’re styled nothing like their normal self and then they never do that look again are so fascinating to me like it’s so bold to know your own best look and actively choose not to do that
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sexyback by justin timberlake is such a funny song because the lyrics are like i’m such a badass i can take anyone’s girl because i have something other guys don’t: i’m submissive and a masochist
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it really must’ve been wild promoting a movie called “the two towers” in 2002
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literally nothing funnier and more wholesome to me than videos where they’re exploring the sea and they see something rare because a lot of the time it’s like
some regular degular looking fish:
👁️👄👁️
the scientists on the audio: OH FUCK YES OH MY GOD THERE HE IS
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how can you not love fantasy it’s a genre where authors design entire universes so their kinks will happen. they’re always on some shit like “well, it’s just the culture of twinkland for nubile young he/him maidens to lose their virginity in a public festival what can i say”
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rule number one of book club is never trust someone online when they tell you a romance novel is “REALLY spicy” unless they have an archiveofourown account
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parasocial relationships with celebrities can for sure be alarming but it confuses me significantly more when people appear to have parasocial relationships with people who aren’t even celebrities or influencers or anything they just have some twitter or tumblr followers
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i just saw someone comment on a ship thing “ummmm didn’t they like try to kill each other 🤨” like girl. have some respect for the inherent eroticism of attempted murder
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fascinates me on a regular basis how many takes about fiction are just “i hate when stories have some kind of conflict occur that is the source of the plot. the conflict could have been avoided if every character was omniscient, rational, and morally perfect”
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i don’t hate when historical fiction characters are feminists, i hate when they’re 2023 feminists in a way that makes no sense in their context. like babe why are you worrying about whether skirts are restrictive when you cease to legally exist as an individual upon marriage
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that guy who ratios conservatives by just expertly explaining how the suits they’re bragging about fit like shit and are poorly made but also provides kind and helpful advice about menswear to anyone asking is what tolkien intended to get across when he wrote gandalf
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it’s simply so sexy when devotion becomes ruthlessness. when “i would do anything for you” is taken to its furthest extreme and a character has become utterly amoral in their unbending loyalty
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media literacy is when you can read a book with no gay sex in it but nonetheless understand that there was gay sex in it
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you IDIOTS engage with fiction only through SHIPPING and it has rotted your brains. unlike me who takes my pussy off and locks it up in a bomb proof safe before reading a book so i can focus my mind on Narrative in a holy way without the base nature of my sinful flesh interfering
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sometimes characters are exes but not in a bitter and poisonous way and more in the sense that they agreed to be friends and now speak to each other in a way no two friends have ever spoken in the history of time
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discord is more like you and i are having a conversation whereas twitter is more like i am heimskr standing in the town square going THE FUTURE OF SKYRIM! THE FUTURE OF TAMRIEEL! like there is no hi how are you it’s just AND WHAT DOES THE EMPIRE DO? NOTHING! NAY, WORSE THAN NOTHI
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had a near catastrophic miscommunication this morning when my boss, who is a cis man my dad’s age, just casually asked me if i needed a pad. i stared at him, blinking and mentally blue screening, and then he was like “i have some notepads in my office. do you need one?”
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why do so many fandoms appear to have two wikis where one is way worse and often wrong. why is there a fandom wiki “one of us always tells the truth and one of us always lies” situation
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if gay people have sex on screen it’s fetishization but if they don’t it’s queerbaiting so to create the optimal mid point you must write a scene so erotically baffling that it is unclear whether sex is happening or not like a black & blue vs white & gold dress of fuck scenes
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as much as i love someone deciding they don’t care if their lover is evil, there is something so sexy about when it does bother them. when they know that their love is not a good person and it repulses them and yet….they love them. they cannot unlove them. and it’s agonizing
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we always say straight men talk about women like they are not attracted to women at all and obviously that’s the more important conversation because of the misogynist implications but my god some straight women also talk about men like they’re not attracted to them at all
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“what if, instead of the bad toxic m/f, we put the woman into good, wholesome f/f 🥺”
no. she left that man and is now involved in the most haunted and violent yuri the mind can devise. it’s actually more unhealthy and alarming now. hope this helps,
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big fan of homoeroticism, i have to say. love when something is lingering just beneath the surface of a thousand interactions and that something is gay sex
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the truth is that you will never truly be trans inclusive until you get over your hatred of things you perceive to be male or masculine. that hate will always be used to bludgeon both trans men and trans women and force non-binary people into one category or the other
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the loki show coming out was so funny because you logged in one day and people were like "there's incest drama about loki" and you were like yeah yeah thorki has been around since 2011 whatever and they were like no, it's this random lady. the plot twist of that was indescribable
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if they dig up your bones someday archaeologists won’t be able to tell what sex you were, but they will be able to tell if you were annoying. they’ll open up your casket and see your skeleton in there and go oh my goddddddd 🙄 not this guy. really makes you think
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if i was viggo mortensen you would have never seen me clean shaven or with short hair again as long as i lived
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sorry we fandomified your m/f ship :/ we buffed the flaws and emotions out of her to make her a perfect invulnerable strong woman and we surgically removed his personality to make him a wifeguy. we’ve flattened both of them to make this m/f blandly empowering. bon appetit
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i think “you call him a meow meow but he committed atrocities” tweets are funny because as far as i am concerned, atrocities or at least misdemeanors are a prerequisite qualification for meow meow status. of course he did those things. they are the very reason he’s a meow meow
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the meaning of life is to tell your friends you love them as often as they will stand to hear it, to read stories that leave you lying on the floor face down for 2 days, and to eat as many noodles as your mortal form can physically contain
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i have a professor who is incredibly deadpan and it makes things he says fucking hilarious because he’s just stone cold and anyway yesterday he said “now, let me be clear….,” then paused for a long moment and went “actually, let me be obscure,” and i’m still thinking about it
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i think people have the right to disregard canon at any time for any reason or no reason but it also makes me crazy when people are like “[canon thing] just doesnt make sense for the character” and then it makes perfect sense for the character it’s just inconsistent with fanon
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i love it when someone’s dead lover or lover they believed to be dead returns to them but i don’t want it to be a moment of uncomplicated relief and joy i want there to be genuine horror in the discovery that the surviving person was rendered actually insane by grief
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also your feminist historical character’s actions should have consequences. if she rebels or rejects societal notions, that should affect how people see her. if it doesn’t, you imply that other women follow these rules for no reason because there is no punishment for not doing so
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“there’s too much romance in things these days and this pairing is a clear and grave example of this harmful trend which devalues stories,” says twitter user who will inevitably reveal in the replies that they just wanted one character in that pairing with someone else
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“this kingdom is ruled by the ancient an noble house of incest. why is it called that? well, you see, it’s because they—”
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“tolkien based sam and frodo on friendships he saw in war, so it isn’t gay”
you are going to be shaking in your boots when i tell you what soldiers in world war one were doing with each other
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the people on twitter who seem to believe that normal adult queers in relationships pause before doing things they both find hot or endearing to go “wait….is this heteronormative? what are the gender and power implications? let’s analyze….” are awful but they’re funny to watch
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i do not get the vibe he had any idea why saying this short circuited me so thoroughly which makes this even funnier in hindsight
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also if you ship your oc with a canon character or make them best friends with a canon character that means you are not only smart but pretty
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sometimes in the privacy of my own mind where it can’t hurt anyone i become a hater for a character in a fandom i am not even in simply because their fans annoyed me too much. i find your client guilty only because you as their attorney were being a dipshit in front of me
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this tweet brought to you by me trying to describe how emotional i became watching helm’s deep by saying “the ending of the two towers was my personal 9/11” and then realizing how deranged that sentence was
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“op gives the vibe that they’re talking about toxic fictional relationships not just as exploration of that theme but for enjoyment 😖”
what kind of turbo catholicism are you on that you allow yourself to read certain things as long as you convince yourself it’s not enjoyable
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every time there’s age gap discourse anywhere you find out that lots of people just genuinely do not believe women are capable of ever becoming full adults at any age. permanently in half-childhood their entire lives, unlike men who can reach full maturity. this is feminist
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there are few things on earth as terrifying as the fanbase of a straight celebrity who have deluded themselves into believing that the celebrity is definitely queer despite having absolutely no indication of this not even on the vibes and ample evidence to the contrary
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one of the classic blunders an author can make is to believe people will go for the love interest that’s good for the character when some guy who is radioactively toxic and hung like a horse is right there
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it’s like developing a worshipful and overfamiliar one-sided relationship with some person in the apartment down the hall who is presumably living a very similar life to you and doesn’t really know you and so it feels weirder than just being a big fan of a musician or something
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the inherent yuri of the sea and the inherent yaoi of the sailor is the most ancient queer solidarity
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i just don’t care for posts trying to attribute fic preferences to deep personal pains and traumas. i’m not into slow burn because i yearn to feel i am worthy of longing or something i’m into slow burn because i yearn to see a guy get emotionally edged until he loses his mind
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in almost any famous gothic that involves the poor sweet young thing being drawn in by the frightening older man, the poor sweet young thing is inevitably as insane as he is just in a different way and this is critically important to that dynamic
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it drives me insane that any time you run across a video of an artisan of some kind handmaking something absolutely beautiful that takes hundred of hours and decades of expertise to pull off, half the comments are inevitably like “it’s fucked up and evil that this is expensive”
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i understand and respect the point of art and posts that are like “well if the women are dressed in sexy costumes then the men should have sexy costumes” and then half-comedically show men in bikini armor or whatever but it’s like. i am bisexual this is my best case scenario
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i would never judge the dark romance booktok girls for being into unwholesome erotica. i judge the dark romance booktok girls for enthusiastically recommending things that are just not well written
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queerness is the rejection of an ingrained structure of strictly defined and immutable roles and queer identity discourse is almost always people wanting queerness to have its own new set of strictly defined and immutable roles to enforce rather than actually doing that rejecting
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sometimes they are correct within the context of genre romance novels but if you are accustomed to fanfic it will underwhelm you catastrophically
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so much queer discourse feels like someone going “oh my god. oh my goooddddd what if someone is using weird words to talk about themself?? what if they’re not in a clear category???? don’t you condemn that?!!” and i’m like simply idgaf. i have male babygirls to be thinking about
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i can’t fucking believe i have to say this but you should keep your elf on a leash when he’s out of his enclosure. if he gets into the woods alone he WILL come back pregnant
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i feel like there are some fandoms that are like getting on a train with only one stop like if you weren’t on the platform when that train arrived or didn’t get on it, then that’s it. you just can’t get on it now. i cannot know what homestuck is, i missed that train
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it’s a busy schedule around here, okay, we got romanticizing at 8, sexualizing at 9, fetishizing at 10, and then after all that we still have to normalize
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that thing where people try to write a gay guy but instead of having him be like “yeah i don’t really feel anything for women” he’s like “if i ever saw even a picture of a woman i would throw up and then light myself on fire” and you’re like why is he like medieval monk sexist wh
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take the epic love that says “nothing in the world matters but you, i would do anything for you” and make it ugly, i say! make that true under terrible circumstances!
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any story can be improved by having one character desperately, shamefully jacking off about the other
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i think a reason that many people who brand themselves around kindness are are actually really mean is that kindness isn’t something you are, it’s something you do. so if you believe that just intrinsically you’re a good and kind person you never reflect on your actions
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every time there’s some post implying that in your mid 20s you’re still basically a minor or somehow in the same vulnerable age category as teenagers it is inevitably written by someone in their mid 20s and not to be mean but genuinely you need to accept that you are an adult now
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you ever notice how when cis queer men write something gay that sucks everyone is just like “damn, this sucks shit” and then moves on but when a transmasculine person writes something gay that sucks it’s like “think of the harm this Invader and Outsider is doing to queer men”
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people fighting for their lives on this tweet to defend their right to stalk, harass, and demand friendship from strangers was not really something i had predicted i have to tell you
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that thing where someone is like “the author was trying to portray this as bad, you weren’t supposed to find it interesting” and then you read the thing and the author was like “it would be soooooo bad if this happened 🥵 it would be just awful 😵💫 gonna imagine in detail how bad”
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lore-wise sometimes tolkien likes to just fire a warning shot past your ear to let you know stuff is out there but not elaborate. like it’s possible for elves to impregnate maiar but it only happened once. there are werewolves and vampires but it never comes up again. it’s fine
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let the record show that i don’t think there’s anything wrong with mainstream romance novels and i thoroughly enjoy a good bodice ripper. i’m just saying that the metric for spice a romance novel reader is using is often very different than what an ao3 user has in mind
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the best way i can explain recommendations on fan twitter is like if you said you loved crime dramas that deal with corporate greed and corruption and the harm it does to communities and a stranger in your replies was earnestly like “omg you would LOVE scooby doo”
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you ever see a dni and don’t know what almost anything there means. like i assume i would know what it meant if it applied to me but i run into dnis on her that to me read like “do not FUCKING interact if ldkdkdkd, hhhhh, AAAAAA, beluga whale, yeeeeee, or seenis”
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not to be a bad trans person on main but i just saw a post that was like “people only make characters transmasc to sexualize them” and i’m like respectfully what fandoms are you in that you’re just beleaguered by people thirsting for transmascs i’m trying to go there
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no, older man, don’t say there was no shipping back in your day on a public forum. older man, no! people are going to explain to you exactly what’s been happening to spock’s pussy since the nixon administration
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what’s funny is i am actually also an ocean person like i grew up by the water and i’m a diver and everything, but. some of them do simply just look like some guy to me
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yeah he’s great but imagine if he was miserable. imagine if he was in agony beyond agony. picture him in pain unbearable. major glow up, huh?
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we want this to be a romance but we don’t want her to do anything icky and unfeminist like have feelings so she will never be vulnerable at all. she’s also going to treat him badly to show how badass she is but it never affects the relationship. this Is a wholesome marriage
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i made some straight friends in the last year and i am consistently baffled by how lukewarm they are on men like of course it’s not a problem to not be attracted to men but i’m so confused by the fact that you ostensibly are and yet you’re so meh on them
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one thing gothic truly understands is that grief is the most romantic emotion while repulsion is the most erotic one. another thing it understands is the appeal of a fucked up landscape
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an interesting thing about having a mildly saucy post go around is that people will call you a disgusting sex brained porn degenerate for having joked about liking sex and you will need to block them. and they’re not like conservatives they’ve also got their pronouns in their bio
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how was i supposed to know when i joined the gorespooky buttsex fandom that there would be gore and spooky buttsex fans here 😞 can’t have anything these days
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as funny as that tweet about lesbian sex is - the whole concept of like. lesbian sex being this uniquely spiritual experience of beautiful emotional connection that’s not just about sex (which is implicitly bad) that no one else experiences is like radfem line 101
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fandom at its most fun is fundamentally about making some cool shit up and so when people are like “fandoms just make shit up” it’s like yes. indeed. and once you accept this, my brother in moses, you too can just make shit up
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the appeal of two characters with drastically different senses of right and wrong being in love is the agony created for one or both of them where there is no real resolution that isn’t a fundamental loss of self for one of them
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she is being physically and psychologically tormented by a woman she loves so much she feels insane. get with the program
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the real appeal of “queerbait” that actual queer stories often fail to replicate is that we all just love when straight men start sucking each other off and then not talking about it after. i am brave enough to admit what most will not
representation is great but it simply cannot account for the fact that i love to see straight men get messy with each other when put in the right circumstances
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there’s nothing more manly than transmasc gender dysphoria like what could be more male than having insane and bizarre neuroses about your own manhood. that’s like 50% of all literary dudes ever written
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it’s generally fine to make fun of men for stuff but as a result very very online queer people experience this particular brain death where they will say the most homophobic or transphobic or body shamey thing you’ve ever heard and think it’s okay because the target was a man
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it must function like a gay sex rorschach test where if you saw gay sex that is simply your internal projection and therefore on you but also if you didn’t see gay sex that was just your internal projection and therefore on you
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every time i think about the sound of music i think about the girl i met in high school whose mom always turned the movie off at the wedding when she was a kid so she didn’t find out until she was a teenager that the nazis show up and they run away in the middle of the night
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i am once again thinking that fandom is bizarre because all the -isms and -phobias are here but people really only ever want to talk about them as a way to explain why their favorite yaoi is ethical and organic and everyone else on earth’s yaoi bears the mark of the devil
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the online experience of seeing someone give a very extreme take on [x] like using very serious or moralistic language about something that’s just a preference and then you look in the comments and they admit to a severe fear of [x] or trauma around it. environmental storytelling
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“socialize and make connections” should never mean “idolizing a stranger you follow online to the point of invasive, stalkerish, and inappropriate treatment of them because you think of them as a close friend when you don’t know each other”
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the correct response to “can’t you just let these two characters be friends” is always “yeah, friends who have sex”
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you can convince me that a character who has been in some kind of navy is heterosexual but you cannot convince me has never known the touch of other men. whether he’s straight on shore or not is an unrelated matter to what happens at sea
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when the dead* character has remained much as they were before but the survivor is almost unrecognizable because they lost it to such a degree when the other person died……delicious
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