The Bible never says anything about a "personal relationship with Jesus." But it does say, “If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24
This is not what Jesus is asking of people. Jesus is asking people to surrender their hearts to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Live the Word, repent and have a personal relationship with Jesus to be transformed.
The suffering that the scripture talks about is what will transform us from flesh to spirit, not crawling on your knees with a candle in your hand publicly to be seen as some sort of martyr.
As it says in Romans 12:1, "Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship."
Satan is the author of confusion, as stated in 1 Corinthians 14:33, "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace."
Much love and truth,
Sister Christine