- Tweets 21,177
- Following 356
- Followers 11,046
- Likes 58,113
just taught my 50 yr old co worker how to go thru her husbands insta following
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how it feels trying to eat lunch when ur co worker won’t stop talking to u
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hate when i see someone promoting beef tallow as a moisturizer bitch u smell like a slim jim
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men love posting their little clips of them playing guitar like lol okay slut alert
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why is nobody talking about how this lady was arrested in 2018 bc they found human remains in her home
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me after the evil forrest wizard turns me into a mule and my friends must haul me into a nearby village for a cure
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two years ago i was at mcdonald’s and this guy kept rubbing his feet on the mcdonald’s drive thru window
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she used hang around known abusers in my city and when anyone said anything she would just delete the comments lol
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if ur man being sus give me $5 and some adderall and i’ll go thru his following and connect all the dots for u
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i rotate this sandwich in my head every night before i sleep to keep my brain sharp and strong
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no more ipad babies put them things in front of the family computer so they can play sims 2 like god intended
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if u mention the words spooky season around ur 27 yr old co worker you’ll see their eyes light up like u just jingled keys in front of a baby’s face
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grimace in the back of mcdonald’s after i order the shake with an extra guzzle of grimace
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u should be able to ram ur head into drywall like a bull at least once a week w no consequences
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taking 3-4 benadryl and pretending i’m an old circus elephant being put down
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oh u suffer from imposter syndrome??? like among us??? anyways ur boobs r rlly fat n awesome btw
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them: u better not be simmering in a comically large stew when i get there
me:
Fresco
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yeah i’m just gonna dwell on the past and then become really weird and withdrawn about everything the rest of the day if that’s cool with you
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