A mediocre shitposter bitching about mediocrity. The carousel never stops. For Uche.
Bottom of a sixtol
- Tweets 44,197
- Following 270
- Followers 135,134
- Likes 5,604
Pinned Tweet
- Inconsistent fields, goalposts and sidelines for each franchise
- Next to no attendance at many games
- Livestreams are spotty, at best. Don't have good internet connections at the stadiums, rely on mobile hotspots
- Philadelphia Soul undergo complete chaos (booted out of Super 8 Motel with players unable to get luggage, head coach resigns, all players cut, dress an AAL2 team as the Soul for game last week Team has no personal trainers, housing, workers comp, and only ordered one-way flights to Louisiana)
- National Arena League suing the West Texas Desert Hawks for breach of contract, may be forced to leave new AFL
- Louisiana Voodoo move from Lake Charles to Lafayette before a game is even played
- League supposed to have games shown on the NFL Network. None have aired, and none will air on the channel for the season
- AFL unable to financially support several franchises, including Rapid City Marshals and Philadelphia Soul
- Iowa Rampage play one game, then immediately shut down due to rising costs
Good god.
BREAKING: The Iowa Rampage of the Arena Football League has announced that the team will be discontinued.
#AFL
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My brother in Christ, he's marketing this to adults. You know, people who can make their own decisions.
You're selling a glorified Lunchable.
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Breaking: Deshaun Watson tore his achilles again and underwent surgery Thursday. His status for the 2025 season is now in jeopardy, sources told @AdamSchefter.
Watson tore his right Achilles tendon Oct. 20, marking the second straight year his season ended because of injury.
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My friend, if you had put God first, you wouldn't have taken that welfare money to build a volleyball arena at your daughter's college.
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If he goes from winning a HS championship as coach to winning a ring in the NFL in three months, it will be made into the cheesiest sports movie in three years.
QB Teddy Bridgewater coming out of retirement, expected to sign with Lions. (via @rapsheet, @tompelissero, @MikeGarafolo )
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I feel like thousands upon thousands of NFL fans are on the verge of quitting the league. The salt mines are running at full capacity tonight.
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THE BRETT FAVRE CHECKLIST
[X] Become star with Packers
[X] Win Super Bowl
[X] Keep choking in the playoffs
[X] Hold team hostage
[X] Team drafts replacement
[X] Play with the Jets
[X] Have highly disappointing tenure with team
AARON RODGERS IS HERE
[] Play with the Vikings
[] Send dick pic
[] Retire
[] Steal money from the poor
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Everyone will be discussing James Earl Jones's legacy as Darth Vader, Mufasa, and many other roles, but there needs to be more appreciation for him as Thulsa Doom.
His acting made "Conan the Barbarian" into a timeless classic.
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This game is going to feature so much bullshit that it'll give birth to the antichrist.
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*HORRIBLE INJURY OCCURS*
*SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS*
We'll be right back after an injury timeout.
*WHOPPER WHOPPER WHOPPER WHOPPER*
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- Tyreek Hill takes a camera away for a celebration that people enjoy
- Tyreek has a good relationship with him
- Fire the cameraman as punishment
What?
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Russell Wilson went from a star in the NFL to being roasted by Patrick Star on a Nickelodeon broadcast.
That's when you know you've hit rock bottom.
NFL
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Saying "I play for the Saints" after their offensive performance the last few weeks should add another crime to be charged with.
Kenner Police released the bodycam footage from Chris Olave's reckless driving arrest last night.
Olave: "I play for the Saints, man."
Officer: "And?"
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Going from Ron Rivera to Dan Quinn:
Sources: The #Commanders have found their new coach, as owner Josh Harris is set to hire #Cowboys DC Dan Quinn as head coach.
Quinn gets his second NFL HC gig, but not with the #Seahawks as many expected. He lands in Washington.
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No it was actually lost when Travis Kelce gift-wrapped an interception to the Eagles near the endzone.
WOW: Adam Schefter on the Chiefs’ loss to the Eagles
“This game was lost when the NFL Owners refused to ban the tush push. It wasn’t lost yesterday, it was lost in March.”
(H/T: @pheaglescentral)
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Aaron Rodgers went to the team of his choice, brought in his buddies, got everything he desired and then some, had a team that was a Super Bowl contender on paper, brought in even more of his buddies, and is all but de facto leader in New York.
His team still sucks. It's fucking hilarious.
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This Bishop Sycamore "high school" story is hilarious.
- Get fucking destroyed by IMG
- ESPN and their agencies did no research on BS whatsoever
- The "school" went 0-6 last year (scored 42 points, gave up 227)
- They had played a game two days before their ESPN game (they lost)
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- Be head coach of the Falcons
- Lock Bijan into a timeshare
- Don't utilize Kyle Pitts at all
- Frustrate every NFL fantasy football owner
- Win football games
- Say nothing
- Leave
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Deshaun Watson is being suspended for eleven games and a $5 million dollar settlement.
He'll be returning against... oh come on.
The NFL is doing this shit on purpose.
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I have finished recording "Congrats, Cowboys! (2024)".
It is me laughing hysterically for three minutes.
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CONGLATURATION, BUFFALO BILLS!
YOU FAILED TO BEAT A JETS TEAM THAT LOST AARON RODGERS TO INJURY ON THE FIRST DRIVE!
JOSH ALLEN'S FAVORITE RECEIVER IS JORDAN WHITEHEAD!
THE JETS DEFENSE INSTITUTED A NO-FLY ZONE AROUND THE PERIMETER!
The Giants somehow didn't suffer the most humiliating loss at MetLife this week.
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The fact that Andy Dalton ripped through an NFL defense on the first drive with the same personnel and playbook is unbelievably damning for Bryce Young.
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I remember when Columbus signed Johnny Gaudreau a few years ago. He was the one guy that chose that city instead of depart for so-called greener pastures. Johnny was the salvation of the franchise, the player that would bring them to relevance. His first few years weren't optimal in Columbus, but the hope was still there for Johnny.
It's devastating to me that he's never going to get that chance. He's never going to get to see his kids grow up. He's never going to be able to live.
Columbus is still reeling from the death of Matiss, and now they have to deal with this? My heart goes out to Blue Jackets fans.
Rest in Peace, Johnny. You left us way too soon.
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Pope Francis,
The Saints definitely need your blessings, but there is a real question to ask:
Are the Steelers going to the Super Bowl?
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CONGLATURATION, BOSTON BRUINS!
YOU HAVE BECOME THE ULTIMATE MEME!
YOU HAVE LOST TO THE FLORIDA PANTHERS WHEN YOU HAD THE SERIES WON!
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO PATRICE BERGERON?
HOW?!
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Kansas City Chiefs 2020 - The fresh blood finally ending the horrible reign of New England
Kansas City Chiefs 2024 -
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I also reached out to Margot Robbie about my desire to date her.
Colin Kaepernick's agent has reached out to the Jets about his desire to make an NFL return, via @Schultz_Report
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A friendly reminder that the Kansas City Chiefs told DeAndre Hopkins that they were not interested in his services.
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CONGLATURATION, LA CHARGERS!
YOU SOMEHOW CHARGERED IT UP IN A WAY THAT WAS NEVER DONE IN THE HISTORY OF YOUR ORGANIZATION!
YOU BLEW A 27-POINT LEAD WHEN YOU HAD JACKSONVILLE DEAD TO RIGHTS!
YOUR ORGANIZATION SHOULD CONTRACT. IMMEDIATELY.
Fuck you, Spanos.
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I don't know when the hell this happened, but I'm making this a fine addition to my collection.
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CONGLATURATION, CHICAGO WHITE SOX!
(DUBIOUS) IMMORTALITY IS YOURS!
LOSS #121 HAS BEEN SECURED!
A GLORIOUS DAY FOR THE REST OF THE BASEBALL WORLD!
Best part? They can't pick higher than 10th in the next MLB Draft.
Hilarious.
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If the Swifties get the NFL to get rid of turf, this will be an incredible relationship.
Find a way to get rid of the franchise tag as well, please.
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They did it, Uch.
The Jaguars won the AFC South.
We laughed at you when you predicted it, but it came true nonetheless.
I hope you have the biggest grin from ear to ear watching this, wherever you are.
They did it for you, man.
Run your victory lap up there, brother.
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THE BRETT FAVRE CHECKLIST
[X] Become star with Packers
[X] Win Super Bowl
[X] Keep choking in the playoffs
[X] Hold team hostage
[X] Team drafts replacement
AARON RODGERS IS HERE
[] Be traded to Jets
[] Be traded to Vikings in 1 year
[] Retire
[] Steal money from the poor
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His calf plucked like a guitar string.
That might be the end of Aaron Rodgers's career. Brutal.
ACL Recovery Club
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CONGLATURATION, BALTIMORE!
YOU BEAT YOURSELVES YET AGAIN!
YOUR UNDISCIPLINE AND SLOPPY PLAY COST YOU A CHANCE AT A SUPER BOWL!
THE NARRATIVES WILL REMAIN INTACT!
THEY HAD THE CHIEFS, YET SQUANDERED EVERY OPPORTUNITY GIVEN TO THEM!
I knew they were going to blow it...
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Don't tell me that a urinating tree can't be real!
This tree has been gushing water since the 1990's 🤯
Community note
The Dinoša mulberry tree is a tree in the village of Dinoša, Montenegro, which gushes water from its trunk after heavy rainfall. The phenomenon first occurred in the 1990s, and occurs once a year.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinoša_mu
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People are accusing the refs of helping Detroit, of all teams. Detroit.
What a time to be alive
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To Andy Reid:
You are probably never going to see this message, but I want to say one thing to you:
Congratulations.
Congrats on finally getting over that damn rainbow. Congrats on finally ending the memes and failure.
Now go eat the best damn cheeseburger you'll ever have.
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The Detroit Lions did it. They won a playoff game for the first time since 1991.
Holy shit.
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Matt Araiza's new nicknames:
- The Puntophile
- Punt God(less)
- Minor-Attracted Punter
- (Career) Coffin Corner
- Sick fuck
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The Boston Bruins have just released a statement on this humiliating series loss:
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The new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new NEW Worst Game Ever
Uploaded by Brandon Perna on September 25th, 2023
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This is the kind of loss that destroys franchises. I feel so bad for Buffalo. This is soul-crushing.
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If you don't believe the answer is 2, you are uncultured and need to assess priorities in life.
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Conglaturation, Eagles!
The incredible end-of-season collapse is complete!
Your only reward is epic failure!
You have become a meme!
A truly pathetic display!
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- The Braves are choking at a level that exceeds even the most brutal of chokes.
- It's been two years, eight months, and three days since Super Bowl LI.
- The Falcons led 28-3 in Super Bowl LI.
It suddenly makes sense.
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One of the greatest men and class acts that I've had the pleasure of knowing in the YouTube space.
Well done, Tom. You've more than earned this.
.@Packers fan Tom Grossi wins the 2023 NFL Fan of the Year (by @CaptainMorganUS)
📺: #NFLHonors on CBS & NFLN
📱: Stream on #NFLPlus
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San Francisco didn't even do that much wrong. They just lost. What a brutal way to go out.
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For those of you keeping score at home:
Rangers go all-in. They flame out in the 1st round.
Bruins go all-in. They flame out in the 1st round.
Maple Leafs go all-in. They lose in the 2nd round.
Panthers do nothing at deadline. Cause chaos.
I love this sport.
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THE 2021 NFL DRAFT QUARTERBACK CLASS:
- Trevor Lawrence - Stalled out in development
- Zach Wilson - Failing to be White Lamar Jackson
- Trey Lance - Injured
- Justin Fields - Sentenced to die
- Mac Jones - Massive regression
- Davis Mills - Tank general
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CONGLATURATION, HOUSTON TEXANS!
YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY FUCKED UP ONE OF THE GREATEST TANKS IN NFL HISTORY!
THE COLTS SOLD TO YOU!
THE BEARS RECEIVE THE FIRST OVERALL PICK!
THE STEELERS GET THE 32ND OVERALL PICK!
NO BRYCE YOUNG FOR YOU!!!!
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I want to die.
The #Steelers are expected to hire former #Falcons coach Arthur Smith as their offensive coordinator, per sources.
Smith had a top run game as #Titans OC before heading to Atlanta three years ago. Now he’ll be coaching Najee Harris, Jaylen Warren and company in Pittsburgh.
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I'll make this as simple as possible for the NFL.
The Bills and Bengals cannot and will not play a game after witnessing what they saw.
You cannot play this game tonight.
You cannot play this game tomorrow.
You cannot play this game in a few days.
Call it off.
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The Democrats have to do some very, very, very deep soul-searching about this election cycle.
They tried propping up an unelectable ghoul that wasn't chosen by the people and couldn't relate to the anyone. Their campaign gameplan was the same playcalls they tried the last two elections and didn't work.
They blamed gas stations and grocery stores for price gouging without understanding anything about their economic models.
They've learned fucking nothing.
That's what's infuriating.
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The Steelers... fired... Matt Canada.
They finally did it. I never thought this day would ever come.
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Who the Colts should pick:
Round 1 - Anthony Richardson, QB
Round 2 - Will Levis, QB
Round 3 - Hendon Hooker, QB
Round 4 - Dorian Thompson-Robinson, QB
Round 5 - Clayton Tune, QB
Round 6 - Stetson Bennett, QB
Round 7 - Max Duggan, QB
One of them has to work, right?
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This team is fucking trash.
Fuck this team.
Fuck the Steelers.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Fucking trash performance.
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Arch Manning has gone from a top quarterback prospect to a meme in about three hours.
That has to be near the record.
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CONGLATURATION, CHICAGO BEARS!
BACK-TO-BACK TANK BOWL CHAMPIONS!
And this time, they didn't even have to lose a single game for it to happen!
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Don't let the painful loss for the Bucs overlook the fact that Tank Division secured more playoff wins than the NFC East did this year.
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