Professional idiot @BarstoolSports, 1x foul ball catcher, junk food connoisseur, The Dozen Trivia champion, and one helllllll of a model American
New York
- Tweets 217,827
- Following 1,543
- Followers 119,194
- Likes 102,012
If you get an I Voted sticker for voting early, you should be able to scan it on your TV and all political ads should be replaced by normal commercials
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dianna
Tiger Woods shaking the hand of his favorite tree at Augusta. Nothing but class
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Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
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Going from MAX to HBO raises the showβs potential two full tiers in my head
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Did anyone else pretty much stop watching live TV other than sports over the last two years?
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Better not be followed by 7 episodes of bad dreams in a castle
HBO confirms #HouseOfTheDragon S3 will start with the Battle of the Gullet βοΈπ₯
One of the bloodiest sea battles in Westeros history
(via @Deadline)
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We are now getting our kidsβ grades sent directly to our phones after every assignment/test and woo boy am I happy that I grew up in the 90s with very limited internet
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Canβt believe The Vatican is announcing the new Pope while wearing their City Connect uniforms
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That play makes a lot more sense when you hear the micβd up feed
Bill Clay
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Weβre this close to finding out sheβs the one that benched Malcolm Butler in that Eagles Super Bowl
Jordon Hudson helped kill UNCβs βHard Knocksβ project over personal involvement after Bill Belichick pushed for it trib.al/gxiJOIV
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Marty Mush
Good morning to everyone except the army of the dead that resides just outside the gates of Winterfell
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PJM
NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back NBA is Back
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Jake Paul snatched Floyd Mayweatherβs hat off his head and itβs still not the most disrespectful thing involving a hat to happen to Floyd
Cal
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Someone said that Mark Sanchez looks like the bad guy from Kindergarten Cop and I canβt unsee it
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Surprised my son by picking him up early from school with Opening Day Mets tickets. 10/10 experience, would recommend. #LGM
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People forget Jon Stewart got a chick pregnant in Toronto then had Adam Sandler raise his kid before child services took him away
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Wifey: Why do you start playing Call of Duty at night knowing you are always going to get addicted and stay up wayyyyy too late?
Me:
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Rays offering a $700 million contract but itβs for 700 years
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Tom Brady outlasts another rival
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This is my favorite quote of the NBA season if not all-time nitter.app/MrMatthewCFB/status/15β¦
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Regardless of what happens tonight, just remember that South Park is going to do an A++++ job parodying it tomorrow night
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I am sure The Barstool Party is the hottest party in all of Miami tonight, but there is nowhere Iβd rather be in the universe than at the Me & My Guy Girl Scouts Dance with my ace. #girldad
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Anybody that complains about tonightβs TNF game being Bengals vs. Browns shouldnβt be allowed to watch it. We donβt football game shame. Not in 2020.
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NBC and Amazon will be just fine if they cover the NBA the complete opposite of how ESPN covers it
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This is like in Monsters Inc. when the monsters found out laughter was better for their city than screams
Trea Turner Just had a 2 Home Run inning
The Love and Support of Philly fans can fix anything @BarstoolPhilly
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My vasectomy just got cancelled, so it looks like Iβm walking around this quarantined house with live bullets for the foreseeable future
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Aaron Rodgers is going to love Jordan Love like a brother. Or a father. Or pretty much any member of his immediate family
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Tom Coben
The new Cowboys Netflix doc lays out how Micah Parsons can force his way out of Dallas
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I just asked @stoolpresidente if I could show up to work an hour late on my daughterβs first day of kindergarten and this was his response before firing me
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Gotta love how the Colts are using Andrew Luck after he missed last season with an injured shoulder
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This man is about to file a complaint with the league that The Garden is too loud
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Me filling out my bracket and reading a nice blurb about a college basketball team I didn't watch play all season:
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Iβm gonna tell myself that Sister Jean saw this crying girl on the Jumbotron and this was her reaction idc idc
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I donβt care what happens the rest of the World Series. Nothing will top this moment
Funhouse
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βHe clearly states that the rules only allow one bite BUT HE ALWAYS TAKES MULTIPLE BITES. PUT THIS MAN IN JAIL!β
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If Johnny Knoxville doesnβt try to tackle Derrick Henry in Jackass 3, whatβs the point of even making the movie?
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Gus Johnson was hitting notes that only dogs can hear by the end of this play
β
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Putin having his own Umbrella Guy while everyone else gets soaking wet in the rain is an absolute power move
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Baby Clem is here, happy and healthy. So is Wifey Clem. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes! Happy to have another member of the #twitterfam
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Any team thinking about violating the NFLβs COVID-19 protocols should
(β’_β’)
( β’_β’)>ββ -β
(ββ _β )
Remember the Titans
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I love it as an Old but Dart being a wired guy is flat out SHOCKING
SNY Giants
@TheClemReport gotta love that your QB1 is a wired headphones guy, right?
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When you visit your younger brother at college and go to a dive bar after working in the real world for a few years
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House of the Dragon gave Mets fans the perfect meme for when the bullpen enters the game
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*The Night King shows up to Winterfell as every heroic character prepares to battle the Army of the Dead*
Theon:
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Steve, this is Grimace. Hes a fast food mascot. Hes one of the most undervalued brands at McDonalds. His defect is that he doesnt play baseball. Nobody in the big leagues cares about him because he looks funny. This guy could not just be good luck but could start a winning streak
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In a sick way, the last 10 years of Giants football prepared me for that perfectly
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Thatβs a man whose favorite baseball team is on a massive skid. Cutting that chicken like he has nothing to lose
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This is somehow even lamer than all of us could've imagined
The Decision has been made. Cheers to year 23.
@KingJames
#HennessyxLeBron #TheSecondDecision #HennessyVSOP
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Hell yeah. ESPN needs more hot takes and less people who actually know what's going on around the NBA
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