I wrote something. refaatwritesback.beehiiv.com…

Imagine being this proud of apathy toward genocide.

let me remind you that there was a videotape of Israeli soldiers gang-raping Palestinian prisoners and it literally changed nothing.

He fucking bombed 7 countries!

This tweet was in September about a happy Gazan father who finally had quadruplets after 16 years of trying. Today Israel murdered the four of them. WITH THEIR MOTHER! They were only one month old! One fucking month old! All. At. Once!

The way he’s showing his wound to the other boy. The way the other boy, covered in wounds, trying his best to comfort him. Fuck the world!

Sarah, my cousin, has not visited her kindergarten since the begining of this genocide. We passed by it today. When she saw it still standing and have not been destroyed, she ran to it and gave it a kiss.

خليني أحكي كم شغلة بوضوح وبالعربي: اسرائيل ب ٧ اكتوبر وبدونه كانت تقصف غزة. انا بشتغل في مدرسة حدودية تابعة لوكالة الغوث. كان يطلب منا دائماً نلبس ملابس فضفاضة تساعدنا عالهرب في حالة القصف. اكثر من نصف طالبات الصف مش بس الهم شهداء، حضروا موت شهداء قدام عيونهم. بمعنى ما يزيد عن تلات ارباع طالبات مدرستي عندهم صدمات نفسية. أكتر من مرة نهرب من المدرسة تحت قصف عشوائي. اكتر من مرة نختبئ في صفوفنا ونجلس عالأرض (زي مذيعة cnn) بس هالمرة معي ٤٠ طالبة في الصف مكلفة احميهم ومش قادرة أحمي حالي. كثير كنا نرجع عالمدرسة واحنا مش في حالة حرب، نلاقي بنت استشهدت، او في المستشفى اصابتها خطيرة لانه جندي عالحدود استهدفها وهي في بيتها. سكان بيت حانون كل اراضيهم الزراعية اللي بيعيشوا منها، عالحدود. روحوا اسألوهم عن المآسي اللي بيعيشوها وعاشوها. كم مرة محصول الهم انحرق. كم مرة تم استهداف اشخاص منهم وهما بيزرعوا آمنين. قبل ٧ اكتوبر، اسرائيل كانت تعتدي على المصليات الآمنات في القدس ضرباً، تمنعهم من الوصول للمسجد الأقصى بالأيام. تقيم الاحتفالات عبثاً وتكراراً، ويرددوا الشعارات العنصرية لاستفزاز أهل القدس. أهل غزة بحاجة لتصريح لدخول الضفة، يتم رفضه في غالب الأمر (لتعليم، لعمل، لعلاج، كله سواء، ممنوع) على صعيد شخصي انا عمري ٣٢ سنة وعمري ما زرت القدس ولا باقي مدن فلسطين. الحالات الطبية الخطيرة بحاجة لتحويلة للضفة يتم تأجيلها والتمطيط في الموافقة إلى أن يموت المريض وكثير من الحالات طلعت تحويلتها بعد موتها. تنتشر نقاط التفتيش في الضفة الغربية في كل شارع لدرجة ان منطقة تصلها في ربع ساعة تتحول الى ساعتين بسبب التوقف والانتظار. تعتقل اسرائيل الرجال والنساء والأطفال وتحبسهم بلا تهمة وبلا محاكمة وتنكّل بهم وتعذبهم في السجون بلا رقيب.واذا أفرجت عنهم في الصفقات التي تتم في العمر مرة، تنفيهم لمدينة اخرى بعيداً عن أسرتهم هاد اذا ما رجعت اخدتهم أسرى كمان مرة. المستوطنين بيحتلو بيوت في الضفة بيسرقوها وبيسكنوا فيها (هيك فجأة تخيل) ويتم طرد الفلسطيني اللي امبارح لسه كان نايم بهاد البيت تحت غطاء من حكومة الاحتلال. حتى فلسطينيو الداخل والمفروض أنهم من حملة الهوية الاسرائيلية، لم يسلموا، يعاملوا كمواطن درجة ثانية ويتم اعتبارهم أقلية ويُمنعوا من كثير من الوظائف وتعتدي عليهم العصابات الاسرائيلية المسلحة بشكل دائم في الشوارع وفي بيوتهم ويقتلوا بلا أدنى مساءلة بل يتم التشجيع على قتلهم لأنهم مسببين أزمة لدولة الاحتلال. في غزة، اذا طلبت غرض اونلاين بيقعد سنة وبيتم الرد علينا حرفياً (انو حسب مزاج الجندي الاسرائيلي العامل على المعبر). تلات أرباع الأشياء تعتبرها اسرائيل مزدوجة الاستعمال وترفض دخولها القطاع، أهمها مادة الحديد المسلح التي يمكن استخدامها في بناء الملاجئ لحماية المدنيين في الحروب. مرة طلبت نظارات غوص، وتم ارجاعها لانها مصنفة مزدوجة الاستعمال. كل شيء يدخل القطاع يخضع لتفتيش. اسرائيل تقنن المواد الغذائية للقطاع بحيث ان يدخل القطاع ما لا يكفي الفرد الواحد. وتقوم بتحديث بياناتها بعد كل حرب ونقصان القطاع من سكانه بسبب استشهادهم (المقالات منتشرة وكتيرة، مثال كيف انها بتقنن ادخال الشوكلاتة للقطاع تبعاً لحسبة معينة خاصة بها) الصيادين بيتم قنصهم في البحر وبينقال افتراءً انهم اقتربوا من الحدود، وبعدها كل مرة بيتم ارجاع مساحة الصيد الى أن تصير لهم نقطة ضئيلة يسترزقوا منها. وهذا لسه غيض من فيض ممارسات الاحتلال ضد الفلسطينيين بشكل عام وغزة بشكل خاص. ما كانت اسرائيل بحاجة ل ٧ اكتوبر إلا عشان تأجج مشاعر الناس وتزكرهم بمأساة اليهود وتمسح القطاع والعالم يعطيها الضوء الأخضر، ولو ما كانت ٧ اكتوبر كان اسرائيل قصفت القطاع وقالت في غزاوي كلب مرق جنب الحدود وسب عالهولوكوست. المقاومة والأنفاق ومساير العودة والمظاهرات، كلها أشكال من محاولة ناس مستضعفين الدفاع عن أنفسهم، نجحت أم فشلت في مساعيها، كلها محاولات لنقول انو متنا بكرامة وعالأقل حاولنا ما نخليهم يقتلونا وهما مبسوطين. وع قولة نصير "لولا المقاومة، كان امك زمانها بتغسل رجل الجندي الاسرائيلي في طشت" الاحتلال مش عدو المقاومة لحالها، الاحتلال عدوي وعدو طالباتي وعدو أطفالي وعدو أفراد عائلتي وعدو شعبي، ولو ربنا كتبلنا نعيش بدي أخلي أطفالي وطالباتي بس يكبروا يلعنوا سنسفيل اسرائيل. لسه المعركة ما انتهت. هذا مش بوست تبرير، فشر العالم أبررله ليش بنقاوم، هاد للناس اللي من شعبي وأهلي اللي بدت تصدق رواية الاحتلال المكررة انو هدفه هو القضاء ع حماس وأزكره انو زمان ما كانت حماس بس سيدي وستك انقتلو. ابني وابنك مش حماس بس ابني وابنك قاعدين بينقتلو. وهلقيت: دو يو ستيل كوندم هاماس؟

Back to when Israel held onto Palestinian mail, then dumped it back 8 years later like it was lost luggage. Love letters, medical records, university acceptances all rotted in bags. Do you know how many lives fit inside those letters? How many people died waiting to hear back? The daily Israeli deliberate theft of time, memory, and dignity.

Since evacuating to the south, my kids have been suffering from stomach flu including symptoms like abdominal cramps, vomiting and diarrhea which I always assumed it’s the normal result of sleeping on the floor or change of weather, just to learn that it is caused by contaminated water we drink daily and queue for hours to supply. And with the lack of medical services and the no-internet problem, I just found out this might lead to liver fibrosis and kidney failure. We’ve been drinking this water for 15 days and fighting to supply it. Are you fucking kidding me?!!

Hi, this is Eman. You might know me here as a gazan mom of three. I have lost a house, friends, family and students. I am now appealing to all the mothers in the world, Food is running out. We are sheltering in an UNRWA school. I have two sick children with no near hospitals or decent medical treatment in the area. Today, I have spent 3 hours looking for thick winter clothes for the children and I couldn’t find any. The things adults are facing and living are beyond catastrophic. Imagine what children go through. If there is any power in you, any thing you can do to talk or help in a permanent ceasefire, don’t stop! I am this close to losing my children to starvation, dehydration or sickness, If an Israeli sniper didn’t step first.

He was supposed to be in the US these days promoting his book. Fuck Egypt, Fuck Israel and Fuck every single person or government complicit in his murder.

My family in Rafah are receiving threatening phone calls to evacuate. They already evacuated nine times and they live in a tent!

Tonight, I put the kids to sleep in our bedroom. So that when we die, we die together and no one would live to mourn the loss of one another. #GazaUnderAttack

The internet on my e-sim is not enough for much but whenever I get the chance I check tweets of normal life. Some celebrity wearing Dior. Poster of a new movie. Short clip of a wedding. Family having a picnic. And I feel happy that people are not going through what we are going through. Peace exists on the other side of the world. It’s so close we could touch it. Life seemed so promising to me and I worked really hard to make something of my kids. I raised them with love and care. Their father was coming in December, this month, after finishing his MA studies. For two years, Faisal, Jawad and Rita had nothing to wait for but the idea of meeting their father in December. One small family of 5. We made jokes about how we’re meeting him and that Jawad will curse him for leaving us because this middle child’s mouth has always been uncontrollable. I am not writing my final words, no!I just want you to know Palestinians here wanted to live and have normal lives. They wanted nothing but peace. And the story goes way beyond the 7th of October. Way way beyond!

I paid 18K to survive genocide just to be informed I am only given 45 days as residency permit that can not be extended. Now that my 45 day residency expired, I am an illegal citizen who has not rights at all. If you have any information about the topic, DM please!

أنا وأولادي مش أحسن من الشهداء اللي راحوا. العمر واحد والرب واحد. مش طالعين. اذا متنا احكوا عنا، احكوا انو ما بعنا أرضنا، وحياة ولادي ما بعناها. شفنا منها كل العذاب وما بعناها. وأنا مسامحة الجميع لأني بعرف كل حدا عنده احتلال أوسخ بكتير من الاحتلال اللي قاعد بيقتلنا.

Dr. Refaat holding Rita when she was one month old.

I once wanted to kill my children because they were starving and we ran out of food.

أنا عمري ما تكلمت عن فترة طلوعي لمصر لأنها كانت تجربة حزينة جداً قضيت معظمها في تخليص ورق حكومي ومئة عام من "السيستم واقع." ودخل رمضان والعيد وانا لحالي، لكن في قصص صارت معي كشخص غزاوي يغادر غزة لوحده لأول مرة، وعمره ما تعامل مع جنسيات أخرى، قصص ما بنساها وأشخاص ممتنة لمعرفتهم، وجزء منهم خلاني الشخص اللي أنا عليه الآن.

As we left Gaza and crossed into Egypt, my children, witnessing an airplane, were gripped with fear. It struck me how surreal it must be for them to encounter an aircraft engaged in activities other than the ominous dropping of bombs.

Still alive and holding tight on our precious water bottles. Have you seen little Jawad’s evil look when he drinks from his brother’s bottle and saves his for later?

This was my last day in school before this genocide starts. I teach at Beit Hanoun which was the first ever place to evacuate. I have no idea where the girls in the video or their families are. I have no idea if they are alive. The few I have contacted days ago, stopped replying.

Today, my eldest son Faisal turns seven. This child has witnessed more than any child should. For two years, during his father’s absence, he took on his father’s responsibilities. He would go out to buy groceries, and I would wake up to find him washing the dishes. During the genocide, Faisal was sheltered in his own school, the place where he had studied, and he witnessed the aftermath of bombings, seeing the bodies of those who were killed. When we fled to the south, he stood in long lines for water, collected wood and learned how to make fire. When we escaped to Egypt, Faisal refused to attend school—it had become a symbol of death in his mind. But when we arrived in the US, he went through a short period of therapy and quickly showed signs of healing, even accepting to go back to school. Just three days ago, though, his counselor contacted us to say that Faisal had a panic attack when his friend fell and bled during a football game. What Faisal has endured is far from normal, and what Gazan children continue to face will never be normal. Today, Faisal turns seven, and it somehow feels more to me. Through it, he remains the rock I lean on in moments of vulnerability, the only one who sees through my smile to the tears I hide. And always offers the warmest hug. Sometimes, it would feel like he’s been more of a parent to me, teaching me deep emotions I never knew could come from someone so young. To the one who will always be my safe place and favorite person—Happy Birthday, Habibi. ‘Om Faisal’ will forever be the nickname closest to my heart.

I watched a man burn alive today. And my eyes, steady, watched him flicker like something familiar. There was no shock, no breath caught in my chest. Just that quiet stillness. The kind that settles in after your heart has run out of new ways to break. Somewhere, I remembered that fire was supposed to mean danger. Pain. But in that moment, it looked almost ordinary. Like airstrikes. Like rubble. Like beheaded babies. It scared me how the world keeps ending in front of me, and all I do is blink.

I want to stop writing my short diary. I feel hopeless and helpless. A body without a soul. nothing has changed. If I ever survived, I will need a lifetime of therapy. And if Israel didn’t kill me, I’ll probably commit suicide. What I write shortly here is not even 5% of what is happening and what we’re going through.

Some women in Gaza take pills to prevent menstruation due to the lack of sanitary pads and water for washing and cleaning. The chances of finding a safe place with water for washing are almost zero. Not to mention those who are having their periods while sheltering in schools and facing double physical pain, including sleeping on the floor, fear, and cold.

This topic isn’t discussed much! People in Gaza have the most unbearable postal services. Sometimes I receive my items after a year. Coffee and medicine expire on the way, so I stopped ordering them. Occasionally, Israel stops and limits all types of mail according to moodiness.

Feminism that claps for women breaking the stratosphere but stays silent as women beg for sanitary pads under rubble isn’t feminism; it’s theater. What’s the point of shattering glass ceilings if you’re too scared to look down at the blood-soaked floor? For over a year and a half, Palestinian women have died asking not for Mars, but for soap, water, and safety. If your feminism can’t hold both a rocket and a ration line, it’s not liberation; it’s selective celebration.

A woman as old as my mother crawled through gunfire in Nitzarim for a bag of flour, for children who aren’t even hers, because hers were already killed. And what haunts me isn’t just the image of it; it’s how easily we’ve accepted that this is what motherhood looks like in Gaza: not nurturing, not sheltering, but negotiating with death for calories. We’ve turned these women into symbols of resilience so often that we’ve stopped being horrified by their suffering, because when survival becomes their legacy, who’s left to ask what kind of world did this to them?

Where is @BayanPalestine ??? She wrote a haunting tweet 8 days ago and she has not updated since.

He was family to me.

They lost their weight. My kids lost half of their weight to sickness and starvation. Enjoying watching us dying much?

Targeting bakeries then targeting water tanks to deprive civilians of two essential things that keep them alive. If this is not systematic ethnic cleansing then I know nothing.

I have a friend who hasn’t eaten meat since he was 8; he’s now 40. When he was a child, Israeli warplanes targeted his father while he was smoking, suspecting the smoke was suspicious. He didn’t witness his father burning but he smelled his flesh. To this day, he has panic attacks whenever we pass by a grilled meat restaurant, and no therapy has been able to help him. Imagine the fate awaiting other children and adults after a ceasefire.

Are you tired already? I am also tired. My kids are tired. The families we share a class with are tired. The normal tasks of life people usually do, have turned into an exhausting heart-aching impossible missions. Access to bathroom needs a queue of one hour. Providing simple portions of food needs travelling to different places. Medicines are not available. My 3 children have lost wight in a significant way due to constant sickness. People get into daily fights because of stress. And this horror is nothing compared to reality. Now, are you tired? Because we are.

استشهدت طالبتي الخلوقة وحبيبة قلبي وابتسامة الصباح جنان وليد المصري، الصف الثامن، مع كل أفراد عائلتها. قبل الحرب كانت تتدرب معي على القاء خطاب عن العدل في مسابقة TED ED. وتم انتخابها نائبة البرلمان في صفها لطلاقة لسانها وقربها من زميلاتها. رحمة الله عليكي يا حبيبتي. الله يلعن أبو العدل يا جنان.

This might be nothing but an ice cream to you. It’s the first time we’re eating something cold in more than 3 weeks. We have been witnessing a power outage since the 7th of October. All the things associated with power started collapsing; water purification, hospitals equipment, internet service, charging batteries, having a simple light in one’s room and, of course, freezing food. As people started depending solely on solar cells to provide a temporary alternative, Israel decided to target many solar cells in the strip. This came third after targeting bakeries and water tanks in a systematic process to starve people to death by depriving them of life basics. This might be nothing but an ice cream to you. But to me, it’s a small victory.

they’re straight up bragging about killing a journalist like it’s some trophy hunt. No shame, no attempt to hide it, just a smug: yeah, we did it, while slapping the word “terrorist” on him to make it sound clean. It’s the kind of chest-thumping arrogance you get from a military that knows nobody’s gonna hold them accountable. They decide who lives, who dies, and turn a murder into just another flex for social media.

This is me before and after the 7th of October! 6th of October, Friday evening: My best friend and school mate has got encaged. My students are happy and planning a bachelorette party with me.They are mostly happy that I finally have the closest social interaction that proves them I’m human. ⁃bring a cake ⁃And firecarckers ⁃Put them in the bag now! ⁃No excuse for you to forget! ⁃ I sing ironically ‘tell me it’s lovvve, tell me it’s real.’ We laugh. 8th of October, Sunday morning: I take out the firecarackers, the funny shaped candles, and my friend surprise gift. Instead, I put important documents, Rita’s milk and diapers and some snacks for the road. ‘Tell me it’s real. Tell me it’s real’ Why is this song stuck in my head? We leave. Genocide, Day 31/ Evacuation Day 16 As I waited for an hour and a half with no movement in the bread line, the baker's distant shouts became increasingly desperate, asking us to leave as they had run out of bread. Despite the chaos and arguments among the people waiting, I stuck around, driven by the need for bread. There were fights and curses, but I stayed silent. Numb, to be accurate. my sole purpose being to get my hands on that bread, just like everyone else in line. I was not suppose to be here. I was suppose to be writing some task or attending a lecture about the creation of short stories and novels. I was accepted at Birckbeck creative writing postgraduate program. My heart is as cold as this evening news. Have you ever felt happy but it’s a fragile happy? A momentary ‘happy’? Ok, you made it. You got accepted. You’re not going anyway. But hey, you got accepted! Waiting for my daily bread, I couldn't help but wonder if this was the story I was destined to write - one of unfulfilled dreams and persistent anxiety. I have only missed four prayers in a whole month but haven’t missed one single anxiety attack. This is me. And this a tale of two Octobers.

My little man is trying his best to look strong but keeps checking his older brother if he has waken up to be with him. My heart goes to every child who woke up to find himself buried under the rubble. To the one who woke up to find himself homeless. To the one who never woke up.

Wtf is going on?!! Warplanes are striking near the house. I thought this was another day of ceasefire!!!

رهف محمد عطا الله المصري، طالبة في الصف الرابع ٤ من مدرستي. بتقعد البنك الأول جنب الباب. وجهها لطيف وحنون. طالبة خلوقة ومجتهدة. شهداءنا مش مجرد أرقام. واللي بيعرف أي اشي عن أي شهيد يحكيه. عظم الله أجرك يا بيت حانون. ورحم الله شهداء غزة.

All of these triggering images and disturbing videos you have been viewing from Gaza, are ours. All of these beautiful kind faces who have been pulling out from under the rubble, are ours. We spend the day not believing we’re still alive and in the night we wait for our death.

Day 15: I wanna lie down in bed and cry my eyes out ‘till I die or this stops, whatever the soonest. But I don’t have this luxury, I have to provide food and water for three starving little innocent “human animals”.

I hope she dies.

No, we can’t go back to this again!!! No, please, no!

Jenan Waleed Al-Masri, my beloved eighth-grader, is killed. Israel can rest now after killing this terrorist. No one told me I would be attending my student’s funerals not their graduations. No one!

عمري حكيتلكم ان غزة كانت مشهورة بتصدير أجود أنواع الورود لأوروبا لغاية ما الاحتلال خنق هاي الزراعة التصديرية في ٢٠٠٧ بالكامل؟ في الصور تظهر شقائق النعمان، اللي متعارف عليها شعبياً "زهر الحنّون" واللي ارتبط اسمه بالحنية لأنه بيظهر في الربيع بعد شتاء قاسي. الحنّون من أكتر الأزهار ارتباطاً بغزة لدرجة مدينة 'بيت حانون' ع اسمه. بيت حانون مدينة حدودية أبناؤها كانوا يجازفوا بحياتهم يومياً عشان يقدروا يوصلوا أراضيهم القريبة من السلك الحدودي، ليزرعوا وتقنصهم القناصة في سبيل التسلية ويروحوا شهداء لقمة العيش. أبسط ممارسة حياتية للغزاوي كان الاحتلال يحولها جهد جهيد. هاد اذا نسيت تلعن اسرائيل اليوم.

When people ask me what first stole my breath outside of Gaza, I always say, the sky. Not the sky I grew up with; thick with the hum of drones, a canvas of constant surveillance. But a sky so quiet, so vast, it felt like it could swallow me whole. For the first time, I could look up without bracing for something I couldn’t see but always felt.

And the next day, I made fire in a very creative way using my kids under-wears and some wood. And I bragged about it all day but none of my ungrateful family members recognised my efforts. Anyway, we ate one of the most mouth-watering fried tomatoes a staving homeless person can ever have. هاشتاق قلاية بندورة هاشتاق دكتور رفعت مش معزوم

Every night we go through this hell, I lose faith gradually in words. We wrote so many words. We said so many words. Why are we still being butchered like sheep? Why has no body taken any action to stop this genocide?

I served as a committed employee at the UNRWA but they can not provide me protection. I am homeless and they can not provide me home. Insted, they give me one tuna can and 2 bottles of water for my family of four. I recieve them on Saturday and Tuesday and I queue for them from 2-4 hours. Thank you, UNRWA ♥️

يا جماعة الناس بتتصفى واحد ورا التاني في مخيم جباليا، الجثث في الشوارع. أنا بطلت عارفة شو أكتب ولا شو أحس ولا لو كان ضرب من الخيال اذا بكتب هنا أملاً في انو حدا يشوف ويكون قادر يوقف الدم.

Today, I used sanitary pads for my one and half baby daughter. I have not been able to find any diapers in her size. I used pieces of cloth like our old mothers did. Yet with lack of everything, cloths seem to be a luxury. So, I did it. I used sanitary pads. This might be a joke to you. But to my it’s a living nightmare!

Malak Maher Shinbari, top of her class and the closest student to my heart, was murdered 2 days ago along with her family. She evacuated from BeitHanoun to Magazi refugee camp, where IDF claimed it’s a ‘safe area’. But still they came after them in day 79. Imagine going through this horror for 79 days and not make it because, although a child, Israel has marked you a target from the beginning.

Day 17: After queuing for 2 hours, I was able to provide a 2 -litre bottle of water for the kids and I. 120 people were killed over one night only. Genocide continues, Rafah border is still closed and Gaza is running out of water. AND RESIDENTS.

Didn’t sleep in 3 days. Went to my aunt’s house. They bombed the neighbours and her house was partly damaged. We came back to schools. We share the room with 34 members. We sleep on the floor. Have to get up as early as possible to provide bread and water before it runs out. I get humiliated daily in bathroom queues because my kids need it constantly. I go into fights daily over simple life basics. And Moving with three kids is fucking difficult. I queue with men sometimes bcz my husband is not here. writing and shaking. I feel broken. I have failed my kids. I have failed my husband. I don’t want to be there in the aftermath.

Day 7: THEY LIED! People received messages to evacuate to the south. News spread like fire. Everyone left. We didn’t. Then Israeli warplanes targeted them and killed 70 at once.

Remember Ihsan? Em Reema? She has just contacted me and she has just arrived to Egypt. She finally can have a healthy baby in a healthy hospital. Now, Please, consider helping Nada as well because she is also a credible person who is trying to save both of her sick parents.

اسرائيل لم تقتل فاطمة لوحدها. قتلت معها اخوتها الستة ولاء وآلاء وزين ومهنّد ومحمد.

I'm compelled to express my frustration with how Instagram influencers portray living in a tent or shelter. Here's the truth of how it actually looks like from my experiment: A thread 🧵

Fuck Israel from my e-sim ✌️

Crying in the bathroom because I don’t want my kids to see the depth of this feeling that has been eating me alive. Juggling worries about my family in the south and my husband's family in the north, while drowning in denial that I am spending Ramadan alone with three children in a foreign land with uncertain future.

I feel heavy with all this pain inside and outside. Had to leave the kids with a stranger today to try to bring them some food bcz walking to the nearest markets takes so long. No cars available. Shelling didn’t stop all the way. Couldn’t stop thinking I’ll come back to find them dead. My walking trip went in vain and I could’t find anything because it ran out. I came back to find that some aid supply association gave them one set of clothes. So we accept charity now. I am in a place where I know no body. I don’t even have a place to hide in and cry my fucking eyes out away from the kids. Go ahead Israeli motherefuckers, get this over with.

Months ago, women in Gaza were pleading with the world for sanitary pads. When they lost hope, they turned to using diapers. As the demand for diapers increased, Isarel allowed sanitary pads in, but then diapers ran out. This cycle continued for months. Trust me, I never wanted my period or my baby’s poop to become an international trend, but it did. I just want you, and myself, to remember that I have always been a proud feminist, but feminism has failed me as much as it will fail you soon. Terms like “white feminism” or “faux feminism” don not absolve feminists of their complicity in the bloodbath Gazan women are drowning in. When time comes, they won’t be remembered as activists—they’ll be remembered as cowards who let women die while they stayed silent in their privilege. And If by any chance, you felt this is insulting to your outstanding activism, then you may be the one I am addressing.

Let me remind you that Israeli soldiers took a pediatrician hostage right in front of the world’s eyes as he spent his final days pleading for the world to save the sick children in his hospital.

My son’s birthday was two days ago. I didn’t even notice until I was submitting my ID at a clinic I found after running for 2 hours in the middle of night holding Rita’s body which was boiling in fever. We forgot how normal life looks like. Remembering my kids birthdays is now a luxury my memory can not afford among the piles of horrific images it holds.

Happy Ramadan to these beautiful faces who had no chairs but kept coming to school. Warplanes destroyed their houses but they kept coming to school. Israel targeted their families but they kept coming to school. So Israel decided to take away their school. These are my sweet girls of Beit Hanoun and that is my sweet school of Beit Hanoun.

I haven’t lost faith. I know it’s not the time. but I’ve never been this tired. I wanna live to see my little kids grow. I wanna watch their graduations not funerals. I wanna hug their souls not bury their bodies. I wanna play scavenger hunt not search for them under the rubble.

Day 14: I have no idea why I am still writing this diary. I was deceived by how powerful words can be. But I know for sure is that I stopped saying, “Good Night” to my children. I say, “stay alive” instead. If we survived, we will never be the same again.

Today, the bodies of Dr. Ahmed Al-Maqadma and his mother, Yousra Al-Maqadma, a UNRWA teacher, were discovered after two weeks of being out of contact. They were among the hundreds of bodies executed by Israeli soldiers during their recent invasion of Shifa Hospital.

Not counting days anymore. Not counting martyrs. Not following the news. Not trying to survive. Not asking for a ceasefire. Not checking the news for a ceasefire. Not asking questions. Not looking for answers. Waking up numb and sleeping numb.

These videos make me wanna rip someone’s heart off. I am 29. I have tried 6 times to visit Jerusalem, the capital of my country, but was rejected. I am 29 and, like most of Gazans here, have never visited any other place outside Gaza Strip, including other Palestinians Cities.

He writes “what you gave has been returned to you” on the missile because most missiles the resistance use come from recycling Israeli bombs.

People are starved and exhausted. Where the fuck should they go? Two days ago they were eagerly follwing the news of a potential ceasefire and now they are checking a fucked up Israeli evacuation map designed by a zionist sociopath to check if the place of their tent falls under the danger of targeting. The irony is that I’ve been there. I have checked the map before. I have falsely trusted the map and evacuated to alleged safe zones and yet were targeted. Stop the lying, bitches! Be fucking honest and say you are after every single Palestinian.

“That’s an F16” The Gazan kids can easily tell the names and types of Israeli warplanes like the back of their hands. Don’t look so shocked when they grow up to revenge while this was the vocabulary used in their childhood.

Day 19: Sahar and I were planning to travel the world when this ends. We talked everyday. She couldn’t charge her phone for two days and we couldn’t talk. Today, I read in the news she was killed by an Israeli airstrike along with her two boys and husband. Sahar was also pregnant with a girl.

Hi there, Have you missed me?

Day 20: grieving over my friends and family members while queuing for bread, water and bathroom while taking care of three kids while running for your life while trying to get a proper internet connection to read the news and write a report of how you managed to stay alive so far. A busy life!

My mom uses sarcasm and humor as a way to cope. When I ask her to send me photos of herself and my sisters, she dodges the request and instead sends me voice messages of her singing favorite Om Kulthoum songs. She does this because she knows that if I were to see how much weight she’s lost and how much she’s aged, it might break me. I keep insisting on getting photos because I’m afraid that if I don’t have a picture of them now, the next time I see them might be in one of those photos where they gather the pieces of their bodies into rice bags.

There’s nothing left. Nothing left for us.

I wanna hug the people who lost their loved ones. I wanna mourn the loved ones I have lost. But I have no time. Water queues. Bread queues. 3 kids. If I have not got up earlier than the others, this mean no water or food today. Have you ever thought their would be a time when you don’t have the luxury of mourning your losses?

- What is your wish for now? - No War. Jawad - 3 years

Israel didn’t even wait for the cameras to turn off or the applause for Edan Alexander’s release to fade before admitting that three Palestinian hostages from Gaza had been tortured to death in its prisons. Not during combat, not in airstrikes; but in cages, stripped of rights and humanity. Their names weren’t announced with sirens or headlines. No helicopters hovered. No world leaders offered thoughts and prayers. Just a quiet confession that, behind the scenes, torture is policy. In Israel’s calculus, one Israeli life merits global grief; three Palestinian corpses are just a footnote.

Can anyone hear us?

Day 4: we were informed power is only one and a half hour aday. found an open market after 2 hours of walking. He only had bags of macaroni . bought 4. Still no water. Using wipes to clean the kids. Saving two bottles of clean water to drink. And praying. All. the. time.

God! Stereotyping, sexism, objectification and misogyny in one post. Are we really fighting people with this level of stupidity?

Yesterday, my childhood friends from the ‘Debs’ family were pleading for help. Today, it was confirmed that none of them survived. As I write this, news is coming in about our dear neighbors—the Abu Al-Aish, Nasar, and Al-Hawajri families in Tal Al-Zaatar. Their names now appear in the headlines and reports of the Jabalia massacre. The IDF is systematically targeting Jabalia camp, erasing what remains of its landmarks and killing its residents.

It is the third day of Eid El-Fitr. kids are supposed to be celebrating with their families and wearing their new outfits. Instead, they are hiding in their houses waiting death. And the night time is the worst! We fear the night because we might not make it to sunlight.

Your wife is my hero.

I sincerely appreciate the overwhelming support and love from everyone who reached out to me during this challenging time. The reason for my absence is the severe illness affecting my children. Unfortunately, my little girl has been experiencing vomiting and symptoms of stomach flu, and despite seeking medical assistance nearby, her condition has not improved. After a brief period of improvement, she relapsed, and our optimism faded. Numerous friends have tried to help me find a way to evacuate my children, but so far, nothing has proven successful. I have decided to temporarily halt reporting on the ongoing genocide to focus solely on saving my children. Rita, especially, requires urgent attention, and I am determined to take her to the hospital to identify and address the root cause of her illness. Regrettably, their father's student visa restricts his ability to assist, and placing Rita on the injured/sick list hasn't yielded results due to the non-critical classification of her condition. Despite being prepared to cover any necessary expenses, we are desperate for a solution. If assistance in finding a way out is not provided within two days, I am left with no choice but to head to the Rafah border, prepared to stay there until a resolution is reached. The individuals controling the border are, in essence, endangering our lives and slowly killing us, and I cannot bear to witness my children's death before my eyes! #OpenRafahBorder #OpenRafahCrossing

The thing is, we wanted to show you the reality of what’s happening in our country, but instead, you became desensitized to the sight of our mutilated bodies and children’s hollowed skulls. That was a fatal mistake. We should have kept our blood to ourselves—maybe then it would have remained sacred and precious.

People who think one message/ tweet won’t make a differnce, must read this. Rita has recovered well after overcoming cholera. She lost half of her weight. Her condition went undiagnosed for one month until friends here suggested the possibility and I suggested it to her doctors. You saved my little girl’s life! On the other side, many diseases remain undiagnosed due to the lack of medical services in Gaza which could eventually lead to death if not diagnosed fast. We want a ceasefire now! #CeasefireNOW

Day 9: I know nothing about my parents. We lost contact when they bombed near them in Jabalia camp tonight. We smell smoke when we open the windows. The air smells like dead bodies. Still No water. No power. Grandpa took off the battery of an old car. We use it to charge phones.