A couple promises for new followers - Here is what you get from this account: -Real conversations with real dads building real legacies in the real world Here is what you won't ever get (and unfollow right now if this is what you're looking for, there are plenty of people on X who offer this in spades): -Negativity & posturing, & online arguments

Dad tip: Stop rushing around so much I noticed a bad habit creeping in a few months ago At bedtime with our oldest, we read two stories every night, then we listen to an audio story Gradually I found myself rushing through the process, getting frustrated with how long it would take to pick out a book, talk about the pictures, etc etc And inevitably the book or audio stories would raise questions that my toddler wanted to talk through And in my brain all of this took too long. "We aren't being efficient, we're wasting time, etc etc" But then one day it struck me, "what the fck am I rushing around for? Why am I wishing away this precious time with my son? What would I do instead of hang out with him at bedtime...go downstairs and do nothing? What a joke." My humble advice to dads reading this is to stop rushing things that don't actually need rushing Do an extra story. Have that random conversation. Let them talk and let the minutes pass by together. Because the good old days are happening right now, and it's a shame to wish them away

This account exists to help men become great dads Fatherhood requires you to be at your best Physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally That's what this account exists to teach Welcome, we're glad you're here

Dad tip: If you're dealing with tantrums, a psychological hack is to use a pattern interrupt We've used it before with our 3 year old and it works like a charm Here's how it works Say your kid is melting down and screaming. Nothing you've tried will get them to stop. One way to stop the tantrum is to interrupt their emotional pattern So while they're crying, for example, go grab an apple from the kitchen Then run into the room where they're having a meltdown, act really excited and say "Look at this! Look at this banana!" while you wave the apple around in the air They'll see that you're holding an apple, but you're calling it a banana, and they'll experience a pattern interrupt in their current emotions and be compelled to correct you The crying stops as they say, "that's not a banana, that's an apple!" Then you say "oh my gosh you're right!" Now you've got them right where you want them lol Go grab random other stuff that isn't a banana, but call it a banana, and before you know it, the tantrum is over and you guys are laughing together

Dad tip: Take your kids with you on errands Yes it may add a few minutes to your total errand time, but you more than make up for that for two reasons: 1) your kids see you interacting with the world, even at a young age. They're laying down a mental roadmap of how you behave and what "normal" and "good" behavior is around other people 2) stretching your kids' comfort zones in controllable ways is a net positive. It may seem insignificant to you, but a trip to the dry cleaners can be horizon expanding for a 2 year old. Constant exposure to these types of outings can make other, longer trips easier to manage (looking at you ipad road trip parents). So many parents lose out on these formative bonding moments because it's too "cumbersome" to load their kids into the car. So they leave them at home with the other spouse for expedience. But much better to use your routine errands as a way to spend more time with your kids and get to know them, and more importantly, let them get to know you.

Reminder for dads: Stop labeling your kids The other day I was at the grocery store and saw an old friend from highschool The old friend had her 4 year old son with her She introduced the son to me, and he immediately hid behind his mother's leg The mother said: "Oh, sorry about that, he's just shy!" First off, you don't need to apologize to me for the behavior of a 4 year old, he's 4 Second, DO NOT label your kids as "shy" The words we use as parents can take on the weight of destiny In other words, they become self fulfilling prophecies Kids start to internalize what we say about them, good or bad So speak unto your children the traits and capabilities you want them to have Don't label them, especially negatively You are building their self-image all the time, 24/7 Make sure it's a self-image that will serve them

Reminder for dads: One of the highest ROIs you can have with your kids, no matter their age, is just talking with them I'm always shocked how many parents never really actually talk to their kids So many parents treat parenting as a transactional relationship. The only time they speak with their kids is when they're disciplining or explaining rules or answering their kids' questions Flip that on its head, and allow yourself to get lost in their verbal world Ask them questions, be interested in their interests. Then in turn you can share your own opinions, get to know them, and (arugably most important) let them get to know you All of this will strengthen their bond with you, help develop their vocabulary, and give you a chance to share your opinions/life philosophy/values in a setting when they're most open to it

Simple trick for dads of young kids (toddler age): If they don't listen or don't follow directions (which they won't, because they're toddlers...) Stop asking open ended or yes & no questions Here's an example: Say your kid doesn't want to brush their teeth Don't say: "Are you ready to brush your teeth?" or, "It's time to brush teeth, let's go." Instead say: "It's time to brush your teeth. Do you want to use the red or the blue toothbrush?" (yes we have multiple toothbrushes at our house for this very purpose lol) Another example: Don't say: "You want to read a bed time story?" or "Why don't you go pick out a book to read?" Instead say: "It's time to read a story. Do you want to read Little Engine that Could, or Curious George?" Kids take control however you let them. It's how they explore their boundaries and learn what type of behavior is safe and tolerated. So give them that power to take control, but in a way YOU want. Give them options, either of which would be acceptable. That way they still get to choose, but you move things along and get better compliance (then of course reinforce that compliance when they make a decision).

Dad hack: What do you say when you're busy but your kid asks to play? If you say "not right now," or "sorry son, I'm busy," you're gonna have a bad time Instead try this: "I can't wait to play with you buddy. I have to work on this thing right now, but in 10 minutes (or however long) I'll be done. Then we'll go play." This way, you're putting a definitive timeframe on when you're available. Your kid won't feel rejected, instead they'll have something to look forward to. The only thing left to do is stick to your word.

Dad Tip: What to do when your kid isn't following directions? Let's use bedtime as an example (bookmark this for later) Let's say your bedtime routine is way too long... Your kids resist and stall and have a hard time going from bath to brushing teeth to reading stories to tuck in... If that's the case, try this: Do practice bedtime runs Pick a random morning on the weekend and go up to your kid and say "guess what, we're going to do something funny today...we're going to PRACTICE bedtime!" Then go through the bedtime routine in a low pressure, fun way... If your kid tries to stall during the "practice" run, laugh and say "haha! you know the rules at bedtime, we only read 2 stories, not 3!" etc etc Kids love pretending, and when you take the pressure away of actually having to go to bed, you'll find they're much more willing to follow directions Do this a couple times, then during real bedtime, remind them of what you did during practice. It will help them remember the rules, and make them more likely to follow directions and stop stalling

Dad tip: Something I've been working on that will be a helpful reminder for other dads with young kids Stop immediately helping your kids when they're having a hard time with something I call it the "10 Count Rule" Say your son is trying to put his shoe on (a difficult task for a 2 year old) You see him struggling, and your default is to immediately swoop in and do it for him We do this partly to be helpful, but partly because we're always rushing around trying to get things done quickly Instead, try the 10 Count Rule In your head, count to 10 before helping. Let him struggle a little bit. His brain is making connections as he's working. And interrupting too soon keeps those connections from forming. You can apply the 10 Count Rule to most things your kids do on a daily basis. Getting dressed. Brushing teeth. Cleaning up a mess. Climbing up a jungle gym. Doing a puzzle (obviously don't count to 10 if his safety is at risk...since I know someone comment this bc you people can't help yourselves). Don't be so quick to solve every problem. And extrapolate this as they get older. Improvement comes from struggle. Removing struggle deprives them of growth.

Psychology dad hack: Tell your kids they already have the traits you want them to have People, kids included, naturally try to live up to the image you have of them Example: we want our kids to value kindness So I tell my 3 year old all the time “I’m proud of how kind you are,” “you know, you’re a really kind kid” etc etc (Bonus points for emphasizing the actual behavior when you see it of course) And now at least several times per week he’ll share a snack with his brother or comfort his brother when he’s crying, or whatever else. Kindness is becoming a part of his identity, and that’s why this is so important. You have the power to create their self image. If you don’t do it, someone else will

If your newborn or toddler won’t stop crying, go outside It’s called a “state change” and does wonders for tantrums Just drop whatever you’re doing, pick them up and walk around outside The change in environment and temperature usually means screaming stops immediately

Reminder: if your kids show natural talent or aptitude toward something, make sure to praise it (in the proper way, explained below) We call it "fanning the flame" Say they are show a ton of talent in art. Everything they draw is years ahead of their peers. It will mean a lot for them to hear you appreciate their skill. Especially if you want them to continue drawing and take it more seriously, they need to know you think it's worthwhile and they have a special knack for it So tell them The key is to focus praise on the effort they expended to get good at drawing, and focus less on their innate talent or abilities For example: "Wow, that picture is amazing. I've been so impressed watching you practice drawing, and your hard work is really paying off in your skill level" is better than: "Wow, that picture is amazing. You're so talented. Everything you draw just effortlessly looks great." The former ties your praise to effort, which translates to whatever pursuit they decide to try next, while assigning value to hard work and improvement The latter ties your praise to innate ability, which can lead to feelings of entitlement to success, and discounts the importance of working hard no matter your base aptitude level

Stop trash talking your spouse This should be common sense, but I see it everywhere these days This goes for men and women You're a united front, way stronger together than the sum of your parts Even "little" seemingly insignificant things create a slow drip of poison in your relationship Women doing eye rolls around friends when husband tells a joke Men in locker rooms calling wife 'ball and chain' These things are baby steps toward a broken relationship Make it a habit of building your spouse up around other people I'm not saying you should take it to the other extreme (men saying 'happy wife happy life' or calling her his 'better half' is also bad) Instead, simply practice sincerely mentioning their positive attributes in the context of conversation when it's relevant This will go a long way in re-programming your own subconscious image of your spouse, ie you will start to love them even more

Kids are way more attuned to our energy than we realize My best guess is it's an evolutionary adaptation...they're relatively helpless, so they have to sense danger/safety in other ways Project calm, your kid is more likely to be calm Project stress, your kid is more likely to be stressed Project strength, your kid will feel safe and secure Project weakness, your kid will test boundaries to make sure he's safe This is why it's so important for dads to regulate our own emotions When we can't regulate ourselves, we aren't the only ones who suffer One way I practice this: do something difficult early in the day (pick up heavy weights, for example) If you do something hard early, the rest of the day seems easy by comparison And you can project that calm energy to the benefit of your household

Reminder for dads: When you're speaking with your kids, remember to keep eye contact, even at a young age Not only is this modeling an important social behavior that wll give them an advantage as they grow... Maintaining eye contact with your child also helps foster a secure attachment and emotional connection with you It helps them believe they're important to you (this certainty in their importance to you will save you years of trouble as they grow older)

Dad tip: What to do when you're grocery shopping with your kid and they beg for bad foods (or other random crap you don't want to buy)? You can take this advice or leave it, but we have a rule in our family: Each kid gets to pick 1 thing (and 1 thing ONLY) each time we go shopping. The expectation is ironclad and never gets pushback: you get to choose ONE thing. Once you've chosen your thing, that's it. There's no swapping, no second choices, no nothing. Does this mean we occasionally come home with a random box of cosmic brownies? Yes. But that's a small price to pay... Because just as often they'll pick something innocuous like a pineapple (true story), or a package of brightly colored paper napkins (also true story). And this "one thing" rule saves us from begging behavior and in-store tantrums. Plus it teaches them about finality in decision making. You can't be a hard*ss about everything as a dad. There has to be some give sometimes. And I'll take zero begging/in-store tantrums as wins any day of the week, even if it means they get to eat a processed cookie every now and then.

Nothing gets parents more defensive than bashing iPad use for kids And I get how stressful it can be to get through long trips or restaurant outings with loud boisterous toddlers, believe me Doesn't change the fact that humans survived for tens of thousands of years without plopping their kids in front of screens to pacify them In other words, it's possible to avoid iPads as a parent If you want to avoid iPad use for your kids, here are a few tips that have helped us so far: -Talk a LOT about what's coming up. Kids don't like surprises. So socialize the idea days in advance. "we're getting on a plane, we're going to fly to xyz place, it's going to be a long flight" -Never let them get overly hungry. This applies to restaurants or long trips. Make sure they have plenty of snacks leading up to it -Give them an alternative. Socialize the alternative a LOT ahead of time. We use audio stories (I'll link to one I publish myself just for these occasions in a follow-up post). I like audio stories for a lot of reasons, mainly because they do the trick of distracting my kids without the dopamine overload of an iPad show. -Engage THEM. Talk to them. Make them a part of the trip. Ask them questions. Point things out to them. Even if they're really young, play with them and make eye contact with them. If they get bored you're playing with fire. -Keep the rest of their routines as normal as possible. Nap, meals, etc. Don't throw numerous curveballs at them. A flight or road trip or dinner out create enough disruption, keep everything else normal -Understand your kids aren't gonna be perfect. They're going to be loud and maybe even melt down. It's not an indictment on you or them. The best thing you can do is try to project calm as much as you can If you've ditched iPads for your kids, what tips do you have for other dads who want to do the same? Leave it in the comments 👇

A massive percentage of marriage problems would be solved if men behaved as if they were dating/courting their wife Don't be the bum who's 10 years into a marriage and sits around on the couch all day Be the guy you were when she met you. Be the guy who made her fall in love in the first place

I don't know who needs to hear this but read to your kids. Read to them more than you think you should. And then read to them even more. And finally, for good measure, read to them a little bit more than that.

Dad tip: Routines are everything. You need to be predictable as possible with your kids, especially when they're young Take night time routine for example. The more often you can make it exactly the same, night after night, the safer and more comfortable your kids feel (plus they go to sleep faster and easier) And routine doesn't just mean "bath, brush teeth, stories" Make it more than that. Add rituals, inside jokes, family prayers, things like that One of our followers suggested this and we've incorporated it as well: Ask the same few questions every night to your kids Here are the questions we use: What did you learn today? What did you like about today? What do you want to do tomorrow? What questions do you have for me? Don't rush through the routines either. Kids can tell. Nothing takes as long as you think it does with kids. Just get into it, be fun and bring energy. The extra few minutes talking to your kids are invaluable. Especially if you were just gonna go watch netflix on the couch anyway.

Dad mental model: Everything is downstream from your energy You set the tone Everyone in your family is looking to you, consciously or subconsciously, &n whether you like it or not, to see how they should act Your subtle body language cues and tone of voice can make the difference between an easy day and a hard day for everyone in the house This is useful to remember if you have young ones prone to tantrums, too Use the "energy shift" If they're screaming and spiraling, completely shift your energy. Jump around, get hype, get really excited about something ridiculous It will snap them out of whatever they're feeling and they'll start feeding off your new energy (this is way preferable to you letting THEM dictate the energy....they get mad, so you get mad, etc)

Dad tip: Don't be afraid to use big words around your kids, even at a young age. In early childhood, kids' brains are as malleable as they'll ever be. They pick up and internalize way more than we do as adults (for example, we've all heard that it's easier for young kids to learn a second language than adults). So don't get stuck in using 'baby talk' or simple words. Encouraging a big vocabulary can help with early reading and advanced reading comprehension later. It also challenges them to think critically, make connections between concepts, and ask questions. All of these things correlate with good outcomes later in life. Added bonus: it's funny to hear them try to pronounce big words We have a video of our 3 year old saying "leviathan" that I revisit often for this reason lol (and remember, them trying to pronounce things = their brains working hard and making connections)

A couple years ago my wife and I went to her friend's wedding. It was an Indian (Hindu) ceremony. The officiant (I think called a pandit?? someone correct me if I'm wrong) gave the best marriage advice I've ever heard to this day. To paraphrase, he said: When you get married, you're marrying the whole person. That person has things about them you love, of course. But they also have things about them you don't love. Everyone has flaws. Plenty of them. You're not just marrying the good parts about them you love. You're marrying the whole, complete person. And marriages last when we accept the other person as a whole, flawed individual. Flaws don't make someone uglier. Flaws make them whole. If you can learn to love the flaws, ie if you can learn to love the whole person, your marriage can weather almost any storm. This isn't to say you don't both strive for improvement. It means you accept that their flaws are part of what make them who they are. Without those flaws, they wouldn't be the person you fell in love with in the first place.

Always amazes me how many parents never actually talk to their kids Not only does speaking to your kids help them develop verbally and socially...it's typically fun and hilarious But so many parents sleepwalk through their day They get in the car with their kids > music Sit around the dinner table > stuff face no speak Sit around after dinner > buried in screens Every second you're with your kids is an opportunity to get to know them. It's an opportunity to explore their world and introduce them to yours But so many sacrifice these precious seconds to silence

Reminder for dads: Say "yes" more often We're all guilty of saying "no" too much When we're tired or distracted, it's easy to throw out a reflexive "no, not right now" to our kids An example: I take the trash out at our house Every time I go up to the door with a bag of trash to take it outside, my 3 and 1 year old are right behind me, begging to go outside and do the chore with me This is a 15 second chore if I do it myself If my kids come along, it easily turns into a 5 minute chore (because they want to look at rocks, toss leaves in the air, look up at airplanes, throw the trash in the can themselves, etc etc) So it would be easy to say "no, dad's going to take care of this really quick, wait inside with your mom" But what's the point of that? So I can disappoint my kids and be marginally more "efficient"? Not a good trade off. So they come along with me. And it takes a few minutes longer. And we have fun doing whatever random thing they want to do on the way. My humble advice is the next time you catch yourself sacrificing time with your kids for efficiency, stop and ask "why am I really saying no?" Then remind yourself to say yes more often

Some non-negotiables with my kids: - No screens at dinner - Answer every question - Never say "I'm too busy" - Read stories together every night - Listen to audio stories every night - Never say no to their request for a hug - Never say no to their request to go outside What are yours? Add them in the comments 👇

Easy dad tip: If you have a young kid (2-6) who has a hard time following directions Stop asking if they want to do things Start telling them what comes next Here's what it looks like: Don't say: "Hey son you ready to get your shoes on? It's time to go to grandma's house." Instead say: "Hey son we're going to grandma's house. We need to get your shoes on first, let's go." The subtle language shift makes a big difference.

Dad tip for dads with picky eater kids: This mindset shift helped us a lot, maybe it helps you. Take it or leave it, but... Your kids are NOT going to starve So why are you fighting with them to "clean their plate" or even to eat some arbitrary serving size you plop in front of them? Don't get in battles over eating vegetables or protein or whatever, it only makes things worse Instead, reframe your thinking Your responsibility as a parent is to make food available You make sure you have healthy hearty meals, available at a certain time each day That's it. Whether your kid eats all of it / some of it / none of it isn't your responsibility Remember, your kids won't starve. Their bodies won't let them. They know when they're hungry. And when they're hungry they'll eat Don't make meal times stressful and full of pressure No more power struggles or bargaining Instead, you provide the food you want your kids to have access to, consistently and calmly Kids are more capable than we think when it comes to regulating their food intake and their hunger/fullness cues If you have a picky eater, give this a try for a week and see if it makes mealtimes easier

My favorite mental model for fatherhood: Be a lighthouse That means: You're steady. You're unmoving regardless of the storms around you. You guide home those that depend on you with a predictable and consistent light. You're unshakable and unmoving. Still but bright. Many will comment on this post and say: "ooooh! no no no! you need to be vulnerable! I heard it on a podcast! stoicism bad!" No. This is one of the worst things to come out of the modern "masculinity" movement. You don't need to be vulnerable. Not around your family anyway. Be vulnerable around other men you trust. Your priests. Your men's groups. Your brothers. Whoever they are. But your family is looking to you for calm. They're looking to you for steady confidence. That's what you have to show them.

Dad tip: Change the freaking lightbulb. (this is a metaphor, by the way) Change the freaking lightbulbs when they burn out. Does something around the house need doing? Are you tired of your wife “nagging” you with honey-do lists? Ok, fine. But have you asked yourself why the freaking lightbulb is still out in the first place? What’s stopping you from changing it. Right now. Right this second. Save this post and get up and go change it. Oh you’re at work? Ok. Change it the second you walk into the door tonight. The more we put off things that need to be done, the less worthy of leadership we appear to those who depend on us.

An important skill for dads: Knowing how to pick your battles I used to believe that I had to stand firm on every single issue. I thought that was the key to discipline. Give an inch and they'll take a mile etc Our oldest would get mad or throw a tantrum about something random, and I'd think: "My kid needs to do what I say, 100% of the time, or he'll think he can just throw a tantrum and get his way." Then one day he freaked out about putting on this particular sweater. He really didn't want to wear it. He refused and it quickly devolved into furious obstinance. My first thought was, "I have to make sure he wears this sweater or else he'll learn he can just yell and get whatever he wants." But we'd read somewhere about picking your battles, so I decided to try it. I just calmly said, "you know what, we don't have to wear the sweater today. Pick out whatever shirt you want." And guess what? The rest of the day was effortless. He complied with every other direction I gave with zero thought or pushback. I realized it wasn't always about him pushing boundaries to manipulate me, which sounds ridiculous to type now lmao. Sometimes they just really don't want to wear the freaking sweater and it's not a big deal to say "that's ok."

Dad tip: If you're doing something new with your kids, talk about it ahead of time, but not TOO far ahead of time For example, the state fair is coming to our town next week A couple weeks ago, I made an audio story in my kids' podcast about how cool the state fair is, and my wife and I started telling our 3 year old he was going to get to go for the first time Naturally (since state fairs involve farm animals and trucks and great food), he was 100% on board The mistake we made was we brought it up TOO early. He got too excited to go, and now every single day he begs to go to the state fair The problem is we told him weeks ahead of time from when we could possibly take him He doesn't understand what "next week" means, he doesn't understand why he can't just go now, since we've been talking about it so much. So it's caused some tears along the way to say the least. On the flipside, you don't want to NOT mention it, since new experiences that break routine can be intimidating for kids. We learned this the hard way as well, when we made a spontaneous trip to the beach this summer and shook him from his normal routine. So don't socialize these new experiences too early or too late. Sweet spot is probably 48 hours ahead of time. That's when you start talking to your kids about the awesome new thing they're going to do.

The first step toward leading your family is to become a man worth following

As the man in the house, you set the tone The behaviors you see from your family are a direct reflection of how you are behaving Be happy and optimistic, you'll see more of that reflected back at you Be low-energy and whiny, and well, you know what you'll get

An unconventional technique I recommend for frustrated dads: If your relationship with your wife isn't going the way you want, or your kids aren't behaving the way you want, or whatever else... Do what I call the hidden camera test Either literally or figuratively (bonus points for literally doing this), install a hidden camera and microphone in an area of your house where you spend most of your free time After it's run for a few days and you've forgotten it's there, go back and watch the game tape. How are you acting? What types of things do you talk about? How's your posture? How does your voice sound? What's your energy level? What's your attitude? There's a reason elite professional athletes devote one day per week to watching game film It's the best way to get an objective look at your performance. And it's EASY to spot low hanging improvement areas Once you've watched the tape, it becomes clear to most guys the big things they're doing wrong (hint: start with the things that make you as a viewer of yourself cringe)

"You can't be the the best possible dad if you aren't consistently the first one to wake up in the morning." Agree or disagree?

We created this account to be a resource for dads Meaningful social change always starts in the home And there's no social problem that won't improve when more homes have present and engaged fathers If you're a dad and you want to be the rock your family deserves, you're the reason we exist Follow along and fulfill your sacred role: protect, provide, prepare

A mental model that helped us deal with tantrums: Our oldest would get emotional and upset about things that on the surface made no sense Maybe he lost a stuffed animal, or he didn't want to brush his teeth or he saw the dreaded & terrifying roomba where it wasn't supposed to be These instances would devolve into full blown tantrums almost every time The standard advice is to be "calm" and speak in a controlled tone, the classic "parent voice", and say something like: "I understand the roomba isn't where it's supposed to be. I understand that makes you upset. Sometimes mom and dad need to have our appliances out in different places around the house..." etc etc If this works for you and your kids, that's great, keep doing it It didn't make a dent for ours, so here's what we tried instead: I've started calling it "imaginative empathetic matched indignation" (lmao) So if our son got upset about the roomba, instead of validating his emotions by being calm and using parent voice, I'd match his indignation (in a controlled way of course) "Oh my gosh! What is that Roomba doing there? This is outrageous! I can't believe it!" Allow yourself to get a little bit fired up. Never yell or let your energy get to an intimidating level, but have a little bit of fun with it We found he immediately would start calming down. As soon as he saw us validating the way he felt in this way, it was like a switch flipped and he'd start settling down Then after he's calmed down, you can do the parent-voice calm conversation. "Hey I was thinking about that roomba thing from earlier. Turns out sometimes the roomba has to be in different places and rooms sometimes, because that's how it works. I know that can be upsetting." This way you're having that conversation after he's calmed down, rather than futilely trying to calm him down when he's full tilt.

One of my favorite developments of modern parenting: "No gifts please" on birthday party invitations Millennial parents get this one right lmao The average kid goes to 20+ birthday parties every year To expect parents to take their time and go out and buy gifts for every birthday party is rude (even shopping on amazon takes time...then you still have to wrap them etc) But I was surprised to find a lot of parents don't like this new social rule. They say it deprives their child of receiving gifts and feeling "special" on their birthday. What do you think? Do you agree with a "no gifts" policy for your kids' birthdays?

Most failed marriages start ending years before they actually end They begin to end when the husbands: -stop taking care of themselves -stop joking with/teasing their wives -stop being fun -stop improving themselves -stop being active -stop caring Of course women play a role as well. They initiate the vast majority of divorces after all. But ask yourself: "If I was an even better version of the guy I was when we met, would our marriage be in trouble?" More times than guys like to admit, the answer is "no it wouldn't"

How can I be a better dad? Here's a mental model that will make it impossible to fail (if you actually use it): Work every day on the 3Ps: Protect, Provide, Prepare Protect: build your body, become a man capable of defending your family Provide: earn, save, and invest more money (yes do all three) Prepare: intentionally build bonds with your kids and strengthen the bond with your wife, teach like a servant, and set the household tone Health, wealth, relationships Do one act each day in each bucket and watch your family flourish

Bonus points if you have multiple kids: Take one kid at a time on alternating errands This makes for special "dad time" for the one kid, which just makes everything in the above post more impactful

If you're yelling, you're losing And if you're yelling at your kids, you're losing them If stress is contributing to your temper, here's one way to fix it: One of the best ways to manage stress is to do extremely stressful things I know this is counterintuitive To the extent I can manage my own stress, I credit my early career in large-scale event management I was responsible for the safety of thousands of people at a time. If I messed up, people died (which happened all the time, thankfully not on my watch) I operated these events 10-20 weekends a year for the better part of a decade. It was an extremely high pressure environment. But today, things that would phase most people don't phase me at all. It leads to an internal feeling of "If I could handle that, I can handle anything." The key is awareness. Awareness at the time that this is a high stress situation, and awareness later on that the stress made you stronger. PTSD is a real risk, especially for military guys and first responders who make my stressful job look tame by comparison. But if you can harness that self-awareness, you'll find it's possible to transmute your stress into calm So how can you use this with your family? Do really difficult things (sign up for a kickboxing class and get whooped, deadlift 2x your bodyweight, put yourself in high pressure situations) And while you're doing it, keep a sense of awareness that it is making you stronger (in other words, don't let it bleed out into your life, contain the feeling of stress to the moment) You'll find the everyday annoyances don't phase you nearly as much

Fatherhood tip: What to do if you lose your temper or do something you regret when disciplining your kids 1. First, forgive yourself. Remember, you're always modeling behavior. And forgiving yourself is no exception. They need to see this as much as anything else 2. Don't isolate your kid. The goal is to be closer together, not farther apart. Time out alone in room: bad. Time out in shared room: better 3. Have a conversation. Remember, you want to be closer at the end of this. Bring them in by talking about what happened 4. Make it about the behavior, not about the individual. This goes for you and for them. Example: "Hey son, I'm not proud of how I acted a minute ago. In our family we do two things: we admit when we're wrong, and we always try to make ourselves better. So when I yelled at you, that was wrong, and I'm sorry, and I'm working on doing better." Then talk about their behavior (not them as an individual): "When you hit your brother, I know you must have been feeling frustrated in the moment. In our family, we don't hit each other, and I think you know that. So instead I want to talk about how you were feeling when it happened. Can we talk about that?" Then label the feelings, get your kids comfortable talking about their emotions as distinct from who they are as individuals. For example, we use colors. "Oh you were feeling mad because he took your toy? Yea that sounds red. But remember, when you start feeling red, the best thing to do is walk away and come talk to me about it."

Tip for getting kids to follow directions: We started doing this a few weeks ago. big game changer If your young kid doesn't do what you ask (get in the car, get dressed, brush teeth whatever) Use the "When, Then" framework It looks like this. "When you do [positive behavior we want], then you'll get [positive reward they like] Psychologically it works because you're using a simple incentive in a way they can understand. Additionally, kids crave knowing what's coming. They thrive when there are clear step-by-step plans for what comes next (they won't be able to conceptualize time until they're a little older, but knowing 'what happens now and what happens next' is something even young kids can grasp). Here's what it looks like Don't say: "It's time to brush your teeth let's go" Instead say: "When you brush your teeth, then we'll read stories." Don't say: "It's time to get in the car come on." Instead say: "When you get buckled in the car, then we'll listen to your favorite audio story." Make sure the reward is something both you and the kid approve of and watch compliance go up

WOW... we hit 7700 followers in less than one month of existing I'm grateful and humbled at the response this account has gotten And it just serves as further proof how many men are serious about becoming the dads their families deserve If you want to show up as a dad and get better physically, emotionally, financially, and mentally, you're the reason we're here A generation of great dads will change the world, join us as we build it

The formula for being a great dad is simple, but not easy Protect: This one's first for a reason. You're the first line of defense (and the last line). You have to be dangerous, and you have to be capable of sensing danger. The stakes are too high to leave your family's safety to chance because you didn't have "time" to take care of yourself Provide: Every dad is an entrepreneur. You're more than the CEO of your family. You're the founder. You make capital allocation decisions. You're responsible for revenue and expenses. You set the tone culturally. You set priorities, you measure progress. Question to ask yourself that may sound funny but is actually helpful: if your family was a stock, would it be up or down? Which way is it trending? Prepare: The relationships in your family trickle down from you. Your marriage is a reflection of your habits. Your kids are a reflection of your behavior. You again set the tone. People say the key to healthy relationships is good "communication." And that's true, but not in the way they mean it. Because they forget that 90% of communication is non-verbal. The way you act, the way you carry yourself, the way you behave...these teach lasting lessons to the people you love, all day long, 24/7/365.

A lot of people say "presence" is the most important trait of a father And I agree that showing up and being present is important But it's less than 10% of the battle...there's so much more. Presence is the bare minimum Exhausted dads can be "present" Addicted dads can be "present" Out-of-shape dads can be "present" Broke dads can be "present" Abusive dads can be "present" Even workaholic dads can be "present" Fatherhood is a constant self-improvement exercise. And if you do it right, don't expect thanks or recognition. Expect rewards much more valuable than that.

Dad tip: Lead from the front One of the hardest things to do as a dad is to live up to the same standards we expect of our kids. And if we’re being honest with ourselves, we all have moments in our daily lives that we’d be mortified to know our kids’ emulated. Even if it’s just us sitting around being lazy. Great leaders don’t ask people do to anything they wouldn’t also do themselves. Great leaders charge in first to a battle. Great leaders lead from the front. Let your kids SEE you leading. Whatever you’re doing right now, stop, and ask yourself “would I be happy if my son was doing exactly what I’m doing right now?” And don’t forget to talk to them about why you’re leaading the way you are too. This not only holds yourself accountable, but it verbally reinforces the message of your example.

I don't know who needs to hear this but it's ok to use big words when you're talking with your kids

One of the biggest whiffs parents make today: They don't ever have the right conversations with their kids about money Here's a simple activity that will go a long way in helping your kids understand how money works The Dad Bank Is there a specific toy your kid wants? Preferably one that costs $50+? Of course there is. That's great. And it's also a great chance to teach your kids about compounding and investing Here's what you say: "Hey son, I see you want this expensive toy. And you can have it, but you're going to buy it with your own money. I'm going to be your bank. That means, every day, you invest $1 with me (this can be money they earn from chores/allowance, or money you "front them") Every week, the money in the Dad Bank will earn 2% interest (make a simple excel sheet and look at it together each day so he can see his money going up). When your balance reaches $50, you'll have a choice. You can either withdraw the amount and buy your toy, or you can keep investing the dollar per day and watch your balance keep rising." No matter what your kid chooses after this, you'll have a valuable shared experience around saving, investing, and compound interest. Win/win. Then just repeat over and over again.

If your relationship is lagging, ask yourself this question: When was the last time you gave a sincere compliment to your wife? I ask guys in struggling marriages this question all the time. And without fail, they tell me they can't even remember the last time they did this Sure maybe they give desperate compliments. Maybe they try and suck up to their wife, thinking that will change things (it won't) But that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about earnestly, consciously, intentionally, communicating your gratitude for what she does for your family And here's the best part: expressing your gratitude doesn't just help her. It helps YOU. Because it forces you to listen to the words coming out of your mouth It makes the words real, not just vague thoughts in your head. Try it for a few weeks, and watch your marriage improve

I’m training for a half marathon in March Went on a run yesterday morning while family got ready for breakfast Later that afternoon, my 3 year old said “I want to run too dad” So we went outside and ran “sprints” (he crushed it with a 20 second 50 yard dash lol) They are always watching

Dad tip: Get your bloodwork done regularly. So many dads who complain of exhaustion, who come home from work and sit on the couch for hours, who complain of brain fog and lack of energy... Have no idea what their hormone levels are And this is bad because so many health issues are downstream from your endocrine system But you can't improve it if you don't know where you stand What gets measured gets managed Ask your primary care doc for a full hormone profile Minimum 2x per year. And make sure you demand a copy of the results (Docs are required to give you a copy, but many won't by default unless you ask)

Dad hack: Remember, your younger kids want to do what your older kids do. We used this to our advantage when our youngest recently didn't want to brush his teeth. He'd clamp down on the brush, try to grab it from me, cry and be generally obstinate. So to overcome it, we let him watch me brush is big brother's teeth We made a big deal out of it "Look how your brother does it, look how he's getting his teeth brushed, can YOU do that?" Almost immediately our youngest pleasantly let me brush his teeth. He wanted to be like his big brother. Easy fix and can be applied broadly.

it started when those kids grew up and wanted a different way 🤝

If you're parenting the "shy" kid, just don't say anything about it, ignore it, give them a hug afterward and don't make a big deal out of it If the shyness truly becomes a pattern and it's starting to hold them back, talk about it in an environment where they're really comfortable ... don't make it about them, make it about times in your life you overcame shyness and how it helped you

What to do with picky eaters: Here are a few tips my wife and I have used that have allowed us to avoid picky eating so far 1. Bring kids in on dinner prep, let them help cook, they feel invested in the outcome 2. Make it 'not a big deal', don't freak out if they don't want to eat something, make it not a big deal, try again the next day calmly 3. Try TINY portions, I'm talking like 3 peas, half a stem of broccoli...kids can be intimidated by huge portions 4. Set the example, eat the foods you want your kids to eat, talk about how much YOU love these foods (don't tell the kids THEY need to love them, big difference) 5. Make meal time consistent and make the routine the same day by day 6. Stop saying 'no' so often to "bad" foods, again don't make things a big deal and your kids won't see it as a big deal either 7. Stop using food as a reward or a punishment (no more "you're not getting up til you finish your broccoli") 8. Gamify it...kids respond to your energy. If there's a food you want them to try, 10x your energy and pretend to be a gameshow host, be goofy, do taste tests, make them laugh and they'll be more willing to try new foods Those are off the top of my head, hopefully it's helpful Basically stop taking it so seriously, be fun/high energy, model the foods you want them to eat, and don't make big deals out of them NOT trying things

Dad hack: stop wishing away time They're only young once One day you'll look back on the early years and wonder where they went The good old days are happening right here, right now Every second is a blessing

Handy screen time guide: This is what we use with our 3.5 year old, take it or leave it Most parents agree that too much screen time is bad (if you don't agree with that, you probably don't follow us) That said, there are some positives about screen time Because most of us also want our kids to enjoy certain movies or TV shows...we just don't want them watching things unsupervised, or things with messaging we don't approve of So here's a few rules we use that may be helpful to you if you're a parent navigating screen time 1) no iPads...at all (our kids sometimes look at an iPad when they're with their grandparents, but then it's only to look at family pictures or something similar) 2) never any unsupervised screen time (self explanatory...they don't get to watch anything if one of us isn't watching with them) 3) strict limit of 1 hour at a time. Set this expectation early. Get a visual timer if you need. They will fight it at first but they quickly learn an hour means an hour 4) never more than 1 hour per week. Tough to achieve this if you don't start early. But this has worked for us. Most weeks we don't do any screen time with the kids, but we cap ourselves at 1 hour per week max. 5) only watch things we choose and vet. This usually means it will be an older show (think classic cartoons like The Grinch), or a youtube video of tractors or monster trucks These rules have been easy to stick with so far. I know it will get harder as they get older and social pressure becomes more of a factor. But the hope is that building habits and expectations early will make those future years easier.

One of the most important things a dad can do is to reflect on his own childhood This can be difficult and painful for some, but it's necessary if you want to break negative cycles and continue virtuous ones Great dads have a great memory They remember their disappointments, they remember their victories, they remember how they felt and why they mattered They remember what their own parents did well, and where they fell short They let the lessons from the past inform their decisions in the present...this is a critical first step in developing "wisdom"

SURPRISE here's the debut episode of our advice podcast for men (links in next post):

Been seeing this video go around with people saying this is an example of good parenting WRONG. This is terrible parenting. Here's just a few reasons why - Wife and husband arguing in front of the kid (get real, grow up take it somewhere else) Dad totally spazzes out like a maniac (contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, you can be firm without being a slobbering lunatic) Kid disobeys in the first place (if their ~teenage son is this casually disrespectful, they've messed up a lot along the way) What else? What would you do differently in this situation?

Your family will respond to your energy level You set the tone This is what so many dads don't get Your family is constantly looking to you to determine how to act, feel, think, behave They'll rise to your level, or fall to your depths. The choice is yours.

Or worse, the majority of parents' verbal interactions with kids are just commands, "do this" "don't do that" "stop it" etc etc Some of my favorite memories are just asking my kids questions and letting them go off. They're funny and they're smarter than you think

The example you set is everything Here's a true life illustration of how powerful it is (it's going to be kind of gross so my apologies in advance) Our oldest used to refuse to let us clip his toenails He would kick and scream (literally) and melt down every time we got near him with the toenail clippers We didn't know what to do because his nails were getting gross lmao Then one day I randomly decided to bring him into the bathroom with me and watch me clip my own toenails He sat there and watched and when I was done I said, "now do you want to get yours clipped?" "Yes!" he said enthusiastically Then I clipped his toenails. Easy, no fuss (that's the last bit about toenails, thank you for sticking with me) But this is just one example Extrapolate this to the rest of your interactions with your kids and you'll see how much your example impacts your kids Remember they're always watching, even when you think they aren't

Every dad is an entrepreneur Because your family is your business

a LOT of guys sitting on the couch for 3+ hours per day scrolling their phones 30lbs overweight with lightbulbs out all over their house saying, "why won't my wife listen to me!"

Lead by example because "Actions speak louder than words" You hear this a lot And it can be helpful, but it's not entirely true Because you actually need both. You need words and actions as a dad. If you don't reinforce your behaviors with verbal lessons, you're leaving way too much open to interpretation. Words without actions ring hollow. But actions without words sow doubt.

Didn't post yesterday on this account, was barely on X We took my oldest son to the state fair (his first time ever) He'd been looking forward to it for weeks (since I made the mistake of introducing the idea way too early) But it didn't disappoint His state fair power rankings in descending order: -tractors -old tractors -fire trucks -big model train -cows -pigs -baby chickens -animal bones ..... -candy apple (way overhyped)

Ask yourself, seriously, would YOU follow you? Try to see yourself in the third person, objectively. How do you spend your free time? What's your body language? How do you speak and act? How's your posture? How do you look? How much fat are you carrying? How do strangers react to you? What's your energy level? Are you funny or boring? Are you exciting to be around? How often do you complain? etc etc

Most men mess up their marriage because they stopped doing the things that attracted their wife in the first place. Courtship never ends.

exactly dude... and i'd be rushing downstairs to literally just sit and do nothing 😂

Something is coming...

Every perceived flaw has a flipside. Maybe your wife isn't the most organized. Maybe that makes you mad sometimes. But usually the flipside of "disorganization" is a laid back attitude. Easy going etc. And I bet that's something that drew you to her in the first place. Apply this reasoning to every "flaw" and you'll see what I mean.

If you're yelling at your kids, you're losing them

The least selfish thing you can do as a dad is spend time on yourself If you aren't at your best you're failing the people who depend on you Fill your own cup up first. Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others The stakes are way too high to do anything other than show up at your best

yep always be calm. no exceptions. You can discipline effectively without losing your mind, and losing your mind in fact has the opposite effect guys want

So "Fan the flame" of effort. Tie effort and intentional practice to success. This way they'll have the tools to become competent at whatever they try. And they'll learn the most important lesson about success: It doesn't matter how much of a "natural" you are if you don't also know how to work your butt off.

amen. this will be a post soon. we've had strangers remark on how we speak to our kids like they're grownups. another benefit is it speeds up their verbal development 100x (as opposed to using 'baby voice' etc)

Yesterday was the first day since November 8 where at least one member of our household wasn't actively vomiting WHEW nobody tells you about the looming threat of sick days when you become a dad They're like when you get regular sick, before kids, compounded by 1000x, because now you have kids, and they depend on you to survive It's good to be back, and I treated the past 12 days like a sort of reset or break from all the things I'm working on with the business A lesson for dads when your whole house gets sick: Give yourself a little bit of grace in these times We didn't stick to a schedule, we didn't "optimize" our days and activities with the kids (we even allowed the oldest to watch some TV... i know I know gasp ... but a few hours of farm equipment on YouTube won't ruin his life) Try to do everything you can to enjoy the time together, no matter how disgusting your surroundings are lol Don't get hungup that everything isn't going "perfectly", because that rarely is the case in the first place Bonus: We did a lot of activities together as a family. Built some epic brain flakes creations. Read lots of books. Drew pictures, etc. These are the moments that memories are made of.

Yes you will face hardships. You will face times when you're uncertain. You may even face times when you want to cry. That's normal. But it doesn't mean you should burden your family with those feelings. I'd never say you should surpress these emotions. I'm saying you should find an outlet for these emotions who doesn't also depend on you for survival.

We talk to a lot of guys who are in rocky marriages Arguing with their wives all the time etc If this is you, the first thing to do is look in the mirror Yes sometimes it's not your fault, but 99% of the guys we talk to are playing a major role in their marriage's disfunction without even knowing it Here's a mental model that's helpful: Are you better or worse than the guy she married? Are you fitter? Wealthier? More energized? More driven? If not, fix that FIRST. It's low hanging fruit. And you'll be amazed at how her behavior toward you changes

good question - inevitably kids will stall with things that are truly nonsense like you mention what I do is indulge them to a point, and then use my judgement to determine when it crosses that line At that point I've usually said goodnight/I love you/I'm proud of you etc a half dozen times. When it gest to this level of true stalling, I've found the easiest way is to just say "this is the last [thing], what is it?" then once you deliver that "thing", just walk out of the room without saying another word So it looks like this: They ask for water or whatever you say "ok, this is the last thing, I love you, It's bedtime after I give you the water." Then give them the water, then walk out silently works for me 9 out of 10 times lol

TLDR: -Socialize the trip ahead of time -Don't let them get too hungry -Give them an alternative (audio stories/toys) -Engage with THEM, if they're bored, that's on you -Keep the rest of their routines normal -Give them and yourself grace Here's the audio stories I make especially for road trips (although we also listen to them around the house and at bed time): podcasts.apple.com/us/podcas…

More dads = less social problems The statistics on this are clear And if we want to make a change, it starts with you and me Pledge today to be present, engaged, and loving Pledge today to be the father your family deserves Pledge today to Provide, Protect, Prepare

One thing we recommend is sherwoodkids.com It's 100% safe content (mostly audio stories & books, with some classic shows mixed in) I signed up for a lifetime subscription this AM You can click above and get $100 off lifetime a sub using the code SYS100 at checkout

I go to the gym (almost) every single day People say "how can you have time for that?" Answer: I make time for it Because I wouldn't be able to do anything else I do if I didn't

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but when your kids say “watch this,” put your phone down and watch (Bonus points for not holding your phone in the first place) (Disclaimer: advice applies unless they’re asking you to watch something imminently dangerous, which is frequently the case)

I would have suggested deadlifting 3x your bodyweight but don't want anybody reading this to go snap themselves lol

Had a guy on our Dads Know Best Podcast write in about a problem at work He'd planned a big vacation with his family and at the last minute his boss told him he needed him online during the entire trip Lots of takeaways in the show, but the big one I tell every guy who will listen: As a man and father, you NEED to have options. Optionality is your superpower. A rule of thumb: always have at least 2 potential "moves" in the pocket That can look one of two ways: 1. If you're a career professional, and you want to work a job for someone else, always have a couple moves you're working on. This is PART of your job now. You need to be working leads all the time. "But I'm loyal!" Ok, that's great. Be loyal to your family. Give yourself options. 2. If you're entrepreneurially minded, always be building something on the side. The most powerful skill stack is 1) learning how to build a social media audience, 2) learning how to create offers (products/services) that convert, 3) learning how to sell face to face Don't put your family in the same position our listener did. Creating your "options" should be a huge part of your focus day to day, no matter where you work now.

ok maybe 20 birthday parties is high .. call it 12.6 on average. Point still stands 😤

For any dad who wants to build a business online, here's my favorite advice I give when I'm working 1 on 1 with someone: The more specific the outcome you get for someone, and the bigger pain it solves, the more you can charge This is why I like coaching & consulting models so much for guys just starting out - add $ x per month to their business - lose 30 pounds of stubborn fat - bring couples back from the brink of divorce - get someone a new job with a $ x raise - help a man meet his future wife - get screen time to under 1 hour per day - get someone 1000 email addresses for their list per week - close 20% more sales calls - get their kid an A in chemistry class - set up homeschool curriculum so kids hit measurable performance markers - fix a dead bedroom What do all of these have in common? The result you're getting is measurable (the client knows if they got it or not, zero guesswork) And you're solving a pain people think about all day long If you want the simplest and fastest path to an extra couple thousand dollars per month, this is the way to go

Every dad is an entrepreneur Because your family is your business It's our job to know what's coming in, what's going out, and how we can increase the difference The sooner you internalize that your family, your LIFE, is your business, the sooner you'll escape average

Always funny to me the cope from yelling parents in the comments on these posts "na kids only listen if you yell at them" Yelling is appropriate in dangerous situations (watch out for that car etc), but if the only way your kids listen to you is if you yell at them, that's an indictment on the parent not the kid

Most of the behaviors we don't like in our kids are actually things they got from us If you spot it, you got it Before you get upset or angry at how they're acting, look to see if you're exhibiting that behavior too They won't cut it out until you do

hahah this is excellent

yea this is a great tactic, we use it often

Day 10 of at least one member of our family being down with a stomach virus Real dad hours Content slows to trickle This is the way it goes I'm still here and I still love you all 😂