Just another corporate media outlet that specialises in correcting your thoughts 💖 Satire, probably x
Normal Island
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"The servant must clear my desk for me. I can't be expected to move things."
Sketchaganda
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BREAKING: Everything bad that they told us would happen under Jeremy Corbyn is happening under Boris Johnson
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BREAKING: Boris Johnson is looking at a second £50 fine for attending his aide's leaving do. Meanwhile, people who only broke the law that he introduced once were fined £10,000. That's one hell of a double standard x
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BREAKING: Members of the government who decided the public should be fined £10,000 for illegal parties have been fined £50 for their own illegal parties. Don't you love British justice? x
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BREAKING: Neil Parish, the MP who was watching porn in parliament, went on GB News earlier this week and discussed the unnamed MP who was watching porn in parliament. God, I give up! How the fuck do I even parody this shit?
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BREAKING: The Metropolitan Police have explained that senior staff didn't get fined for attending the same parties as junior staff because the senior staff refused to fill in the questionnaire. I'm not even making this up, it's really what they said! x
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BREAKING: You will be astonished to hear the quarantine hotel for Heathrow which reportedly charges people 5x over the odds for crappy food is owned by a Tory donor x
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BREAKING: 94% of Express readers say they haven't got the Brexit they voted for, which is funny because they got exactly the Brexit the rest of us told them they would get and they didn't listen x
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BREAKING: North Korea just held a 4 day party which cost a billion in which celebs cheered a massive hologram of Kim Jong Un & everyone forced smiles & pretended to love him while N. Korean children went without food & necessities. So glad I live in a normal country like the UK x
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BREAKING: Rishi Sunak has explained that just because his wife's home is in the UK and their children go to school in the UK and his job is in the UK, does not mean his wife is a resident in the UK. Hope this clarifies things x
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BREAKING: In 2018, Boris Johnson tried to make his mistress Carrie Johnson (then Symonds) his chief of staff and pay her £100,000 a year while his wife of 26 years and mother to four of his many children, Marina Wheeler, developed cervical cancer. What a guy 😍
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BREAKING: Turns out the UK government imposes harsher sanctions on Universal Credit claimants than it does on Russian oligarchs x
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It's amazing how the Metropolitan Police can arrest a woman for heading to a peaceful protest so much quicker than they can arrest Tory MPs who commit sexual assault, isn't it?
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BREAKING: The Met Police are now handing evidence of a *crime* to Sue Gray for investigation, instead of investigating the crime themselves. I give up, how the fuck do I even parody this? x
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BREAKING: Looks like the prime minister nuked all the newspaper stories about Carrie's £100k job with a super-injunction. This looks an awful lot like "woke leftie cancel culture" to me. Can't believe the prime minister isn't so keen on free speech x
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BREAKING: Boris Johnson says we should keep wives out of politics, but it's definitely okay to invite them to work meetings in the garden x
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BREAKING: The royal family is getting a "£30 million bonus" from you, the tax payer, in a year when they've paid off a rape victim and everyone else is facing a cost of living crisis. Isn't that fucking lovely? x
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BREAKING: The economy is doing so well that UNICEF will feed children in the UK for the first time in history x
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BREAKING: If you are upset with your national insurance going up, you will be relieved that Chancellor Rishi Sunak's billionaire wife has avoided paying tax through her non-dom status. Isn't it lovely how rich people have a get out clause and you don't? x
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BREAKING: The police have explained they will ignore law breaking in Downing Street, but arrest people for protesting law breaking in Downing Street x
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BREAKING: Man who wanted someone else to buy him a £150,000 tree house advises rail workers to live within their means x
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BREAKING: The British people who are shocked that 42% of French people voted for a fascist seem to have forgotten that 43% of British people voted for the Tories x
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BREAKING: The Met Police are unable to explain how journalists found more partygate evidence in 24 hours than they did in 4 whole months. It's almost like their inadequacy was deliberate x
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BREAKING: Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Iain Duncan Smith are currently projected to lose their seats at the next general election. Have a nice evening x
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BREAKING: Boris Johnson has won the vote of confidence, meaning the Tory Party decided there was no possible way they could improve upon the worst prime minister in living memory 😳
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BREAKING: Priti Patel has explained that spending £500,000 on deportation to Rwanda was definitely the most cost effective way of processing 7 refugees who would've otherwise received a £40.85 a month refugee allowance in the UK x
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BREAKING: Turns out Dido Harding and Mike Coupe cost Britain 4 times more money than the Iraq war. I'm struggling to comprehend how this was even possible x
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BREAKING: Carrie Johnson has explained she was able to afford her £60,000 wallpaper after giving up her Netflix subscription x
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BREAKING: Jacob Rees-Mogg has explained that although his faith compels him to be anti-abortion, that faith is not strong enough to stop him profiting from abortion pills x
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BREAKING: Turns out Rishi Sunak didn't bugger off to California for a holiday after all. Well, he did stay at his holiday home, but you'll be reassured to know that while he was there, he was negotiating the takeover of the NHS by the worst health service in the developed world x
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BREAKING: The government who spent £500,000 on a flight that never took off are telling the working class they're only hungry because they can't budget properly x
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BREAKING: The UK can afford 3 limousines to drive a £3 million hat 3 miles so that an unelected man can tell us we won't be helping our hungriest citizens during a cost of living crisis x
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BREAKING: You will be thrilled to hear that people with 2nd homes like politicians will be getting the £400 energy grant twice. Rich people will be getting twice as much as you x
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BREAKING: The BBC has reported that a woman protesting in Hong Kong could receive up to 10 years in prison. I bet you're glad you live in a western democracy like the UK where the punishment for peaceful protest is only 10 years in prison x
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