Comedian & great friend. Albums: nishkumar.co.uk/audio/ (He/him) Pic by @JazzShaniceArt co-host of @podsavetheuk
London
- Tweets 20,975
- Following 1,357
- Followers 388,881
- Likes 4,875
If the Prime Minister didn't know a birthday party was violating his own fucking lockdown rules maybe it's not a great idea to have him in charge of a country during a fucking war
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I guess the question we should probably be asking is "why was there a statue of a slave trader there in the first place"
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So the lockdown rules weren’t actually rules. It was a clever test to see if people would break the rules to prove they loved their children. Fair play to the government, that is some Willy Wonka shit.
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It would be great if we allocated more money for the NHS in Captain Tom’s memory so that in the future 100 year old aren’t having to fundra-oh they’ve announced another clap fantastic forget what I just said everyone
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LOOK HER IN THE EYES AND TELL HER YOU DIDN’T SACK THEY GUY WHO WENT TO BARNARD CASTLE TO TEST HIS EYES
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For fuck's sake just end Brexit and get back to dealing with climate change, homelessness, prejudice, economic inequality and which season of Buffy was best.
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Balancing out the fact that I can't stand Javid or Sunak with the fact that I love to see a rich white man brought down by asians
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If you're saying the statues should remain in place to help educate, at school I managed to learn long division without there being a fucking statue of it in the middle of a city
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The only crime Dominic Cummings has committed is the crime of doing a crime. And if that’s a crime then lock me up.
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I’m sorry but it is genuinely funny that Boris Johnson‘s response to everything is “the media has spent too much time reporting on my various crimes”.
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I just want to check the facts here.
It was a leaders debate. Your leader was invited. Instead he sent someone who isn’t the leader and his dad.
It was a debate during the election period about the most serious issue facing us & he didn’t bother to turn up.
How are my facts?
I just want to check the facts here.
We sent someone to represent the @Conservatives but you allowed the other party leaders to veto their inclusion in the debate?
During the regulated General Election period?
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For no particular reason I’ve been googling GB News and it turns out they are owned by a company called All Perspectives. It’s a limited company so its full name is All Perspectives Limited. Anyway, I’ve laughed so much I’ve given myself a headache.
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100% agree. But neither is "piccaninnies”, "watermelon smiles", or saying Muslim women "go around looking like letter boxes". Sort your shit out.
“Paki” is not banter.
Heads should roll at Yorkshire CCC.
If @ECB_cricket doesn’t take action it’s not fit for purpose.
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So glad that Farage can continue his protest against the EU by continuing to take a salary from the EU.
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Can’t wait to get drunk with my friends and then also have a thorough and far reaching public enquiry into the government's handling of the pandemic.
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I understand I’m trending because someone threw bread at me. Anyway please donate to @chooselove & vote out the bread throwers on December 12th.
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I can only assume the people saying “Trump could never win in the UK” don’t know who the Prime Minister of the UK is. And man, when they find out, they are gonna be livid.
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Someone tell the cunt who's been in charge for the last 13 years
"It's time for a change, and we are it"
PM Rishi Sunak finishes his speech by promising to "give the country what it so sorely needs… so that we can build a brighter future for everyone"
Follow live bbc.in/3rLuHjj
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we've all had arguments with our parents, but we don't normally try to have them retrospectively deported
Home Secretary Priti Patel admits own parents may not have been allowed into UK under her new immigration laws independent.co.uk/news/uk/po…
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I'm sorry I was under the impression that you were the people who employed Nigel Farage but I guess I'm mistaken
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So let me get this straight. The way to avert the rise of the far right is to give them everything they want.
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is dominic cummings bame
As stricter lockdown rules are announced for parts of northern England, Conservative MP Craig Whittaker told LBC: "It is the BAME communities that are not taking this seriously enough."
@ianpaynesport | @CWhittaker_MP
l-bc.co/39HGmCp
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By the way, this is a photo of me reacting to the Prime Minister’s father saying women who wear burqas shouldn’t be fighter pilots. Thank you 2019.
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You know if at any point this week you’ve found yourself asking “was that really racist?” or “why was she walking home alone?”, you could just try shutting the fuck up.
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A wealthy man, who became the most powerful person in the country by winning the votes of 140,000 people, will ask a woman in a gold hat to shut down parliament in yet another normal day in British democracy.
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Workers are striking because they can't afford to pay their heating bills. You'll remember heating bills from when you claimed public money to pay them for your horses stables.
Keir Starmer either cannot or will not stand up to his union mates causing strike chaos across the country.
It’s Labour’s nightmare before Christmas delivered with their pal Mick “Grinch” Lynch.
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January 2020: this will be a great year for Britain
October 2020: a footballer has had to set up a network of restaurants to feed poor children because the government decided against giving them food.
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Every interview with Javid or Sunak should open with this question: "if you've just realised Boris Johnson is unfit to be Prime Minister, clearly you're either a cunt, a moron or both. Which is it?"
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Instead of tweeting "my A-Levels were shit & I'm still a millionaire" how about you appreciate your experience is of no relevance to a group of people graduating into a global pandemic & a government who decided to have the papers marked down by HAL from 2001 & shut the fuck up.
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In the UK it’s starting to feel like America has reneged on our suicide pact the second after we downed our kool-aid.
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Someone from @BBCFrontRow just contacted me about doing an interview about the “politics of comedians doing corporates” because of what happened last night. Just to be clear, it was an unpaid charity. I had bread thrown at me doing an unpaid charity gig. What a life.
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The only explanation for the quality and speed of this is Munya leaked the photos
Matt Hancock - It Was Me (Shaggy Parody).
Written / Performed by myself.
Edits by @CarlossRicoo.
#healthsecretary #matthancock #boris
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When most of us heard @MarcusRashford was doing even more to help feed disadvantaged kids we thought “what a nice man”. Apparently when other people heard it they thought “I should contact him to tell him some kids don’t deserve to eat or I should be racist or both”.
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This whole thing is just leading up to the inevitable: Priti Patel becoming Prime Minister and attempting to deport the coronavirus.
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I’m sorry if you feel that’s an apology but it absolutely fucking isn’t
Priti Patel ‘sorry’ if people feel government has failed on coronavirus protection independent.co.uk/news/uk/po…
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It’s easier for a white guy to get a gun into the US Capitol than it is for me to get a can of coke onto a plane
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What rock you gonna crawl back under big man
“Shame on you and I hope you’ll crawl back under the rock from which you emerged"
UK PM Boris Johnson condemns racism directed at some England players after team lost Euro 2020 final to Italy and says the Three Lions played like “heroes”
bbc.in/3xA9cjn
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"I'm furious that this thing we voted for is now happening" may as well be the motto of the Tory Party at this point
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Call me a square but I think it is “not good” when police beat the shit out of people.
Police assaulted me at the Bristol protest even though I told them I was from the press. I was respectfully observing what was happening and posed no threat to any of the officers. I have muted the latter part of the video to spare you all the pain of hearing my shrill voice.
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2016: BREXIT IS NOT RACIST
2019: BREXIT WILL BE RESOLVED BY A GROUP OF WHITE MEN THAT NAMED THEMSELVES AFTER THE KKK
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if i was an unelected Prime Minister I probably wouldn't be going on too much about the will of the people
"It's now time for the Lords to pass this [Rwanda] bill too"
PM Rishi Sunak asks "will the opposition in the appointed House of Lords try and frustrate the will of the people... or will they get on board and do the right thing?"
Follow live bbc.in/3SjnL7z
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“Should we increase funding for mental health services?”
“Nah just pop some green shit up and crack on”
Last night we lit Downing Street in green to mark the start of #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek.
We must all work together to make sure that looking after our mental health is as natural and positive as looking after our physical health.
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I have a quick question: are you fucking shitting me with this fucking shit
Exc
BAME report delayed amid fears its contents could stoke racial tensions
By @inzyrashid
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Fucking hell even I laughed at this headline. What a world.
Comedian Nish Kumar 'pelted with bread' after making Brexit jokes at charity cricket lunch independent.co.uk/arts-enter…
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THREAD: I saw something yesterday that if I read on this website I would assume was a lie made up by an absolute tool. Watched the England game and then hopped on a train home. A bunch of England fans got on and were singing loudly. Already on the train were a Muslim family.
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"I am proud of our achievements, from the active promotion of sex pests, to getting absolutely shitfaced while some old people coughed themselves to death alone"
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As they refuse to accept blame for fucking up an excel spreadsheet, the British government has become me at my temp job in 2011.
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What an absolute twat
metro.co.uk/2019/11/05/jacob…
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He did it. Rashford is a goddam hero.
Boris Johnson relents over Marcus Rashford's campaign with £396m food package bbc.in/3n4dGsJ
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Let’s be honest here, not accepting Afghan refugees is absolutely “who were are” and who we have been for some time. Some people really went full Memento memory disease on the Windrush scandal.
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It’s absurd to call me a Champagne socialist because one can only be champagne socialist is one is from the champagne region of France. A more accurate term would should be an “English Sparkling Wine” socialist.
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what the fuck have I just watched
Richard Madeley asks British Palestinian MP Layla Moran if she or her family knew about Hamas's attack before it happened #GMB
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The ending of isolation for people with a positive test just Johnson trying to save his skin. He's about a week away from legalising murder "but only on a tuesday" to distract from the inevitable photo of him, sack deep in a Colin the Caterpillar.
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I hope this gets the same level of blanket coverage and media conversation as me having one roll thrown at me.
Tried to show @BorisJohnson the picture of Jack Williment-Barr. The 4-year-old with suspected pneumonia forced to lie on a pile of coats on the floor of a Leeds hospital.
The PM grabbed my phone and put it in his pocket:
@itvcalendar | #GE19
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Boris Johnson is giving his lecture on “a father’s instinct” as part of the same series as I am giving a lecture on “being white”.
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Because the BBC cancelled the Mash Report I am sorry to say that I have now joined the KKK
"Money drives this sort of extremism"
"If Laurence Fox were appearing in Macbeth in the National Theatre, he wouldn't be on GB News... he's doing it because he's been driven out of the mainstream," The Daily Telegraph's Tim Stanley tells #PoliticsLive
bbc.in/3PxaAgI
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Let’s all just calm down. Brendon O’Neill just went on tv and said people should riot. It’s not like he said anything awful like “racism is bad”.
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I see we’ve reached the point where people statt replying to this to tell me to “stop banging on about race”. I swear to God I will change my name to Racey McRaceface if it upsets those twats.
"Racism to me is like gravity. You know, there is a position that is correct and there is a position that is incorrect"
Comedian Nish Kumar on the BBC's decision to partly uphold a complaint against Breakfast presenter Naga Munchetty
@MrNishKumar | #Newsnight
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I don't understand why protests can't be less disruptive, affect nothing and not be noticed. That would really get the message across.
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Stop putting comedians on politics shows and leave it to serious people like Liz Truss whose plan for resolving the energy crisis is advise households to generate heat by huddling together and jacking it to pictures of Thatcher.
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I see people are debating if abortion should be legal. Good to know I fell asleep and woke up in 1950. Can’t wait to see Elvis.
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DON'T FORGET YOUR ID. YOU NEED ID TO VOTE. JUST ONE OF THE POINTLESS THINGS BROUGHT IN BY THESE CUNTS WE CAN VOTE OUT TODAY.
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I was on Question Time and Brexit finally broke me.
"The leaders of Brexit have fled the scene... We are trapped in hell. For the love of god get me out of here now"
@MrNishKumar does not believe the Brexit process is going well.
#bbcqt
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